The room was so full of happiness, it almost felt tangible. Mum had barely stopped crying and the rest of us weren’t far behind. Cal was standing chatting with my dad, Dan’s arm slung across his shoulder as a bubble of laughter broke from them and I was happy to see him caught up in the joy despite the undercurrent of unhappiness I knew I’d help place in his heart.
‘I should go.’ Marco leaned in to me to make himself heard. ‘Your fabulous weather is getting worse and I have a flight to catch early tomorrow.’
I laughed, turning to him, the outline of his face seeming slightly fuzzier than it had earlier. Having a large family, my dad always believed in having a box of champagne in the house in the event that it might be needed for emergency celebrations. This definitely constituted an emergency celebration and as such, he had been circling the room topping off glasses on every pass. I had the distinct feeling that mine had been topped off more than I originally thought.
‘You own the plane, Marco. It’s not likely to go without you.’
He made a conciliatory gesture with his hands, lifting his palms. ‘True. But still.’
I studied him for a moment, tilting my head to the side before realising that wasn’t such a great idea for my balance. Marco steadied me and waited.
‘Why did you come?’ I asked. ‘I mean, here. Tonight. Not that I’m complaining. You’re my friend. I love to see you. Obviously …’ I struggled with the “s” for a moment, won and carried on. ‘But why tonight?’
Marco lifted the glass from me, and taking a hand that had until moments ago been happily employed in lifting alcohol, led me away from the others and out to the kitchen. Under-cabinet lights cast a cosy, soft glow into the room kept warm by the Aga. On the far side, a net of white fairy lights like I’d helped Cal put up in his kitchen, twinkled prettily, adding to the comforting feel. Apollo was sprawled out next to the oven, snoring softly. I smiled as we passed him, pausing for a moment and causing Marco to wait too as he kept hold of my hand. Bending, I gave the dog a gentle rub, then leaned forward to plop a kiss on his head. I swayed as I overbalanced, and Marco hauled me up.
‘I don’t think he’d appreciate you flattening him while he’s trying to sleep.’
‘He does it to me all the time.’ I put a finger to my lips. ‘But don’t tell Mum. He’s not supposed to be on the bed.’
Marco let go of my hand, placed his own either side of my face, and kissed my forehead. ‘I’m fairly sure she already knows. I get the feeling she doesn’t miss much.’
I blinked. ‘What did she say to you?’
‘Actually, nothing. Not like you’re implying, anyway.’
‘Look, Marco, I know what I’m doing.’
‘Do you?’
I squinted, the effects of the alcohol suddenly receding a little. ‘Yes.’
‘Which is what?’
I ran a hand back over my hair. ‘You made me two very lovely offers, Marco. Offers anyone in my position would be stupid to turn down.’
‘But you’re going to.’ A statement rather than a question.
‘No.’ I saw the flicker of something behind his eyes. ‘Well, one of them.’
He gave a small smile. ‘I have a feeling I know which one you are turning down.’ There was a resignation to his expression. He’d known the answer before he’d even got here. I could see that.
‘I am sorry, Marco. I just don’t think that’s the right thing for either of us.’
We stood together in silence for a moment before Marco prompted me on. ‘And the other offer?’
‘I’m going to take the job. You and I both know I’m the best person for it.’
‘I agree that for the team you are definitely the best person. You have talent and I trust you. But I have to say – I don’t think this is perhaps the best thing for you. At least not right now.’
‘It is! It’s the perfect thing, and especially right now! Marco, I need this. Don’t you dare change your mind on me.’
‘Lexi …’
‘Is this because I don’t want to get back together with you?’
His perfect teeth showed in a smile, sudden and genuine. ‘You really think I would be that petty?’
I blew out a sigh. ‘No. I don’t even know why I said that. Blame the champagne.’
‘I’m not blaming anyone. Or anything. It was a fair question. Yes, I regret that you feel we couldn’t make things work between us. And yes, I still think you’re beautiful and funny and love that you have no pretensions or airs or –’
‘Legs up to my armpits,’ I added, remembering that aside from me, he tended to have a predilection for such features in his girlfriends.
‘Such legs can sometimes be over-rated.’
‘Oh really.’ My tone was firmly set to “sceptical”.
