Chapter Five
Jane rolled over and smiled to find Colin still lying beside her, facing her. His dark eyes were open and she was sucked into the depths of them. She was here, truly here, in his bed, after all the months they’d been separated. And while she couldn’t read all of his intentions in his guarded expression, she could see the remnants of the desire that had been pulsing between them since her arrival in his home.
“Good morning,” she murmured, reaching out to trace his shoulder with her fingertips.
He didn’t pull away, but caught his breath at the touch. She could see his struggle, his war between wanting her and the contempt he still insisted on having. The contempt she didn’t understand.
“Good morning,” he answered, his tone slightly stiff and formal for a man who had made love to her long into the night, bringing her pleasure again and again, almost with the focus of a man possessed.
He pushed off the bed, giving her a grand view of his muscular backside before he found his trousers and covered himself.
“What are your plans for the day?” she asked, sitting up and not bothering to cover herself, for he had seen all of her and more. He sent a side glance her way and swallowed hard.
“I-I’m to meet with a few men about this…project,” he said, turning away.
She tilted her head. “Yes, the project that you work best on before supper. Still don’t want to tell me what it is that fills your mind so completely?”
He cleared his throat. “I can’t imagine you truly care what I do in my duties in the House of Lords, Jane.”
“Can’t you?” she repeated. “You think I’m so cotton-headed that I cannot understand politics?”
He faced her, lips pursed. “We may have been apart a long time, Jane but I know you aren’t foolish. I have always…always admired your intellect.”
She lifted her brows. “A compliment, my lord, and you didn’t even combust from giving it. Well, I will take it, for a sharp mind has always had more value to me than a pretty face.”
“And here you are with both,” he muttered.
She blushed at the second compliment, given just as reluctantly. But she was determined to build on them nonetheless. “Then tell me of your project. I am very interested.”
He let out a long sigh. “There have been several accidents in the factories here in London recently. I’ve seen the destructive damage those incidents have done. So I am…working on improving the conditions of those who work in the factories. And I believe my work may be able to protect those in the fields, as well.”
She caught her breath, shocked by that statement, but in only the best of ways. Colin was so straitlaced, so proper, she had never believed he gave the common man much thought, let alone put any time into his duty to protect anyone in a class below his own. But from the way he shifted, unwilling to meet her eyes, it was evident this legislation meant a great deal to him personally.
And it reminded her of the many things she had found attractive in him all those months ago. The kindness she had sensed in him that had long been turned away from herself. But it still existed, it seemed.
“Truly?” she said softly.
He cleared his throat in further discomfort. “You think me so cruel that I couldn’t give a damn about anyone but myself?”
She shook her head. “I didn’t realize that was your interest, that’s all.”
He ducked to grab his shirt from the floor and fiddled with the fabric as he said, “I have long fought for such things. It’s an uphill battle, of course. Men of rank are often complacent in the torment of their lowers, or oblivious to it. Teaching them the facts and then convincing them to do better is a challenge.”
She stared at him, handsome in his half-dressed state, but even more irresistible when she saw this softer, more caring side to him. A man who gave a damn about others, even if he refused to give one about her.
Regrets filled her. That they had been separated. That she didn’t understand why. That he couldn’t care for her the way he cared for strangers. She regretted it all and longed for the possibility of repairing it. Right now, lying in his bed, having a real conversation with him about his dreams, his goals, it felt like she could. If only she tread very carefully.
“I think it’s a fine notion,” she said at last, hearing the thickness of her voice. “In the running of your estate, I have seen how difficult it is for those in the positions you describe to survive. Certainly, you provide well for them, but there is little chance to improve their lot. How better to motivate a man than to give him the opportunity to provide a better life for his children?”
Colin cocked his head. “A good argument. Very good, actually. I’ll use it today, if you don’t mind.”
She smiled at him. “I don’t.”
He shifted, and whatever headway she’d made with him slipped away as the walls came down between them. He motioned to his dressing room. “I’ll go prepare for my day. And I’ll see you later.”
He moved away and she made no move to stop him. At the door, he turned. “Jane?”
“Yes?”
“There is a ball tonight, hosted by the Earl of Cornfellow. You will attend with me.”
The words were said as a statement, but she heard the request in his tone. She nodded. “As you wish, my lord.”
He stared at her a moment, then left the room and shut the door behind him. She smiled as she got out of his bed, wrapped her dress around her and moved into the lady’s chamber to ring for her maid. But as she waited for Laura, she grinned at herself in her mirror. She’d made headway in re-establishing some kind of connection with Colin. And that gave her hope.
“I’m going to win him back,” she said out loud, believing those words with all her heart as she said them. “I’m going to win my marriage.”
Colin stood with his cousin Arthur and their host of this ball, the Earl of Cornfellow, but he wasn’t attending to the conversation between them. Instead, he was staring across the room at Jane.
