Chapter Thirteen
Ava
Once again, I woke up to find a vampire in my room. Only this time he was asleep on the chaise I kept in the corner.
The light was dim and my head no longer ached. I felt light and insubstantial, like a piece of dandelion fluff. My brain was fuzzy and my thoughts didn’t want to line up.
I couldn’t remember how I ended up in my bed at first and then the information slowly began to filter into my brain. Rhiannon. The book. I took a deep breath and pushed myself into a sitting position.
I felt sweaty and more than a little grimy. Glancing at Macgrath, I noted that he hadn’t moved, his body loose with sleep. He hadn’t slept at all the night before and even though he was a supernatural creature, the last few days hadn’t exactly been uneventful.
Moving silently, I climbed out of bed and crept to the bathroom. Now that I was upright and moving, my limbs felt stiff and achy from lying in one position for hours. I slipped into the bathroom and shut the door behind me, heading straight for the toilet.
Once the desperate need to pee was gone, I realized I wanted two things: a long, hot shower and Chinese food. I decided the food could wait. I hadn’t showered since yesterday morning and I hated the stickiness of my skin. I’d been ecstatic when indoor plumbing was invented and beside myself with joy when it became socially acceptable, even expected, to bathe on a daily basis.
Witches valued good hygiene, probably none as highly as I did.
With a flick of my hand, I turned on the taps in the shower and began stripping off my clothes, letting them fall to the floor at my feet. When I stepped under the stream of water, I sighed. It felt fantastic.
Luxuriating in the hot water, I lathered up my hair. As I scrubbed my scalp, I thought back to the moment when Macgrath lay behind me in the bed, his hand gently combing through the strands. Of all the things I expected from the vampire, tenderness wasn’t one of them. His concern and the care he’d taken with me when I was too weak to even stand. It was surprising, but in a way that made my chest fill with warmth.
Still mulling this over, I rinsed the lather from my hair and smoothed conditioner over the ends. It was a side of Macgrath I hadn’t expected and it undermined my determination to keep distance between us. I wondered if he would be that tender and affectionate after sex, holding me and stroking my hair.
Then I gave myself a mental slap. I couldn’t let my thoughts go there. Now wasn’t the time. The time might never exist. At the moment, I needed to focus on Rhiannon. She was my first priority and then I could think about Macgrath.
When I turned to grab the soap, I gasped and lurched back, slapping my hand against the wall to keep from falling on my bare ass.
Macgrath lounged on the other side of the glass, his hips resting on top of the counter. And he made no effort to keep his eyes on only my face. No, he was looking at every part of my body as if he had every right.
Ignoring the tendrils of excitement stirring within me, I waved a hand and muttered a spell, grinning when a blindfold appeared over his eyes.
“What the hell?” he grumbled, reaching up to pull the material from his face.
I nearly laughed when it tightened around his head, refusing to give in to his tugs. Even his vampire strength was no match for the blindfold.
“Ava,” he growled. “Take this damn thing off me.”
I rolled my eyes and poured body wash on the washcloth in my hand. “No. First stalking, now spying on me while I bathe. I’m going to leave that blindfold right there until I’m good and ready to take it off.”
He growled again, louder this time. “Ava.”
“Nope,” I replied, rubbing the soap along my arms and chest. “I’m going to finish bathing in peace and then, once I’m dressed, I’ll take off the blindfold.”
He fell silent and I took my time washing every part of my body and rinsing off. My shower wasn’t quite as leisurely as I wanted, but I was squeaky clean when I finished.
I turned off the water and reached for the towel outside the shower. Macgrath was still leaning against the counter and he looked pissed as hell. I was torn between wanting to laugh and locking him inside the bathroom until he calmed down.
Working swiftly, I dried off and hurried into the bedroom to dress. When I turned to go back into the bathroom, Macgrath blocked my way. He stood directly behind me, his hands fisted at his sides.
“Ava, enough is enough. Take this fucking thing off me.”
