Ewan could think of no other situation more uncomfortable than his current one. He walked into Saeed’s stuffy, pristine, and precisely decorated study already feeling the weight of the considerable chip that rested atop his shoulder. Ewan had centuries under his belt. Countless battles won and trials endured. He followed Sasha into the study, feeling as though he were some untested, impoverished youth about to ask for the privilege of courting an aristocrat’s daughter.
And he didn’t like it one fucking bit.
“Before you start in on me, Saeed, you might as well know that whatever you say isn’t going to make a difference.” It appeared as though Sasha wasn’t in the mood for her maker’s show of authority, either. “I’m tethered and there’s nothing you can do about it.”
“Sit down, Sasha.”
Her defiant reply fell on deaf ears. Ewan didn’t appreciate the show of disrespect and a growl gathered in his chest. Saeed’s gaze met his and the vampire cocked a haughty brow. Too damn bad. Ewan wasn’t going to pretend he was domesticated simply because it offended the vampire’s sensibilities. He was in this room right now because it was what Sasha wanted. If he had it his way, he’d take her as far away from here as possible and tell the entire world to fuck off.
“Speak to her in such a way again, vampire, and I’ll show you why the supernatural underworld cowers in my presence.” Big talk? Probably. But it wasn’t untrue. Ewan wanted Saeed to know exactly who he was dealing with.
Saeed’s expression remained calm. “Do you think I’m afraid of you?”
“I don’t give a shit if you are or not. I’m just stating a simple fact. Treat Sasha with disrespect and you’ll deal with me.”
A glimmer of amusement passed over Saeed’s expression. As though he were pleased with Ewan’s show of protection and somehow backed up Sasha’s claim that he was her mate. Too bad Ewan didn’t give a single shit about proving anything to Saeed or anyone else.
Rather than do as Saeed instructed, Sasha remained standing at Ewan’s side. She tucked her arm—the one that had been burned by hellfire—behind him as though to hide the injury. Ewan angled his body toward hers. It was obvious she didn’t want anyone to know about the burn and he wouldn’t betray her confidence. This bullshit with the demons was their business and no one else’s.
“I find myself in a rather difficult situation.” Gods, were all coven masters so stuffy and formal? “By all rights, you should be dead. I can’t allow you to leave here knowing the location of our coven. It compromises our security.”
So damned civilized. Probably why their kind had been nearly eradicated in the first place. Had Ewan been in Saeed’s position, he would’ve attacked first and asked questions later, mate bond be damned. Nothing was more important than the protection of those under your care. At least on that, they could agree.
“Then kill me.” Ewan shrugged a casual shoulder. “Or at least try to. I told you, I’m here for Sasha and nothing else. Believe that or don’t. I’m not going to waste my breath trying to convince you of anything.”
Saeed looked to Sasha. She mimicked Ewan’s actions with a shrug of her own. “He’s tethered me, Saeed. Would you take my side over Cerys’s?”
Ewan didn’t miss the hurt that sliced through Sasha’s tone as her attention fell on the red-haired female that sat at Saeed’s right side. This was the male Sasha had once had feelings for. Jealousy punched through his chest and he swallowed against the bitter burn. In the beginning, he’d convinced himself that his attraction to Sasha was nothing more than physical. But now that he’d realized she’d managed to awaken lost instincts and feelings, he feared the permanency of that change and the ripple effect it would have within his clan.
“The tether is absolute. You know I would never argue the validity of that.”
Ewan wondered if the members of Saeed’s coven often fell asleep while he rambled on. Ewan certainly felt a nap coming on.
“Then why am I here?” Sasha asked.
There was definitely more to Sasha’s relationship with Saeed than she let on. He’d hurt her. Deeply.
Saeed’s eyes went wide. “For months I’ve entertained this wild streak of yours. Allowed you to shirk your responsibilities and duties, and allowed Diego to see to our security. Looked the other way while you partied your way across the city. Held my tongue while you made reckless decisions and compromised not only your safety, but the safety of this coven. I turned a blind eye to your carelessness, and a deaf ear to the rumors that circulated. I let you come to terms with your transition in your own way and it’s a decision I regret.”
High-handed motherfucker. The last thing Sasha needed was for anyone to tell her how to live her life. Ewan knew far too well what that felt like and he brought up his right fist as he took a lurching step forward. But Sasha stayed his progress by tugging on the back of his T-shirt. She looked up at him and her expression said, “I’ve got this.” Despite his need to protect her, Ewan knew Sasha could protect herself.
“You abandoned me.” Sasha didn’t need to shout to convey her rage. It vibrated through her into Ewan. “You turned me because it was convenient for you. You left me here to pick up the pieces of everything you’d shattered. You came back with your soul intact and a mate at your side. I was broken, and you were whole, and you didn’t care enough to see it.”
