Chapter 11
Little memories were starting to float back. They were fuzzy and sometimes Harper didn’t know if she’d made them up in her head or had seen them in a movie and were mistaking them for real life. But from the minute she’d met Emily there was something familiar about her. The way she smelled and talked and the way she first called Harper, Hope. There was just this strange overpowering connection. Drew too.
She’d lied and said she didn’t remember them because she was afraid. And angry. She didn’t know why she was angry with them because they’d been nothing but nice. But she had this weird feeling that they had somehow let her down. Plus, she missed her mother, even if she had been a kidnapper and a criminal. It was all so confusing that it made her stomach hurt. She wanted to curl up in a ball and go to sleep. But Emily was always fussing over her and Drew acted like she was his little buddy. Emily’s husband was okay, she guessed. At least he didn’t suffocate her. Justin and Cody probably thought she was a pathetic orphan and hated her.
The house was big and fancy. Mary Beth Wallace had one sort of like it, except hers was like a museum and Harper was always afraid she’d break something when she went over there. Her mama used to say that the Wallaces were filthy rich and Harper wondered if Emily and her husband were. They had horses and only rich people had horses. She didn’t want to be rich. She just wanted to be like she used to be.
“You want some hot cocoa, Harper? The boys are having some.” Emily motioned for her to follow her into the kitchen.
At least Drew and his wife, Kristy, went off somewhere. Kristy made Harper feel like a freak. Not because she was mean but because she treated Harper like she was two, calling her “sweetie” and “lamb.” It was as if Harper was some kind of charity case.
“Hey, Harper,” Justin said, and pulled out a chair for her at the table. “You want some of these cookies?”
“Okay.” She was kind of hungry. Since her mom died she hadn’t eaten much and had only played with her food at supper. “Thanks.”
“Would you like a sandwich?” Emily asked.
“This is fine.”
“I’ll take one,” Cody said. “The French kind you make with the ham and cheese.”
Emily smiled at him. “Coming right up. You want one, Justin?”
“Nah, I’m still full from dinner. You should have one, Harper. Emily makes killer sandwiches.”
“She makes killer everything,” Cody added, and shoved one of the cookies in his mouth. He sure ate a lot.
Emily had said he was fourteen but to Harper he looked older. Justin was like a full-grown man. He at least treated her normal. Didn’t talk to her like she was some kind of a victim.
“It’s snowing again,” he said, looking out the window.
Harper loved the snow. When her dad was alive they used to make snow angels. She wished she could go outside but it was dark and she didn’t know her way around.
Clay came in and grabbed one of the cookies off the table and sat next to her. “Drew and Kristy liked the barn. I got the heat going for them and brought over some firewood.”
“Thank you,” Emily said, and they looked at each other for a long time. “I’d like to do some Christmas shopping tomorrow. What do you say we all go?”
“We can do that,” Clay said, and bobbed his head at Justin and Cody.
She didn’t want to go Christmas shopping. She didn’t even want to have Christmas, not without her mother. And not in a strange town she’d never been before.
“Are Drew and Kristy going too?” Cody asked, giving her the impression that he hoped not. “Kristy’s kind of weird.”
Harper started to laugh but stopped when Clay made a mean face at Cody. Justin looked at Harper and winked.
“I think she’s just nervous,” Emily said. “She doesn’t know us well and she wants Harper to like her.”
Why should she care? Harper wondered but didn’t say anything. That was the thing, everyone treated her like she was made out of glass and would shatter at any minute. Especially Kristy.
“Should we sit around the tree for a little while?” Clay asked.
“I’ll bring your sandwich out, Cody,” Emily said.
Justin and Cody got up and headed to the living room but Harper could tell that they wished they could be anywhere else but here. They were putting on a good show so Clay wouldn’t get mad at them.
“I just want to go to bed,” she blurted.
Clay looked at the clock on the wall. It reminded Harper of the one at the Morton Diner, except this one was bright yellow. “I guess it’s been a long day.”
“Let me just finish the sandwich and I’ll go up with you.”
“I’ll get it,” Clay told Emily. He moved in front of the stove and took the spatula from her.
Harper wanted to go by herself. All these people were smothering her and making her feel like they thought she was pitiful. But instead of objecting, she followed Emily up the long staircase to the room she’d be using. Just go with the flow. That’s what her dad would’ve told her if he were still alive.
