Jake
Seven mornings in a row he’d woken up with Emma lying next to him.
Seven nights of keeping each other warm.
Seven days of sneaking moments to be together.
Moments that kept them eager for the end of a shift.
Seven days and seven nights and hundreds of moments where he’d kept putting off the knowledge that Christmas was creeping ever closer and he was still in Whispers Wood. Trying not to label what he and Emma had, but getting closer to needing to.
‘I think I’ll add some height with the roses on the far borders, maybe a deep blue salvia with spires of linaria purpurea to make a statement,’ Jake said half to himself, half to Emma as he heard her padding back into the bedroom with the breakfast tray. ‘And then for full out summer feeling I could block in some philadelphus. It’s heavily perfumed but that might work well if I end up opening that area for weddings.’ His heart gave a thwack against his chest wall as he thought about Emma still being here in summer and in his head he held up a yellow card for getting ahead of himself.
‘Sounds perfect and dreamy,’ Emma sighed as she set the tray on the end of the bed and went over to her dresser to check her phone.
Jake stretched and sat up in her bed. Tonight they were going to have to make it back to his proper-sized bed, if only to save his feet from getting frost-bite. ‘Do you even know what those plants are?’
‘Uh-huh,’ she answered, eyes still on her phone. ‘One’s sort of blue and spiky and the other is a mock orange, isn’t it?’
‘Are you looking them up on your phone?’
She grinned. ‘How do you spell linaria again?’
‘I think we should discuss planting schemes back in bed.’
Her hand went to the top button of the shirt she was wearing. His shirt. She unbuttoned it slowly. ‘I’m not sure. I mean I really enjoy talking planting schemes with you but don’t think for a moment I haven’t worked out you just want to put your big cold feet on me to warm them up.’
He smiled and snagged a piece of toast. ‘I’m that transparent, am I?’ As he chewed, his mouth got dry and worry scuttled across nerve endings. Were his feelings for her equally as transparent? He’d spent two years in a relationship with someone who he’d thought had felt about him, how he’d felt about her, and he’d been wrong.
‘I love it when you talk Latin,’ Emma said. ‘So tell me more about what you want to plant in the borders—’ she broke off as his phone started ringing and automatically reached for it to pass it to him.
He glanced at the caller display and frowned. ‘Hold that thought,’ he told her and into his phone, said, ‘Felix? What’s up?’ He listened for a few minutes, and with a soft expletive got out of bed and started hunting around for his clothes. ‘No. I’m sorry. You did the right thing phoning me, I’ll come back now.’
‘What’s happened?’ Emma asked as soon as he ended the call.
‘Seth’s left the bloody paddock gate open on the lower field and I now have a herd of cows heading straight for the gardens.’
‘I’ll come with you,’ she said, immediately reaching for fresh underwear.
His hands paused on the button of his jeans. ‘Don’t be silly. You have to work.’
‘My shift doesn’t start for another hour and if we phone everyone on the drive over we can get them all to pop over and help. Have the herd back where it belongs super-quick.’
He swore again, this time silently at her automatic desire to help. Half of him wondered if it was desire to help or a much more deep-rooted need to help. The other half simply reminded him that he was supposed to be able to do all this on his own. ‘Trust me this isn’t going to be something you can fit in before your shift starts.’
‘Then I’ll be late for my shift. Gloria will cover for me.’
‘Do you even know how to get cows to follow commands?’
‘I can help, Jake. I want to,’ she said, her voice determined as she whipped off his shirt to hand it to him to put on.
But what if she did help? What if she spent all day helping him and realised it wasn’t what she’d signed up for? Even though, he thought, neither of them had got around to talking about signing up for anything together.
No. He couldn’t risk it. He grabbed the shirt, gritting his teeth against the tease of her body heat. ‘I know you do, but really, it’s not necessary,’ he said, buttoning the shirt up. ‘I can sort this out myself. It doesn’t need the whole village coming to my rescue when there’ll be Felix and Seth already there.’
Emma stared at him like she was a crossword gal and he was a sudoku. ‘It isn’t rescuing you. It’s helping.’
‘Thanks, but I don’t need it.’
‘Don’t need it or don’t want it?’
He kept his eyes on the boots he was lacing. ‘I don’t have time to argue with you.’
‘But you do have time to be a martyr? Because that’s so much more attractive,’ she finished sarcastically.
