My Love
I curve into the pull of his voice. “Rya, wake up.” His nose is nuzzling the back of my neck. Turning slightly toward the sound, it takes me a minute to recognize where I’m at. The contractions last night ended up stopping within that hour. A normal part of being this far along in pregnancy.
It was a false alarm.
Feeling Dallas’s palm on my lower thigh makes me think he has big hands the way a male should. They are strong when they have to be, yet soft when he wants them to be. His fingers wide and long, with a broad palm. They are the kind of hands that can keep me safe or hold me to keep me warm.
“Did you sleep well?” His palm, with his fingers trailing behind, slides up my thigh. The higher that hand climbs, it leaves a trail of hot flesh. He lingers, slowly feeling my navel to ribs, a soft growl of pleasure from his chest radiating into my bare back. His nose presses into my neck. A small kiss is placed. He’s in no hurry to pull his lips away.
Fingertips feel between each rib, and higher still they climb. A scrape of teeth against my collarbone. Just the faintest touch of sharpen tooth before he pulls his teeth away to be replaced with lips that trail up to my neck, inching closer inside the covers with me. I feel the first touch of his bare thigh against mine.
My speech waivers when he shifts again to press himself behind me.
Skin on skin.
His toe runs along the arch of my foot, making my toes curl inwards.
A lick to my ear. “Did you sleep well?” The faintest of whispers, barely audible above the rushing of my pulse. I feel my skin flushing, while his hand traces the lines of my chest. Another gentle shift of his body has no space between us; I can tell he’s just as affected as me with our closeness.
“I would have slept better if you were with me.”
His mouth not leaving from behind my ear. “Tonight you won’t sleep alone.” There is deepness to his voice, ringing with something else. A little tinge of anticipation for what tonight might bring.
His fingertips become just a fraction rougher with the way he’s gripping my waist. He starts to kiss the base of my neck. The tiny hairs start to stand on end. His head dips lower, following my vertebrae down, licking and kissing each one. When his nails dig into my flesh, my body ripples, and I gasp at the sensation. Pleasure courses up and down the inside of me. He raises himself again, following the trail he was just on.
Hands gently ease my whole body to turn his way.
Face to face.
I’m still sleepy as I look at him and smile.
He smiles only when our noses touch gently. His hand caresses my face, a single fingertip tracing the outline of my lips. I give it a small little kiss before he pulls it away from me.
“I want to look at you.” A voice that’s husky, eyes shining with deep want. A hesitation on my part, the blankets pulling slightly off my shoulder. Taking a deep breath, while holding the covers up. “I’m not the same. I’ve changed.” Can he tell I’m slightly embarrassed?
“Only for the better.” His reply is soft, the blankets coming down a fraction of an inch because I won’t let go of the cover. His lips on my shoulder, he keeps his eyes on mine.
“What happens if you don’t like what you see?” I let go of the covers.
“Impossible.” The blanket rests just above the top of my chest before he brings it down some more. Revealing my upper body to him, yet he still doesn’t look; he keeps our eyes connected. His pupils are dilating, the faintest traces of blue remaining in his irises that are exactly the same as mine. Still, the blankets pull off my hips, only to stop mid-thigh. He pulls me up and on top of him, so I straddle his lower thighs, my legs spread wide. Still, he maintains eye contact with me, his vision never wavering lower.
“You can look.” I close my eyes so I don’t have to see his reaction.
“Open your eyes, Rya. Watch me look at the most beautiful thing I have ever seen.” When I open my eyes, his are still on mine.
His palms are on my shoulders, fingers massaging into flesh. His eyes travel to my lips; I can feel the warmth from his stare. I can feel his gaze travel the length of my neck, stopping briefly where his mark should go.
Reverence is all I can see as he takes me in, vibrations of want traveling up my inner thighs.
I give him a nervous smile, but his eyes are no longer on my lips to notice. He’s taking in my chest, his skin rippling underneath his own skin.
“Beautiful.” His fingers brush ever so lightly against my goose bump flesh. Hands resting on either side of my abdomen. Taking in all of it.
“Look what we’ve done together.” He entwines his hands in mine, bringing them up to my belly as the both of us feel him inside me.
“Look what we’ve created. How could I not find this beautiful?” I watch him regarding me, knowing deep down his words are his truth.
Leaning into him, touching my lips to his. With that first touch, he takes control of the kiss. No slowness now, it’s fierce and hot. I’m not sure where his mouth begins and mine ends. Seconds or minutes go by as I become lost in his kiss.