Her voice cracked with unshed tears and the depth of emotion slammed into Ewan’s chest like a fist. She’d walked out on him tonight because their lack of intimacy frustrated her. He’d never stopped to consider that Sasha had a past because he’d never taken the time to actually have a conversation with her.
“You didn’t give a single shit what I did as long as I was out of your hair. And now that you think your precious coven is compromised, you’re ready to care again?” Sasha let out a disbelieving bark of laughter. “I’ll save you the worry. I don’t need to be here. I’m not dependent on you anymore.”
Like berserkers, werewolves, and some shifters, vampires were communal creatures. Though Ewan didn’t know all the intricacies of their group dynamic, he did know vampires and dhampirs were interconnected and needed one another to survive. It was a fact Gregor had drilled into their heads over the decades. Vampires existed as myriad small parts of the whole. In order to kill one, you had to kill them all. What would happen to Sasha if she broke from her coven? Ewan needed answers, and he doubted he’d be getting them anytime soon.
“This isn’t about you, and me, and what has transpired between us, Sasha.” Apparently Saeed wasn’t interested in airing their dirty laundry in front of guests. “A berserker stands in our home.” His silver gaze met Ewan’s. “How many of us have you slaughtered, slayer? How many vampires’ and dhampirs’ hearts have you pierced with your silver-tipped stakes?”
Sasha stiffened beside him. Among the things she and Ewan never talked about, their shared brutal history was one of them. He refused to soften the blow for her benefit. It would be an insult to her intelligence. “Hundreds.” The word left Ewan’s lips without emotion. “Perhaps more.”
Saeed’s attention turned to Sasha. “If he has indeed tethered you, then Fate has made a terrible mistake. I never should have turned you. I have condemned you to an existence far worse than death.”
The insult stung more than Ewan wanted to admit. There were two sides to every story and if you asked a berserker for their version, it was the vampires who would be painted as the villains.
He fixed his gaze on Saeed. “Insult me again, vampire, and I’ll add one more of you to my number of kills.”
Saeed bared his fangs. The aggression Ewan felt toward the male had more to do with his relationship to Sasha than his heated words. Ewan didn’t give a shit what he—or anyone else—thought about him. What got under his skin was the knowledge that this male had, at one time, meant something to Sasha.
The female who had remained quiet at Saeed’s side lunged toward Ewan. The curls of her flame-red hair cascaded over her shoulders and her strange light eyes grew bright with anger. Power sparked the air and Ewan’s muscles tensed as the foreign magic zapped him like a Taser. He was unfamiliar with her origin, but whatever she was, her magic sent a ripple of fear through him.
“Cerys.” Saeed reached out and gathered her close to him. “Don’t.”
She was his mate. Ewan recognized Saeed’s protective tone and body language. The way his heartbeat spiked with concern when she’d rushed at Ewan. He glanced at Sasha just in time to see the hurt that sliced through her expression. She’d been in love with Saeed. And he’d broken her heart.
And for that, he wanted to make the vampire bleed.
* * *
There had been a time when Sasha would’ve given anything to have Saeed treat her with the kind of concern and care he showed to Cerys. Her heart ached as much now as it had in the months before he’d turned her. She thought she was over him. Over the heartache of losing him. But some small part of her heart had held on.
Gods, she was so sick of feeling humiliated.
Ewan’s intense gaze met hers and Sasha’s stomach leapt up into her throat. So quick to anger, it didn’t take much to set him off. Her inability to read him frustrated her. In the end, everything translated to anger: frustration, worry, affection, concern. It seemed the only time Ewan wasn’t angry was during sex and even then, he was always close to the edge. She wanted to clear the room. To tell Saeed, Cerys, and Diego to get the hell out. But even then, would she have the guts to ask him how he truly felt? Or would she brush her curiosity under the rug in order to protect her own damaged heart?
“Just let me go, Saeed.” Sasha had grown too tired to fight. “You don’t want me here any more than I want to be here. You’re not obligated to me. You don’t owe me anything. Let me walk out the door and I promise, your conscience will be clear.”
“You don’t know what you’re saying.” Saeed’s brow furrowed with concern. He didn’t love her. She knew he never had. It was his sense of honor and need to protect that wouldn’t allow him to let her go. “You are a part of this coven. Nothing is going to change that.”
Sasha cocked a brow. “Oh no? Not even my tethered status?”
Historically, covens were welcoming of mates. Of course, during a time when the world was populated with vampires, they hadn’t found their mates outside of their own species. It was a different world now. Ironically enough, this new dynamic was created by the same misguided individuals who thought to change the course of fate by eliminating them in the first place.
“He returned your soul, yes,” Saeed began. “But it gives him no ownership over you. You have no obligation to him, Sasha. You owe him nothing.”