She was standing in a small circle of women, laughing and chatting. She was stunning, her blonde hair done in a complicated style that included ringlets which cascaded down in little tendrils across her back, giving him a path where he could later place his lips. Her gown was pale blue, matching her bright eyes perfectly and bringing out the perfection of her skin.
She was the focus of every stare. He supposed some of that had to do with the rumors of her return, as detailed in that Scandal Sheet rag a few days before. But he would wager much of it had to do with how beautiful she was, how charismatic, how fascinating.
“Look at him,” Cornfellow said, his tone slightly teasing. “If I didn’t know you better, Wharton, I’d say you were infatuated with your own wife, despite all the whispers about her long exile in the countryside.”
Colin jerked his attention back to his companions. Cornfellow, who was at least ten years older than himself and Arthur, was grinning, but his cousin looked troubled. Just as Colin felt troubled.
“Oh, don’t look so horrified that I know your secret,” Cornfellow said, nudging Colin gently. “Warm feelings about one’s spouse seem to be in vogue lately. And she’s a beautiful woman.”
Colin forced a smile on his face. “Indeed, she is.”
“Yes, lovely,” Arthur concurred, his face still lined with worry. Colin appreciated it, even though it didn’t help his current situation.
“Still, the merits of my wife are not what you and I need to discuss, are they?” Colin said, forcing his mind to go back to matters at hand, not things he didn’t want to ponder.
Cornfellow sighed and his smile slipped. “You are always working even when you are not working,” he said. “Wharton, I just don’t know if I can support your measure.”
Colin gritted his teeth. This had been his entire day, poking and prodding spoiled aristocrats while trying not to be completely distracted by thoughts of his wayward wife.
The same wife who was slowly crossing the room toward him, her gaze locked on his and a slow smile on her face, which almost made his knees buckle. Damn her for being so irresistible.
“Gentlemen,” she said as she stepped up beside him and slipped a hand into the crook of his arm. Her touch set him on fire and it took everything in him not to spin her into his arms for a wildly inappropriate kiss.
“Lady Wharton,” Cornfellow said, smiling broadly for her. “You must have known your name was on the wind.”
She arched a brow. “Talking about me, were you? Oh dear, for you all had such serious expressions.”
Arthur made a noise in the back of his throat and Colin glared at him. His cousin was too protective—he hoped Arthur wouldn’t do or say something foolish in front of Cornfellow. He didn’t need any increased scandal during this delicate negotiation period.
“I’m afraid our serious expressions were born after the gentlemen were complimenting you, my dear,” Colin said.
“Ah, so you were discussing business,” she said with a light laugh. “Wharton’s bill, I assume.”
Cornfellow drew back in obvious surprise that she was aware of the topic. “Indeed. And what do you think of the measure, my lady?” He smirked, as if her answer would surely be a laugh for him.
Although Jane didn’t know the specifics, Colin was surprised when she didn’t even miss a beat. She leaned forward. “I admit I am not privy to all the nuances, but I do think that a man of position best shows himself by how he treats those below him, don’t you, my lord?”
Cornfellow seemed to consider that. “I suppose I had not considered it that way. But do you think that by providing something more for those in the lower classes, we are encouraging rebellion? For those in lower position to grasp even higher?”
Jane’s cheek twitched ever so slightly, the only betrayal that she found the question distasteful. “Think of the uprisings we’ve seen in recent years. Were they born of men who had been given too much, or too little? In my mind, you are preventing rebellion by supporting those without a voice, not courting it.”
Cornwall drew in a long breath. “That is something to think about.” He turned to Colin and looked him up and down with an appraising glance. “This is as shocking to me as it is to you, sir, but you may take my answer as a tentative yes, Wharton.”
“Truly?” Colin gasped.
Cornwall nodded once. “Yes, your wife is very persuasive. Now if you will excuse me, I must attend to other guests. Let’s meet at the club soon, shall we?”
“Certainly—good evening,” Colin said, somewhat in shock by what had just happened. Here he had been working and massaging Cornfellow for days, weeks even, and a few words from Jane’s lips and the man was convinced.
He let his gaze slide to her. She was smiling broadly, and for a moment he couldn’t breathe, she was so beautiful.
Arthur seemed less enthralled. He looked her up and down with a sniff. “Don’t you have the ability to wrap men around your finger.”
Colin jerked his face toward Arthur, and Jane also looked at him. For a moment her expression held hurt and confusion at the barely veiled accusation. Despite the fact that he knew it was a ploy, he felt a defensiveness of her.
“I don’t know about that,” Jane said slowly. Carefully. “Sometimes a person needs to hear the same words in a different voice for them to sink in, that is all. I’m sure Cornfellow was already nearly convinced by Colin’s arguments.”
Arthur shook his head. “I’m sure it had nothing to do with your smiles.”
“Arthur,” Colin snapped, his tone sharp. “Why don’t you go find someone to talk to? I’m going to dance with my wife.”
Arthur stared at him, almost in disbelief, before he executed a stiff bow. “Of course, cousin. Excuse me.” He gave the barest of nods to Jane and then turned on his heel and marched away, his shoulders rigid and his whole demeanor frustrated.
