Chapter Fourteen

 

 

WHETHER ROSE BELIEVED him or not, Colby meant what he’d said back at the church, and he hoped here, now, in the loft bedroom he’d helped construct with his own hands, he could again use his hands and his heart to build on his relationship with the mother of his son.

“I love you,” he said, unzipping the pale blue jacket of her latest jogging suit.

“I love you, too,” she said, arching her head back when he kissed her throat. “But I don’t know why or even how you could love me. I’ve given you nothing but grief since I got here.”

“True,” he teased, easing her jacket off her shoulders and down her arms, letting it fall with a whisper to the carpet. “But every time you annoy me, you have this uncanny knack of reeling me back in.” Outside, rain still fell. Inside, he gently drew her white T-shirt over her head, then kissed a trail along the outline of her pretty pink bra. “I loved the way you cared for my cuts after I fell down the lodge’s front porch stairs.”

“I thought you said I was a bad nurse.”

“I lied. You were the best. Tender and caring, just the way I’d want you to be with our son.” He hooked his thumbs into the waistband of her jogging pants, inching them down, letting her use his shoulders for support when he lifted her right foot out, then her left. “I love the way you got so excited over catching a fish, yet you didn’t go all squeamish when it came time to eat him—unless I count those tears I saw in your eyes when you thought I wasn’t looking. But I will count them, because they tell me you understand Alaska on a basic level—that, up here, nature is a gift to be used but also respected.”

“Know what I love about you?” she asked, lifting off his navy-blue T-shirt.

He shivered from the sensation of her cold fingertips on his chest. “You’re freezing,” he said. “Let’s get you under the covers.”

“I’m fine.” On her tiptoes, she planted butterfly-soft kisses along his collarbone and throat. “I love the way every time I turn around, you’re wondering if I’m cold. All the time getting me blankets. Tucking in my toes.”

“They’re cute toes.”

“Thanks.”

Undoing the top button of his jeans, then another and another, she knelt before him, kissing each inch of skin beneath his black cotton boxers that she bared. “I wasn’t going to mention this,” she said, glancing up at him, gaze sparkling. “But since I’m here, I love how your last boxers had airplanes, but tonight’s little dancing bears are adorable.”

“Just so long as we keep them a secret just for you.”

“Scout’s Honor,” she said, solemnly looking up before bursting into another grin. “Where was I? Oh—I love the way you didn’t yell at me when I let the boat get away.”

“That was pretty boneheaded,” he teased.

“I suppose you could’ve done better?”

“In case you forgot, I used to be a Navy SEAL.”

“I’ll concede that point. So yes, you absolutely could have done better. But in my defense, right after my knot lesson, you gave me a refresher course on kissing. Could I really be blamed if your second lesson overrode the first?”

“Case closed. I’ll grant you a pardon.”

She yanked extra hard on his jeans. “I also love your cooking, and the way you forgave me for nearly setting your cabin on fire.”

“Nearly?” He choked back a laugh. “Seems to me you were well on your way, darlin’.”

“Do you want to hear the rest of my list, or not?”

“Only if it’s truthful.”

After getting his jeans the rest of the way off, she stood. “How’s this for truth?”

They’d shared many kisses over the week, even more during their wild night in his plane, but none came close to rocking him the way this one did. It was not only the first time they’d kissed with their true feelings exposed, but the first in broad daylight with her big, bare belly rubbing his.

What a turn-on. He’d done that.

He’d made a baby—well, not entirely on his own, but he had played a big part in his son’s creation.

Falling to his knees, he kissed the miracle inside his wife-to-be’s bump. While she clung to his hair, he pulled her pink cotton panties down, helping her step clear. Then he was fumbling at her back to unhook her bra and wishing he was more of a ladies’ man when it came to lingerie removal.

“Dammit,” he said. “Why the hell don’t they make these things with an emergency release?”

She laughed, parking his hands on her full breasts before reaching back to accomplish the task herself. “You know,” she said, “I think you actually did a better job of bra removal in the cramped cargo area of your plane.”

“You’re right. Probably felt more like the back seat of a parked car.”

“You were one of those guys, huh?”

He laughed. “I wish. There were four kids in my graduating class—all guys. My friend Heath’s girl, Raven, was a junior, but she’d been pretty much taken since the all-school picnic back in sixth grade.”

“Bummer.”

