Lydia
THE GIRLS ARE coming over for wine night, which couldn’t come at a better time. I have so many different emotions bottled up inside of me regarding Marcus. I need an outlet and some advice or I’ll explode.
Speak of the devil, I think as my phone dings with a message.
Stalker: Caught ya.
My brow furrows in confusion as I try to figure out what he’s talking about. After several seconds and still no clue, I text him back.
Me: Caught me what?
Stalker: Thinking about me.
With a grin, I respond.
Me: What makes you so sure I was thinking about you?
Stalker: Because I was thinking of you.
See? That right there is why any resolve I have to keep him at a safe distance is slowly melting away.
Stalker: Can I come over?
Me: You’re not sick of me yet? You saw me all weekend.
A few hours after tagging along with him at work, he texted me asking if I wanted to come over for lunch the next day. If a man is going to cook for me, I’m certainly not saying no. I didn’t end up leaving his house until nine o’clock that night.
Stalker: How can I be sick of you when you kiss the way you do?
My core tightens and my cheeks redden. We haven’t gone beyond making out and wandering hands, but that doesn’t mean I don’t fantasize about more.
Me: So that’s all I am to you, huh? Just a person to make out with?
Stalker: No, I could find that anywhere. You’re much more than that to me. You’re quickly becoming my favorite person to be with. Kissing is a bonus. ;-)
I laugh quietly to myself and shake my head. He’s impossible.
Me: Confession: You’re becoming my favorite person too. Buuuuut I already have plans tonight. The girls are coming over for wine night.
Stalker: Ahhh, girl time. Well, have fun and call me later.
Me: We’ll see. ;-)
As soon as I tap the send button, there’s a knock at my door. Getting up off the couch, I walk to the front and let in the gang.
“Hey, girl!” Scarlett says as she walks in. They all file in one by one and we gather in the kitchen to get down to business and pour some wine.
“I haven’t seen you guys in ages,” I tell them.
“I know. Where have you been lately?” Paige asks.
“I’ve been around,” I say vaguely. “Just busy with work and stuff.”
“And would this stuff have anything to do with our favorite officer?” Charlotte teases. I glare at her jokingly for blowing up my spot. She’s the only one I’ve really talked to about my situation with Marcus.
“Wait, are you seeing the cop who gave you the ticket? The same one from the bar?” Paige asks incredulously.
Looking down at my wine glass, all I can do is nod. I’m not sure why I’m so nervous to talk to my friends about this. I guess I just don’t want them making a huge deal about it in case it doesn’t work out.
“You hussy! You’re holding out on us!” Scarlett says. “Come on, I want all the details. How long?”
I internally cringe, knowing the onslaught of questions that is about to come. “Two months?” I hedge. Their mouths drop and I know they’re shocked I’ve been keeping this from them.
“Spill,” Paige says as they all stare at me intently.
Once I start, it’s like the floodgates open. Despite my initial hesitations, I feel so much better after talking to them. Not only does it feel like I’m not hiding this from my friends, but saying it out loud makes it more real.
When I’m done recapping the last two months since I caved and we finally started dating, they all stare at me in silence with knowing smiles on their faces. “And he wanted to stop by tonight, but I told him it was girls’ night.” When no one says anything, I say, “What?”
“You really like him,” Scarlett says. I’m not sure why it sounds more like an accusation than a statement, but my first instinct is to deny it. Until I realize she’s right.
With a sigh, I admit, “I do.”
“Why do you sound depressed about it?” Paige asks with a little laugh in her voice.
“I’m scared.” I shrug.
“Of what?” Paige’s expression softens and she looks concerned.
“How is it possible to like someone so much in such a short time? I’m crazy, right?” This is crazy. I don’t believe in the whole love at first sight notion, but there was definitely a connection from the first time we met, and it’s grown steadily ever since.
Charlotte puts her hand on my knee. “Not every guy is like Seth, you know? In fact, the majority of men aren’t like that douche. I know you’re waiting for Marcus to let you down and prove you right, but you have to stop doing that.”