‘I didn’t say always.’ The boyish grin he gave illustrated how so many of those endless legs had ended up wrapped around him over the years. He was handsome, amusing, intelligent, and fiercely passionate about the world he operated in. It made quite the package. But it wasn’t a package I wanted to open again. I loved Marco; that was true. But not in the way I needed to in order to make things work between us.
I looked up at him. ‘Are you really taking back your offer?’
He studied me for a moment then carefully and gently brushed my overgrown fringe back from my eye with his thumb, his hand resting on my face. ‘You can’t keep running away, Lexi.’
‘I’m not running away from anything!’ I said, pushing his hand away sharply.
‘Aren’t you?’
‘No! And don’t think you can come here, spend a couple of hours with me, and then presume to know everything, because you don’t.’
In contrast to me, Marco remained calm, just as he did on the track. ‘I’m not presuming anything. And you know I know you better than that. We went through a lot together, Lexi. Good and bad. I know when you’re happy and I know when you’re sad, however much you disguise it.’
I looked down at my feet, scrunching my toes back and forth on the end of the rug.
‘I know it drives you crazy to think there are people who see beyond that tough-cookie shell you try and project.’
Lifting my gaze, I gave him a wary look.
‘It’s time to stop running, Lexi. It’s time to let your guard down and risk everything.’
His dark eyes locked on to mine, as he nodded his head back towards the sounds of laughter and chatter drifting out from the dining room. ‘Do you want to talk about it?’
‘Nope.’
‘Well, there’s a surprise.’
My eyes blazed. ‘What’s that supposed to mean?’
Marco shrugged. ‘You never want to talk about it. You prefer to pack it all away and pretend it’s not there, even though it’s eating away at you!’
‘I do talk about things. Sometimes.’
‘So, have you talked about things with Cal?’
‘Plenty of things. And what does this have to do with you offering me a job?’
‘Because I am not going to be responsible for you running away from something that could bring you all the happiness you’ve ever wanted.’
I shook my head and felt my insides twist.
‘I can’t make him happy, Marco.’ My voice felt sore and sounded hoarse. The absolute joy of Claire and Dan’s announcement contrasted with the perfect misery of how things were – had to be – with Cal. Between all of it, I was suddenly exhausted. To my surprise, Marco laughed. I screwed up my face at him, shocked, but before I could say anything – or do anything – he caught my hands and lifted them as one to his lips.
‘Oh, Lexi.’ He smiled. ‘As much as it pains me to say, that guy is crazy about you. You can see it in every glance he steals at you, every word he speaks to you, every touch. I don’t know what’s happened between you exactly but at the moment, you both look thoroughly miserable. And thoroughly in love. Whatever it is, it can be fixed.’
I shook my head. Dan and Claire’s news this evening had broken the careful dam of protection I kept my emotions behind, taking us all by surprise. I hadn’t had time to make sure all the leaks were plugged and now Marco was chipping away at it even more.
‘It can’t, Marco,’ I replied, my voice cracking, ‘not this.’
Marco took my hands. ‘You know he loves you, right?’
I blinked and a tear breached position, sliding down my face and off my chin, landing on the back of Marco’s tanned hand.
‘And you love him.’ It wasn’t a question but I answered anyway.
‘Yes.’
‘Then you have everything you need. I’ll admit I had hopes for us. I’ve been trying to find the right way to ask you about starting over again for a while. And then I saw those pictures of you on Facebook. I saw the way he was looking at you. And the way you were looking at him.’ He gave me a sheepish glance. ‘I’m not accustomed to losing … I had to try. But I also know when I’m beaten. I know I could never make you as happy as he does, no matter how hard I tried. It’s clear you do the same for him. Don’t waste that, Lexi.’
‘I’m not!’ I cried, giving up on any semblance of pretence now. ‘I mean, I don’t want to! Do you honestly think I’ve not lain awake every night trying to think of a way to change the way things are? Do you think I’d let him go if I had any other choice at all? For God’s sake, Marco, I love him! So much that it makes my chest hurt even to think about it, but I have to let him go. For his sake.’
‘Why?’
I swallowed, my throat raw and uncomfortable. ‘You know why,’ I replied, quieter now.
