CHAPTER ONE
SOPHIA
BERLIN, GERMANY
LATE 1942
Sophia watched Alex from across the room of her apartment. He was stretched out over her chair, one foot resting over the arm of it, the other on the zebra-skin rug. She’d always hated that particular furnishing – a gift from her father that she knew better than to dispose of – but the way Alex was rubbing his toes across it, she was starting to think he might wear a hole into it if she didn’t get him out of her apartment soon.
She stifled a laugh when he scrunched up a piece of paper and threw it at her, watching a smile touch his lips as he returned her stare. She had no idea how the poor man could still be so jovial after being cooped up in her apartment for so long, seeing only her, day in and day out. He didn’t seem to mind terribly, or else he was the world’s greatest actor.
It seemed a long time ago that she’d crept in through his window in the dead of night, begging him to flee Berlin. She’d known what was coming and had desperately tried to warn all of her Jewish friends and their families, but Alex’s father had been stubborn and refused to leave the city he loved. She swallowed, blinking away the familiar sting of tears whenever she thought about that night. If only she’d fought harder, maybe they would have listened. She wouldn’t have Alex with her now, but at least his family might still be safe and alive.
He threw another balled-up piece of paper at her, and she set down the glass she’d been holding and crossed the room to join him. He did it again, only this time she was fast enough to catch it and throw it back at him.
‘Stop it,’ she said, glaring at him and trying to appear angry.
‘I’m too bored to stop,’ Alex said. ‘Besides, you’re beautiful when you’re angry with me.’
Sophia sighed and stood, hands on her hips. ‘I know how hard this is for you,’ she said, shaking her head. ‘But . . .’
‘Don’t,’ he said gently, rising from the sofa and holding out his hands to her. ‘We don’t talk about the past, remember?’
She took them willingly, never needing any encouragement when it came to touching Alex. She’d been in love with him since she was a young girl visiting his father’s shop with her mother and she’d grown into a young woman who loved him more fiercely with each passing day. Sophia let him pull her close and press a warm kiss to her lips, his hands sliding down her body and up again before stopping to rest on her shoulders.
‘I am so lucky to have you,’ he murmured, then kissed her again. ‘Every single day that I’m here, alive and safe, is a good day. Don’t you ever go feeling sorry for me, Sophia.’
Sophia stroked his cheek, looking into brown eyes flecked with green. ‘How do you stay so positive all the time? When so many terrible things have happened to the people you love?’
It was something she thought about constantly, wondering all the time how he managed to keep smiling, to stay so strong when he’d lost so much. When his family had finally realised it was time to leave the city, it had been too late. The Rubensteins had tried to flee, but their shop had already been destroyed and when the Nazis had come looking for Alex’s father, he’d been beaten and dragged away, trying to protect his wife and daughters. Alex had arrived back home to see them being taken, had seen his mother mouth the word Go to him as they’d been hauled away. And so he’d run, hiding in the shadows until he’d managed to make his way to Sophia’s apartment – and he’d never left.
‘Because I have to,’ he said, taking a step back but leaving one hand on her shoulder. ‘Because there are people in this world worth believing in.’
His hand fell away and Sophia kissed his cheek, gently pressing her lips to his skin and hoping he knew how much she loved him.
‘One day it will be over,’ he said, turning to look out the window. She watched as he leaned on the low bookcase, careful not to get too close to the glass in case he was seen. ‘One day, people like you will be remembered, revered even, for what you’ve done.’
‘The others like me, we’re just doing what any decent human being would do,’ Sophia replied. To her, she was doing nothing special by rescuing Jews and securing them safe passage. But she was doing more than many, who were too afraid to stand up for what was right.
‘Do we have any more visitors coming?’ he asked, turning back to face her.
She shrugged. ‘That’s for me to know and you to wonder.’
‘Don’t tease me unless you can handle the consequences,’ he replied with a wink.
Alex ran for her and she pounced in the other direction, running away from him. She burst out laughing when he caught her around the waist, giggling when his teeth skimmed her neck as he pretended to bite her.
Knock, knock, knock.
Sophia froze as the rapping echoed through her apartment. At the same time, Alex scrambled, instinctively making for the middle of the room. A scream ached in her throat, desperate to be released as she silently swallowed it instead. She lived in fear of a knock at her door, knowing that at any moment the precious world she’d so carefully crafted could come crashing down around them.