Charlotte reads me better than most and she knows exactly what my fears are. I’d never felt so hurt, so betrayed as the day Seth broke my heart. That’s when I realized love isn’t about a fairy tale, it’s a weapon. It creates damage so deep you have no hope of ever being the same again. You can only hope to mask the pain and force it to the back of your mind so you can function each day.
Paige shrugs before she says, “Sometimes you just know, Lydia. Stop questioning everything and go with it. See where it takes you. It might be a casual thing, or it could develop into something more, but you have to stop overthinking.”
I let their words sink in and know they’re right. There are things in life you can’t explain, and maybe my attraction and connection to Marcus is one of them. With a cleansing breath, I do my best to release my apprehensions, fears, and anxieties about Marcus.
But it’s easier said than done.
Me: I can’t sleep. Are you awake?
My phone rings in my hand a few seconds later. “I take it you can’t sleep either?” I ask.
“Not really. I’ve been lying in bed for about an hour now.”
His deep voice makes me squirm and snuggle down deeper into my covers.
“Tell me something random,” I say to him.
He pauses for half a second before replying, “I hate spiders.”
I laugh. “Seriously? You’re scared of a little spider?”
“Hey, not all of those things are little,” he says defensively. “All those legs and the way they crawl. It creeps me the fuck out. I don’t like it.” I can almost hear him cringe through the phone. Who would have thought a guy who goes to work every day and comes face to face with dangerous criminals would be afraid of something so small. It’s one more thing I find charming about him.
“So I’ll have to kill all spiders that we see when we’re together. Got it,” I joke.
“No, I’ll do it. I’m not ready to hand in my man card, but just know that I don’t like it.” The humor in his voice causes me to laugh. “What about you? Tell me something random.”
I start to comb through the archives of my brain, but ultimately blurt out the first thing that comes to mind. “I’ve never broken a bone.”
“What did you do, walk around with bubble wrap on?”
“No,” I say with a little laugh. “As a kid, I never took chances. I was pretty much scared of everything until I met—” My words are cut short when I realize the path I was headed toward.
“Until you met who?” he pushes.
I take a deep breath and let it out. “Seth. He’s my ex. We met in high school and he helped me break out of my shell and try new things.” That’s about all he was good for, but I don’t say that part out loud. “You’re turn,” I say, trying to shift the focus off of me. I turn my bedside lamp off as I wait for his reply.
“I’ve always wanted to bungee jump.”
“No way. What on earth would possess you to want to do that?”
“I’m not sure. It just looks freeing.” His response makes me wonder if there’s something preventing him from feeling that way with two feet on the ground. “Your turn.”
“I never think about bungee jumping.”
He lets out a small chuckle. “That doesn’t count.”
“Okay, let me think. I’ve never been outside of the country. I’ve traveled all over the US, but never went abroad.”
“Really? Even in college?”
I shake my head even though he can’t see me. “Nope. I had to work while I went to school because my parents couldn’t afford to pay for it. I didn’t have a whole lot of extra cash at the time, so I’d save up and take a road trip with a couple friends. Once I graduated, life just got . . . hectic and I didn’t have time to plan a trip.”
“We’ll have to fix that one day,” he responds.
“Somewhere tropical,” I add.
“Yes, somewhere with white beaches and crystal blue water.”
I can picture it so clearly, but the comforting part is I can see Marcus lying beside me. The image brings a smile to my face.
“Well, babe, I’m going to get off of here and go to bed. I’ve got to work in the morning.” He lets out a yawn, but I’m still hung up on the fact that he called me babe. This is the first time he’s used a nickname for me. Who knew four little letters could bring a smile to my face and make my stomach flutter.
“I’m going to turn in too. I’ve got to make one last visit to an attorney’s office first thing in the morning before I can officially close out his account.”
“Okay, call me tomorrow. Sweet dreams.”
“Goodnight.”
I don’t think I’ve ever fallen asleep with a smile on my face, but tonight I do.