“My thoughts exactly.”

“Where is he now?

“Still serving. Stationed out of San Diego.”

“Where’s Raven?”

“Sadly, no clue. We all lost touch years ago.”

“Well, you big stud—on a happier note, finally, here’s your chance to have your way with a naked, willing woman.” Grinning, she held out her arms.

Laughing along with her, he tried smoothly getting her into bed, then positioning himself on top of her, but the task proved tougher than planned.

Lying on his side, his hand in the hollow of her hip, he said, “Okay, is it just me, or does Nick make for a logistical nightmare in, ah, certain adult areas?”

Bunching pillows under her head, Rose said, “Seems to me you’ll just have to get more creative to reach our goals.”

“I will?”

She winked. “After all, you’re the one who got me this way.”

“Woman, are you always going to be sassy?”

She took a second to think, then said, “Pretty much.”

“Guess I’ll have to learn to live with it.”

And learn he did.

He started by shushing that sassy mouth of hers, making it impossible for her to speak, only moan.

“Colby, I—”

“Shh…” He ducked his head between her knees to have a little fun.

“Oh…” She braced her fingers in his hair, tugging so hard he winced. He repeated that trick with his tongue—the one that had gotten her hot even in driving snow. Judging by how much harder she was now pulling his hair, he guessed she still liked that particular move.

She squirmed, but he held her in place, nipping her inner thighs, and then further up until she bucked and moaned in time with his tongue. It didn’t take long for her to climax.

In the meantime, he was literally dying for his own release.

He tried shifting on top of her, and she tried making way, but there was no getting past her belly.

“Let me try something else…” He shimmied free of his boxers, wishing it was dark so she wouldn’t see him standing at attention. His big idea for a new position proved another epic fail that landed them in a tangle of sensation-flooded limbs right back where they’d started.

“What’re we going to do?” she asked. “You’ve got me feeling more than a little desperate.”

“Trust me,” he said, forcing back a growl, “the feeling’s mutual.” He sat up, raking his fingers through his hair. “Okay, let’s think. We’re two reasonably intelligent adults, surely we can—got it.”

“What?”

In wickedly sexy, straightforward terms, he spilled his plan in her ear. When she thoroughly reddened, he asked, “Think it’ll work?”

She showed her approval with another kiss.

 

 

EVEN THOUGH HE was exhausted from the second wild night he’d shared with Rose, Colby still couldn’t sleep. Around six a.m., he quit trying in favor of making his future wife a big breakfast.

Funny, but when he’d first gotten home from the cabin, he’d taken a quick shower then headed back out, not wanting to be alone. But now that he had Rose and his future son with him, the place felt like home again, and he never wanted to leave.

Figuring Rose would be extra hungry, he whipped up a batch of waffles and link sausages, accompanied by the cantaloupe Henry had left on his doorstep, along with a note explaining it had come from his garden.

Once he’d assembled two plates on a tray, wishing he had a daisy or something to make it more romantic, Colby grinned. Yep, to be thinking of daisies at this hour made it official.

He had to be in love.

Whistling his way through the sun-flooded house, he took the stairs two at a time, anticipating the view at the top. He wasn’t disappointed to find his very own sleeping beauty still snoring away, gorgeous bare legs tangled in the sheets.

Setting the tray on the nightstand on his side of the bed, he slid back under the covers beside her, taking a moment to drink her in. Lord, she was beautiful, with her long hair fanning her pillow and her complexion golden from all their time spent up at the cabin in the sun.

She rolled over, baring her full left breast.

Luckily, when he woke her by suckling, she didn’t object to him having a little more fun.

 

 

AN HOUR LATER, while Colby was in the kitchen microwaving the waffles and sausage, Rose lounged in his great big whirlpool tub, munching on sweet, cubed cantaloupe.

What an incredible night—and morning. She smiled while gazing out the wall of windows overlooking the rugged gorge. The first time she’d seen it, she’d thought it intimidating, but now she saw it as a challenge. Just like she’d conquered her fear of being with this intoxicating man, one day she might conquer Alaska.

One day.

Her latest bite of cantaloupe turned sour in her mouth, making it hard to swallow.

Her heart lurched, and she feared she might be choking.

Oh—she was choking all right.