‘Just, ah . . . ,’ she stammered, trying to pull herself together, knowing that she needed to keep herself calm. ‘Just a moment,’ she called out loudly.
Sophia watched as Alex disappeared into the large rectangular ottoman in the centre of the room, positioned between her sofa and the armchair. She darted after him to help, carefully putting the end back together and folding a blanket to place on it, the hem hanging down to cover the entrance to the secret compartment. They were fast – they had to be – and within seconds she was back on her feet and hurrying across the room.
She took a deep breath as another knock sounded out, before pulling the door open, smile fixed perfectly, though her body trembled.
‘I’m sorry, I was . . .’ The words died in her throat as relief washed through her. It was only her neighbour, a young boy from the same apartment block whom she’d seen numerous times with his mother.
‘Can you help me?’ he asked, big eyes fixed on hers as he spoke. ‘Mama said to ask if you had any food to spare? She’s sick and it’s been too cold for her to go out.’
Sophia remembered that his mother had been expecting. The other woman had always smiled and said hello when they’d passed each other, and Sophia knew how desperate she must be to ask for help. Residents had been fortunate to still have a reasonable supply of food in Berlin despite the war, although rations still made life less comfortable than many were used to.
She nodded, bending so she was eye level with him. ‘Has your mother had her baby yet?’
He shook his head, hands wrapped together tightly at his chest.
‘Let me get you something and I’ll be straight back out,’ she said. ‘Wait here.’
Sophia gave a sigh of relief and shut the door on the boy, leaving him alone for a moment. She let her back rest against the timber, eyes shut as her hands slowly stopped shaking. She’d been certain this time that it would be them. That the Gestapo would be standing there with their evil eyes and their grinning mouths, ready to storm her place and find her secrets. She’d helped so many people now, had been the overnight stop for so many Jews who needed somewhere safe to hide, but it was Alex who was her biggest secret of all. She’d had him hidden in her apartment now for so long, right under everyone’s noses. Even her father, the loyal Nazi that he was, had been sitting in a chair while her boyfriend was folded into his hidden compartment only footsteps away. She could still remember the smile on her father’s face as he’d sat across from her, placing his cup on the ottoman that had been Alex’s safe place for so long, while she fretted that one sneeze or cough would give their secret away. She’d wondered at the time if her father would murder her himself if he ever found out, but she’d consoled herself with the thought that even he couldn’t harm someone he loved.
She pushed off from the door and crossed the room, bending low beside the ottoman. ‘Alex, it’s nothing. I’m just going to get the boy some food.’ She paused, waited for him to tap twice to indicate that he’d heard her low whisper. She placed a hand against the soft fabric, trying to give him some of her strength. ‘I’ll be as quick as I can.’
Their rule was that he had to stay hidden. Whenever she wasn’t there or if there was any danger, he had to stay out of sight, for her safety as much as his. Being crammed into a piece of furniture wasn’t ideal, but it was the only way.
Sophia collected some things together in a cloth napkin – bread and cheese, some cold meat, and a piece of chocolate. It wasn’t as much as she’d have liked – because she was supporting Alex secretly, they often didn’t have any surplus food.
She returned to the door and passed the boy the bundle. ‘Take this straight back to your mother,’ she said, patting his head, then shut the door and locked it behind her. Then she dashed to the ottoman and helped Alex out.
Alex looped his arm around her, and she leaned into him as he dropped a kiss into her hair. His lips lingered, his breath hot against the top of her head. They didn’t need to say anything; they both knew how high the stakes were.
‘I have to go and see my mother in a few days’ time,’ Sophia said, still holding on to him. ‘Will you be okay here alone? Do you think it’s too much of a risk?’
She’d been putting off saying anything to Alex, but if she didn’t visit soon, her father might become suspicious. She was in Berlin to study and she knew that not visiting her family outside of term time could easily blow her cover. They lived on a beautiful estate in the country, and it wasn’t unreasonable for her father to expect her to spend longer periods at home. Growing up, she’d had an idyllic childhood, surrounded by luxury and with her parents doting on her, but now the grand estate felt more like a prison, her father no longer the sweet, kind man she remembered.
‘I’ll be fine,’ Alex assured her.