I took a quick peek at his mouth, trying to see if his fangs were out. That would tell me exactly how angry he was.
“What are you doing?” he asked.
“I’m trying to decide if you’re going to murder me if I drop the blindfold.”
His head fell back and he laughed. “No, I’m not going to murder you.”
I narrowed my eyes at him. “Okay, bodily harm then?”
Before I could evade him, he grabbed me and tugged me closer, dropping his head so that his mouth was next to my ear. “Does spanking your ass until you beg me to stop count?”
My mouth went dry because his tone evoked something other than corporal punishment. Something a lot sexier. Once again, my hormones tried to take charge, all but shrieking for me to assume the position. I ruthlessly quashed the urge. After so many years of having zero sex drive, the sudden onslaught of horniness was difficult to handle, but I managed.
“Yes, spanking my ass would be considered bodily harm,” I answered primly. Then one of those sneaky hormone bitches snuck through my brain-to-mouth filter and forced me to say, “At least today.”
Immediately, the anger drained out of Macgrath’s face and the corner of his mouth turned up. He held my shoulders in both hands now, but his thumbs were caressing the lines of my collarbones in a hypnotic motion.
“What about tomorrow?” he queried, his voice quiet and hot.
I shook myself. “Tomorrow too.”
His smile widened and it was dazzling, even with the upper half of his face covered by the blindfold. “Well, I suppose there’s always next week.”
“Hell yeah!” my hormones cried.
“Okay, since you no longer seem homicidal, I’m going to remove the blindfold.” I paused. “But I don’t ever want you to sneak into the bathroom while I’m showering again. Understood?”
“I’ll make sure you invite me first next time.”
It was on the tip of my tongue to tell him that would never happen, but I didn’t think I was physically capable of uttering the words. While my brain wasn’t sure that I wanted to have sex with Macgrath, my body, and hormones, were already making a to-do list of all the ways that I would ravish him. The conflict was too strong for me to reconcile.
With a sigh, I released the spell that held the material over his face. As it fell away, he looked down at me, his green and gold eyes blazing. But the heat in them wasn’t due to anger. It was a fire of a different sort, the kind that led to those brain-numbing kisses he’d given me at the coffee shop.
It hurt to do it, but I stepped back, out of his grip. He let me, his fingertips sliding over my shoulders and down my arms as I moved away. When his hands reached mine, he clasped them gently.
I looked down at our twined fingers. “Thank you for taking care of me earlier and staying with me while I slept.” I lifted my gaze back to his and saw that he was no longer giving me that hot stare, but a warm look. One that affected me more deeply than I wanted to admit.
“Whatever you need from me, you’ll have it.”
When he said things like that, my mind wanted to throw caution to the wind and let my hormones have their way.
Instead, I said, “What I need right now is food. I haven’t eaten all day and I’m starving.”
He tugged me forward until our bodies met then simply wrapped his arms around me. I turned my head so that my cheek rested against his chest. Usually, I never noticed how tall he was. We were constantly arguing, challenging each other. Always standing toe to toe. In those moments, I was too caught up in the thrill of the battle and walking the razor’s edge between the desire to kill him and the urge to kiss him. I never noticed that he dwarfed me.
As Macgrath held me in his arms, I felt surrounded, but in a way that was comforting. His chest was warm and firm beneath my cheek and I could hear the slow, steady thump of his heart against my ear. I slid my hands around his waist and pressed my palms to his spine. His arms tightened slightly when I returned his embrace and he rested his chin on the top of my head.
It was strange and a little crazy that his hug, this vampire’s embrace, would feel like a safe place. Maybe the only safe place in the entire world.
After a few more seconds, he released me. “Let’s get you something to eat.”
Once we were downstairs, I noticed the house was empty.
“Where is everyone?” I asked as I followed him into the kitchen.
He gestured to one of the bar stools next to the island before he answered me. “I sent them all home a few hours ago. They were exhausted and needed to rest.”
“How long was I out?” I cleared my throat, my mouth still dry.
