11
KRUM
I hate you.
She says it just once, but it's enough to let me feel the most bitter taste I've ever tasted. The sentence repeats in my head, her lips seem to intone it again and again, only to pierce me.
Her contempt is leading me to too dark areas in my mind. I didn't think the sense of repentance I've been experiencing in these years could be so disruptive. It seems to have exploded in an absolutely destructive way.
She looks at me with that pleased air, she is happy to see she is torturing me with the least effort. Maybe I should go on following my instinct, but what is it?
You want to crush her or you want…
Damn it! I squint my eyes, trying to resume control of my actions. She said she hates me. Well, that was what I wanted. Enough for now, I recover my wits, Krum comes backs, the man who has to ask for nothing, but who always obtains everything.
The point is just this: I can't get anything from her. I already know it.
My eyes fall on the bruises I have caused, I feel a man split in a half: one part of me is happy to have branded her; the other is completely overwhelmed by the utmost shame.
She's right, the bitch, a real man doesn't touch a woman like this.
I push her and she falls back, falling sitting on the bed.
“I'll come and get you tomorrow morning at nine o'clock. Don't make me wait.”
“Otherwise, what will you do, will you pull my hair?”
I puff a vexed laugh. If I keep on giving her importance, I won’t leave anymore.
“Don't provoke me, princess! This is not your realm, remember.”
On the flare of her face two red patches appear at the height of her cheeks; making her nervous has become one of my favorite activities. I smile artfully, turn around and walk away, before she could reply and force me to stay with her.
I slam the door behind me, I pull out the key and lock her in. Knowing that for a few days she will be under my custody is an exciting thought. Who knows what she thinks. I go upstairs and lock myself in my room. I fall onto my bed exhausted, I would sink into an endless sleep, but my body disagrees and reacts to every reminder of the past evening.
I see her again sleeping on her bed, shaking and sighing. I had expected she’d wake up sooner or later, just as it happens to me when I am abducted by dreams. So it was, shortly before I got near ready to tap her mouth. I hoped to be in her head, also in her nightmares, but I was pleased to show myself to her at her awakening and it was equally fulfilling. I wonder if she dreams about me…
I recall the moment when I wanted to put my hands around her neck, the moment she began to list all those horrible words: animal, monster, you are disgusting…
My reaction surprised me a lot. I was forced to leave the car and breathe a different air than the one dominated by her, to try to appease the desire to put my hands on her. I don't understand why I didn't, why I decided to accept her request not to hurt her. Maybe it is better to clarify things as they are.
Those bruises… I have never been so ashamed. She is so weak, fragile, helpless, but so strong, stubborn, hard to the right point. Does she have the power to… control me?
Nikoga. Never.
She mustn't have any power over me.
I take my cell phone, it's just two in the morning, I can still have a worthy end of the day. I look for Ivanka's number, one of our women, and I wait for her to answer. We speak the same language in every sense. I arrange an encounter and she assures me she’ll be there in less than half an hour.
When she knocks on the door, I don't give her time to come in when I drag her to bed. I don't care about the preliminaries.
In a moment I undress her and she undresses me. I turn her around abruptly, she’s excited. Why doesn't that damned girl get excited in the same way?
“Krum,” she pants. “Vzermi me silno!” She wants me to take her toughly.
“Da, Ivanka, da.”
“I missed you.”
I pull her hair and lick her neck from behind. I slam it on her, I rub on her as if from her body I could get new energy. I close my eyes, because the image becomes more exciting if I think I'm pushing my cock on that bitch's ass; that bitch that sleeps downstairs.
She turns to me and looks at me as if I were her god. This is damn exciting and I can't help but wish that another woman could consider me as her only source of... but what the hell!
I grab Ivanka's waist, she is busy stimulating me with her hands. She is easy, like all of them. She is not demanding, she doesn't tell me how revolting I am, she loves that I am disgusting, she gets excited if I hold her wrists, she's excited if I push her or pull her around.
“Vzemi go v usata ti.” Take it in your mouth. I order. “Moyata
kurva.” My bitch. If I said that to her, she would spit in my face.
Ivanka kneels and takes it in her mouth. I relax, putting my hands on the column of the canopy bed. I don't care to look at her, what she is doing is perfect, so I keep my eyes closed, but my fantasy is creating totally different actions. I see that damned one looking at me from below, sucking it with pleasure and I let her do it trying to be delicate.
Delicate? Fuck off.
I re-open my eyes, banishing that idea and I please Ivanka. I slip away from her mouth and set her at 90 degrees on the edge of the bed. I bend over to pick up my jeans and get a condom out of my pocket. I tear the wrapper with my teeth and I wear it fast. I grab her hips and spank her ass, that echoes in the silence of the night. Ivanka appreciates, the spoiled girl would find violent even this incredibly erotic act.