He turned her around in his arms, kissed her again, his lips sending ripples of warmth through her body.
‘You know I’m going to marry you when this war is over, don’t you?’ he muttered. ‘One day we’ll be telling our children all about my time in your apartment, how I endured it all to survive and marry their mother.’
Sophia could see it as clearly as a picture: a brood of children gathered around them, listening to their handsome father sharing tales of the war and what they’d done to survive. But she knew how easily that pretty scene could be shattered.
‘One day at a time,’ she whispered against his lips. ‘Every day we have together is worth it.’
She was tired but knew how bored he must be, and so she sat with him as he talked about his plan to create another compartment somewhere in the kitchen, somewhere safe for her to conceal not just him, but whomever else she brought home. She listened to him speak of his mother, his eyes lighting up as he imagined her finding safe passage, being hidden by someone as caring as his girlfriend, escaping from the clutches of the Nazis. Sophia, in her heart of hearts, wanted to believe in his words, but she knew the truth of what was happening out there.
The Jewish camps were awful, filthy and full of starving, sick people. They were places so bad that she couldn’t even imagine a dog surviving there. But she never said a word, because if Alex didn’t have faith, then he’d never be able to survive.
‘Sophia?’
She blinked and realised he was asking her a question. ‘Sorry?’
‘Are you going out tonight?’
She nodded. ‘If I get the signal.’
Alex knew not to ask for details, and she never told him. He didn’t know about her false papers, or if he did he never said, and he didn’t know where she went or whom she met with. It was safer that way. For everyone involved. Her work was what kept her going and made her believe that the Germany she loved would one day return.
‘I’ll prepare dinner for us, then it’s time for me to go,’ she said. In other words, it was almost time for him to hide in his box again – only this time it would be for hours.
Sophia rubbed at her chest, using the heel of her palm. She’d had a tightness there for months, a pressure that she couldn’t disperse no matter how hard she tried. It was there at night, weighing her down when she tried to fall asleep; it was there when she carried on as normal during the day and tried to pretend she was a model German citizen; and it was most definitely there when she slipped out into the cover of darkness when she should be safely asleep inside her apartment.
She dropped her hand and took a deep, shuddering breath. It was only recently that she’d insisted on hiding Alex away whenever she left the apartment, but she wondered if he merely went along with it until she’d gone, and then got out. She wouldn’t blame him if he did, but she’d had a strange feeling lately, a certainty that her apartment was going to be searched. Nothing had been said, but the last time her father had been to visit he’d questioned her about her beliefs, as if to make certain that his daughter wasn’t harbouring a softness for Jews. His hatred was so deep, so real, that it made her stomach curdle just thinking about it.
If only my dear father could see me now. She clenched her fists, tapping her pocket again to check for the hundredth time that she had her identity card on her. At night she was Heidi Becker, and she prayed every time she went out that no one she came across would recognise her. If they did, she’d be found out for sure.
Tonight she’d received the call she’d been expecting. Her phone had rung once, then stopped. She’d listened for it, waited, and then, sure enough, it sounded out again for just one more shrill ring. That was her signal and she’d known that once again she’d be sneaking out and playing her part in another rescue operation. Alex hadn’t asked where she was going. He’d simply kissed her goodnight, a long, sweet press of his lips to her forehead, and she’d disappeared without knowing if she’d make it home to him again.
The thought sent a shudder of fear through her, but she didn’t let it stop her. She walked quickly, her footfalls light as she rushed along the pavement. She was to walk in the shadows to a church and hide by a gravestone until she was met by a man she knew only as Horse. He was a big man, large enough to win a fight but with a heart full of kindness. He had a reputation for saving more Jews than anyone else in Berlin. When she’d been recruited by like-minded students, Horse was the first person she’d been officially introduced to. She’d had to prove herself to him, and she’d never forgotten how intimidating that first meeting had been as he’d questioned her hard and fast about her beliefs. The jobs had started out small, but as they’d lost members and she’d slowly earned his trust, she’d quickly become more involved in his secret operations.
