Chapter 11
It felt like it had been hours. They had not long been walking when the ominous dark clouds showed just how unkind they were going to be. Large flakes of snow fluttered around them. She was concerned about Oscar. He was terribly quiet. She hoped he was just sleeping and all the excitement had tired him out. But what if he was sickly?
Maggie was obviously struggling and she had stumbled a few times. They had not seen even one carriage. She had hoped that at least someone would come along and see their plight and help them. But nothing. When Maggie had stumbled, fallen and struggled to get to her feet, Jason had hefted her into his arms. Now they were both carrying burdens. He had the heavier burden, but at least Jason had decent boots. Her half-boots with a silly little heel were made for fashion and the town, not for the snow.
She started singing a little folk song the cook had taught her when she was a child and she’d sneaked into the kitchen. The woman had been from Wales, just over the border from her father’s Herefordshire property and the song was in the Welsh language. It was the only song she could think of at that moment.
“That is beautiful. Your voice is so clear and melodic, my love,” Jason murmured.
“I was just trying to pass the time. It’s a Welsh song about a lost love.”
“And do you have a lost love?”
She chuckled without humour. “I was never in love with my husband. I was fond of him. In a way one would be of a grandfather who gave one nice sweetmeats. But not in the way Eleanor speaks of Edward Ferrars, or Marianne eventually of Colonel Brandon in Sense and Sensibility.”
“So much more of the sense then.”
“Most definitely. I married out of duty.”
“Would you do that again, if you could go back to your coming out?”
“I do not know. I may not have met you, but for being married to Lord Rutherford.”
“True. Do you not wish you could fall in love?”
She was quiet then. She was sure she was in love with this man. Head over ears in love with him. And yet, he seemed oblivious.
Luckily they were just turning a corner. Through the mist and snow they could see the outline of what must be the inn.
“Is that the inn?” She asked, instead of answering his question.
“It looks like it. Come. The sooner we get there, the sooner we all get warm and dry and can send help to Alf and Dickson.”
They got into the inn and Jason explained to the inn keeper what had happened—though with some details changed—and that they needed a doctor and some men to go out and help the other men with the coach. He had a pouch full of coins and offered the inn keeper a large number of them to help out. He arranged for Maggie, Alf and Dickson to have rooms on the upper floor, along with a single room for them and the baby. They were masquerading as husband and wife after all.
When they got to Maggie’s room and were left alone, Sophia sat by the fire and looked at him.
“Why did you tell the inn keeper we were set upon by highwaymen?”
Jason was turning Maggie onto her front. “I would hardly let him know people were looking for us. Firstly he might be given more coin by the people wanting us, also he may have been unwilling to let us stay if he thought we may be bringing trouble to his door.”
Of course, that made sense. Oscar started to snuffle and his little face scrunched up. Sophia had never been so pleased to hear her baby cry as she was at that moment. Perhaps he had just been asleep.
“Good afternoon, my brave boy. You are back with us. Are you hungry?”
She glanced over at Jason. He was watching her, his blue gaze darkening. She knew he wanted her physically. How did he feel emotionally? Was she just a warm body? Or was she more than that?
“I shall take him to my room and feed him.”
“Our room.”
“Perhaps you should see if they have a spare room. I should not like to bump that sore arm in the night, my lord.”
“I am more than happy to bump anything with you in the night, Sophia.”
He caught her around the waist and pulled her to him, careful of Oscar between them, but his loins nestled against her hip and she could feel the effect she had on him.
“My lord?”
“Do not use this incident to pull away from me Sophia.”
“I am not pulling away. I just… Please, Jason. Oscar needs to be fed.”
“And I need you too.”
A knock sounded at the door and Jason let go of her. Sophia scurried out of the room as she heard him call for whoever was on the other side to come. It was the doctor apparently. The village was only five minutes’ walk away and he had come immediately. Sophia left the door open as she lowered her clothing and allowed her son to feed. There was talk of giving the maid laudanum. Sophia hated the idea. Her father had taken too much laudanum and killed himself. She and her brother believed it had been suicide but her brother had covered it up so that her father would not have to be buried at a crossroads. Her father was buried in the family burial plot on consecrated ground. She loved her brother for lying. She hoped there would be no eternal consequences for him.