Colin guided Jane to the floor and the orchestra began a waltz. As he pulled her in close and launched them into the steps, Jane let out a low sigh. “Your cousin seems to despise me,” she said softly.
Colin frowned. “He just doesn’t…know you,” he said.
She stared up into his face. Her expression was calm even though there was a deep sadness in her blue eyes. “Like you? Do you know me, Colin?”
He flinched at the quiet question. In truth, he really didn’t know her. She’d been an arrangement and then an attraction and then a betrayal and now she was…well, he didn’t know what she was now.
But she’d never just been Jane. And he’d never just been Colin. And in that moment he realized just how much he wanted that. Because in this moment he felt connected to her. Almost as if he was whole when he hadn’t even known he was missing something.
“I want to go home with you,” he whispered.
Her eyes went wide and she stumbled slightly in the steps of the dance. “But we only just got here, Colin, and we—”
He nodded. “I realize all that. And I don’t care. I want to go home with you Jane. Now. Please.”
Jane sat in the carriage, staring at the open door as she listened to her husband speak softly to his servants. There was a tension to his voice she’d never heard before. An intensity that matched what she’d seen on his face when they were dancing. Like he was fighting a battle he’d just realized he didn’t need to win.
And she had no idea what that meant for her, for him, for them. Her hands shook in her lap as he finally climbed up into the vehicle and the door shut behind him.
He settled into his seat across from her and the carriage began to move. She searched the darkness, trying to see his expression, trying to read him so that she understood what was happening.
But it was impossible. The vehicle was dark. She only caught glimpses of his face in columns of light that sometimes passed through the glass.
She settled back and took a long breath. “Are you…angry with me?”
“No,” he said, his voice surprisingly gentle through the dark. “Not at all. I just found I couldn’t wait even one more moment to do this.”
He moved to her side of the carriage in one smooth motion and cupped her cheeks. His lips lowered and she gasped as he kissed her. Not an ordinary kiss, but something heated and passionate and filled with dark desire and steaming, swirling pleasure.
She wrapped her arms around him, letting out a low moan as he pushed her against the carriage wall, his weight pressing into her, proving to her that he wanted her from the hard length of his cock against her belly.
He placed a hand against her thigh and began to tangle her skirt into his fist, sliding it up her leg to reveal her stockings, her skin.
“I need you,” he admitted, his tone taut and filled with tension.
She stared at his face, clearer now that he was so close. She saw desperation there, emotional as well as physical. It mimicked her own.
“Then take what you need,” she murmured as she leaned up to capture his lips once more.
He let out a low sound, something between a moan and a sob, and then he wrenched at his trouser placard, freeing himself. He shifted her on the seat, pulling her backside half off as he knelt between her legs and positioned himself at her entrance.
She gasped when he entered her, sliding into the slick evidence of her need as he whispered her name against her neck.
She lifted against him, rocking her clitoris against his pelvis and sending a shot of awareness through herself. He grunted and then began to move. They were short, hard thrusts, ones that ground against her as she lifted into them. Ones that claimed and captured and ripped pleasure through her body with unexpected ferocity and speed.
She came without warning, a release tore through her as she cried out, the sound muffled against his jacket, his shoulder. He wasn’t far behind, spending deep within her with a broken grunt.
“You test me,” he growled against her throat as he shuddered one last time.
“I like testing you,” she whispered back, unable to keep a smile off her face.
He tensed at that statement and drew back as the carriage came to a stop. He moved to his side of the carriage, breaking the connection of their bodies and quickly pulled his clothing back together. She did the same, frowning at his silence and the accusatory fashion of it.
It was like she was offered a chance to repair the breech between them and yet something always happened to ruin it. Something she said or did or didn’t say or didn’t do. A puzzle to solve, only she wasn’t being given all of the pieces.
The carriage door opened and the footman appeared. Colin climbed from the vehicle first, then took her hand to help her down. She met his gaze as she exited, but he looked away as soon as he could and began the short walk into the foyer.
“Colin,” she said as they handed over their coats and gloves and hats to waiting servants.
He frowned. “I find I’m tired,” he said. “It has been a long and eventful few days.”
The servants departed and she folded her arms as she stared at him. “So you will not speak to me?”
He stiffened at her direct method of approach. “I’m uncertain what there is to say, Jane.”
She caught her breath. “Uncertain what there is to say? How can you mean that when there is half a year between us? When there is such anger in you at times and such gentleness at others? How can you look me in the face and pretend there isn’t something to say?”
He almost looked chagrined at her accusation. He bent his head briefly, and there was a moment where she held her breath, waiting for the dam to break, for the truth to be revealed. But then his expression hardened.
“I recognize you want more,” he said softly. “But this is all I have for you, Jane. It is likely all I will ever have. And there is nothing else to say.”
He turned and walked away, leaving her standing in the foyer, staring after him, utterly lost and utterly broken.