That earned her a look from under his lashes. ‘Right now I don’t have time to worry about what’s attractive and what’s not. And I don’t have time to explain how to handle a herd of cows. You don’t have the first idea about living in the country so don’t even try to pretend that you do.’ Getting to his feet he opened the bedroom door.
‘Wow. Are you really that proud that not only can you not ask for help, you won’t even take it when it’s offered freely?’
At the front door to the cottage he paused. ‘Let’s not turn this into something it isn’t.’
‘Oh, I get exactly what it is, Jake. Careful you don’t trip over your cold feet on your way to the car.’
‘Seth, I’m not joking around. Phone me back as soon as you get this message.’
Jake shoved his phone back into his pocket and stomped across the green towards The Clock House, where, he had a feeling, he was going to find his brother, propping up the bar.
At least that’s where he hoped he’d find him.
Seeing him enjoy a drink would be the perfect excuse to let loose on the angry lecture that had been developing ever since he’d got home to find Seth AWOL and a couple of cows already in the rose garden.
‘Jake?’
At the sound of Crispin calling his name Jake increased his speed. He knew it was rude, but the mood he was in? Chances were if he had to stop and listen to Crispin try and defend his friend of a friend’s spurious claim about Jane Austen staying at the Hall one more time he’d probably blast Crispin so bad his wig would fall off.
He walked through the doors of The Clock House and if he’d been in a better frame of mind he might have taken a moment to enjoy the vibe. Might have thought about how it could be the same when he opened the gardens at Knightley Hall.
As it was he walked into Cocktails & Chai, shaking the snow from his head.
The endless bloody snow.
At this rate it would still be here come spring and he could kiss goodbye any work that was going to provide money to get the sodding hole in the roof repaired.
He walked up to the bar and scowled at Gloria. ‘Seth not been in?’
‘In the gents, I think,’ she replied, considering him for a moment before fixing him a drink and presenting it to him.
‘What’s this?’
She tapped her finger against her nose and said, ‘Giggle Water. On the house. You look like you could use one.’
‘I’ll be fine once I’ve had a word with my brother.’
Gloria didn’t look convinced. ‘Looks like you’ve got more than a word stored up in there, Jake. You sure a lecture is the right way to go?’
‘Hi Jakey,’ Seth said, from across the room.
Jake turned in his seat to regard him. ‘Why haven’t you called me back?’
Seth frowned and patted his pocket, and then, seeing his brother’s expression, paled. ‘Everyone okay?’
‘Yes. But thanks to you I’ve—’
‘Must have lost my phone,’ Seth explained, cutting him off as he walked over to sit next to Jake and reach casually for his beer.
Jake felt the muscle in his jaw start to pulse as his teeth ground together. ‘Lost it?’
‘Seems like,’ Seth said, finishing his beer.
‘Well, really well done, Seth. Especially now you haven’t got a job to pay for a replacement.’
‘Perhaps I’ll ask Santa for one for Christmas,’ Seth returned and Jake heard but dismissed the warning note in his brother’s voice and watched as Seth drained his drink and tried to catch Gloria’s eye to signal for another. When that didn’t work and he saw Emma walk into the room, he stood up and went over to her. Taking her in his arms he danced a couple of steps with her. ‘Emma, dear heart, won’t you fix me another drink? I have a feeling I’m going to need it.’
Emma laughed and playfully turned in his arms. ‘Coming right up,’ she said.
The red mist came down as Jake jerked up from his seat and strode over to his brother to grab a hold of him. ‘What the hell are you doing? Get your clumsy, mauling hands off of her.’
Immediately Emma held her hands out to keep him and Seth separated and he had to admit he was impressed by her strength. ‘Whatever you were about to say or do, don’t,’ she warned.
‘Yeah,’ Seth said, ‘Watch your tongue, Jakey.’ He lunged forward and to protect Emma, Jake lifted her out of the way and grabbed hold of Seth before he hit the floor.
‘You smell like a brewery,’ Jake accused. ‘How the hell could you let him get into this state?’ he asked Emma tightly. ‘Why have you kept serving him?’
‘Relax,’ Seth said, ‘I’ve only been here an hour. I’ve been at Joanne’s most of the day. Probably where I left my phone.’
‘You were at Joanne’s all day?’ Jake’s hands tightened around his brother’s shoulders and as Seth tried to shake him off, they merely tightened further.
‘Look,’ Emma warned quietly, ‘if you’re going to insist on playing out this whole Thor/Loki thing, take it outside. You’re going to break something if you keep this up.’