She grimaced as the maid’s screaming started. She knew taking the lead ball out of Maggie’s back would hurt. She knew that there was nothing else for it, but it was not pleasant to listen to. That said, she was not the one going through it. And it was her fault the maid had been injured.
Guilt and fear washed over her and as her son finished feeding and fell asleep in her arms, it was with tears streaming down her cheeks, that Jason found her.
“What the deuce is the matter? Were you hurt too?”
“No. I am fine. I…” She looked up at him, her vision blurry with tears. “This is my fault. You and Maggie are injured because I have brought this trouble to you.”
“Shhh!” He gestured to the door then kicked it shut. Lifting Oscar out of her arms, he laid the infant on the bed, then raised Sophia to her feet and enveloped her in his arms. “I did not have to bring you to Yorkshire. I also warned Maggie of the danger when I asked if she wanted to come. That said, I did not imagine us being shot at. You cannot take on the burdens of the world, Sophia. Sometimes bad things happen.”
He pressed his lips to the top of her head and she realised her coiffure had mostly fallen about her shoulders.
“What shall we do now?”
“The inn keeper has a coach he can hire us to get to my house. It is not as comfortable as my coach, but it is not far to my father’s estate. Now I must go and get my wound tended to. Let me taste you before I go.”
“Taste me?” Memories of the previous night and his licking her warmed her belly.
“A kiss, Sophia. Much though I should very much like to do that again, now is not the time.”
He lifted her chin and kissed her sweetly. She was about to wrap her arms around his neck when he withdrew.
“What did the doctor say about Maggie?”
“Keep the wound clean. He put a poultice on it. He hopes it shall not get infected. With luck she shall be fine.”
“He did not want to bleed her?”
“I would have sent him to the devil had he wanted to do that.”
“Good. Ask the doctor to come in and clean your arm.”
“In here?”
“You can hardly be cleaned in the maid’s room. We are supposed to be married.”
“It may be gruesome.”
“My lord, I have dealt with a maid with a gunshot wound to the back, a baby I thought may be dying from the cold and a…” she waved her arm unsure of what relationship they had. “A protector who also had a gunshot wound.”
“A protector?”
“You know what I mean.”
“Wait! You thought Oscar was dying?”
“He seemed so still. I was not sure.” She tried not to let the tears well up, but the awfulness of the day just flooded over her and she was in his arms again. “Jason, I thought he might die.”
“Oh my darling. You should have told me.”
“You were struggling enough with Maggie. Besides, what could you do?”
“I could have given you my coat.”
“No.”
“Yes, Sophia. You must never go through that kind of pain alone again. You must tell me.” His voice was both fierce and gentle as she sobbed her acquiescence into his waistcoat.
A cough from the door made her pull away from him, a guilty tinge flooding her cheeks. Jason lifted an eyebrow at the intruder.
“Mr Rhodes, you must have your wound seen to. If it gets infected, I cannot be held responsible and I have no desire to lop off that arm.”
“No, I suppose not. Come. Are you sure you wish to stay Sadie?” Sophia looked at him and his blue eyes were serious.
“Yes, my love. I am fine now. And the baby is asleep.”
“Can you check the baby’s chest ‘ere you go, doctor? Just her chest? I would not like to think she got chilled while outside, but her ma thinks she was just sleeping.”
“Of course.”
Sophia suddenly realised that Jason was speaking in a Yorkshire accent. It was quite refined, like a merchant or a solicitor would have, but it was still much more local than his usual accent. Had she made an error in speaking? And he had called the baby a girl. She supposed that was clever. Unless the doctor took off Oscar’s clout, he would have no way to know whether he was a boy or a girl. Jason was very clever. He was however struggling with his shirt.
“Husband, shall I help with that?” His eyebrow raised slightly and she gave him a meaningful look.
“I left my bag next door. I shall go and fetch it then,” said the doctor.
“Aye, you do that,” said Jason.
“If I am Sadie, what is your nom de plume?” she asked.
“Ah, I signed myself in as James Rhodes. So you are Mrs Rhodes. I made up Sadie on the spot and thought to make Oscar a girl.”
“That was very clever, husband.”
“You worked out what I was doing quickly and did not question me. You are the clever one.”