Not on the fruit Colby had so lovingly prepared, but on her own stupid fears. One day, meaning she still wasn’t quite ready to commit. One day, maybe, but certainly not today. That would be all right. Colby was an understanding guy. She’d go back to Chicago, have their son, and just as soon as he had free time, he could fly down for a visit.

For that matter, once Nick was big enough to travel, the two of them could fly up for visits, and then—

“Here you go.”

She lurched, splashing water onto the fluffy white rug in front of the tub.

“Sorry.” He set the food tray on the white tile ledge. “Didn’t mean to sneak up on you.”

“I know,” she said, swallowing back tears. As originally planned, her plane left Anchorage that evening, so she still had plenty of time before she’d have to return to the lodge to pack. In some ways, it was hard to believe a week had passed. In others, her week had seemed to last a year. She literally couldn’t remember her life before reuniting with Colby. But sadly, reality was barreling toward her. Until then, she wanted to enjoy the precious hours they had left.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, taking his plate, then sitting on the ledge beside her. “You seem tense.”

“Let’s not talk about it now. I just want to enjoy breakfast. It smells wonderful. Your mom and Nugget did a great job teaching you how to cook.”

“Thanks, but back to the subject—what’s up? Are you sick? Did we overdo it last night and hurt the baby?”

“No.” She curved her hand around his forearm, skimming his sun-kissed smattering of hair. “I’ve never felt better.”

“Then what’s with your frown?” He set his untouched plate on the tray.

“You can probably guess.” She looked down. “Think about it. My flight leaves tonight.”

“Y-your what?”

“My flight. I have to get home. I have work. Plus, there are still plans to finalize for the birth and arranging for the nanny to start full-time after my maternity leave. I have bunches more stuff to buy for the nursery. Oh—and I thought I’d pick up one of those—what?”

His expression had turned darker than the storm clouds they’d watched roll in across his cabin’s lake.

Standing, he paced. “Please tell me I didn’t just hear you say you’re still going to have this baby in Chicago.”

“Of course, I am. You didn’t think I could have it here, did you?”

A muscle ticked in his jaw. “If you’re worried about not having a doctor, we have a great one. Remember that TV show where the town paid for the doctor’s med school if he’d agree to spend a chunk of time practicing there? We did the same thing. Doc Meadows is the best. You’d like her. I’ll get you her number and you can make an appointment.” On his feet, arms crossed, gaze lost in the view, he said. “If you don’t want to get married, that’s cool. Just please—don’t go.”

Rose didn’t bother hiding the tears streaming down her cheeks. Getting out of the tub proved a nightmare, and as usual, he was there for her. What was wrong with her that she couldn’t be there for him?

While she stood naked in every possible way, he wrapped her in a thick white towel. Why did he have to be so kind? Why did his every word and action have to make it that much harder to go? “I’m so sorry. About everything.”

“You’re sorry?” He choked back a bitter laugh.

“I can’t stay. I can’t marry you.”

When he turned away from her, she hugged the towel close, wishing it was him.

“I’m not saying I might not change my mind,” she said. “I just need more time to study marriage dynamics. My favorite area of study has been group dynamics under extreme conditions. But I’ll for sure take an extra look at marriage. You know, to see just how many of them work. I’ve looked into many dysfunctional relationships, but I’ll check into the positive sides as well.”

“So that’s all the thought of marrying me is to you? Just one more case study?”

“Think of the baby, Colby. Do we really want to subject him to us breaking up, if in a couple of years—maybe even months—from now, we decide our relationship isn’t going to work?”

“Fine, Rose. I give up.” He left the room, but then after reaching the hall, turned back. “I thought last night—hell, this whole week—was special. But then what do I know, right?” He laughed. “I’m just some local yokel you picked up on one of your field studies. As for our son, I’m sure you’ll see him as a convenient little study package, too.”

“Colby, I—”

“Don’t,” he said, the cords in his neck tight. “Don’t you dare spout some highbrow academic explanation for your cowardly behavior. And that’s just what you are, Rose Foster, a great big coward too damned afraid to start off on what could’ve been the best trip of your—no, both of our—lives. I get that what you went through with your dad was a nightmare no child should have ever had to face, but why are you letting that ancient history now dictate the entire course of your life? So what if your mom collects men like shoes or purses? She’s not you.”

“Please, Colby…” She ran to him, fisting his T-shirt in her hands. “Please try to understand. A long-distance relationship won’t be so bad. We can work this out over Skype.”