‘You’ve discussed it?’
‘Yes.’
‘And?’
‘And, like the alpha male he is, he thinks that the normal rules don’t apply to him. That he can beat the odds! Like you did, and look how well that worked out!’
He gave me a look, and the fight went out of me.
‘I saw Cal tonight, just before dinner. He was watching my big, noisy, chaotic family and I could see it in his face – how much that means to him, having that. He’s already said that’s exactly what he wants for George. And I know he wants it too. Needs it. He had a horrible childhood and he’s a wonderful father to George, and would be to any child. I can’t be the one to break those dreams. I won’t.’
‘Lexi, you could never break anyone’s dreams. It’s just not in you.’
‘Marco. This is the way it has to be. I take the job with you, put a permanent distance between us, and give him the chance to find the person he’s really meant to be with.’
‘Listen to me.’ Marco’s voice took on a tone that I’d only ever heard him use when he was really, really mad. During all the time I’d known him, he’d never once used it on me. Until now. ‘You know as well as me that life can be short. We’ve seen it. One day you think you have your whole life ahead of you and then, that’s it. I missed having that moment by inches and you were witness to that.’
‘Don’t, Marco. Please! I hate thinking of that day.’ I tried to turn away but he stopped me.
‘You should think about it. You should think about it every day. I know I do. It’s what keeps me going. It’s what keeps me feeling alive and going after what I want, even if I know there’s a good chance of me failing. It’s what made me kiss you because, even though I pretty much knew you were going to reject me, I had to try. Don’t waste something this good, Lexi. Please! You have to try. You have to stop being afraid of taking a chance on love. You’re fearless in a lot of ways, but when it comes to your heart?’ His voice was softer now and his smile gentle. ‘Not so much. I’ve seen the way that man looks at you. Hurting you is the last thing on his mind.’
‘But what about me hurting him?’
‘Why don’t you let me worry about that?’ Cal’s voice from the doorway made me jump. Marco merely turned, calm as ever, accepting the almost imperceptible nod that Cal gave him.
‘How long have you been standing there?’ I asked, quickly dragging the heel of my hand across my cheeks.
‘Long enough.’
‘It’s rude to eavesdrop. Didn’t your mother ever …’ I stopped, suddenly realising just how inappropriate my automatic response was. I’d been trying to cover just how excruciatingly awkward I felt and had now managed only to add to the very feeling I was trying to alleviate. ‘I’m sorry. I didn’t mean … I wasn’t thinking.’
‘It’s all right, Lexi.’ His voice was soft, and with the way he was looking at me, I got the distinct feeling his response wasn’t only in reference to my spectacular foot-in-mouth moment.
Marco broke the spell. ‘I should go before this weather really sets in.’
‘They’re saying there’s a big storm headed this way. You going to be OK getting back in that?’ Cal nodded at the window, indicating the outline of the sleek Lamborghini parked there, its matt black body slowly being brought into the spirit of the season thanks to the tiny snowflakes that were now settling gently and decorating the dark paintwork.
‘Yes, thanks. If I leave now, I’ll be back in London before the roads are too affected.’
Cal nodded, and Marco turned to me. His eyes were kind as he took my hands. ‘Thank your family for having me tonight.’ We all threw a glance as a big whoop went up from the other room. God knew what they were up to, but from the gales of laughter that followed, it was something fun. A smile tempted my face. How I’d missed the sound of that laughter for all those years. And how I’d miss it if I left again. But I had to. Didn’t I?
‘I’d say it myself but I don’t want to interrupt whatever’s going on in there. And congratulations to your brother and his wife. I’m so happy for them.’
‘Thank you. Me too,’ I croaked, my throat raw from tonight’s assault of emotions.
‘Have a think about everything I said.’ He put a hand to my cheek for a moment. ‘The job is still there if you want it. But it’s only yours if it’s for the right reasons. And I’ve known you long enough now so don’t even bother trying to fool me.’ He bent and kissed my forehead and pulled me into a long hug. ‘You have to take a chance at some point, Lex,’ he whispered. ‘And I’m thinking now would be a pretty good time.’ Marco let go and stood back. Turning to Cal, he held out his hand. ‘I’m fairly sure you overheard me say something about kissing her but as you haven’t punched me yet, I’m hoping you’ve decided not to.’