Whimpering when he pulls himself away from me.
He’s breathing just as hard as me.
The contraction that tightens the flesh on my belly has me grunting, closing my eyes.
“Rya?” His voice is a question.
“It’s nothing. I’ve been getting them throughout the night, and they eased up. I thought that I was going into labor last night, but then they just stopped. False alarm.”
“Why didn’t you get me?” Deeply etched hurt drips from his voice.
“Because it wasn’t the real thing. I waited a good hour. They weren’t regular contractions, they were all over the place, and then they just went away till now.”
“I want to check you.” He flips me with ease on my back. His hands are slightly shaky, as he feels the position of his pup.
“He’s head down, his shoulders are here, and his bum up here. Rya, you can go at any time. Do you want me to check inside you, see if you’re dilating?” I close my legs instantly so he doesn’t have access to the inside.
“No, I should go to the midwife today. Just for a checkup.”
“We should go now.” I laugh at the anxiety that’s bubbling up his throat. He’s no longer calm; a nervousness is creeping out of him. I’ve never seen him so shaken up.
I touch his shoulder, rubbing his fur down in a calming manner.
“I’m fine, Dallas. Everything is going to be just fine. I’m hungry. Let’s eat some breakfast first, then go to the clinic, see if the midwife has time to see me. All right?” He nods his head, getting up quickly, dressing quicker than I have ever seen him.
“She has time to see you. Make no mistake, she’s going to see you today.”
I get dressed slowly. Another contraction ripples the flesh of my stomach, and I bite my lower lip, stifling any sounds that want to come out. Dallas’s hard eyes are on me.
“Rya?”
“Dallas, it’s all right. They aren’t regular.” I pull my shirt over my belly. The male inside me has grown so much since I bought this.
Watching Dallas taking a calming breath through his nose, blowing it out his mouth, makes me think he’s trying to practice the art of patience.
We go down the stairs together, taking them one at a time. The pup’s sitting lower inside me. I can tell he’s dropped into the birthing position.
“Rya, come and sit down.” Luna Grace takes a pillow that’s on the counter, puts it on the chair for me to sit on.
Sitting on the cushion, it feels good against my butt. Treajure is at the table without her glasses. She’s feeling at her food before putting her fork into the cut-up piece of meat. It’s slow progress as she lifts it up to her face, sniffing it before her mouth goes to the fork. It hits her cheek first; she looks defeated before it goes into her mouth. Cash is feeding his twins blueberries as he sneaks them peas between bites. Their little faces scrunch up with the taste of them, tongues sticking out trying to spit the taste out.
“What happened to her glasses?” Treajure stops eating, puts her head down, and wilts like a flower on a hot summer day.
“Well, it seems that Caleb got her drunk last night, and she ended up throwing up all over Cash.” Treajure’s shoulders sink lower, along with her body, as she stops chewing the food in her mouth.
“Cash brought her to the bathroom, she got sick again, and her glasses fell off her face and smashed against the tile floor. The lenses are ruined. We’re getting them fixed, but she has to go without them for a week. That’s when the new glasses will be here.” Luna Grace’s voice is a controlled fury. She rubs Treajure’s head before walking away from the table.
“Where’s the rest of the gang?”
“Belac is out for a run with my mate. He’s showing her some of the territory so she can show the rest of them when they get up. Also, he thought that it would be a good idea for their wolves to meet by themselves, just in case she has delusions about herself.” Cash gives a little laugh out, putting a spoonful of blueberries in Dee’s mouth. She’s smacking her lips together, smiling. Ken has his mouth open waiting for another bite.
“Where’s Caleb?”
“Out back.” That’s the only thing Luna Grace says before she shows her teeth that have my heart stopping for a brief second.
“I fed him this morning, Mom. We had a really nice talk. It’s refreshing when he can’t talk back,” Dallas says with a smile on his face. He pulls out his phone, showing me a picture of Caleb’s wolf with his back turned to the camera.
“I’m getting this blown up, framed actually. It’s going to be a real nice home warming gift for them.” He has such an evil smile on his face.
“I owe him more than this. It’s just beginning for him.” Cash laughs with Dallas at Caleb’s expense.
Another contraction grips me so I have to hold on to the table to steady myself. It’s then I feel the gush of liquid come out of me.
I freeze up from the shock of it, the time of it. I’m going to have my pup very soon.
Dallas’s head lifts up, sniffing the air, his eyes going wide. Not long after, Cash and Luna Grace even Treajure’s heads lift, sniffing the air. Cash drops the spoon that he was feeding the twins with; it clangs on the floor loudly.