Jaw hard, gaze cold, he said, “The only thing left to work out is our custody agreement. Get dressed, and I’ll take you as far as the lodge. After that… See you in court.”

 

 

THE RIDE FROM Colby’s once-enchanted home to the lodge took an eternity. Packing in front of a grim-faced Nugget had been another eternity. But now that she was finally on board the charter flight she’d arranged to take her to Anchorage, Rose knew she was doing the right thing.

The mere fact that it’d been so rough saying goodbye to all these people told her staying would have been unhealthy. It couldn’t be good to form such immediate attachments—and she had formed attachments to every new friend who’d appeared at the lodge to say goodbye.

Henry, still wearing his tired old fedora, hugging her so tight it hurt, had tucked a bag of his sweet-smelling pipe tobacco in her pocket—just in case after the baby was born she wanted to take up smoking. Stanley brought her a bouquet of forget-me-nots that served as a reminder of the flower-dotted boulder beside Colby’s dock. Nugget sent her on her journey with a still-warm plate of foil-wrapped peanut butter cookies and a thermos filled with nice, cold milk.

Practically the only one in town who hadn’t shown up to say goodbye was Colby. Or any of his friends.

Could she blame them?

“You all buckled in back there?” the pilot asked. This was far different from the time she’d flown with Colby. The plane was bigger, and she sat in a seat two behind and to the right of the middle-aged, balding pilot, whose matter-of-fact concern reminded her of carpooling with one of her friends’ fathers. Nothing about him was remotely similar to Colby, and as her new pilot rambled through the standard commercial flight safety pitch, Rose’s throat ached from missing the man she loved.

Colby’s last words echoed through her throbbing head. Why are you letting that ancient history now dictate the entire course of your life? So what if your mom collects men like shoes or purses? She’s not you.

The pilot glanced over his shoulder. “You okay?”

“Fine,” she lied, silent tears streaming down her cheeks as he revved the plane’s engine. She’d long since taken Colby’s Santa hat from her purse. Gripping it like a lifeline, she was still crying as the plane’s floats clacked over Kodiak Lake’s choppy water.

You a virgin?

Crying, grinning, peering out over the rapidly fading view, she touched her fingers to the small oval window.

Nope. She was officially no longer even an almost-virgin. But since she knew no man would ever come close to giving her what she’d cherished with Colby, she also knew she’d probably never make love with anyone else.

“Want anything to eat or drink?” the pilot asked over the engine’s dull hum. “I’ve got soda and pretzels in a cooler behind the back seat.”

“No, thank you.” I’m never eating again.

“Sorry it took me so long to get over here. Had to repair a busted fuel line. Damnedest thing. We’ve had a mouse problem back at the hangar. Looks like one of the little buggers must’ve chewed right through it.”

“That’s okay,” Rose said, knowing full well nothing would ever be okay again. What had she done?

Oh, she knew from the crushing pain in her chest that she’d made the right decision in leaving. It was coming here in the first place that was now causing her doubts.

Just like her lawyer had said, she should’ve informed Colby via mail that he was going to be a parent. It would’ve been clean, efficient. No fuss, no muss.

Though that may have been true, even with a few squabbles, this week had given her a glimpse of familial heaven—a place she’d never even dreamed existed. She wouldn’t trade her time with Colby for anything.

Wiping away still more tears, she straightened in her seat.

This was crazy. For the sake of Baby Nick, she had to pull herself together.

Nick. Ugh, even thinking her baby’s new name brought on a surge of grief over having to say goodbye to his father.

If leaving was so right, how come it was turning out to be so hard?

Up in front, she noticed a lot of tapping on the controls. Remembering what’d happened after Colby had done the same thing, she asked, “Is everything all right?”

“Yep.” He frantically flipped a few more switches before the engine sputtered and died.

Pale pink fluid streamed across Rose’s window.

Fuel?

“Mayday! Mayday!” the pilot shouted into the radio.

Rose, eyes wild, hugged her belly, bracing her feet.

No, no, no.

This couldn’t be happening again!

What were the odds of a person surviving two plane crashes?

Nil.

Absolutely nil.

Ironically, the same odds of ever finding a more perfect husband for herself or a more perfect father for her baby than the very man she was trying to escape.

Dear God, what had she done? She never should’ve left. She never should’ve—

“Brace yourself! We’re going down!”