Chapter 8
BRYN TASTED LIKE sanity, like home, like the foundation he'd been desperately seeking his entire life. Need poured through Cash, a desperation he hadn't allowed himself to feel in so long. "Bryn." He whispered her name into the kiss, tunneling his hands through her hair. The soft tresses fell across his skin, like silken strands woven by angels. He angled his head, deepening the kiss, unable to hold himself back. He felt as if a thousand lifetimes of discipline had shattered, leaving behind nothing but the raw, visceral need for the woman in his arms.
She wrapped her arms around his neck and leaned into him, meeting every kiss with equal need. He grabbed her hips and pulled her to her feet and onto his lap in one swift move.
When she slipped her legs on either side of his hips and sank down onto his lap, it sent every nerve into overdrive. He dug his fingers into her ass, pulling her more tightly against him, burying himself in the kiss. Her breasts were flush against his chest, her mouth a decadent temptation of sin, seduction, and perfection.
"God, I need you." He grabbed her hips and swung her to the side, tossing her down on his bed. He gave her no chance to settle, following her like a predator on a hunt after the prey that would keep him alive.
She held out her arms to him, her eyes warm as she welcomed him, inviting him to her body. Her face was so familiar, etched into his mind, burned into his soul. It had been so long since he'd seen her, and hunger roared through him, a feral urge to claim her and make her his. With a low growl, he lowered himself on top of her, sinking against her body as he took her mouth again. His kisses were ruthless now, his tongue enticing her into a tempestuous dance of raging fire and relentless heat.
He'd known this was coming the moment he'd locked her against his body in the hotel room. The way her ass had curved into him, the familiar scent that was unique to her, a combination of the outdoors, vanilla, and a faint flowery fragrance that reminded him of a spring meadow. His awareness of her had slammed into him, almost knocking the breath from his body when he'd grabbed her.
He'd been prepared to find the girl he'd been best friends with. He hadn't been prepared for a woman who brought him to his knees and awoke every primal male instinct in him, both wolf and man. He'd fought it. He'd dragged himself off her each time he'd kissed her, but he knew he was lost now. He just needed her too fucking badly, and in the safety of his cabin, there was nothing to stop them, nothing to hold him back.
"Cash," she whispered his name, a caress that sent shivers down his spine.
He broke the kiss, searching her face, straining to find the words to reflect what he was feeling. "I missed the sound of my name on your lips," he said. "I didn't realize it until I found you again. I can't fucking live without you, Bryn. Don't make me."
She smiled then, that same brilliant smile that he'd dreamed of on his darkest nights. "You left me, remember?"
"You made me." Unable to stop himself, he kissed her again, invading her with his kisses, his tongue, his mouth. He slipped his hands beneath her camisole, his gut clenching when he felt her soft flesh beneath his palm. Her belly quivered as he traced her ribs, still kissing her ravenously as he slid his hand upward and cupped the soft swell of her breast.
She gasped, shifting underneath him. "How is it my fault?" Her question was swallowed by the kiss he couldn't seem to make himself stop. She just tasted so incredible. His human side craved the softness of her lips, the curves of her body. The wolf side of him could feel every beat of her heart. The scent of her arousal was intoxicating, dangerous, and powerful. He knew he was the one her body and soul craved.
They were friends. Best friends. But the need mounting between them was pure sex and raw lust, a thousand times deeper than friendly affection.
She hit his shoulder and turned her head enough to break the kiss. Anger flared in her eyes, surprising him enough to make him focus on her. "Why is it my fault? You're the one who left me alone to deal with my mom's death by myself. Where were you then? Where—"
He stopped, staring at her. "Your mom died? When?" Something inside him roared in protest, a dark, horrible darkness. Memories flashed through his mind, images of the kindnesses Bryn's mom had given him: making extra food at dinner so he wouldn't go hungry, talking to the school when they threatened to kick him out, allowing him to sleep on the couch when he was too broken to go home, and pretending not to notice when he slipped upstairs to crash in Bryn's room. She'd been Bryn's rock, and somehow, someway, she'd extended that to Cash as well. Bryn's dad had been long gone, a piece of shit that had ditched her and her mom. That loss had given both Bryn and her mom an understanding of the shit Cash went through as a foster kid, forging a connection between a lost kid and a couple of females.
"You didn't know she died?" When he shook his head in numb shock, Bryn's eyebrows went up. "I thought you said you looked in on me every night."
"I did, for a couple years. Then Drake and I hooked up with Jace's pack and we moved to a different area." He tunneled his hand through her hair. "What happened?"
She looked past him staring at the wall behind him and he saw her face crumple. Fear rolled through him. "What the fuck happened, Bryn?" He tightened his grip on her hair and dragged his hand off her breast, resting it on her hip. "Tell me."
She draped her forearm across her face, blocking her eyes from him. "I was seventeen," she said softly.
He stretched out beside her, and gently lifted her arm off her face so he could see her. Before she could protest, he laced his fingers through hers, the way they used to do as kids when the night got too dark and scary for one of them.
She looked down at their entwined hands, and then she glanced at him. Her eyes were full of pain, so anguished that he felt a piece of his heart shatter. "I was driving on the highway," she said quietly. "It was raining. The car skidded. I—" She swallowed. "I overcorrected, Cash. It was so fast, spinning all over the place, and then, it flipped and we hit a tree, and..."
