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Christmas Eve

Allie woke up warm and happy and more comfortable than she’d been in weeks. Logan was pressed up against her. One of his arms cradled her head and the other was wrapped around her waist. She felt perfect, and thought how good it would be to wake up like this every day. She wanted a life with him, and that terrified her, because she knew he was leaving and she was going to be broken-hearted.

She heard a knock at the front door and glanced at the clock. It was nine in the morning. She had no idea how she’d slept so late.

It took a lot of effort to extract herself from Logan’s arms, and honestly, it wasn’t something she wanted to do, but she finally managed to detangle herself without waking him up. She pulled on a snuggly robe and headed downstairs, opened the front door and greeted her sister who was smiling at her.

“What are you doing here?” Allie asked.

“Jack forgot a toy he can’t live without.” Angie came inside, shrugging out of her jacket and glancing around the place expectantly. The door to the den where Adam had been staying was open, his bed was still made up, nice and neat. She frowned and glanced toward the sofa, and then frowned even harder and looked up the stairs. “You um…you have any coffee, sis?” she asked.

 “Not yet, but we can make some.”

“Good.” Angie headed for the kitchen and said, “I’m going to need a cup while you tell me why Logan is in your bed.”

“What? What are you talking about, Logan’s not—”

“Logan’s not on the sofa. He’s not in Adam’s room—that is, the den. And I know he didn’t spend the night in the nursery, because we took out the futon and he would never fit in that crib.”

Allie opened her mouth, closed it again, and sank onto the stool at the kitchen island. She felt like she’d been keeping this secret forever. But she just didn’t want to keep it any more. She wanted to tell Angie everything.

“I’ve seen the way he looks at you. Not to mention the way you look at him. There’s something going on.”

“Is it that obvious?”

 “To me it is. To Mom, too. Dad and Adam are…well, they’re guys.” Angie took the carafe to the sink and filled it, then poured water into the coffee maker.

 “It all started the night before Adam deployed,” Allie began. And it was as if a dam inside her had broken, as her words and thoughts and feelings just spilled out of her.

By the time she had finished, the coffee was done, their mugs were half empty. The silence stretched and she looked at her sister, waiting for a reaction.

Angie was beaming. “This is wonderful!”

“What? No. This is a disaster. You heard the part where I said he’s leaving, right?”

“Yeah. For three months. Three months is nothing. Hell, Jeff and I could do three months in our sleep. It’ll be over before you know it. The point is, he’s nuts about you, and I can tell from the look on your face that you’re nuts about him, too.”

“I…yeah. I am.”

“Yeah, you are.”

“But—”

“But nothing! Allie, this is a good thing. This is fate, practically hand-delivering your happily-ever-after to you. How could you even think about turning it down?

“I just…I don’t think I can do it. I’ve been here. I’ve seen what you’ve gone through, losing Jeff. And the kids, what it’s doing to them.  I can’t watch Logan leave and wonder if he’s ever going to come home again. I can’t let my baby go through that. I can’t.”

Angie’s jaw tightened at the mention of Jeff’s name and Allie could see the hurt in her eyes.

“Losing Jeff has been hard. But marrying him was the best decision I ever made. And yes, I’m hurting. There hasn’t been a single day that I haven’t thought about him, or wanted to share something with him and couldn’t, or just plain ached for him. But you don’t walk away from something good just because there’s a chance you could lose it someday.” Angie took a deep breath and sighed. “My heart breaks every day. But if someone gave me the chance to go back, I’d do it all over again. Knowing everything that was going to happen, I’d still do it all again. It’s worth it, Allie. Jeff was worth it. What we had together was worth it. The years our kids had with the best dad on the planet were worth it. And I have a feeling that what you have with Logan is worth it, too.”

Allie blinked back her tears.

“Allie, if you love him, then love him. Love him now, while he’s here. Love him while he’s away, and love him when he comes back. Love him as hard as you can for as long as you can. If you’re lucky, that’ll be a very long time. But I’m here to tell you honey, any time is better than none at all.”

 Angie’s words stayed with Allie long after she’d left. They ran through her mind all day, and every time she looked at Logan she heard them again.

The Long Branch Saloon had started a Christmas Eve tradition in Big Falls. They shut off the flow of alcohol for the evening, and Chef Ned prepared a feast fit for royalty. The whole town turned out, and everyone brought an ornament for the giant tree that filled the front windows of the dining room. Carols were sung, ornaments were hung, food was imbibed, and then they closed down early to get the little ones home in time for Santa.

