Chapter Eighteen
Sonya
Like air across an Arizona blacktop in summer, the image of him wavered and flowed, just as he had described. His hands reached for the ground and by the time they touched, they were paws. That quick, he became a huge wolf covered in a blond and white fur coat. He barely had to tilt his head up to meet my eyes, which put his shoulders at about four feet tall. Anyone who saw him could easily mistake him for a bear at first glance, especially considering he had to weigh over two hundred pounds. But then, that made sense. His mass would be the same.
“Holy shit.” I stumbled backward several steps, nearly tripping over my own feet. The light crystal blue of his eyes captured mine. Crazy as it seemed, I swore I could feel him behind those eyes. Not like madness crazy, at least, I didn’t think so. But what if it was? When he took a step toward me, I took another back. My feet tangled together and I fell onto my butt in the grass. He followed me, nose reaching out to my hand. Every instinct in my body told me to pull back, run, or fight, but I ignored them all and let him touch me. Fur so soft it felt like silk brushed my skin as he rubbed his long canine face against my hand. If this was madness, I didn’t mind it so much.
“You’re gorgeous,” I whispered.
His eyes sparkled and I swear one edge of his mouth quirked up.
“Don’t let that go to your head,” I warned.
A barking sound that might have been a laugh came from him. My fear began to subside, leaving a burning curiosity in its place. Along with something else, something that pulled at me like a magnet, urging me to join him. For the first time, I wanted to shift, truly wanted to with all my heart. The compulsion became stronger the longer I looked at him, dissolving my fear until none of it remained. My skin became stifling hot, graduating into the feeling of a bad sunburn. Gently, he took the edge of my tank top in his teeth and tugged on it.
“All right, all right,” I said.
Pushing him away, I stood and peeled off my tank. My sports bra followed it to the ground a moment later. Exquisite cool air caressed my skin, leeching the heat away a little. For a second I thought I was shaking, then I realized my skin was vibrating. The movement tickled as it heated me. Ty took a step back, his four paws as quiet as his bare feet always were. Looking at him increased my need to shift to the point where I knew I couldn’t hold out much longer. Fangs grew within my mouth. My fingernails formed into claws. Fear fled me in a rush, leaving me feeling buzzed and energized. Careful of my claws, I slid my yoga pants and panties down my hips and stepped out of them. Even though he was in wolf form, I instinctively turned a bit and held a hand over my birthmark to hide it from Ty.
I thought about being a wolf, how I wanted to be one right now. Deep inside, I felt it. The wolf wasn’t a separate being within me like I had thought. The wolf and I were one and the same. It was the pure, instinctual part of me and it longed to be set free. The decision to let it felt like the most sane idea I’d ever had. I hoped like hell it was.
Like I had seen Ty do, I reached for the ground. The vibrations in my body increased, becoming white-hot for a fraction of a second. Green grass rushed toward me and suddenly my hands—no, my paws—were on it. Legs led down to the paws, not arms. Black fur that shone in the sun covered me. On instinct, I tried to say “Wow,” but it came out as a guttural canine sound. Until that moment, it hadn’t dawned on me that I wouldn’t be able to speak. Dizziness rushed through me, leaving me feeling slightly disoriented.
This new body felt very different, yet somehow still right. I turned toward Ty and was surprised to discover how easy moving on four legs was. Out of the corner of my eye, I caught a glimpse of my own tail. It was solid black like the rest of me seemed to be. I wagged it experimentally, thrilling at how I could feel the movement all the way up my spine. The details of my shiny black coat jumped out at me. Everything looked different, not because of color, that was quite similar, but it was all sharper and more focused. Ty’s wolf form was even more beautiful through a wolf’s eyes. His fur was mostly blond with gray markings on his face, chest, shoulders, and tail. A weird compulsion to rub all over him until I was covered in his scent seized me.
So much for my desire being a product of the verða.
As for the madness, I had never felt so clear-headed in all my life. Not even my decision to attend med school had made me feel this…right.