Cal took his hand and shook it. ‘As it’s nearly Christmas …’ Humour glinted in his eyes.
Marco gave a conceding nod. ‘Then I wish you a very merry Christmas. And the best of luck.’
Cal caught the meaning. ‘Thanks.’
Marco opened the back door. ‘I’ll call you soon.’
I smiled. ‘Text me when you’re home, OK?’ I said, glancing past him and looking up at the clouds now sending down larger flakes.
Marco grinned and shrugged at Cal who had now come to stand at my side. ‘She’s worse than my mother sometimes.’
‘And like her, just because you’re world champion doesn’t mean I’m going to go all reverential around you. Just send the damn text.’
Marco dashed another kiss on my cheek. ‘So feisty.’ He winked at Cal before hurrying out to his car and quickly ensconcing himself inside. The engine burbled into life and, without drama, Marco gently steered the car out of the drive and turned out into the road. In the still of the night, we heard the engine open up as its owner drove away from the sleepy village and back to the lights and noise of the city.
I closed the door against the cold and glanced over at Apollo. He’d shuffled himself onto his back and was now lying with all four paws in the air, his front legs loose and floppy, his back haunches folded, and everything overlaid with gentle, contented snores.
‘Very elegant, Apollo.’
Cal’s gaze followed mine and his beautiful face, moments ago serious and concerned, creased into laughter. I loved his smile, the sound of his laugh, and the way those hypnotic eyes became twinkly and full of joy. I loved the way his long legs covered the distance between me and the dog in a couple of strides and the soft look on his face as he crouched down and carefully lifted Apollo’s head from where it was lying at a decidedly odd angle off the edge of his bed. Without waking him, Cal gently manoeuvred him back into a more comfortable position. Standing, he looked back to where I had remained by the door.
‘I’ve never had a dog so I don’t know whether dogs can get a crick in their neck or not but …’ He shrugged, a slightly sheepish look on his face.
‘He won’t now. Thank you.’ Silence drifted over us. ‘Have you thought any more about getting a dog of your own?’ I piped up eventually, in order to break it.
Cal shoved his hands in his pockets, dropped his head, and let out a big sigh. Bringing his head back up, he caught me in the tractor beam of that intoxicating gaze. ‘Is this the bit where you say everything and anything in order to avoid talking about the things that really matter?’
I pondered a moment. ‘Pretty much, yeah.’
He walked back over to where I’d remained, almost fixed to the floor since Marco had left, half of me wanting to get over the fear I had about what might happen next, and half of me wanting to do exactly what Marco had said I always did. Run away. My eyes flicked to the door handle.
‘Don’t even think about it. Unless it’s just to go somewhere else to talk. Which, from the bit I overheard is something we definitely need to do.’
‘Oh, there you are!’ Giselle appeared, slightly pink-faced from the warmth and general busyness of the party that was now in full abandon in another part of the house. ‘We’d wondered where you’d gone.’
‘Marco was leaving. I … we … were just seeing him out.’
Xander wandered up behind his wife and I saw them both look curiously between me and Cal. ‘Are you all right?’ he asked.
Giselle was next to me now, peering at my face. Without a word, she tugged me over to the light. ‘You’ve been crying.’
‘It’s nothing. Really.’
The look she gave me showed just how little her kids were going to get away with if they ever tried it on with her.
‘Honestly. It’s all … fine.’
Actually, I had no idea what it was, so fine would have to do for the moment.
Giselle was having none of it but she’d known me long enough to know when not to push it.
‘OK. Obviously, I don’t believe a word but I’ll leave you both to it. Are you coming back in?’
‘I don’t really know, Gis.’
‘She hugged me. ‘Is it Dan’s news that’s upset you? I mean, I know you’re not upset for them but …’
‘No! I’m thrilled for them! I’m a bit tearful about it, yes, but it’s for all the good reasons. Just like I was with you. I promise.’