Sophia heard a noise and froze. The sound of her own breath roared in her ears, her heart racing as she slipped into a doorway. She pressed her back to it and stood immobile in the shadows as voices travelled to her on the breeze. Being out at night was more than dangerous – it was a death sentence; only people with something to hide were out sneaking around. The voices slowly disappeared, but she was too scared to move in case they were looking for her, in case they were waiting for her to step out. After what felt like the slowest minutes of her life, Sophia straightened her shoulders and forced herself to walk, deciding to move confidently instead of shuffling in the shadows. Surely she’d look less guilty if she wasn’t lurking?
There was no noise now, the street deserted as she hurried across the cobbles to the cemetery. The last time, she’d caught an afternoon train out of Berlin and had to make her way into the woods. It had been less terrifying since she wasn’t technically doing anything wrong by using the train, heading in the same direction as her family’s estate. She used her own identity papers during the day, so all she had needed to do was smile, be polite and mention her father if she needed to. But once she was in the woods and following her orders, as night had fallen, her nerves had started to get the better of her. But she’d kept her chin up, met the small group of Jews – two families – and taken over as their guide to get them to where they needed to go. They all had their role to play, and hers was just one piece in the puzzle to get them to safety.
She smiled to herself as she thought about smuggling them, certain they would have made it safely to Sweden. They’d been hidden in boxes of furniture that were being transported by train. They might have had an uncomfortable wait in the bushes and an even more uncomfortable trip tucked into wooden crates, but hopefully they’d made it and they were alive. It was all that mattered to her, that they’d been given a chance to live, and when she’d retraced her steps to make certain no one had followed them, she’d felt incredible knowing the small role she’d played in attempting to get them out of Germany.
Sophia glanced around before darting across the road, crossing into a park and breaking into a run as she made her way through the dark. She was scared of the inky blackness around her; always had been, always would be. The thought of someone grabbing her, of not being able to see who or what was around, terrified her, but she gritted her teeth and kept moving, so close to where she needed to be. Besides, this was the easy part. The hard part was going to be making her way home with another person in tow.
Sophia gasped as she finally reached the cemetery, climbing the fence as quickly as she could and ducking down low. She made her way between the gravestones, hand reaching out to touch each one as she passed. And then she stopped, breathing heavily as she slid down and waited.
I’m missing my mother terribly. I wanted to be close to her. I’ve just found out my husband and I are expecting, and I don’t know how I’m going to do it without her help.
She said the lines over and over in her mind, ready to sob out her cover story if she was caught, if anyone found her and questioned her. Sophia felt the weight of the gold band on her finger, the ring she wore to go along with her story, her nocturnal identity as much a part of her as her real life.
And then she waited. The signal was a whistle, a soft bird call that she was ready to mimic to identify that she was indeed the courier.
She sat in the cold, lying in wait in the dark, praying that she wasn’t about to feel a rodent scuffle over her shoes, a spider fall from a tree or a member of the Gestapo haul her up to her feet and demand to know what she was doing. And that was without worrying about the new identity papers she had sewn into her skirt to give to the person she was about to meet.
Sophia started. That was it. The whistle was soft, but there was no mistaking it in the otherwise silent night-time air. It sounded too obvious, but maybe that was because she was the one listening for it. When it sounded a second time, she did her best to softly repeat it, and after waiting for a moment, taking one last sharp breath, she stood. A torch shone in her eyes for a moment and then everything went dark again, the sudden change clouding her vision with bursts of white.
‘You made it,’ a rough, deep voice said.
Sophia’s heart was hammering in her chest. ‘Yes. Shine the light down for me, please.’
She could make out only silhouettes in front of her, and she needed to move quickly to get the papers. If they were caught, these documents might be the only thing standing between them and death. She picked at the stitching of her skirt, opening up the secret pocket she’d made. She took out the papers and passed them over.
‘Here you go,’ she said with a shaky voice.
‘Thank you.’ The second voice was male but soft, that of a younger man, maybe only a teenager from the sound of it.
She’d glanced at the identity papers so she’d have enough information in case they were stopped, but she always preferred to know as little as possible. If she was found out, taken and tortured, she didn’t want to know anything that she might be forced to share.
‘We have a new arrangement,’ Horse said. ‘This boy is the first one I’ve bought from the Nazis. It seems some of the guards will do anything if you offer them enough American cigarettes.’
Sophia swallowed. ‘And you trust this man? This Nazi?’ She turned, strained her eyes into the dark. Wasn’t bribing a guard putting her, all of them, in even more danger? ‘It could have been a trap. Are you certain you weren’t followed?’