The scents of a thousand different things poured down my nose—which was quite distracting considering its length. Each tree, bush, plant, and flower had such a distinctive scent that I had never noticed before. The only thing I could compare it to was the scent of the first grass cut during summer—but even that didn’t explain it. So vivid were the smells that I could practically see scent trails left by deer, squirrels, even Ty and myself. It was heady, overwhelming, and I wanted to experience more.
A blond and white tail wagged in my peripheral vision. Ty’s head tipped in the direction of the forest, gaze shooting toward the path. While I understood well enough, I realized Icelandic wasn’t the only language I was going to need to learn. The body language of wolves would hopefully be a tad easier, though. Ty trotted toward the path and I followed without thinking. Then it dawned on me, I was walking on four legs. Not only was that something I hadn’t done since being a baby, my back legs bent the wrong way. Oddly enough, overthinking it didn’t trip me up or make it harder. My body simply did what I asked of it, one foot in front of the other in an easy rhythm.
We began to run side by side. All those wonderful scents poured down my throat with each breath, connecting me to every living thing around me, both plant and animal. Most powerful of all was Ty’s evergreen scent with a pleasant underlying musk. It wrapped around me like a favorite sweater or throw blanket, comforting me and making me feel at home in an impossible situation. Less than a mile later, we left the path. The woods didn’t slow us in the slightest. Fallen logs, thick underbrush of brambles and ferns, none of it impeded me, much to my surprise. I leaped, ducked, and dodged through it all at a blinding pace as if part of me intuitively new the landscape before me.
Everything about it from the ground beneath my paws to the air moving across my fur and down my tail felt amazing and natural. Why I had worried so much and feared this for the last two weeks, I couldn’t understand. Deeper into the forest we went until I couldn’t smell or hear any sign of human life at all. Ty kept shooting gazes my way, his eyes filled with joy and pride. Odd that I could tell that about a wolf’s eye, but really, they were still Ty’s eyes. In them I could see him. Just as he was a huge, fine specimen of a man, he was a gorgeous wolf. My wolf self was very attracted to him, so much so that I had to resist the urge to rub against his side and nuzzle my nose into the fur around his neck.
In this form it wasn’t as hard to resist my desire. I had a feeling that had more to do with the discomforting thought of having sex with another creature—even if we wore the same form—than it did with a reduced desire for Ty. Maybe the idea would become more comfortable with time, maybe it wouldn’t. Regardless, I wasn’t even remotely tempted to cross that line right now.
Though he led the way with a nod or thrust of his head now and then, Ty kept his pace so that I ran alongside him. Such chivalry made me grin a big wolfy grin. We crossed meadows and thickly forested areas, running without tiring. For a moment, we stopped at stream to drink and nibbled at a few berries before starting back. In every move, sound, scent, and taste I felt the instinct he had been talking about. It made the transition from human to wolf easier, but I also felt how it could get out of control if I let it. The wildness in me reveled in the experience. It awakened something wonderful and free.
By the time we made it back to the house, dusk had settled over the landscape, casting everything in deep shadows. Under the cover of the huge pine trees that lined the edge of the back lawn, Ty shifted back to human form. His body blurred, then flowed, becoming that of a man once again. He sat down in the grass and watched me. Seeing him as a man made me want to be human again. The moment I decided to shift, my body reacted by warming up and flowing. Colors changed a little, scents and sounds retreated slightly, and the wildness within tucked away, sated for the moment. My paws became hands, my legs arms. Long black hair spilled down into my vision. I still felt like me. Hell, I felt more like me than I ever had. The same went for my sanity. Of course, it wasn’t likely that an insane person knew they were insane. But if this was insanity, I was good with it.
Not caring that I was naked, I rolled onto my back in the grass and threw my arms out wide. “That was amazing!”
The grass was cool and refreshing against the bare skin of my back. Its rich, heady smell flowed into me, soothing and relaxing me. A slight chill in the air hardened my nipples but it wasn’t enough to actually make a varúlfur feel cold. Even in the dark, Ty would be able to see much of me, erect nipples included, but I didn’t care. That wasn’t true, exactly. I wanted him to see me. Low in his throat rumbled something that sounded like a growl filled with desire instead of menace. On all fours, he crawled toward me. Even in human form as he was, it looked as though he stalked me.