‘I’ll clean up after,’ Jake promised, as he stared his brother down. ‘It’s what I’m used to doing after all.’
‘Here we go,’ Seth said. ‘Are you ever going to tell me what’s got your tinsel in a tangle or are you only here to dish out a lecture?’ Seth asked.
‘The lecture comes free every time you say you’re going to stick around and help, and then don’t. Like I don’t have enough to do at the moment. You left the paddock gate open this morning and I’ve had to spend the entire day getting cows out of the gardens and back where they belong.’
‘Oh shit. I’m sorry.’
‘You’re always sorry.’
‘Look, I’ve had a lot on my plate.’
‘Oh, I can see that,’ Jake said, indicating the beer. ‘No wonder Joanne doesn’t want to be with you. In the last few weeks I’ve seen you drunk more than I’ve seen you sober. That’s when I’ve seen you at all, of course. All that, “I can be around to help out while I do some thinking”. I should have realised it was more of your usual bull—’
‘I haven’t been around because I’ve been trying to do some thinking,’ Seth replied. ‘And I’ve been trying to do that away from where I might cramp your style.’
Jake’s hands loosened their grip.
He supposed his not leaving for Cornwall had rather meant his brother didn’t have time alone to think. Had Seth really been looking to stay out of his and Emma’s way?
‘Although why I bothered,’ Seth laughed, shaking his head at Jake. ‘You’ve already managed to stuff things up. Gloria told me how only this morning you managed to make Emma cry.’
Now his hands did leave his brother to hang at his sides as he turned to Emma, appalled. Unhelpful memories started intruding. Throwing him off course and making him feel helpless again.
‘Don’t be absurd, of course I didn’t cry,’ Emma replied, tipping her head up defiantly. ‘Gloria must have used poetic licence.’
‘So before you go lecturing me,’ Seth said, poking him in the chest as if Emma hadn’t spoken, ‘Maybe you should explain how you managed to screw things up with Emma in a second of the time it took me to screw things up with Joanne. Come to think of it, it didn’t take long for you to screw things up with Alice, too, did it?’
‘I’m going to knock you out now,’ Jake informed his brother. ‘When you wake up, don’t come anywhere near me or the Hall.’
‘There’ll be none of that. Here or anywhere else,’ Emma advised. ‘Seth, you can stay at mine tonight. Here,’ she said, taking her keys out of her pocket and handing them to him. ‘Take them and give Jake some time to cool down.’
‘Helpful as ever, Emma?’Jake asked her tightly. ‘And where will you be sleeping?’
‘I’ll be coming home with you.’
‘Home? Did you just call Knightley Hall your home? What, you think if you find ways to make yourself indispensable you’ll slot right in to life at Knightley Hall?’
‘Get out.’
She said it so quietly that he had trouble believing he’d heard right. ‘What?’
‘You heard me. You’re barred.’
‘What for? Cruelty to cows? In case you haven’t been listening, I spent all bloody day looking after them.’
‘You either take your foul mood out of here of your own free will, or I – not being too proud to ask for help if I need it – will get Gloria and whoever else I need to set you out on your ear. Don’t think we can’t do it.’
‘She could,’ Gloria said, ‘she’s got a black-belt in crumpet-wielding. Me?’ She held her freshly manicured hands up. ‘Not my circus, not my monkeys.’
‘Like you could knock me out anyway,’ Seth mumbled to Jake. ‘You’re more likely to send me to sleep with a lecture.’
‘Maybe one of these days one will sink in. I take it from the fact that you’re here and not at Joanne’s, she didn’t take you back this time.’
‘And why would she,’ Seth spat out, ‘when I got round there to find she was moving the next guy in.’
‘What?’ All the anger drained out of Jake as he watched confusion, humiliation and helplessness cross his brother’s face. ‘Joanne has someone else?’
‘For ages. Yeah. Don’t I feel the man?’
‘Shit. Seth—’
‘Forget it – you’re so wrapped up in not making any mistakes you wouldn’t know the first thing about getting yourself out of one. I mean, do you even realise you’re just like the rest of us?’
A screw up when it came to matters of the heart? Oh, it was entirely possible he had a Masters in it. ‘You’re right. Shall we not do this here, though?’ He needed to get him on his own so he could talk about what had happened with Joanne. He needed to show him he was there for him.
‘I mean, God forbid anyone find out you’re human and stuff up occasionally,’ Seth said, his voice rising. ‘God forbid anyone find out about Alice and her cutting.’