“We’ll unpack you tomorrow.” Emily opened Harper’s suitcase and searched through it until she found a pair of pajamas. “These good?”
Harper nodded. She could’ve done it herself, she wasn’t a baby.
“Why don’t you go brush your teeth while I turn down the bed?”
Harper went in the bathroom, the one she had all to herself. At home, there’d only been one. She hadn’t had time to count, but there were probably five or six of them here. When she came out Emily had folded the covers down and was sitting on the edge of the bed. Harper just wanted her to leave, give her some space before she choked to death.
She patted the mattress for Harper to get in. “I know this seems difficult and strange. But it’ll get better, I promise. I missed you so much, Ho . . . Harper . . . sometimes I didn’t know how I’d get through another day without you.”
Emily was crying and Harper didn’t know what to say so she got in bed and faced the wall until the lights went out and she heard the door close.
* * *
“She asleep?” The moment Emily came into the living room Clay knew she’d been crying. He supposed it was going to take a while for the shock to wear off and to figure out how to deal with all the emotions flowing through her.
“I don’t think so but she needed space. Where are the boys?”
“Justin went to call Cynthia.” He rolled his eyes. “And Cody wolfed down his sandwich and rushed off to play a video game.”
“I know this has got to be a strain on them.” She sat next to him on the couch. “And I know it’s shaking up their Christmas.”
He draped his arm over her shoulder. “We’re all together on this, Em. Things may be strained right now but you couldn’t ask for a better Christmas. Even our self-centered teenagers realize what a miracle it is having Hope back.”
She gazed over at Paige sleeping in her portable crib, a momentary smile touching her lips, then she let out a sigh. “I don’t want to screw this up. How do Drew and I divvy up custody? Instead of rebuilding one family, she has to assimilate to two.”
Clay was wondering the same thing. The truth was he was having a difficult time seeing his wife and her ex together. As selfish as it was, he’d pondered more than once whether Hope’s return would bring them closer together. Unlike Clay and his late wife, Emily and Drew hadn’t fallen out of love or become incompatible. Their problems stemmed from inconsolable grief and in Emily’s case, guilt. Hope had been snatched during Emily’s watch. She’d left the child in the backyard to play for several minutes while she went inside to take something out of the oven, wound up talking on the phone, and by the time she returned, Hope was gone. As ridiculous as it was, she’d heaped all the blame on herself. Taking on that kind of burden didn’t leave her enough energy to sustain a relationship, let alone make her feel worthy of one.
But things were different now and Emily had always said that Drew was her first love. So where did that leave Clay? Just the fact that he was thinking about himself right now instead of celebrating Hope’s return, made him feel like an asshole. But he loved Emily so much he didn’t know if he could stand losing her.
“We’ll work it out,” he said, but didn’t know how without shorting one parent, given that they lived a fair distance apart. The obvious solution was the one that would break his and his children’s hearts.
The next morning, Drew and Kristy came over from the barn for breakfast. Hope was still asleep, or pretending to be. The boys were out doing their chores. Kristy was so damned chipper, praising everything from the clean air to the mountain water, that it gave Clay a headache. Midway through the meal it dawned on him that she was feeling as insecure as he was. Whether it was over her relationship with Drew or Hope or just over the situation in general, Clay didn’t know.
Hope eventually came down, looking as dejected as she had the night before. His insides hurt for her and he wished there was something he could do or say that would put her mind at ease. How could he though, when he was feeling pretty adrift himself? One thing he did know was that they had to stop walking on eggshells around her. Otherwise she would never feel like she truly belonged.
“Morning, Harper.”
She barely spared him a glance.
Emily immediately started to fuss over her, giving her a list of breakfast options as long as a restaurant menu to choose from. It was exactly what the counselor had warned them against. Don’t shower her with gifts and special favors. Treat her like you do the rest of your children, she’d said.
“Before breakfast Harper has chores to do,” Clay said and got up so he could walk her to the paddock where he’d rustle her up a job.
Drew started to interfere and Clay held up his hand. “This is a working ranch. Everyone who lives here has chores. Animals get fed before we do. That’s how it works.”