Just then the doctor returned. Jason ran his knuckles down her cheek, his gaze soft. The slight purse of his lips told her that if they were alone, he would be kissing her now.
“Let’s see that arm of yours, Mr Rhodes.”
Sophia helped him finish removing his shirt and waistcoat, running her hands down the taut muscles of his back before he moved to sit in the chair.
“How is it?”
“Actually, ‘tis not bad at all. The lead ball has skimmed your arm which is mayhap why you did not feel it at first. Your greatcoat, coat and shirt have protected you well. Sure, ’tis bleeding badly but ‘tis not deep. Again, you must be wary of infection. Change the bandage often and clean the wound.” He set about cleaning the wound and Sophia watched. She was suddenly transported back to a wet afternoon when her friend Emily had cleaned out a hand wound that her brother had sustained. His wound had become infected, unfortunately. Sophia had struggled with the smell, because she had been increasing with Oscar at the time, but this time, she watched so that she would be able to tend to Jason, when his arm was required to be redressed.
At least this time, there was no smell and Sophia was able to watch without feeling as though she was going to cast up her accounts. If she was honest, she felt very proud of herself. Not many ladies of the ton would even consider watching a doctor bandaging a wound, or being in a room with an injured man, far less being prepared to do it oneself.
Once Jason was bandaged, he paid the doctor, who made one more visit to Maggie and pronounced her comfortable. Soon the doctor was gone, and Sophia breathed a sigh of relief. Alf and Dickson arrived just then. They were absolutely frozen and Jason insisted that they both be given hot baths, good dinners and sent to bed. Despite the disappointed glances, they were obviously too well-trained to complain to their master.
During all the hubbub, Oscar woke and started crying. The innkeeper had been kind and given Sophia a couple of clouts for him.
Sophia then fed the child as Jason made the necessary arrangements for dinner. By the time Jason arrived back in the room, Sophia was practically falling asleep on the bed with the baby. Jason chuckled. Sophia managed to pry one eye open and scowl at him. The day had been more than just a little vexing. She was bone weary, she had a dull thudding headache, and her stomach was growling with hunger—though it was very unladylike to say such a thing.
"Do you think it is funny that both you and my maid were nearly killed because of me”
“I do not know who looks more angelic when you sleep, you or Oscar. I was not laughing at someone trying to kill you, nor at your maid being injured. Fear not, my love, I will track him down and he shall pay.”
“Jason, you cannot. You may get hurt… again.”
“You think me a coward who cannot defend my woman? You think me an idle, rich bachelor who cares nought for a lady in danger, would allow her and her child to come to harm at the hands of a blaggard intent on murder, in order to gain some land and a title? Good God, Sophia, I may not have my own estate to run as yet, but I have morals.”
And with that he picked up Oscar.
“What are you doing with him?”
“Putting him in this cradle that the inn so kindly provided.”
“Oh!”
“What did you think I was doing?”
“I did not know.” And she had not known. She had just known he was angry and had panicked. He placed the sleeping baby in the rather old looking cradle, rocking him for a moment or two before running his hand through his hair and turning.
“I may have been annoyed, Sophia, but I am not violent. I would never hurt Oscar.”
“I know.”
“Has someone hurt you before?”
“No.” She shook her head.
“Your husband?”
She chuckled. “No. He had his faults but he was very sweet.”
“Your brother?”
She breathed in and pulled herself up to her full height at that insinuation. “Viscount Beattie is a kind and honourable man. How dare you suggest…”
“Why do you call your brother by his title?”
“You do not deserve to hear his given name, if you will sully him by suggesting he would hit me. He is a wonderful brother and he shall be beside himself with worry over my disappearance from London. What a ninny I have been.” And suddenly the floodgates were opened. Gideon had promised to protect her. Of course, he was all cow-eyed for Emily and she had not wanted to intrude. Now her maid was injured, Jason had been hurt and she was out here in the middle of nowhere in the snow, with a man she hardly knew but was rapidly falling in love with and… as her mind tumbled through the awfulness of her situation, big strong arms wrapped around her and she was drawn against a wide, strong muscled chest. He had not put his shirt back on, so Jason was almost naked.