Shock held him rigid so that he could only watch the instant Seth realised the words he’d uttered and how he wanted to recall them.
But it was too late.
As the hush descended on the room Jake felt the blood pound in his ears. ‘You knew about Alice self-harming?’
‘I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.’
He bowed his head. The silence sounded deafening. The guilt overwhelming.
‘Jake?’ Emma said his name gently.
Jake lifted his head, cleared his throat, and spoke to Seth, ‘I’m sorry about you and Joanne. Truly. But at least she didn’t hurt herself because she didn’t want to be with you and didn’t know how to tell you.’
‘Jake,’ Emma said again, reaching out to gently touch his arm. ‘Let’s go somewhere and talk.’
‘So that you can help? Forget it. I’m barred. Remember?’ and shaking her hand off, he walked out of the bar.
He couldn’t believe Seth had known about Alice. Had the whole family? Is that why they hadn’t quizzed him about disappearing on Christmas Day last year?
He’d made it halfway back across the green before the snowball hit him squarely in the back of the head.
He expected it to be Seth and was prepared to let him take a swing because for a family who’d been brought up not airing the family laundry in public they’d both done a passable job of hanging it all out on the line. He called himself a few names. He should have known Seth would have had his reasons for staying away.
Turning around, he managed half a, ‘I’m so—’ before he then got a mouthful of snow.
‘Oops,’ Gloria said, shaking snow from her hands, clearly not in the least bit sorry.
‘Oops, my arse, Gloria. That was deliberate.’
‘Nah. Well, not the second one in the mouth. I certainly hope there was no yellow snow in that one.’
‘What the hell is wrong with you?’
‘You are. The way you just treated Emma? Badly done, Jake. Badly done, indeed!’
He knew it. Knew it in the worst way. Didn’t stop him from saying testily, ‘It’s none of your business.’
‘As it happens it is. Since it was me, not Emma, who flirted with Seth from the moment he came into the bar looking like he’d been side-swiped.’
‘You’re living in Crazy Town if you think Seth is in the right place to be with anyone right now.’
At her raised eyebrow he thought, damn it, there he went again. Stepping in. Lecturing.
‘Perhaps,’ Gloria said as she buttoned her coat and popped her gloves on. ‘But let’s focus on you a moment. So you had an unpleasant truth come out and discovered it’s not a very nice experience. You realise you still have to apologise to Seth and Emma anyway?’
‘Stay out of it Gloria,’ he muttered, starting to tramp through the snow.
‘Why?’ She asked, following him. ‘Because I couldn’t possibly know how it feels to have something you thought locked down and contained – something people can judge you for – out there?’
‘Because you said this wasn’t your drama.’
‘You’re going to have to let people judge you for someone else’s actions for a while but you’ll ride it out.’
She might know what she was talking about on that score, but if she was judging Alice she must know that that was part of the problem. ‘Look, I know you’re trying to help.’
‘Don’t be ridiculous. Of course I’m not. And if you tell anyone I was they’ll never believe you. Look, it beats me how Emma gets to everyone, but she does. And what’s more, she doesn’t want anything in return. I can’t pretend to be either seduced or impressed about that you understand, but for someone who’s actually supposed to be into that – aka, you – you’re making a really bad job of accepting it for the gift it is. Even when it’s wrapped with a bow.’
‘What makes you think that I’m into that?’
‘Because I saw the way you looked at her on what was supposed to have been your wedding day to The Grinch.’
He stared down at his feet.
‘Yeah,’ she said. ‘Someone noticed. Like you’d ever have been happy with The Grinch.’
‘You don’t know anything about what Alice went through.’
‘You’re right. And I’m sorry for that even as I can’t help thinking she probably went a long way to making sure no one knew what she was going through. But, Jake, while I’m sure Seth is big enough to handle your cold shoulder, Emma isn’t as tough as she likes to make out.’
What the hell did that mean?
Had she been acting her way through a relationship with him?
He pressed his hands to his eyes.
No.
She wasn’t that person.
He sighed and looked at Gloria. ‘By the time I go and find Seth and apologise, Emma will have probably packed and left.’
‘Look around you, idiot. Nothing’s getting out of Whispers Wood any time soon. Go find Seth, hug it out, and then work out how to apologise to Emma, because if you let her slip through your fingers, then really, I’m going to take every opportunity to call you the world’s most ginormous arse.’