White Christmas lights wound their way around curving bannisters to the second floor, where there were guest rooms. The place looked like a magical holiday wonderland.

Logan escorted Allie through the batwing doors. His black dinner jacket made his hair seem even darker and his blue eyes looked brighter in the glow of holiday lights. She’d heard that pregnancy made your hormones kick into overdrive, and she wondered if that was part of the reason she was so infatuated with Logan. But her heart knew better. Long after she had this baby, she was still going to be head over heels for this man. Her heart swelled.

She was in love with him.

“You look incredible,” he whispered to her.

She didn’t believe him for a second. She was wearing a red dress that fell just above the knee, but she knew at this point in her pregnancy everything looked basically the same. All her clothes became tent-shaped as soon as she put them on.

Throngs of people milled around the place. The owner, Joey McIntyre, was there with his wife Emily and their adorable little girl, Matilda. Allie’s friend Kiley was there with her weeks-old baby girl and adoring husband Rob, and Kiley’s sister Kendra, and most everyone else. Even Doc Sophie and her family were in attendance.

The red velvet curtains between the bar side of the place and the dining room side were held open with braided gold ropes. Some people stood, others sat at tables. And Santa—not Jack’s Santa, she noted—was seated near the lighted tree, reading from a big hardcover edition of The Night Before Christmas to a group of awestruck children. This was the new addition to the Christmas Eve gathering that her father had been so excited about.

As he finished, Santa pulled out his pocket watch and looked at it as if surprised. “Oh my, it’s getting late. I have some work to take care of tonight!” He waved to the children as he crossed the room, and they surrounded him all the way to the batwing doors. “Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas to all,” he called. He went outside, and the kids raced back to the big windows to watch him go.

 “Watch this,” Allie whispered, pointing out the windows as Santa moved past them. He tapped the glass from outside and waved, and every child looked. Then he walked away, and a second later they heard the jingle of sleigh-bells and a projector flashed the image of a shadowy sleigh and reindeer across the cloudy sky. The children squealed with delight and laughter.

Logan smiled and squeezed her hand. “You were right about this town. It’s magic. I’m so happy our baby is going to grow up here.”

“Me, too.”

Jack came running. The smile on his face was brighter than it had been in a year.

“Did you see that?” Jack asked

Allie hugged him. She hadn’t mentioned their encounter with Santa Claus to her sister and now she was feeling guilty, wondering how the little boy would react when he woke up tomorrow morning. She leaned down until she was at eye level. “Jack, I’m really glad you’re so happy. I want you to have a great Christmas, and I don’t want you to be disappointed if you don’t get what you want.”

Jack smiled. “Don’t worry, Aunt Allie. I know it’s not gonna happen this year. I might have to wait a long time, just like Logan did. But that was the real Santa. Daddy is gonna come home.”

Allie would have argued, but her sister appeared then, and she didn’t want to stress her out on Christmas Eve.

Angie gave her a hug. “Ready to go?” she asked Jack.

He nodded. “We have to get to bed early.” Jack started off through the crowd and Angie hurried to catch up. “See you tomorrow,” she called behind her.

Allie tried to focus on the festive party around her, but she was worried about her nephew.

“It’s not your fault,” Logan said as if reading her mind. “This was going to be tough for him no matter what you did. There’s no way around that. At least this way he’s not heartbroken.”

Allie nodded. “Yeah, but he’s not going to accept it, either.”

Logan placed a finger under her chin and lifted it, so she looked up at him. “He wasn’t accepting it any better before he talked to Santa, was he? Now how about I get you some punch? And it looks like they have cookies. Would you care to sample some?”

“That sounds nice.”

Logan disappeared into the crowd and Allie found herself looking around the restaurant for familiar faces. She caught a glimpse of Adam standing just on the other side of the curtains, near the curving bar with its saddle shaped stools. He was speaking tersely to someone, and as Allie angled herself for a better view, she saw the woman shooting daggers back at him. Riley Everett, Adam’s ex-wife, the PI who’d spent months trying to help Allie find Logan.

She squeezed her way through the crowd, her belly occasionally bumping into people as she passed. She was nervous and her stomach clenched, thinking about how angry her brother looked, and what he and Riley could possibly be talking about. Their marriage hadn’t ended well.

She pushed her way through the crowd, but only in time to see them heading out through the batwing doors and into the cool Christmas Eve air of the parking lot outside. Of course she followed, this was her family.