“Shh!” Jason crooned into her hair. “We can send word to Beattie from my father’s estate that you are safe and well. I apologise. You had such a strong reaction to me being angry, I thought you must have been the victim of a man who hit you.”
“B… Benson came to the house and stayed sometimes. He came when Octavius died. He w… was not happy to f… find out I was …. increasing. He started shouting and throwing things. A… and then he b… bac….h… h… handed me.” Jason’s growl of fury made her start and she backed away from him, but she pulled herself up to her full height and found the confidence to go on. She knew in her heart it was not she with whom he was angry. “He pulled my hair and shouted at me. Spittle was wetting my cheeks. He yelled that I would not have his uncle’s son. That I would marry him. He said something about the Bible and me being his responsibility now. He said I would have an unfortunate accident and something about not having the same compunctions as Onan. I left for my brother’s early the next morning before he was awake.”
“I am not surprised.”
“My brother would not explain what he said about Onan. Just that it was a man in the Bible who would not do his duty by his brother’s wife, but there has to be more to it than that. Will you tell me?”
Jason sighed but gestured for her to sit on the bed. Now that she had vented, she did feel a little better.
“I apologise for casting aspersions on your brother and late husband.”
“Are you planning to ignore my question?”
“No. Tell me, is you brother older than you?”
“By one year.”
“That explains his protectiveness in part. So you understand the mechanics of how a baby comes to be in a woman’s belly. The seed and so forth?”
“Yes. I just had not seen it before last evening. Or this morning, I suppose.”
“Well a man can enter a woman and, just before he releases his seed, can pull out of her and release it outside her body. Sometimes that is known as Onan’s sin. Onan was punished for doing that, by God.”
“Why?”
“Well in biblical times, if a man died, his brother had to take on his wife and any children she bore were classed as his brother’s sons. Onan did not want the woman to bear sons for his dead brother, so he spilled his seed on the ground. Thus in God’s eyes, Onan did not do his duty to his dead brother.”
“What an odd story.”
“It is, rather.”
“Mr Benson was quite angry when he explained what was going to happen.”
“Mr Benson needs to become acquainted with the wrong side of my fists. It sounds as if he planned to make you miscarry, then impregnate you himself.”
Sophia pulled back and blanched. “I would not have wanted that, my lord.”
“It is fine. You made the correct decision to go to your brother’s.”
“Then why do I feel like a coward?”
“You are no coward, Sophia. You have been braver than many men I know. And you dealt well with the situation in which we found ourselves today. I did not hear you complain once even though you were concerned about Oscar.”
“I just thought the sooner we got to the inn, the better for Oscar. No point in complaining. You could not improve our situation and complaining about my wet, cold feet and worries for Oscar would not help you. I knew you were struggling too.”
“You did?”
“Your breathing was laboured, and I noticed a few times that you did not grip the snow properly with your boots.”
“True.”
“You were also making little grunting noises, as if you were stifling the pain. Is it troubling you very much?”
“Not now. Only with the burden of Maggie in my arms.”
She sighed. “You are very brave.”
“No braver than you.” He allowed his gaze to rake down her and she felt uncomfortable under his assessment. “Your gown is damp where it has been trailing in the snow. I think you should take it off and slip into bed for a while as it and what is left of your underskirts dry by the fire.”
“Your feet must be cold and wet too. You must dry your stockings by the fire and join me.” She felt terribly daring making such a suggestion, but he was the one who had been injured.
“I was going to organise tea,” he protested.
“I do not need tea. It has been a trying day. I need rest and warmth.” Jason pursed his lips for a moment then nodded his acquiescence.
“As you wish.” She stood and presented her back to him. He unlaced her gown for her. Once the fabric hung loose on her shoulders, she was prepared to step forward, but instead he moved his hands inside her gown and around her waist, drawing her back against the hard muscles of his chest and abdomen. She could feel the hard length of his arousal at her bottom. He lowered his mouth to her neck and pressed a kiss to the sensitive flesh near her shoulder. “How the devil am I supposed to share a bed with you and not make love to you?”
Sophia closed her eyes and felt behind her for his buttocks. As her movement rubbed the cheeks of her bottom against his hardness, he let out a pained moan. “You are not, my lord. I am ready.”