Tension vibrated from Ewan in palpable waves. Perhaps it was because of the tether that Sasha seemed so in tune with his mood. Or maybe Saeed just chose to ignore the danger signs. No one like to be talked about right in front of their face and Sasha’s own temper mounted that Saeed would show such disdain and disrespect for her mate no matter what he might be.
“For some reason, this conversation keeps swinging back around to obligation. So we’re agreed, you’re not obligated to me, I’m not obligated to Ewan. Understand this, Saeed, if I leave this coven, it’s because I choose to do so. No one is forcing me, or manipulating me, or planting a suggestion in my head. My tether might be unorthodox, but I’m not going to stand here and let you treat the return of my soul as though it were some sort of horrible mistake.”
“Sasha.” Diego stepped forward, apparently ready to add his two cents. Perfect. All she needed was one more dissenting voice in her head to fuel the doubt that already lingered there. “No one is saying the return of your soul was a mistake.”
Saeed let out a derisive snort. “Speak for yourself, Diego. I refuse to believe Fate could allow for something like this to happen.”
When had Sasha’s life become a dysfunctional family drama? She wasn’t some stupid kid dating a boy her parents didn’t approve of. She’d walked the earth for centuries. Lived through wars and the near eradication of her race. She was intelligent, self-sufficient, and capable. She’d managed the safety and security of their coven for two hundred years. And yet, the two males who knew her best treated her as though she were the most helpless creature to ever exist.
The air continued to thicken with Ewan’s quiet anger. It sucked all of the breathable oxygen from the room, leaving Sasha’s lungs tight and aching. When he pulled the cork, shit was going to get messy real fast. She needed to get him the hell out of here.
“If you care at all about keeping me a part of this coven, you’ll watch what you say about Ewan.”
Saeed’s eyes widened a fraction of an inch. “You’re quite familiar with him, aren’t you?”
She rolled her eyes. He could be a disdainful prick all he wanted, but she wasn’t going to tolerate his elitist attitude for another second. An insult to Ewan was an insult to her. How could he not see that? It wasn’t Ewan’s anger Saeed should be wary of anymore. Sasha’s own had reached its breaking point.
“Listen to yourself, Saeed!” Sasha did nothing to temper her angry shout. She couldn’t turn her feelings into words. Couldn’t bring herself to tell him how devalued he made her feel. How unworthy. Like she wasn’t good enough to be tethered by anything other than a lowly berserker. Tears stung at Sasha’s eyes and her chest burned with the excess of emotion. She’d given Saeed ownership of her feelings for far too long. “You know what? I’m better than this. I’m better than what you think of me and I don’t have to stand here and take this from you. I’m leaving.”
“With him? Sasha, it’s not safe.”
“He tethered me weeks ago, Saeed. And don’t you dare lecture me about safety. You haven’t given a single shit what I’ve been up to the past few months and believe me, safety hasn’t exactly been my number-one concern.”
“Sasha, don’t leave.” Diego wanted to be the peacemaker. The lone voice of reason to keep the family together. “Everyone just needs to calm down. We can talk this out and—”
“I don’t have anything more to say.” She was through wasting her breath. All she’d done for decades was fill Saeed’s sails with words of adoration. She’d offered her undying loyalty and bent over backward for him. No more. “And I’m not interested in anything he has to say, either. Ewan?” She turned toward him to find his posture relaxed, expression smug. “Wanna get out of here?”
He wound his fingers with hers. “Absolutely.”
“Sasha, wait!” Diego wasn’t going to let it go. She was so done with all of it and wanted nothing more than to let her past—all of it—go.
Her step faltered. Ewan urged her to follow him out of the study and toward the front door. She let him take control. Let him lead her and gladly followed. Oh, she was still plenty pissed off at him, too, but she wanted Saeed to see her leave with him. To know that he’d fucked up so royally that she chose a berserker over loyalty to her maker. To her own coven. Petty? Sure. But Sasha wanted to hurt him. And even though she knew he’d never hurt like she did, it made her feel like she was reclaiming the part of her heart he’d stolen and mishandled by doing this. She was using Ewan to get under Saeed’s skin. She was willing to risk the karmic payback if it helped to heal her some small bit.
Sasha had left her heart unguarded for far too long. And she wasn’t going to let anyone hurt her that deeply ever again.
She didn’t need tenderness or affection. Love or intimacy. She’d been upset tonight because Ewan refused to open up to her. Well, he was off the hook. Tonight proved why it wasn’t a good idea to let anyone get close to her ever again. All it led to was hurt. Sasha didn’t want to hurt ever again. She didn’t want to feel anything. She could have sex with Ewan. Companionship. But nothing more. She’d harden herself to affection of any kind. Saeed thought the berserkers were cold, cruel creatures? He hadn’t seen anything yet.