“You shifted and adjusted to it as if you were born to it. Clearly, nature meant for you to be a varúlfur from the start,” he said as he drew closer.
The light of the rising moon reflected off his eyes like an animal’s, making them seem almost electric blue. It had always been disturbing to me to come across an animal in the dark and see such a thing. This was different. Oddly, I found it sexy as hell on Ty. For a better view of him, I pushed up onto my elbows. The darkness hid more than I liked, but it also created some interesting shadows that played over his chest and gave me a peek-a-boo view of his goods. His scent changed, the musk deepening in a way that made my mouth water. Moving in that sexy stalk/crawl, he straddled me, working his way up my legs until he hovered over me. Looking up into his ice-chip blue eyes, I found I couldn’t breathe. An exquisite lightheadedness seized me.
“Tell me, Sonya, do you still think your desire was caused by the verða?” he asked.
I wanted so badly to say yes, to fight the tide rising inside me. My breath caught in my throat when I tried to give voice to the lie. With a great amount of effort, I mustered up my control and ignored my body’s burning need.
“No, but a pheromone thing maybe,” I whispered.
He laughed and shook his head. “Varúlfur do not give off any more pheromones than humans.”
Pink flashed as his tongue slid out and licked his lips. His eyes bore into mine in a way I wanted other parts of him to. “Face it, new wolf, it is me, and only me you are reacting to.”
The deep rumble of his lusty voice made my mouth dry and my outer labia moist. He was so close to touching my naked body and I wanted him to so badly. Bumps rose all over me. My breasts ached for his touch. I closed my eyes, but the sight of him hovering over me was burned into the back of my eyelids. His soft breath on my face and the warmth of his skin so close to mine didn’t help either. The determination not to make the mistake of casual sex burned through me. But would it be? In two weeks I had learned almost nothing about Raul, and what I had learned wasn’t true. In less than that I had come to know Ty more than I had anyone in the past seven years. I hated that I was trying to rationalize it. Such things only opened me up for pain. Yet Ty felt different from any other man I had ever been attracted to, and not because he was a varúlfur.
His body shifted, lowering down onto mine in a deliciously hot line. “I am not Raul,” he reminded me, his breath close to my lips. “I want you because you are amazing, funny, and the sexiest woman I have ever met, not because of anything you can give me or do for me.”
The raw honesty in those words flung my eyes open. Face only inches from mine, he stopped. I searched for the hesitation, the turmoil that always lay within him when we got anything close to being intimate, but it was gone.
“What about the Council? What about the law, or creed, or whatever against kennari getting involved with their students?”
“You are through the verða, safe. That was all that mattered to me. I do not care what the Council thinks anymore. What I feel for you is too strong to allow them to govern. My family would understand, they would not see it as being disgraced.”
Knowing it might be the last chance I had, I took it.
“I don’t do one-night stands,” I warned.
One of his hands slid slowly up the side of my body, along my arm, and around the back of my neck to cup it. “Neither do I,” he said before pressing his lips to mine.
His kiss was every bit as thrilling as I had tried to forget. The gentle exploring of his tongue, which both gave and took, held the possibility of so much more. From his warm, wet mouth to the hardness pressed against my pelvis, he felt amazing and oh-so-right. The contrast to Raul’s cocky danger was so stark it was almost painful. That rightness appealed to me in a powerful way that tried to stir up fear and self-preservation. For once, I shut the instincts down, believing in the reasons why I was attracted to Ty.
Being in his arms felt good and right. One of his legs nudged between mine. I opened them for him. The slight scruff of his five-o’clock shadow scratched at my hand, thrilling me. His pine and lake water scent surrounded me, melding with my own scent to become something even more amazing. He tasted like the wild blackberries we had eaten during our run as wolves: rich, sweet, and tart enough to make him delicious. Tongue thrusting deeper into his mouth, I tried to crawl down inside him. But that wasn’t what I wanted, not exactly. I wanted him inside me. My legs lifted to wrap around him, when the night exploded.