“You tempt me so, but I must get you warm and rested and I must get out of these damp boots.”
“Yes. Come, let me remove your boots.”
“I can get a servant up…”
“There is no need. I know they can be a bit awkward to remove, but I can manage.” She turned in his arms and urged him onto the bed. Because the boots were damp, they came off rather easily and she enjoyed the hitch of his breath as she reached under his breeches to untie his stocking. She smiled up at him and he licked his lips.
“Are you having wicked thoughts, my lord?” she asked. His smile broadened.
“Your gown is completely undone, my lady. I can see a scandalous amount of your flesh and it is making me hard.”
“Hard?” She finished removing his second stocking and sat back on her heels, looking at the top of his breeches. They were bunched up, so she was unable to see a bulge. Feeling very daring, she moved her hand up his thigh. He raised an eyebrow, but he made no move to stop her.
“Very, very hard.” His voice was a low, rough growl. She pressed her hand to the fall of his breeches and gasped as she curled her fingers around his hard shaft. It felt so large and unyielding. She bit her lip and immediately his gaze turned to one of concern.
“What is the matter, Sophia?”
“It is really large.”
“Not unusually so. It is going in the same place that Oscar came from. It is not bigger than Oscar was, is it?”
She chuckled. “No but that pained me tremendously.”
“There should be no pain with us. You did not tear when you had Oscar, did you?”
“Tear?”
Jason pursed his lips. “My father was not happy with me for studying anatomy at university. I now understand why. Knowing too much can be a curse. Some women can tear if the baby is too big. The opening rips. You would know if you had.”
“No. The doctor said the birth was uncomplicated and I was very lucky.”
“I did not think you had. I saw no signs of any damage or scars this morning, but I did want to ask.”
“You looked?”
“I had my tongue there. Of course I looked. Does one not observe a delicious cream cake before one takes a taste?”
“I am not a cream cake, my lord.”
“No. You are much more delicious than a mere pastry with cream, my lady. And I can feast on you for hours without giving out.”
“I do not believe I could take that sort of pleasure for hours. I may die.”
“I would not let you. Some day soon we shall lie abed all day, naked and loving each other, until we are completely and utterly sated.”
“It sounds wonderful, but it is more a fairy tale for now. I have responsibilities.”
“Mayhap. Or once we get you to safety, we could employ a wet nurse for you.”
“I have only considered feeding him myself, because safety has never been something I thought was possible.”
“We must take care until we are at my father’s estate but once there, you should be safe.”
“Perhaps then it was not Benson. Perhaps it was just bandits,” she said hopefully
“Bandits would not just shoot us, Sophia. They would rob us. But they took nothing.”
“I know. But I do not understand how they realised we were here.”
“Maybe they heard Oscar. Maybe they recognised your horse in the stable. Maybe one of Whitsnow’s servants is not as loyal as he thinks and can be bought. Maybe Whitsnow is not as good an actor as I think.”
“That is a lot of maybes.”
“But it only takes one to have given the game away.”
“You are still wearing that wet gown. Please Sophia, undress and slide into bed for a while. I wish to take care of you.” She moved to the fire and began to tug the gown off.
“I would prefer you do more than care for me, my lord,” she muttered in frustration. It had taken much courage to touch his… well… that. It had sent a thrill through her and she had even contemplated undoing the buttons of the fall of his breeches and stroking it properly. Now she felt like a ninny. Or a courtesan. What must he think of her? She was now standing in only her shift, but she was prevented from turning by his hands on her waist.
“You know I want to do a hell of a lot more than care for you. My cock is as hard as a poker and my ballocks are aching. But you are no good to me or Oscar if you are delirious with fever. Now…” He lifted her shift and gave her a smart smack on the bare buttock… “Get into that bed.” She gasped in surprise.
That smack on the bottom had been… well she could not actually say she had disliked it. She was gaping at him and he raised an imperious eyebrow, but his lip quirked at the side. “Bed!” Then he unbuttoned his breeches and laid them on a chair on the opposite side of the fireplace. He climbed into bed, completely naked and pulled her into his arms. Despite the hardness poking her in the belly, it did not take long before Sophia’s eyes were drooping and she was pulling herself closer into the arms of the man she was beginning to think of as her own.