Panic was rising within her, the hot taste of bile in her throat making her want to be sick. The urge to flee surged through her body, but she forced her feet to stay rooted to the spot.
‘I’ve had him in hiding for days,’ Horse said. ‘No one followed us here.’
‘So will we have more to help? How often will you be negotiating?’
He made a low grunting sound. ‘Wait for the phone to ring. The less you know . . .’
She nodded. The better.
‘Come on, let’s go,’ she whispered, holding out her hand to the young man.
He grasped it, and she could feel how thin he was, his freezing, bony skin against her palm.
‘Safe passage,’ Horse murmured as he disappeared into the night.
‘Follow me, move when I move, and don’t say anything unless you have to,’ she whispered. ‘If anyone asks, we’ve been to see my mother’s grave, and you’re . . .’ Sophia paused, seeking out his features, wishing she could see his face properly. ‘You’re my cousin, and you’re terribly sick.’ It was the only thing she could come up with. Why else would a German boy be this painfully thin? ‘You’ve been sick for months, and I’m scared of losing you now that Mother has gone.’
She kept hold of his hand as they rushed back the same way she’d come. The frigid air was chilling her right to the bone, but she was thankful not to be as thin as her new friend. Tonight she would feed him, tuck him safely away for the night and hope and pray that by some miracle he would be safely smuggled out of the city to Sweden before anyone found out what she was doing.
There were some Jews living in Berlin – the roundups had temporarily ceased – but it was still so dangerous for him to be here. She moved faster, desperate to reach home. She would do anything she could to stand against Hitler, but there was nothing that she liked about being in charge of another person’s life and safety. Gambling with her own life was one thing; anyone else’s was another matter completely.
‘Thank you.’
The words were so low they were barely audible, but they brought tears to Sophia’s eyes. ‘You’re welcome,’ she murmured back.
This young man might have lost his entire family. He might have been certain he’d die before the week or month or year was out. At least now he had hope, even if it was just a glimmer.
‘You’ll have to hide in here.’ Sophia had downed a glass of gin, and her hands were shaking less now than when she and the boy had first burst into the apartment. It always took a few drinks to settle her nerves after a rescue.
‘If we’re searched,’ Alex said, giving her a worried look. ‘She means you’ll have to hide there if we’re searched.’
The young man nodded. ‘How long will I be here?’
‘A night, maybe two,’ Sophia replied, finding her voice. ‘Any longer and the chance of you being discovered is . . .’ She didn’t finish her sentence. The truth was that he’d probably be safer staying here long-term, but if she did that then she couldn’t help another.
‘You’ll be moved soon. Sophia will wait for her signal and then you’ll be transported quickly,’ Alex explained.
She nodded, thankful that Alex had spoken for her even though he knew little about the logistics. The rescues were starting to affect her more and more, the terror of being caught starting to weigh heavier each time. Even though she didn’t tell Alex much, he’d figured out a lot of what she did.
‘Would you like something to eat, or do you want to go straight to bed?’ Sophia asked, clenching her fists to stop the trembling.
‘Food, please,’ he said. ‘I can hardly keep my eyes open, but I’d do anything for something to eat.’
She warmed soup for him and sliced a piece of bread and some cheese. She and Alex didn’t have a lot, but the extra she’d bought on the black market had given them enough to share this week.
‘Tell me about your family,’ she asked. ‘How are they faring?’
He took the food she passed him and started eating, snatching mouthful after mouthful.
‘Whoa,’ Alex said, taking the bowl from him. ‘Slow down or you’ll bring it all back up.’
The boy nodded, eyes still fixed on the food that had been whisked away, as if he thought he’d never get it back.
‘Have a little something to drink,’ Sophia said, filling a glass with water and passing it over. She went to sit across the table, folding her arms as she watched him.
He sipped from the glass, slowly, and she smiled.
‘I haven’t seen my family,’ he said, voice low. ‘My father disappeared first. He was seen being beaten in his store, and we never saw him again.’
Sophia glanced at Alex, saw the grim set of his mouth.
‘And your mother?’ she asked.
He shook his head. ‘We were separated. She was taken with my sister. The only family I’ve seen since is my uncle.’