Giselle rested her head against mine for a moment. When she’d first told me she was pregnant, she’d admitted that she almost thought about hiding it for a while because she was worried about my reaction. But then she realised by doing that, it would have made it so much worse. And that was true. Life was what it was. I didn’t want people treading on eggshells around me about stuff. Admittedly, some tact was always appreciated, which even my lummoxes of brothers realised. But apart from that, life was there and generally you just had to deal with it. I could be sad for me, but I would never let that affect the joy I felt for the people I loved.
‘We’ll leave you to it, then.’ Xander verbally nudged Giselle.
She gave me a private grin and rolled her eyes. ‘He’s so subtle.’ Giving us both a quick kiss on the cheek, she stepped back towards the other room. ‘Call me if you want anything. It doesn’t matter what the time is.’
‘Thanks, Gis. I will.’
‘Although, between the hours of nine and five would be – Oww!’ Xander teased before getting a whack from his wife. He winked at me over the top of her head. Like Giselle, I knew he was there for me wherever and whenever I needed him no matter what he said. They disappeared from sight, and headed back into the throng of the family party.
‘I’m thinking it might be better to go somewhere else. Somewhere we can talk without any interruptions,’ Cal suggested.
Right now I was OK with the interruptions because it stopped me having to face up to him and what that might mean. As if reading my mind, he gave a head tilt.
‘Why do I get the feeling you wouldn’t mind if your whole family suddenly trooped in here right now?’
Even in the low light of the lamp I knew Cal hadn’t missed how I was now blushing as red as the poinsettia Mum had on the windowsill. Busted.
‘That’s what I thought.’
‘We can go next door to mine, if you like.’
Cal rolled his lips together for a second. ‘If I were a lesser man, the entire lack of enthusiasm in that suggestion might bother me.’
It was my turn to look sheepish. ‘I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it to sound like that.’
He reached his hand out and warm, long fingers gently laced themselves through mine. It was such a simple gesture but I felt the sparks shoot through me at his touch. He turned, his eyes on mine, and the sparks exploded like fireworks on New Year’s Eve.
This wasn’t me. I was good at compartmentalising. Or running away, if that’s what’s Marco wanted to call it. Whatever it was labelled, I did it. And I was good at it. I put things in a box. Put them away. Moved on. Done. But Cal refused to conform to my method. His face, voice, body all invaded my thoughts when they weren’t supposed to. This wasn’t how it was supposed to work. But I couldn’t stop it.
‘I can practically see the steam from here.’ His mouth curved up a little. ‘Don’t get yourself worked up overthinking. I’m not asking for anything from you, Lexi, apart from for you to let me in. Let me be a part of this decision you’re making to push me away.’
‘It’s not what I wanted, Cal, I promise. I never meant to fall for you. It all just sort of happened.’
‘Some things are meant to happen. George wasn’t “meant to happen” but I guess sometimes the Universe, or God, or whatever you believe in has other ideas for us.’
Another whoop of cheering and laughter went up from the other room.
‘Come on, let’s find somewhere a bit quieter. We can always come back later. They’ll understand.’
‘I don’t want them thinking –’
‘Lex. It was your mum who told me to come and find you as I was stood in there pretending to join in.’
I looked up at him. ‘She’s pretty good at that whole mind-reading thing, isn’t she?’
‘So good. It’s kind of disturbing. How did you lot ever get away with anything?’
I shrugged. ‘We didn’t. We’ve all had years of practice with her and still can’t fool her for more than a minute.’
‘I’m glad she insisted.’
‘Are you?’
‘Yes. Because at least now I know how you feel, which is something you had omitted to tell me.’
I didn’t answer and Cal didn’t speak, concentrating instead on lifting my coat from the wooden row of pegs on the wall. He draped it around my shoulders before grabbing his own and slinging it over his arm. Opening the door, Cal gripped it firmly as a flurry of snow blew in on the icy draught. We shoved ourselves through the door and quickly closed it behind us, keeping the heat in the house.
Cal took my hand and we half ran through the now-settling snow to the steps, duly gritted earlier, and raced up them. I grabbed the key from my pocket and quickly plugged it in the lock and turned. The cosy warmth from my little flat enveloped us as we stepped in, shutting out the weather – and the world – leaving just me and Cal. The softly changing lights from the small fibre optic Christmas tree I’d chosen provided a gentle, comforting glow.