Tears burned in the back of his eyes, but he didn't take his gaze off her face. "I'm here. Tell me."
She rolled onto her side to face him, clutching their entwined hands against her heart. "When the car stopped moving, I looked over at her. Her face had been crushed. I couldn't even recognize her. So much blood. Just like that. She was gone. She was all I had left, and then, it was over." Tears streamed down her cheeks. "I was so lost, Cash. I didn't know what to do. I was a mess. I lost myself for so long after that. It wasn't until I saw you tonight that I felt like I could make it again."
Son of a bitch. Pain sliced through him. She'd been going through hell, and he hadn't been there for her. "I'm so sorry, sweetheart. I'm so fucking sorry." He pulled her into his arms, and she came willingly, burying her face against him as the sobs racked her body. He held her the way he used to, whispering all the words that had once given them comfort, stroking her hair and her back. She felt so small and vulnerable in his arms, tiny compared to him. He wanted to wrap himself around her and hide her in the shield of his body, protecting her from the pain, from life, from all the shitty things she didn't deserve.
"I missed you," she whispered. "It was so hard."
"I know." He locked his leg over her hips, dragging her more tightly against him as he kissed her forehead. He knew how close Bryn and her mother had been, and he couldn't imagine the guilt that Bryn had felt. She was the kindest person he knew, with a heart so full of love and compassion. It was her warmth that had drawn him in, but it also made her vulnerable. He'd sworn to protect her as a kid, and he'd fucking failed her when she'd needed him most. "If there was any way I could turn back the clock and be there for you, I would."
She pressed her face against his throat, her breath warm as the tears began to fade. "I wish I'd been there for you," she whispered. "It makes me so sad to think of you being so scared about what you were."
He closed his eyes, trying to imagine what it would have been like if Bryn had been a part of his life back then. "If you'd been there at that time, I would have killed myself."
She went still. "What?"
He pressed a kiss to her hair. "Every part of my soul, man and wolf, burns for you, Bryn. I haven't lost control to my wolf in years, but you push me to the edge. Having you in my arms, feeling your body against mine, tasting your lips...if I weren't so good at controlling my wolf, you'd be in danger. Back then, my wolf's need for you would have trumped. I would have killed myself rather than risk your life."
She pulled back, searching his face. Her cheeks were stained with tears, her blue eyes huge and vulnerable. "You would never hurt me, no matter what."
"Now, no. Back then?" He shrugged, brushing her hair back from her face. "I couldn't have come to you, Bryn. Seeing your tears and feeling your pain would have unleashed something in me that I wouldn't have been able to control." He tugged lightly on her hair. "Even now..." He cut himself off, knowing that now wasn't the time.
But she didn't let him off the hook. "Even now, what?" Her voice had become low and throaty, plunging right to his core.
He swore under his breath. "Don't look at me like that, sweetheart."
"Like what? Like I want you to kiss me again? Like I want you to kiss me like I'm the only thing in the entire world that matters? Like I want nothing more than to lose myself in your kiss, in the feel of your body against mine? Like I've never felt at peace anywhere except in your arms, in my whole life?"
He closed his eyes, and took a deep breath. "Bryn, there's a side of me you don't know. One you can't comprehend." He opened his eyes, and he knew that they had shifted from green to the amber gold of his wolf form. "I want to fuck you until neither of us can move. I want to own every inch of your body and soul. I want to claim you so completely that no man can get within a hundred yards of you without knowing you're mine." His fingers tightened in her hair. "That's my wolf talking, babe. The ruthless predator who knows only about survival and fighting for what is necessary to live...which means you."
Her eyes widened, and she caught her breath. Tension strung through the air, so taut that a single breath could sever it. Every muscle in his body was razor sharp, primed and ready to attack. "My life is hell," he said softly. "If I make love to you, I'm not letting you go, and you don't want to trap yourself in my life. I'm a fucking werewolf, Bryn. Wolf. I left you the first time for a reason. I'm not going to be able to walk away again."
She stared at him, and his heart seemed to congeal in his chest. He needed to drive her away, but he couldn't lose her. He needed her. He needed her on every fucking level of his soul. He'd never been a good guy, and he sure wasn't one now. "If you don't get up right now," he said, even as his leg tightened over her hip. "I'm claiming you. You won't ever be free of me."
He wanted her to throw him off her and escape. He wanted her to repudiate his lifestyle and save herself. But at the same time, he knew it would break him. He needed her, and he needed her to be willing to stand by him. If Bryn wasn't afraid of him, then he knew that there was something worth saving about himself. "Get up," he whispered, sliding his hand behind her neck to cup the soft flesh there. "Get up, get dressed, and get away from me."
She met his gaze, unresisting as he increased the pressure on the nape of her neck, drawing her closer to him. "Without you, I have nothing," she said steadily, not looking away from him. "I'm not afraid of your life. I want to be here, with you, wherever it takes us."
He wanted to give her another chance to change her mind. He fucking wanted to. But he couldn't. The moment she said those words, that moment she offered herself to him, he took it.