Another contraction grips my breath in a tight vise until it gradually loosens enough for me to take a lungful of air.
“We’re going now!” Dallas gets off his chair, pulling mine away from the table.
“Dallas, I have time. I need go get cleaned up and changed. I need to pack a bag. I don’t have anything ready.” I’m starting to panic slightly now at how unprepared I am for his arrival.
Dallas is by my side helping me up off the cushion that’s saturated in fluids of birth.
Cash is looking at me as if he’s seeing death walking. His fears are saturating the air thick and heavy.
“Cash, I’m going to be fine. No need to worry. This is all normal.” I try to soothe his nerves down. The twins start to cry because they have to wait on being fed, their bellies demanding food.
Treajure is motionless.
“Don’t worry about a thing. I’ll have everything ready when you come back here. Now go clean yourself up. I’ll drive both of you to the clinic.” She gives me a kiss on the cheek before turning around and taking the soiled cushion away.
Walking toward the bedroom, Dallas has already beaten me to his room; the shower is turned on.
He’s pacing back and forth. Another contraction has me gripping the dresser. I can breathe through it, but I have this fear that the longer the labor continues, the harder it will be to focus on breathing.
It’s one thing to read about labor, teach about labor, it’s another thing to experience it yourself for the first time, and I am just beginning to learn what pain is about as another contraction grips me hard. Dallas runs his fingers through his hair as he’s talking into the phone.
“We’re coming. I want everyone there and waiting. Will be there in ten.” He’s giving orders as if he’s a general.
Taking my time in the shower, I let the warmth soak into my skin. “Rya, are you almost done?”
“Almost,” I call out to him. First-time mothers usually have anywhere from six to twenty-four hours of labor. I have time.
Getting out, I dry off. It looks like he packed my bag for me. I search through it, getting different outfits than what he picked out. I can see him breathing in deep, trying to show great restraint with me. The art of patience never looked so hard.
“Rya, are you ready now?” His voice is strained slightly but calm.
“Let’s go.” He takes my hand in his as he leads me out of the bedroom. Luna Grace is waiting for me by the door; Dallas is carrying the bags on his shoulder.
“Cash, release Caleb for me, please. Also, you need to call your grandfather. Have him on standby just in case number one needs a handler before your father gets back. Can you make sure Treajure is taken care of until Belac comes back?” Cash looks at Treajure before looking at his mother with big eyes.
Luna Grace mouths the word, please.
I’m just happy that Treajure can’t see this exchange; it would make her feel bad.
“Specs, it looks like it’s me and you today. Just no throwing up on me and we should get along fine.” Her shoulders slouch even more, so it’s almost as if she’s half under the table now.
Before I get into the car, another contraction makes its presence known. Holding onto Dallas’s shoulders until it eases up, I can still breathe through these contractions.
He kisses the top of my head. “We can do this.” He says this to me, but I can tell the faint shake in his voice.
Once the door closes, he takes a seat in the back as his mother drives away slowly, taking her time. She turns the music on. There is no nervousness with her, just a calmness that’s nice to have around me.
Turning in Luna Grace’s direction, I ask, “Would you like to stay for the birth?” Her head turns to me before focusing back on the road.
“I wanted to ask you, but I didn’t want to intrude.” Her smile is ear to ear.
She squeezes my hand, and I squeeze hers back.
It’s comforting.
A team is waiting for us as we pull up to the clinic; it’s not every day the next Alpha is born. Dallas gets out and comes around the car. He helps me get out. I have to stop midway; another tightening of my skin has me breathing the way I teach about. I can’t move from my spot for just a minute, needing time to catch my breath.
Once inside, Dallas starts to bark orders as if he’s in charge. “I want an IV 18 gauge started stat, 0.9NS at 125ml/hr,” he calls out to a nurse. She looks toward the doctor, who has to square his shoulders back.
“Let’s check her first, then I will decide what she needs.” The doctor steps up to Dallas. As soon as his words leave his mouth, Dallas has him up against the wall. Dallas shows his teeth.
Luna Grace goes over to him. “Don’t do this, my son. Let’s just have you be the father and not the doctor.”
“Where’s his father just in case he needs to be handled?” the doctor questions the Luna.
“I can handle him for now until the Alpha arrives.” Dallas tries to settle himself down, pacing up and down the room.
“Dallas, you need to behave, you know what happens to mates—” Dallas stops mid-stride, coming over to me.
“Did you just call me your mate?”
Smiling to him, I reply, “Yes, I did.” He gives me a quick kiss.