‘I … can I get you a drink or something?’ I asked, suddenly feeling a little awkward as Cal took the coat from my shoulders and hung it alongside his on the shabby chic hat stand behind the door.
‘I’d really just like to sit and talk before I explode but if you want a drink, you should have one.’
‘I don’t really.’
‘Stop procrastinating then and get that cute butt over here and sit down with me.’
I hesitated. Cal was doing his best to keep things light, as though coaxing a wary animal towards safety, knowing all the time that it might bolt and shoot straight out into the road.
‘Please, Lexi.’ His voice was low and his expression looked almost haunted. ‘I know what you said, about being friends and all that. But it’s not working for me, and I don’t think it’s working for you either.’
‘I’ll make it work … I have to. It’s for the –’
His head snapped up as his brows drew together. He shot up and immediately gained the height advantage. I tipped my head back to meet his eyes and almost wished I hadn’t. The pain in those grey eyes shot into my chest with a force that felt almost physical. He was done with the coaxing.
‘If you’re about to say it’s for the best, then save your breath. I know it’s not and so do you. What’s it going to take to get you to realise that? What do I have to do to prove to you that, whatever you think, all I want is you?’
‘That’s what Marco thought too, at first,’ I cried. The guilt at seeing the pain in his eyes kicked me automatically into defensive mode.
‘I’m not Marco.’
‘Why would you be any different?’ I threw up my hands, turning away. I couldn’t face him right now because he was different. I knew that. I’d never felt like this about anyone and if this was how excruciatingly painful it was to love someone this much, then I was going to make sure I never did again.
‘Because everyone’s different, Lexi!’ I could hear the hurt and the tension in his voice and wrapped my arms around myself to prevent me from wrapping them around him. ‘And because I bloody well love you more than I know what to do with and I know you love me too. All that put together means that I’m different. That this –’ he waved his arm in the air between us ‘– is different. And if you’d just give us a chance, we can prove it.’
The silence hung between us. A soft swishy noise signalled that the snow was falling harder, settling quicker. I swallowed the lump I felt in my throat and looked towards the window as thoughts swirled through my head, just as the flakes outside tumbled in the air.
‘He’ll be OK. He’s probably nearly there by now.’ Cal picked up on my thoughts about Marco. Marco was a good friend. Better than I ever knew if I was honest – his actions tonight showed me that. All everyone saw was the playboy side, a side he admittedly played up to. But there was so much more to Marco than that. I knew that. And tonight Cal had seen that too.
‘Call him if you’re going to be so worried that you can’t concentrate on anything else. It’s OK.’ His voice was calm now. Understanding. He’d told me that he’d seen the media coverage of Marco’s accident. There’d been a photo of me taken a little after the accident when I’d returned to the garage. Its focus was slightly blurred thanks to the length of the lens used, but there was no mistaking the utter distress on my face. I’d been mortified at the intrusion. At the world seeing my emotions so raw, so visceral.
Marco was used to being in the public eye, but I wasn’t. I’d never got used to it. I had no wish to be seen at parties and I’d certainly had no wish to be put on display like that. Once Marco knew about it, he’d put his lawyers on the case and had managed to get hold of the photo, but by then it had already been seen around the world. And one of those people who had seen it was Cal Martin.
Whatever Marco said, I knew there was someone better for him, more suited to that lifestyle he favoured. But I still loved him, like family now. I knew I’d never forget that day, and the fear, and with Joe’s recent accident still in mind, I knew I was on edge.
My phone let out a soft ping, signalling the arrival of a text. I walked over to the tiny console table near the door where I’d left my mobile earlier this evening. I pressed onto messages and saw an unread one from Marco.
Home. So you can stop worrying now. Talk to him!!! xxx
‘He OK?’
I replaced the phone on the table and hovered there for a moment, my fingers fiddling with the petals of the impossibly real-looking cream silk roses displayed in a cut glass vase.
‘Yes. Thanks.’
‘Good.’
‘He told me – again – to talk to you.’
‘And are you going to take his advice?’
I let my hand drop to my side before I risked destroying the flower display entirely.
