Dagger
He’s not what I imagined he should be.
He’s not hurting me, hitting me, torturing me.
He’s doing the opposite, in fact. He’s gathered me in his arms and he’s singing to me the way you would sing to a child who was scared. He’s singing to me and rubbing my back and for the first time in as long as I can remember, I feel safe.
I feel secure.
I feel like he’s not going to let anything hurt me, and I relax against his body.
I’ve never been this close to someone like him. I’ve been around plenty of aliens, but none who were such a brilliant shade of blue, none who were so obviously aware of their surroundings, none who were so big.
He’s big.
He must be seven feet tall or taller.
He makes me feel like a little pixie, like a fairy, like a tiny little woman. I should be uncomfortable sitting in this stranger’s lap, but something about him makes me feel like nothing bad can touch me.
As long as he keeps touching me, singing to me, protecting me, I know that everything is going to be okay.
Far too soon the song ends, but he doesn’t stop rubbing my back. He keeps touching me. The man doesn’t speak, but I feel like I should. I feel like I should say something, like introduce myself or tell him who I am. I don’t know why I feel this urge to fill the silence, but I do.
“My name is Dagger,” I say. The man doesn’t speak or react, so I keep going. “What’s your name? Do you have a name?”
Still, he’s silent.
Okay, so maybe aliens don’t have any manners. Is that what this is? He can tackle me and then protect me, but he can’t tell me his name.
“Do you understand me?” I ask, wondering if there’s a language barrier to overcome. “Can you hear me?” I look up at him, and I’m surprised to see him watching me carefully. His eyes are so blue, so brilliant. They’re the brightest things I’ve ever seen, like stars on a clear night.
He stops rubbing my back, but doesn’t move, and I don’t leave his lap. Instead, I reach up and touch his face, wondering what it is about him that has drawn me to him so. Perhaps it’s the fact that he’s so big, but gentle. He’s not what I expected. I thought a man this big would be violent or aggressive, but he’s not. He’s sweet. He’s a protector.
He’s my protector.
I try to banish that thought because this alien couldn’t be mine. I don’t know how the species of this planet feels about interplanetary relationships. Maybe he has to marry a girl who looks like him. Maybe he already has a mate. Maybe he doesn’t like women at all.
But I want him, suddenly, more than I’ve ever wanted anything else before.
“Thank you for comforting me,” I say. My words are a whisper, but they’re clear as day in the quiet jungle. Suddenly, all the other noise has faded away and it’s just him and me. It’s just the two of us in this moment.
It’s just the two of us and I kind of want it to stay this way.
“I was very scared.”
He reaches for my face and gently touches my cheek. I close my eyes and lean into the tender touch.
“I know,” he says, and my eyes pop open.
“You can understand me,” I accuse.
“Of course I can understand you. I’m no Mirroean.”
“What do you have against Mirroeans?” I ask, but he just scoffs. Curious. “Honestly,” I tell him. “I’ve met plenty of Mirroeans and there’s nothing wrong with them. They’re nice, friendly.”
The alien cocks his head at me. “Are you Mirroean?”
“What? No!” I tell him, surprised at the question. “I’m from Mars.”
“A human from Mars? How interesting. You weren’t born on Earth?”
It’s a fair question. I know plenty of humans from Earth. My parents are both from there, but I was born on Mars. I was born after the planet was destroyed, after our home world was gone. I was born a refugee, a child on a planet that will never be hers. I’ll never be a Martian. I will always be a lost girl.
“No. I wasn’t born on Earth.”
“Why are you here?” He narrows his eyes, and once again, I’m caught off guard by how beautiful they are. This man, this being, has eyes that can see to my very soul. For some reason, I feel very naked around him. I feel like I have no secrets when he looks at me like that.
“I’m just a traveler,” I lie, and I’m surprised when he laughs loudly. He doesn’t push me off his lap, though. He doesn’t make me move.
“A traveler with no luggage,” the alien says. “A traveler with no luggage who just happens to be wandering through the most deadly parts of the Sapphiran jungle? I don’t think so, sweetheart. Try again.”
He’s not wrong that I’m lying, but I hate being called out on it. Who does this guy think he is? Suddenly, I forget about his eyes or how he took care of me when I was scared and overwhelmed. I push off his lap and land ass-first in the dirt. Then I turn around and look up at him. Even sitting, he towers over me.
“Why I’m here is none of your business,” I say. “Now, if you’ll just point me in the direction of civilization, I’ll get out of your hair.”
“Out of my what?” He reaches for his head and touches his locks. They’re blue, like the rest of him. “What are these words you speak of, human? You are not in my hair. Nothing is in my hair. There is only hair.” He pats his head, and I roll my eyes. Sometimes it’s easy to forget I shouldn’t use Earth slang around non-humans. It only leads to confusion and miscommunication.
“It’s just a saying,” I tell him. “It means I’ll leave you alone. Just tell me which way to go.” I point to where I was walking. “Is that the right way?”
He shakes his head.
“What about there?” I point another way.
Once more, he shakes his head, indicating I’m not even close to figuring out where I should be going.
“Then where do I go?” I ask.
“We’re in the jungle,” he sounds shocked by my questions. “You’re at least a two day hike from anywhere: three if you don’t have transport waiting at the jungle’s edge.”
“Fuck,” I mutter. I pick up a rock and throw it down, frustrated and angry. I escaped one hell-hole only to be thrust into another. I don’t really consider this place to be hellish, though. Not if I’m honest with myself.
Sapphira – if that’s the planet I’m on – is beautiful. Everything is so much prettier than Mars. Everything smells better, sweeter. Aside from the berry incident, it seems safer, too. Even if returning to Mars was an option for me, I kind of think staying here might be nice.
And the men don’t seem to be that bad, either.
I shouldn’t be attracted to the big blue guy, but I can’t help myself. Even if he’s a little bit of a jerk, he’s also nice and thoughtful, and I sort of like that. I sort of like the way he took care of me and sang me a song when I was scared. It’s just a pity I’m going to have to leave him.
He probably has a wife and a family and a job that doesn’t involve saving random humans who get lost in his forest.
“Where are you going?” The man asks me.
“Where are you going?” I turn his question on him, but he doesn’t answer, once again resorting to silence. Is that how this guy works? He’s quiet until the other person gets uncomfortable enough that they just start talking?
I don’t want to play that game anymore.
I growl at him because I’m frustrated, because I have nothing else to say. I just want to know what to do. Life was simpler when I was a child, when I had parents, when I had friends. Life was easy when I was little and there was always someone to tell me exactly what I was supposed to be doing.
Now that I’m an adult, the world seems much more difficult, much more challenging. The world seems like it’s not so great. The world seems confusing. The world seems like one wrong choice could be the end of everything, so I’m scared to do anything.
Finally, I stand up. I can’t stay here. I know that much. It’s probably going to start getting dark soon and I need to find somewhere to sleep for the night. I look at him and nod.
“Thank you for saving me from the berries,” I tell him. “That was very nice of you. Also, the backrub was pretty good. Thank you for that.” The man still doesn’t speak and I still don’t know his name, so I nod at him, turn around, and start walking.
I’ve only gone a few feet when I feel his hand on my shoulder. I jump because I didn’t even hear him. He moves that quietly.
“What?” I ask, turning back. “What is it?”
“You’re going to die out here, Dagger.”