“About five hours,” he answered, pulling a bottle of water from the fridge and setting it in front of me.
“Thanks,” I murmured. Twisting the cap off, I lifted the bottle to my lips and let the chilled liquid fill my mouth. I swallowed nearly half the bottle before I placed it on the counter.
I watched as Macgrath moved around my kitchen, spooning rice and stir-fried chicken and vegetables into a bowl. He looked at home there, like he belonged.
Once the food was in the microwave, he faced me, resting his backside against the counter and propping his hands up on top of it.
“Do you feel up to talking about what happened in the attic?” he asked. “When you collapsed.”
My mouth was dry again, so I sipped more water before I replied, “I’m not entirely sure what happened. I was looking at you, but there was another, well, you superimposed. Like two different versions of you were existing in unison. Your hair was longer and your clothes…” I trailed off, lifting a hand to my head and rubbing my fingertips over my forehead. There was a faint throb there, as though the agonizing headache was threatening to return if I didn’t stop repeating what I’d seen. “They were different. It was you, but you weren’t the same.”
“That’s when the headache started?” he asked. He turned around when the microwave dinged.
“Yes, that’s when it hit me. Though headache seems like a mild term for what I was experiencing.”
He winced as he pulled the steaming bowl from the microwave. “You went down hard and fast,” he murmured. He set the bowl down in front of me and pulled a fork out of the drawer. “Scared the shit out of me.”
“It wasn’t too pleasant for me either,” I grumbled as I dug into the stir-fry.
“Kerry said that you’re cursed, but the curse is weakening. That’s why you’re seeing things and why it hurt so badly when you did.”
“I’ve been cursed for a long time,” I stated.
“What happened to you?”
I chewed slowly and shrugged as I thought about the best way to answer his question. “I honestly have no idea. I woke up one morning and I was lying on the ground in the forest. I didn’t know my name or where I was from. My entire past was gone. I—” I stopped, swallowing reflexively as my throat closed with emotion. Once I gained control, I continued, “It’s strange. It was so long ago that it’s almost as if it happened to someone else. Yet sometimes…sometimes it still hurts like it was yesterday.”
Macgrath reached across the granite countertop and took my hand, his thumb smoothing across my palm in a soothing motion. My palm tingled from his touch, growing warm. Then the sensation traveled up my arm to my shoulder and to the rest of my body.
“That’s something we have in common,” he murmured, staring down at where he cradled my hand. “My past is lost as well.” His gaze lifted to mine. “There are times throughout the centuries that I’ve wondered if this curse was actually a blessing. I’m more monster than human and there are so many things I could have done that would have brought this curse on me. How much blood is truly on my hands? Who did I hurt? Did I kill them?”
I reached out with my other hand and laid it over our joined fingers, but I didn’t say anything. I didn’t know what to say. He’d made the choice to join forces with Rhiannon and that suggested his judgment wasn’t the best. But he also protected Savannah from Rhiannon’s intentions when it came down to it. He was a walking contradiction and I wanted to comfort him, even if I couldn’t condone the choices he’d made before we met. Even if I couldn’t quite bring myself to trust him completely. Not yet.
Once again we shared a moment of mutual understanding and comfort. The sparking sexual tension that usually accompanied our exchanges was muted by compassion and shared pain.
His other hand lifted to my face and he cupped my cheek, his thumb sliding along the bottom edge of my lip. The tingles throughout my body became a steady throb. “When you look at me this way, it makes me forget. Just for a moment.”
Before I could gather my wits to respond, he took a deep breath and released me, stepping back from the island. His sudden withdrawal left me feeling bereft and cold. I shivered.
“You need to eat,” he insisted. “Then we need to discuss exactly what was in the book that Rhiannon took.”
Though his final statement ruined my appetite, I picked up my fork and took a bite. I would need my strength for the coming days. Especially if my suspicions about Rhiannon’s intentions were correct.
Macgrath cleaned up the kitchen as I ate. When I finished, I pushed the bowl to the side and drank the last of the water from the bottle. Once I had no other reason to delay, I took a deep breath.