He glanced at Emily, wondering if she would countermand him but she held her tongue. Drew rose and Kristy subtly pulled him back down.
“Put on your coat and hat,” he told Hope, and eyed her tennis shoes. “First thing we’re gonna do today is get you a pair of boots.”
She looked down at her feet and Clay nudged her toward the mudroom. “And by the way, we get up at seven around here on weekends and holidays, earlier on school days.” He ruffled her hair. “Since it’s Christmastime, I’m cutting you a break.”
Silently, she followed him to the stable, her little feet crunching the snow, her eyes downcast.
“What do you say we put you in charge of feeding the horses?” By now Ramon had probably handled it. But he’d show her the ropes for the future and have her fill their water troughs to get the hang of it.
She shrugged and Clay questioned whether his tactics were too harsh. He didn’t have much experience with thirteen-year-old girls, let alone kids who’d never lived on a ranch before. “Is that a yes?”
She looked up at him with eyes as blue as Emily’s. “I guess.”
“Good.” He continued to sludge through the snow. They’d gotten about four inches overnight and according to the weather forecast, were in for a few more inches today. “You ever been sledding?”
“At home in Morton, my dad and I used to go.” She said it so softly Clay had to strain to hear.
“Emily wants to go shopping. But after that we’ll go sledding.”
When they got to the barn, Clay went through the feeding ritual with Hope. “Ramon over there will help you in the beginning.” The ranch hand, who’d been with the McCreedys for two generations, smiled at Hope and went off on an errand.
Hope tried to act uninterested but when she thought Clay wasn’t looking she’d stick out the palm of her hand and feed one of the mares a carrot or a slice of apple like he’d shown her how to do.
“You keep doing that and you’ll give ’em bloat,” he said, and she snatched her hand away. The girl was a pixie version of Emily, bundled up in her little red coat. Someday she’d be a real heartbreaker. “You cold?” He lit the kerosene heater and motioned for her to sit next to it on a bale of hay while he fixed a feeder that had come loose in one of the stalls. In no rush to get back to the house and face down Drew, who was probably good and pissed, he took his time.
“Why doesn’t Justin or Cody feed the horses?” Hope asked, surprising Clay. She typically didn’t talk unless she’d been directly addressed.
“They’ve got other chores.” The truth was throwing a few flakes of hay and filling a couple of water troughs took no time at all. “On Saturdays, they muck these stalls. If you’d prefer I could give that job to you.” He grinned at her to show that he was teasing.
She didn’t respond and he figured they’d at least made some small headway with her question when she suddenly said, “Why didn’t Emily and Drew look for me?”
At first, he thought she meant now, in the barn. But yeah, the counselor had warned them about this, about how muddled and even angry Hope might be. He probably should’ve saved the question for Emily and Drew to answer but she’d asked him. “They did, sweetheart. They never stopped, not even a day. Not only did they have the police and FBI involved in your search but they hired private investigators. They went on TV and talk shows, bought newspaper ads, and put up billboards with your picture.”
“I guess people in Idaho don’t watch TV or read the paper.” She tossed her head.
“Or they do and they didn’t recognize you as the girl in the pictures.” Maureen had said they’d cut and colored Hope’s hair in the beginning. Though to him, nothing could disguise her from being Emily’s daughter. The fact was, people were so caught up with their own lives they weren’t that observant when it came to others. “When I met your mother, she was lost without you. Since the day you went missing, nothing’s been the same for her. It was like a part of her had been ripped out. She loves you so much. And so does your father.”
“And they hate Maureen and Duke, don’t they? I don’t care because I’ll always love them, no matter what they did.”
Clay crossed the stall and sat with her on the hay bale, rubbing his hands over the heater. “What I do know is that you’re their priority. And the fact that Maureen and Duke kept you safe, happy and loved for all those years trumps all else. So no one will ever blame you for loving them. Ever. You understand that? It’s more important to your parents that you had a good life than what happened. That doesn’t mean they didn’t miss you like crazy and that they aren’t angry that you were taken from them. But they’re not angry with you. And, Harper, take my word for it, they did everything humanly possible to find you. When they saw you in Morton it was the happiest day of their lives.”
Her eyes and nose dripped and she quickly used the back of her hand to wipe the wet away, feigning indifference. But Clay knew they’d made significant inroads.