“Why did you come back, Riley?” Adam demanded.

“I don’t owe you any kind of explanation!”

“You never were big on explaining yourself, were you? You didn’t even think you owed me an explanation when you walked out on our marriage.”

 “You not knowing why I left, that was the explanation.” Riley tossed back the rest of her drink and stalked towards the entrance again.

Tough as nails Riley Everett had perfected her bitch face long ago, but her expression as she walked toward the restaurant was that of a woman who was barely holding it together. The anguish on her face only eased when she saw Allie standing there.

“Hey, Riley,” Allie said.

Riley’s eyes were filling with tears. She blinked them back, and wrapped Allie in a hug. “I shouldn’t have come. I have some information for you, but this isn’t the right time. I’m sorry.” She kissed Allie’s cheek.

Adam was right beside them now. “You did this?” he asked Allie. “You brought her here?” It was more an accusation than a question and it seemed to be exactly what Riley needed to pull herself together.

Her red curls bobbed as she spun around and leveled Adam with a cold glare. “I grew up here too, Adam. I have as much right to come home for Christmas as you do. And I divorced you. Not your family. If they need me, I’m going to be here.”

“They don’t need you. We don’t need you.”

“I needed her,” Allie said, angry with her brother for treating Riley so badly. “I called her. She was helping me find the baby’s father.” She’d lied to Adam enough, so she figured giving him part of the truth was the best option.

Adam’s angry expression rapidly turned shocked. “You told her who he is? You wouldn’t even tell me. I could have helped. You didn’t have to bring her into this.” His voice was laced with pain and anger.

Allie felt responsible. Her head was throbbing and she felt her stomach clench. Stress. She was supposed to be avoiding it. “Please don’t fight. This is my fault.”

Allie heard the door and she turned around to see Logan, a worried look on his face.

Riley gaped. Then she looked at Allie again. “I guess you didn’t need my help after all.”

Logan looked confused and Allie felt like the world was dissolving around her. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?” Adam demanded. He aimed his angry look at Allie.

 “Leave her alone.” Logan’s voice was deep and a little bit dangerous.

“Come on, Allie. Isn’t it time we got everything out in the open?” Adam said.

Logan stepped in front of her. “Yeah, Adam. It’s long past time.”

Allie’s head felt like it was going to explode, it was throbbing so hard. She closed her eyes just as a strong pain squeezed her abdomen.

“I’m the baby’s father, Adam.” 

Adam’s face turned from angry to completely blank. “That’s… not possible. You met a week ago. How is that—”

Logan shook his head. “Allie was the girl I met before we deployed. I didn’t know she was your sister until the airport.”

Adam’s hands fell to his sides. “You slept with my sister? And you stayed under the same roof as me this whole time and lied to me about it?”

He lunged at Logan a second before Allie squeezed her eyes shut. Logan pushed Allie backwards a step before the punch landed. She grabbed the split rail fence that bordered the parking lot, and then she forgot all about their stupid fighting, because her abdomen suddenly clenched so tight it felt as if she was a dish cloth being wrung out.

Adam socked Logan in the jaw, knocked him flat, then went down with him. Allie closed her eyes tight, but could still hear them scuffling around on the ground. Punches landed with ugly thuds. Riley cursed like a sailor at both of them.

When the pain let up enough that she could open her eyes, Allie saw that Logan’s lip was bleeding and Adam’s eye was bruising. She opened her mouth and yelled “Stop!”

Riley grabbed Adam’s shoulder and pulled him away from Logan. Adam shook off her hand.

Allie felt like a vice grip was being tightened around her abdomen. She gripped the railing waiting for it to end, but the pain only grew stronger. And then she heard Logan’s voice. “Allie, are you all right?” He was at her side, one hand holding her elbow and the other around her waist.

She couldn’t answer for a minute, but soon the pain started to ease and she could breathe again. She felt something warm trickling down her legs.

“No. I’m not all right. I’m in labor.” She blinked a few times and looked at Logan. There was an expression of pure terror on his face.

 “Someone call an ambulance!” Logan said.

Allie looked from Adam to Riley. Her ex-sister-in-law had gone white and she was pulling her cell phone out of her purse. She gave Allie a watery smile that didn’t reach her eyes. “Don’t panic. It’s going to be okay.” Her hand shook as she held the phone to her ear.