“Do you know how happy that just made me? Do you know how happy you make me?” Another kiss to my lips before he pulls away.
“Dallas, you need to just settle down. You’re not the doctor here. You’re not in charge. They will throw you out if you become difficult.” He looks ashamed of himself. He knows better; he must have seen this countless times when he was the one to deliver all those pups. Except it’s different when you’re the one to go through it.
“Rya, let’s have a look, all right? See what’s going on.” This midwife has a softness about her. She’s in her mid-fifties. Her hands have caught more pups than Dallas and me put together. She is an expert in her field.
Well seasoned.
Another contraction grips me, holding me in my spot until it fades away. The midwife gives me a smile, nature doing its job. With each contraction, the more ready the body gets to push this life out.
“Let’s get you into this, shall we?” She closes the door behind me. Dallas waits on the other side.
She helps me get undressed, putting the light blue gown on, tying me up in the back.
“Let’s have you lay back.” I do as I’m told because I know that she has to check me. Putting gloves on, she lubricates her fingers, and I thank the moon that Dallas and I never did what I want to this morning. That would be mortifying having her between my legs looking at some of Dallas coming out of me.
Thank the moon for the little things.
When she checks inside of me, I take a breath in. She has her hand on my lower abdomen. She smiles up at me.
“You’re five centimeters and about seventy percent effaced. Rya, how long have you been in labor?” She asks her question as she takes off her glove and washes her hand.
“Last night I started to feel some contractions. They weren’t regular and didn’t last long until they finally went away. Then this morning the contractions started up again. My water broke, but they aren’t regular yet, maybe every seven minutes, then one back to back, then another seven minutes might go by. The contraction itself only lasts a minute. I have a long way to go.” I’m slightly nervous right now, and I kind of wish my mom was with me.
“Let’s get you into our birthing rooms.” She opens the door for Dallas to come in.
“I’m five centimeters and seventy percent effaced.” I need to keep him informed about the progress.
“Well, this is a first for us.” The doctor comes into the room.
“My mate and I have never had to deliver a doctor or midwife’s pup before. We also never had to birth the next generation Alpha either, so this is exciting, to say the least.” He gives Dallas a pat on the back. “We have done this many times. We have only had one female leave us, and Rya is in very good shape, extremely healthy, not the same case as that female.”
I think the doctor just needs to try and settle Dallas’s nerves down.
Another contraction slides in slowly at first, until it peaks and fades away.
“We have a shower here if you need it. I think maybe you should walk around inside here for a while. Get things progressing more. We’re in for a long day.” She walks away, going to talk with Luna Grace, who is nodding her head at her, the doctor talking to her as well. They probably are making a plan up if Dallas starts to unwind at the seams. He’s a very strong male that would be a handful if he can’t focus on the prize.
“We can do this.” Dallas kisses my hand, then my cheek.
“We can do this.” I’m a little scared when the next contraction slams into me. I do my best to breathe through it.
He’s holding my hand, sweating.
Getting up, the walking starts, up and down the hallway stopping as the contractions start to become more regular, more focused in the education of pain.
Up and down for hours, we are walking, and Dallas is by my side the whole time. With the growing strength of the contractions, my lower back is starting to have an intense pressure pulse on it. I know I am switching from the active phase of labor to the transitional phase.
I’m a ball of sweat. Everything is sticking to me. Luna Grace has cool wet cloths on my forehead. I need to lay down now on my side. Dallas is pressing his palms into the base of my back; the pain is unrelenting. As soon as the contraction stops, the next one is there to take its place.
Another one is coming. The last one feels like it just ended. “No, not another one. It’s coming again.” Now my seams are coming undone, unraveling in mind-altering pain.
“I can’t take another one.” Shaking my head back and forth, preparing for it to peak, my whole abdomen is in a tight ball of hurt before it slowly loosens up.
“When the next one comes, Rya, remember to breathe. Don’t hold it in. You need to breathe it out.” This female is insane, easy for her say. She’s not the one going through this. I’m losing my focus and giving in to the pain.
The next contraction has me grunting out, fingers clenched tight. My whole body seizes up to just focus on the pain. My eyes are even in pain.
“Dallas, I can’t do this.” I hold his gaze. “I can’t do this.” I’m starting to cry as the next one takes me on the pain train that’s too fast to try to jump off. Over and over the contractions are fast and furious.