“I don’t know how Rhiannon knew about the book,” I stated.
Macgrath stopped what he was doing and faced me.
I continued, “I didn’t tell anyone. Not even Savannah.”
He crossed his arms over his chest and leaned against the cabinets. “Why didn’t you destroy the grimoire?”
“That question is difficult to answer,” I replied with a sigh. “When I discovered it in the nineteenth century, I didn’t know exactly what it was. I knew the magic involved was dark, and to me, that was reason enough to keep it.”
“You and I both know how dangerous dark magic can be.”
With a nod, I agreed, “Yes, which is the very reason I kept it. I knew that if I ever went up against the warlock who wrote the spells in the grimoire, I would need the book. The powers Gaius used were not just dark, they were ancient. Most of that knowledge is lost to history. Very few witches today would recognize that magic, much less be strong enough to fight it. He called upon the power that created the old gods, the power that gave them life. That grimoire would have been the difference between victory and defeat in a battle with the warlock.”
“But Gaius is dead,” Macgrath pointed out.
“And I didn’t know that at the time,” I shot back. “For all I knew, he was traveling the earth, looking for this book or planning something truly evil.”
“Then why didn’t you destroy it when you found out he was no longer a threat?” he asked me, his eyes flaring with anger. His irises began to glow like two emerald gemstones reflecting the sunlight.
“Because Rhys was still alive and I didn’t know if Gaius or Rhiannon had managed to create another being like him. One that wasn’t as good or controlled,” I answered. My voice was rising. I tried to control it, but the accusatory stare he was giving me was beginning to piss me off.
“Well, now Rhiannon will have her chance to do just that if she hasn’t already.” He straightened from the cabinets, the gentle look from earlier completely absent in his expression. He was furious and it showed. “That book was dangerous and you knew it. It should have been destroyed.”
He was both right and wrong. I had no way of knowing what sorts of evil Gaius had created during his life. That book would have been our only protection if we ever found ourselves faced with a creature of his making.
But he was right. I knew the book was dangerous, which was why I hadn’t told a single soul about its existence.
“I was in a shitty spot, Macgrath. Either choice could have damned us. I took the risk and chose to hide the grimoire. It might have been a mistake, but I don’t think so.” I was practically yelling now as I stood and put my hands on my hips. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to call Savannah and see if Kerry is with her. Now that Rhiannon has the grimoire, I need to find her as quickly as possible. If Kerry is as powerful as I think she is, then she can help me.”
Macgrath watched me silently as I spoke and he didn’t move as I left the room. I wanted to stomp or to throw something, basically have a good old-fashioned temper tantrum. I hadn’t been this aggravated with another creature in a long time. It was different than what I felt toward Rhiannon when she took Savannah. That was a killing rage, something I was familiar with.
This was a different emotion. I wanted to yell at him, to fight with him, but I didn’t want to annihilate him. I wanted him to be there even when it was done and my anger was used up. Even though I was irritated as hell right now, in the back of my mind, I knew I wouldn’t be angry forever.
Centuries ago, when I woke up on the bank of the stream with my past a complete blank, I’d been cold. Not just on the outside, but within. My emotions were dull, muted, and some were nearly non-existent. I had little compassion and felt no love. Not until a few months later when my daughter quickened in my belly. At the time, the rush of that emotion had nearly torn me apart. It had been like living in a cave for months, existing in absolute darkness, and stepping out into the sunlight. The love had been blinding and painful, but welcome.
But even after that, I struggled. Joy, sadness, anger, fear…they were all foreign to me. I understood the concepts, but never experienced them. Through the centuries, the stranglehold on my emotions had eased, but I’d always felt somewhat detached from humanity.
Until Savannah. She had breached the wall around my heart, leaving a crack.
And Macgrath had widened it. I could practically feel the barrier between my emotions and the world crumbling.
For hundreds of years, my stone heart lay dormant in my chest. If the stone vanished, what would my heart be made of then?