Another contraction tore through Allie’s body, worse than the one before. “Logan, I’m scared,” she whispered. “I think something’s wrong.”

The drive to the hospital in Tucker Lake dragged by. Logan raced behind the ambulance, where Doc Sophie, who’d been at The Long Branch, was riding with Allie. He was driving Allie’s car and trying to figure out exactly what had gone wrong.

The doc wouldn’t let him ride with Allie in the ambulance. She said she needed room to work, but every second apart from Allie brought another nightmare image. Something terrible could be happening to her, or the baby, or both of them, and his panic was so intense he wasn’t sure he’d be able to breathe if he didn’t see her soon.

Adam and Riley had climbed into the car with him. They were speaking low in the back seat. He wasn’t listening. He couldn’t care less what they had to say, the idiots, causing Allie all that stress when she was supposed to be avoiding it.  

When he finally reached Tucker Lake General, he saw Doc Sophie and the EMTs, running through the ER doors with Allie on a stretcher.

He pulled to a stop beside a no parking sign, left the keys in the switch and jumped out of the car. Let Adam park the damn thing. Then he got out and ran through those doors, but didn’t see her when he got inside.

The hospital was quiet. He didn’t know where they had taken her or which way to go or who to ask for help. He stood there for a second, feeling helpless and scared. He hadn’t felt that way since he was a kid, and he didn’t like it.

He heard footsteps behind him and turned to see Adam and Riley running toward him. “Where is she?” Adam asked.

“I don’t know,” Logan said.

Riley rolled her eyes at both of them and hurried past them to the nurse’s desk.

“We’re looking for Alexis Wakeland. She just came in by ambulance.”

“Are you family?” the nurse asked.

“I’m family, Adam said pushing his way toward the desk.

“We’re all family,” Riley said. “Can you tell us what’s happening?”

She punched some keys on her computer and examined the screen. “She’s not in the system yet. Wait right here. I’ll see what I can find out.”

Logan stared at the woman for all of thirty seconds before he gave up on that idea. He looked up and down the hall until he saw a map with arrows pointing to different areas. Labor and Delivery, third floor.

He took off in the direction of the elevator, refusing to wait another minute.

“Where the hell do you think you’re going?” Adam asked, grabbing his arm.

“I’m going to find Allie. I need to know she’s all right.”

“You need to stay away from her. You need to get as far away from this hospital as you can before I lose the faltering hold I’ve got on my temper.” Adam grabbed his arm, refusing to let him go any farther.

“Adam, I love you like a brother, but I’m going to find Allie, and I don’t really care right now if I go with you or through you, I’m going.”

“Then hurry the hell up,” Riley said from behind them. “Adam, I swear to God, if you stop him from being with her right now, your sister will never forgive you. And neither will I.” There was something in Riley’s voice. Something that made it soft and shaky, but fierce.

Adam let go of Logan’s shoulder all at once. He held his hand out to Riley for a brief second, but she shot a withering glare in his direction and he gave a nod. “Okay.”

Logan hit the button for the elevator impatiently. “I’m sorry, Adam. I wanted to tell you the second I saw her, but I needed time to convince her we could do this.”

“Do what, exactly? Just what the hell is going on between you and my sister? You barely know each other. What is this, a fling?”

“Not if I have anything to say about it.” The elevator doors opened and all three of them crowded through. Logan jabbed the button for the third floor repeatedly until the doors slid closed.

“You love her?”

“Yeah,” Logan said as the elevator climbed. “I do.”

When the elevator doors slid open, Doc Sophie stood on the other side.

“I was just coming to find you. They’ve taken Allie to surgery.”

“Surgery?” Logan thought he was going to vomit. “Surgery, why? What’s wrong?

“They’re doing a C-section. Look, it’s gonna be okay. It’s not as scary as it sounds.”

Logan looked around helplessly. He didn’t know what to do or how he could help. He just wanted to make it better. To fix whatever was wrong.  Riley put a hand on his arm.

“She shouldn’t be alone. Especially if…” Riley’s voice trailed off.  He didn’t like that if.  The way her voice wavered made his heart pick up speed. “You should be with her.”

“Will they let me do that?” Logan asked.

“That’s why I was coming to find you,” Sophie said. “Follow me. We’ll scrub in together.” She turned and headed down the hall.

“Take care of her,” Adam said.