“Rya, you need to calm down. You need to focus. Let’s practice that breathing.” He starts to breathe. “Do what I do. That’s right, in and out, that’s all I want you to do when the next contraction starts.” I focus on his voice that’s in my ear now. In and out, the pain is so intense at this stage I feel as if I could vomit, and I do all over the floor.
This is grunting, teeth-gnashing, jaw-clenching pain. Sweat pours down my face as she checks me.
“It’s time, Rya. We’re going to start pushing.” My eyes almost go in the back of my head. If I thought I went through pain before, this is going to be ten times worse.
Dallas angles me up in position, holding one of my legs while Luna Grace takes the other.
“Chin to chest, and I want you to bear down as if you’re going to have a bowel movement. We’re going to count to ten. I want you to push the whole time with the next contraction.” It’s not a long wait until the contraction comes. Chin to chest, and I push for the ten count, resting only after ten.
“Good job, Rya.” Dallas kisses my forehead. “I’m so proud of you. You’re doing so good.”
“You’re doing so good, Rya, way better than I did my first time.” Luna Grace gives me a much-needed compliment.
The doctor enters the room, sticking to the side.
Dallas starts to growl, low and threatening. He almost lets my leg go before we begin to count again.
This is repeated over and over again, me pushing, them counting, me collapsing down for a little rest before it’s time to push again. I might have burst a blood vessel in my forehead with the exertion I’m putting forth. The midwife tries to ease his head out without ripping me.
This goes on for at least an hour before the midwife looks at the doctor.
“Would you like to check her?” Dallas immediately lets me go, coming to stand in front of my parted legs before the doctor has time to get there.
“What’s the problem?” His voice is frigid, cold without emotion. He doesn’t sound like my Dallas.
“I think maybe the head is too big for her. She might need his help to ease him out. I think he needs to just give her a little cut.”
Another contraction grips me, and I push on my own without anyone telling me to; my body is taking over. It’s telling me I need to push, some deep-seated instinct that you are just born with.
The body knows when it’s time to push a pup out.
“Dallas, let the doctor do his job.” Luna Grace is threatening, but she doesn’t let my leg go. Instead, she encourages me to keep pushing my male out. She pushes my hair away from my forehead.
The doctor takes a step toward me, and Dallas crouches toward him with his teeth out. It’s a threatening sight. His claws are descending.
The Luna puts a blanket on top of me before raising her voice. “We need you.” In that second, the door opens, and Alpha Clinton comes inside.
“Your mate needs you now. Don’t do this. Don’t miss this the way I did with you. Never will you forgive yourself for it.” The Silverback takes a step toward Dallas, whose eyes are the color of night. His female is at her weakest, and males are surrounding her. This is his natural born instincts; he’s unable to control his need to protect.
The doctor takes another step toward me as I feel the thin layer of skin tear to make room for the head. Blood starts to pour on the floor in a steady stream. It’s now saturating the room in a fine metallic taste.
The midwife lifts the cover that was hiding me from Dallas’s father. She’s between my legs, angling the bed so I’m in a squatting position. The need to push is so strong it’s all I can think about.
“Dallas.” It’s all I can say, holding my hand out for him to take.
I can feel the head crowning. The ring of fire is burning hot, like molten lava around the edges.
“I need you.” My cries must be hitting his ears because his whole body starts to relax slightly. Turning away from his father, he snarls at the doctor before taking a position at my head. Holding my hand.
“Please, Dallas.” Looking into his eyes, I feel hot tears drip down my cheeks.
“I can’t do this without you.” My hand is gripping his, turning the fingertips white. Another contraction ripples my flesh as I feel the head come out. Taking a quick breath in and out is a dizzying feeling.
“With the next contraction, I want you to push with everything you have,” the midwife’s stern, focused voice commands.
Bearing down with a long, teeth-mashing grunt, I push that big male out of my body the way all mothers must.
Instantly the pain stops to a level where I can see clearly. She puts the bloody blue-tinged body on my chest, wiping him off with a towel. She’s rough with him, and I want to bite her hand with the way she’s handling him. He pulls in a lungful of air before I hear that first sound of his cries.
It’s the sound I will have imprinted on me until I go to the moon.
Dallas is crouched down, looking at his male. He’s taking his smell in, listening to his cry. The midwife hands him a knife to cut the cord.
When Dallas cuts his cord of life that binds him to me, I feel the loss of him. The attachment is gone, only to be replaced with a much stronger, more deadly attachment.
I would kill for my little male.
I would protect him with my life.
This is my love, this tiny helpless crying male on my chest is my love, and I would never change my life, because then I would not have him.
I give thanks to the moon for this miracle.