‘I’m scared, Cal. And I’m not used to that. I never baulked at going for the biggest jumps on my mountain bike, or following my brothers to the highest branch in the tree. That was just a challenge to me. And I like challenges. But this feels like so much more. And, honestly, I’m not sure if I can do it.’
‘Because you might risk your heart?’
I shook my head. ‘No. Because I might risk yours. And your son’s.’
Cal held out his hand, and I looked at it, wanting to take it. I wanted to take his hand and I wanted so much more but –
‘Lexi, stop thinking for a moment and just listen.’
Lifting my gaze to meet his, I saw the faintest of smiles shadow his lips as he wiggled his fingers towards me. Reaching out, I took his hand and as he pulled me close, his arms wrapping tight around me, one large hand cradling the back of my head.
Immediately, I felt some of the knots begin to loosen. This was where I should be. In my heart, I knew it. But the problem wasn’t my heart. I’d always been sensible and practical and over-ruled the silly whims of my heart. The one time I hadn’t, it had ended in pain on both sides. And this time would be so, so much worse. The question was whether I was willing to take that risk again. To take a chance on Cal Martin. On myself.
Cal gently pulled us both down onto the well-loved sofa and we sunk into its comforting depths. He kept his arms around me, and leant his head gently on mine.
‘Lexi, do you really think I haven’t thought this over a million times?’ He breathed a kiss into my hair. ‘I grew up protecting myself from anything and anyone that could hurt me. I swore to myself I’d never let anyone in enough to risk any sort of damage to my feelings, and when George came along, I knew that I’d do everything I possibly could to give him a happy home and would never do anything to risk his happiness, or put confusion into his life.’
Cal sat up a little and turned me, so that I was facing him. ‘The only thing you’d be risking, if you let yourself, is adding more happiness, more joy, and more love to both our lives.’
I met his eyes and saw the honesty in them. He believed every word and I knew that I did too.
‘But what about …’
‘More children?’
My gaze dropped to his chest, and he hooked the side of his finger under my chin, bringing it up. He waited until I met his eyes before speaking.
‘If it happens, I’ll be incredibly happy. But if it doesn’t, I’ll still be incredibly happy because I’ll have you, which is more than I ever thought I’d find. I love you, Lexi, and so does George. I will always love you, whatever happens. And I will be right beside you, always. For the good times and the bad. That’s what love’s about. Whatever happens, we’ll be in it together, and being together is already more than enough. I meant everything I said before. I want you in our lives. That’s the most important thing to me. Anything else is a bonus.’
He brushed back a lock of my hair that had tumbled forward. ‘I love you.’ He gave me the smile that had caused my stomach to do backflips from the very first time. ‘You have no idea how much! If you give me the chance, I promise to show you every day.’ He took my hand. ‘But I can’t do this alone, Lexi, and I know it’s scary. I’ve never done this before either – given my heart over to someone so utterly and completely and it scares the life out of me, if I’m honest, but it also feels like the only thing I should be doing. It feels more right than anything I’ve ever done in my life.’
I leant forward, and kissed him, feeling the hesitation in his body. Pulling back, I met his eyes, wary.
‘Please don’t tell me that was a goodbye kiss,’ he whispered.
I shook my head, the smile spreading on my face. ‘No. It wasn’t. It was a time to be brave kiss.’
‘So, you’re saying yes?’ The surprise in his voice tore at my heart. He’d opened himself to me, laid himself bare, knowing, even expecting to be turned down. His honesty, and bravery, breached my emotional dam entirely.
‘I am. I want this. I want you, and whatever does or doesn’t happen. I want it all.’
Cal touched my face gently, his long fingers sliding back and entwining themselves in my hair, his eyes never leaving me.
‘I used to be a daredevil as a child. Nothing fazed me. But somewhere along the way, something happened; I lost some of that bravery. I lost some of that self-belief. Now it’s time to get it back. It’s time be brave about something that really matters …’
I barely had time to take a breath before Cal’s mouth was on mine, his arm wrapping around my waist, as the other cupped the back of my head, his fingers splaying as his mouth delivered a kiss that stopped me thinking about anything other than how good it felt to be here, being kissed by this man, and feeling his solid, broad body pressing close to mine as his mouth moved and began trailing down my neck …