I put the slick tip on her hot cunt, rub it between her buttocks and in a blunt shot I thrust it in.
I. Am. A. Beast.
I hammer her, she screams, I'm sure in the corridor they are hearing an amazing show. My testicles slam on her skin, wet with excitement. I sink my fingers on Ivanka's flesh. She pushes toward me, helping the wild movement that makes us dancing at unstable rhythms.
I fuck her, hard, like a beast. Yes, I'm a beast, that slut is right, that's what I am. I have no respect for anything and anyone, I just want what I want, I just take what I want, I am totally selfish, without caring of what others can feel. I don't even care about Ivanka that moans hinting at grimace of pain.
I fuck her angrily, as if I had to punish her. As if she were her.
“Bavno,” she cries. Slow down.
“Mlŭkni!” Shut up.
“Krum, Krum…”
She wants me to slow down, but her body is already taken over by orgasm. I try to join her in this perverse dance and explode, grabbing her hair and pulling her back to my chest.
I sigh, sinking my head in Ivanka's hair that doesn't smell of vanilla like hers. I begin breathing slowly again, I abandon her warm silhouette and head to the bathroom taking the condom off to throw it in the trash.
I already know that when I get out of the bathroom I won't find Ivanka. She knows perfectly well how our encounters have to be. That's why I call her.
After a long shower I'm really satisfied and I get in bed sinking into a strangely deep sleep.
I wake up thinking of her. I have to go and take her to the Father. I hope she'll use different tones with Leonardo, or certainly her stay at the Temple will be a nightmare for her. I reach the floor where there are guest rooms, for now she is the only potential member who lives in the villa. For what I know, there are no other potentials around.
I stand in front of her room, it's eight fifty-eight, and wait two more minutes, so I can show her how punctuality is important. At nine o'clock sharp I put the key in the lock, turn it, it clicks and I announce myself.
“Hey! Don't you use knocking?” she warns me. I close the door behind me and stay still.
She has her hair, casually gathered, some clear locks are resting on her breast still beaded with water. Her body is covered by a towel that covers her just from breast to groin. I look at her scrupulously, without worrying about looking intrusive.
“I had told you that at nine o'clock I would be here,” I burst. She's late and it makes me nervous.
“I didn't have an alarm. I woke up by accident.”
She presses the towel to her breast, tightens her legs and pulls down the towel to try to cover herself more. But her light thighs are well exposed and they are interesting.
“Hurry up!” I go to the armchair under the window and I sit down. I cross my legs and she looks at me with the usual contempt.
“You could wait for me outside, don't you think?”
“No.”
“Get out!”
“There's a huge bathroom, you can change there. And I am sure I won't be scandalized, I know how a woman is made.” I rub my fingers on my beard, I should shorten it. My eyes keep invading her as she stays motionless, as if she didn't know whether to run away or let me look at her. I want to make her uncomfortable. “But maybe you want to change here with me.”
She gasps, I guess she's biting her tongue to avoid reproaching me and making me nervous. She can do what she wants, right now I won't touch her in the way she thinks. I have other ideas.
Shut up, mind.
She gathers her clothes from the bed, of course, with the intention of locking herself in the bathroom while her voice begins to fill the air with the usual insults.
“You're not just a half man, you're also rude, a bully, inappropriate… We have to discuss that you have the key to this room. I'm not complaining about anything, I'm trying to meet your wishes in a totally inappropriate way, I don't see why you have to control me this way. I won't go anywhere, I won't run out, I have too much to clarify, so you could also avoid locking me in my room and coming in when you want.”
“Have you finished bullshitting?” I'm totally quiet, oddly, and I'm sitting on the chair while this spoiled brat tries to bargain on her freedom.
“I'll never stop, and it’s not bullshit. I think it's quite normal to expect a minimum of respect.”
“Respect? Why should I respect you?” I stretch my arms on the armchair, wincing my eyes. Her claims make me laugh, but I don't smile, rather, I try to give her a dirty look.
“Because people must be respected. There isn't a particular reason. Didn't anybody teach you that?” She doesn't give me time to answer when she does it for me. “But no, sure, nobody taught you. Nobody told you how women should be treated. I cannot imagine how you treat the rest of the people…”
“You better not imagine it. Now move that nice ass in the bathroom and get ready.”
“One day you'll pay for everything you've done to me,” she says, and disappears into the bathroom.
I'm already paying for it, I think. The price is all the invasions she makes in my head, all the years spent remembering her fear, her damn hands looking for my protection.
She spends more time than I expected and I decide to knock on the bathroom door.
“Stop bugging me,” she shouts.
“When you get out of the bathroom we'll talk about your tones.” I don't like being treated like this, nobody turns to me with such contempt.
She opens the door and my bones freeze to see how nice her face looks, just made-up. She wears a semitransparent blue t-shirt softly falling on her and slightly uncovers her not so shaped breast. I look at her and she… I cannot believe it! She blushes.