Logan didn’t have time to reply. He hurried after Doc Sophie, unable to speak or think or do much else except follow her down a hallway and into a room. “Wash your hands, arms to the elbows, and put on everything in that pile. Over your clothes. You wouldn’t believe what happens when I forget to tell new fathers that.”

That word nearly froze him in the spot. Father. He shook himself out of it long enough to follow her directions, donning a set of scrubs, a mask, a poufy hat, and shoe covers.

The doc did the same and then they were hurrying through another set of doors. Once he saw Allie, looking small and afraid in a sterile operating room, he forgot everything else. Tears were streaming down her face and before he even knew he had moved, he was standing next to her, holding her hand and wiping those tears from her eyes.

“I’m sorry, Allie. I’m so, so sorry. But I’m here now, and I’m not leaving you again.” He said the words, even though he knew they weren’t true. He knew he would have to leave and he knew it was gonna hurt like hell when he did.

She closed her eyes. She knew it, too.

“It’s time to begin, folks,” the doctor said. “I hope you’ve got a name picked out because you’re about to be parents.”

Allie squeezed his hand and Logan tried not to look at what the doctor was doing on the other side of the sterile barricade at Allie’s middle. He could see everything reflected in the mirrored light over the bed and it was enough to scare the life out of him. He tried to stare at Allie’s face instead. But soon he heard a soft strangled cry and he forgot that he was trying not to look. His eyes flew to the other side of the sheet and he caught sight of a beautiful pink-faced baby with a mass of black curls.

He wanted to jump and cheer and cry all at the same time. But then he felt Allie’s hand slacken and fall out of his grasp. He tore his eyes away from their baby to look at her suddenly pale face. From the other side of the curtain he heard a flurry of activity and suddenly Doc Sophie was pulling him out of the room.

“I’m not leaving. I can’t leave.”

Logan felt helpless and terrified. Allie had become the most important thing in his world. He couldn’t imagine a life without her.

Sophie gave him a firm shove. “The doctors need room to work. You can’t help Allie right now, but your daughter needs you.”

“My daughter?”

“Congratulations, Logan. It’s a girl. You’re a daddy.”

Logan stood in a small, white room, pacing back and forth and waiting. He was trying to replay the events in his head. It didn’t make sense to him. One minute Allie had seemed perfectly fine. She was upset, but she was okay. The next she had looked pale and weak and he couldn’t get that image out of his mind. He didn’t like picturing her like that. Didn’t like seeing that image and imagining what might be going on now, but sitting in the empty hospital room, that was all he could do.

The door opened and he jumped up. Sophie wheeled a clear plastic bin into the room. It looked like something you would wash dishes in, but there, lying in the middle of the bassinet, was the most beautiful sight he’d ever seen. She was tiny and pink and fragile…with dark blue eyes in her elfin face.

“Have you heard anything?” He asked the question without taking his eyes off the baby. “How is Allie?”

“They just finished up. There was some unexpected bleeding. She lost a lot of blood. She’s weak, but she’s going to be all right.”

A surge of relief washed over Logan. It was so strong he sank into the chair behind him unable to support the weight of it.

“I need to see her.”

“It’ll be a while.”

Like hell, Logan thought.

“This isn’t the time to be stubborn and pig headed.” Doc Sophie seemed to be reading his thoughts. “She needs her rest. She’s been through a lot. Besides, there’s someone right here who needs some quality time with you.” She picked up the newborn. “Do you want to hold her?”

“I…I’ve never held a baby this small before. Will I hurt her?”

 “All new fathers ask that question. You’ll be an expert in no time.” She placed the baby in Logan’s arms, showing him without words, how to cradle her properly.

He held her in his arms, his impossible small baby girl. He looked down at that face, and knew that nothing in his life was ever going to be the same again. Not ever.

He was in the same spot, still staring at that beautiful face ten minutes later when Adam entered the room.

“I’m not sure if you’re ready for this,” Adam said softly. “But we have a swarm of Wakelands in the waiting room waiting for a chance to meet the newest member of the family.”

“Do they know…about Allie and me?”

“I gave them the condensed version.”

 “So, are you all gonna run me out of town on a rail?”

“That depends. Are you planning on sticking around to be part of this little girl’s life?”

“For as long as your sister will have me.”

“Then I think we’ll be persuaded to take it easy on you. In the spirit of Christmas and all. Hell, even mean old Uncle Adam can’t be mad when he’s looking at that beautiful face.”

“That’s my girl,” Logan said. “Not even a day old and she’s already making miracles happen.”