‘I was parted from my family, too,’ Alex said, his voice low. Sophia had heard the story so many times, knew it like it had happened to her personally, but it still cut deep every time. ‘My parents didn’t want to leave, especially my grandmother, but when she passed away we made the decision to try and get my mother and sisters out of Berlin.’
She saw Alex’s hands shaking and stood to find him a glass. She poured him a small amount of gin, and he took it gratefully and downed the lot.
‘Do you know what happened to them?’
‘I know that my father is being worked to death in a camp somewhere. He was part of the roundup. I wasn’t home when they came for us, and I hid until it was safe enough to come to Sophia. I’ve been here ever since.’
Alex didn’t share that he’d been told his sister had been raped, or the fact that he had nightmares every day about hearing her scream and being helpless to do anything before she’d been dragged away. Or the fact that his mother had had the butt of a rifle slammed into her face as she’d been taken. Sophia knew his guilt, had cradled his head and held him through so many nights, but he was alive, and she was doing everything she could to help him.
‘There’s little we can do once they’re taken,’ Sophia explained, reaching for Alex’s glass and pouring more for him. She took a sip herself, savouring the burn as the liquor scalded her throat. ‘It’s the ones still hiding here in Berlin who we can help. Sometimes.’
She watched as Alex pushed the plate back towards their guest. This time he ate more slowly, chewing each mouthful more carefully.
‘Thank you for risking yourself tonight to hide me.’
Sophia nodded. ‘We all need to do our bit.’
Alex downed the rest of his drink, and Sophia stood to tidy up, needing to busy herself and do something to stop from worrying and overthinking everything.
‘You might be here two hours, it might be two days. But this place is as safe as it gets,’ she heard Alex say.
‘I’d better get some sleep, then. It’ll be the first decent rest I’ve had in a while.’
Sophia showed him to her bed, ignoring his protests. She wasn’t going to get a wink of sleep until he was gone, and it was best that he was rested before he left, whenever that would be. She turned and walked out of the room, wanting to give him at least a little privacy for now. She had no idea what he’d been through, what horrors he’d faced in his life, and she wanted to leave him be.
‘Come here.’
Sophia went gratefully into Alex’s arms.
‘Every day gets worse,’ she said.
‘You did a good thing tonight,’ he whispered into her ear. ‘A wonderful thing. You’ve been so brave.’
She tried to ignore her fears as she stood in his embrace.
‘I have something to show you,’ he said, touching her hand. The smile on his face made it easier to push her worries aside.
‘What is it?’ she asked.
‘I’ve been working on a new place to hide,’ he told her. ‘I think you’ll like it.’
Sophia laughed despite her worries. ‘You’ve been working on something in secret?’
He shrugged, but she could tell he was pleased with himself as he opened two cabinet doors and bent down, pointing in. ‘I’ve made this false wall here, one I can hide behind. It used to be the back of the cabinetry, but I’ve moved it forward, and now I can fit in behind it and lie down instead of being folded in half in that damn ottoman.’
Alex moved back as she crouched down to inspect it.
‘You’re a genius!’ she said, standing up and leaning against him as she kept staring at his handiwork. ‘Now we can safely hide you and anyone who’s staying with us.’
Unless you looked carefully, you wouldn’t know how deep the cupboard once was. It was a perfect facade, making a long space for him to stretch out in.
His kiss brushed her cheek. ‘I know.’
Sophia felt selfish standing in his arms, knowing that she should have forced him to leave the city months ago, as soon as she’d started playing her part in smuggling Jews out. But he’d wanted to stay in Berlin, wanted to wait until it was safe, to find out more about where his family was, and she hadn’t the heart to tell him they were probably all long dead, and that he should be getting out while he still could.
‘We need to rest,’ she said, thinking more of herself than Alex now. At any stage within the next forty-eight hours, the phone would ring. Their safest way of getting Jews out was via freight trains, and when a suitable one was passing through, that’s when she’d receive her orders. Someone higher up would have a schedule, and that’s why her pickup had been tonight. The boy would be moved between safe houses, and eventually he’d spend a night hidden in the woods before being placed on a train with other rescued men and women, or maybe even children. Sometimes they were able to secure documentation to register a Jewish person as someone else, but mostly the only way to keep them alive was to smuggle them out and pray for the best.