She pushes me to pass. I don't like that she treats me this way. I take her by a wrist and I push her to the wall, the thud clearly says that I used too much strength.
“Ouch,” she complains, burning me with her gaze.
I imprison her with my hands and lower my head to her height, but she is forced to raise her eyes to return my gaze. It's extraordinary to notice how able she is to look at my eyes, I like it, it makes me feel present, it's as if she was sharing with me a moment, as if she was making me part of something, what, I don't know.
“You don't have to talk to me that way, you don't have to use those tones with me, stop trying to prevail over me because you won't have any control. It is me who takes care of you, it's me who decides what you have to do and how you have to behave. Hit me verbally or physically and you'll see how I am when I lose my patience.”
“If you don't respect me, I won't respect you either.”
“You wouldn't respect me anyway.”
She artfully smiles, at this time I want to bite her lips.
“Yeah, I wouldn't respect you, it's true. You don't deserve anything,” she says with wickedness.
I clench my fist and press it to the wall, right near her face, she just turns her head to observe the anger that comes out of that gesture and I see her eyes loaded with concern.
“And what do you deserve?” I sigh, feeling my head bending close to her.
Control yourself!
“Certainly I don't deserve a man like you!”
Her answer seems to refer to many more questions. My eyes vibrate, I feel them shaking due to her coldness. I thought I was Led, instead, at this moment it is her the one made of ice.
“Do you want to keep me locked up all day long?” she teases.
All day and maybe even more.
I move and she moves away from me leaving her eyes on mine. She is so strong and sexy.
I blink my eyes to get rid of the usual charm she is able to create and I pull myself together instantly.
“It's late, let's go. Don't make such a fuss and do whatever I tell you.”
“I won't waste my breath to answer you.”
“Do what I say and stop it.”
I open the door and she goes out, I follow her and lock her room again. She looks at the key, I look at her, she then looks at me, I'm still looking at her.
“Will you give me the key?”
Is she trying to look naïve and fragile?
What a slut!
I push her back and put the key in my pocket. This little girl is too spoiled, she thinks she’ll get what she wants with a simple glimpse, but she needs a lot more with me.
“Don't expect anything.”
“You will give me the key,” she says confidently, as we take the stairs. “Not today, but soon.”
I'm shocked by her confidence.
“Close that mouth!”
“I don't know how you can think I can respect you when you treat me as if I were a rag doll,” she says, shaking under my grasp. “I can walk by myself, I told you I won't run away, it isn't convenient for me.”
“I prefer to hold you, you never know.”
Actually, she is right, she wouldn't run away, I know it, but I have a strange and unmotivated need to keep her close to me.
“Good morning, Krum.” We cross Oscar in the stairs and, instinctively, I leave her arm.
“Krum?” she says, looking at me.
“It's my name.” Her eyes seem to light up, as if hearing my name had become a nice revelation for her.
Oscar gets near and I immediately see curiosity in his eyes.
“You must be Ambra,” he says, giving her his hand and she shakes it. “I'm Oscar.”
She smiles slightly, looks comfortable, I like it. I let her relax for a while.
We go down the stairs and pass the large entrance, straight to the wing of the villa leading to the Father's office.
“It is a shame that you have been entrusted to Krum,” Oscar says with sarcasm. I already foresee the same discussion.
“I think so too. Can't we exchange?” Oscar laughs at her joke, I'm unperturbed.
“Isn't he behaving correctly?” They leave me behind and it disturbs me.
“Absolutely not. He keeps putting his hands on me. He is violent and rude.”
“I'm here, I hear you,” I say aloud.
“I don't care,” she replies without turning. Oscar, instead, turns around and flashes an inquisitive look. Certainly, he is shocked to see someone who talks to me with certain tones without being immediately disintegrated.
“Krum can be despicable at times,” my friend supports me - I'm joking.
“I'd say he's always despicable,” she's steadfast, I'm starting to hate her more than I should.
“Stop talking like I'm not there,” I say, interrupting.
“Oh, for me you are not here at any time.”
I lose my patience and grab for a wrist.
“You see?” she says to Oscar. She is not asking for help, she just wants to humiliate me. “He isn't able to answer with words but with violence.”
“Krum!” Oscar scolds me, holding his hands in his pockets and looking at me as if I was a man to be locked up.
“You mustn't speak to me this way, how many times have I told you?” I growl a few inches from her face.
“What's going on here?”
No, damn it! Manuel's voice.
That’s all we need.
Without realizing my movements, my hand slips from her wrist to her fingers. My fingers intertwine with hers and I hold her hand, pushing her behind my back as Manuel comes near and stares at her with eyes that don't hide any intention.
She slips away from my grip and I'm forced to leave her hand, but I don't move, I keep her behind me, as if I wanted to protect her.
Again.