Chapter Ten
“Well, it wasn’t Lynyrd Skynyrd,” Hoodoo was saying as they walked that night from the concert. It was cooling off, the sun had long set, but the endless stream of thunder was unrelenting. They’d followed the bar with a decent dinner and then dropped off his bike behind her trailer when it proved absolutely impossible to park it anywhere near the main stage.
“You need to open your mind, Hoodoo, be available for new ideas,” Tracy smiled at him. She’d been smiling a lot since that first beer. She wasn’t sure if it was the alcohol or the company. Given that she’d quit drinking after her second beer, she was starting to suspect it was him that she was finding intoxicating.
Which was definitely the more dangerous of the options. She took a step back, both literally and figuratively as she tried to figure out how to put the space back in that seemed to have disappeared.
Hoodoo glanced back at her, and tugged her forward, so that she was at his side. “Oh, I’m open to new ideas.”
Of course he was, but those usually involved kinky playthings... Tracy blushed. That was a memory better left unexplored.
“But there are standards. You gotta measure new ideas by what already works, you know?”
Tracy’s burst of laughter was so loud, so abrupt, that people turned to look. “Seriously? What if the new thing is better? Are you willing to allow for improvement on your standard?”
“O’ course.” Hoodoo said and walked for a moment before adding. “Just not Lynyrd Skynyrd, that’s all I’m saying. That’s a tough line to cross!”
Tracy laughed. “I give up on you!” she playfully bounced a fist off his arm. If she hit a little harder than necessary, he didn’t seem to notice. She bit her lip and looked down as they continued to walk. She wasn’t sure why things had to be so tense between them all the time. Why she had to question everything. Why her brain insisted on bringing up the past at every opportunity.
We’ve had a nice night. Dinner was good. The music was great even if he claimed not to like it. I could tell he was having a great time. Why then do I have to think snide comments in my head? Or feel the need to trap him with my words? Why can’t I just…start fresh?
She glanced over at him, having to tilt her head to look up at his profile, seeing the casual easy smile as he greeted people he knew, or strangers that just called to him, making conversation as they passed. He was like that. Friends with everyone. Why was it that she used to be annoyed by that?
Maybe the problem was me all along…
Unsure if that was really the case, but not wanting to think about it too hard, she shoved the thought from her mind. This was starting over. Tonight was…tonight. Magical. Being with him right now, like this, felt absolutely right. No more second guessing. Tonight she would live in the moment.
They continued for a while in silence, and for once she was able to enjoy the night and the companionship. When they reached her trailer they stopped at the door. She was actually kind of disappointed when he glanced from her to his bike, and made noises about letting her get some rest.
He’s being a gentleman…how can you not fall in love with that?
She touched his arm, and he looked at her. Back here where the RVs were parked, the lights from the street didn’t quite reach. In the semi-darkness it was hard to see his face. What was he thinking right now? Did he feel anything at all for her? Was tonight meaningful…or had he only been being polite?
Unable to stand not knowing, she did the only thing she could think to in order to keep him. The idea of letting the night end like this was unbearable. So she murmured, “Wait here,” and disappeared into the RV. She came back out with two folded lawn chairs and two bottles of ice cold beer. They propped the chairs together facing the general direction of nowhere and settled in under a canopy of stars. The usually endless parade of bikes had quieted down considerably, most of the engine noise was coming from the town proper. Out here you could actually hear yourself think.
Someone laughed from one of the trailers nearby. It was a tender sound followed by conversation so low that the words were impossible to make out, although the meaning seemed clear.
Tracy looked at Hoodoo, and ached with the need for that kind of closeness. Did he feel it, too?
Hoodoo sank his frame into the chair slowly. He’d had a long history of suddenly finding himself sitting on the dirt when the chair gave under him. Most camping chairs weren’t rated for someone his size. She hid a smile as he settled himself, not spoiling it by telling him that since he’d told her how difficult it was, she actually had made a point to check the rating on the chairs before buying them, not wanting to dump visitors in the dirt.
“It’s ok.” Tracy smiled when she realized that he still hadn’t relaxed into the chair, and was trying to hover over it more than sit on it. Taking pity on him, she laughed and said, “I got that chair when we were still… together. I was saving it for you for a surprise. It’s rated for large people.”
“I noticed that it was a bit wider between the arms,” he said, experimentally moving around in the supporting mesh. “’Kinda like a red neck throne, isn’t it?” He struck a pose and scowled at imaginary peasants. He turned to her and laughed, slightly self-conscious. “I have no idea what a king might say.”
“How about, I’m buying you your father’s bike?” Tracy said, immediately regretting that those words would be the one to slip out of her mouth. She stared at the mouth of her beer bottle and wished for the earth to swallow her whole.
“Don’t know if that was kingly.” Hoodoo grunted. “Don’t kings use their own money for things like that?”
Tracy looked up and smiled, sensing in his raw honesty that maybe he had some regrets as well. She shrugged. “If they did, politics sure have changed over the years.”
Hoodoo sighed and looked over to her. She’d set the chairs close together, close enough that he could reach over and take her hand. It seemed a very good idea at the time, though she was unsure now until he reached across and snagged her fingers. In silence they sat back, holding hands listening for whatever sounds the badlands wanted to use for their serenade. “It meant the world to you,” he said after a time, “I could see that.”
“It did,” Tracy nodded and took a long pull on her beer. “I thought that it might help me get closer to my father. It was his project bike for over a decade.”
Not that it had worked out that way. That bike had become a wedge between them, had never been everything she’d dreamed of.
“You know, we were together for a long time. Even when we were a thousand miles or so away. You told me when he got out of the hospital this last time, how he was doing, but now that I’m thinking on it, I don’t recall you saying nothing much about if you two worked it out over that bike.”
“There were some things I didn’t tell you, Hoodoo.” Tracy said quietly, not meeting his eyes. “We were still new and you were so far away, I didn’t want to strain our new relationship by venting to you.” She stopped and gripped his hand tighter. Hoodoo sat still and waited for her to continue.
“He was pissed at first. I was all smiles and happy, you know? I got the bike and the money and we could pay the bills without losing his dream project. I thought he would be happy, you know? Proud? He… when I told him you bought it and gave it to me… he… he assumed that I… that you and I…” She paused, took another pull on the beer and let the alcohol burn all the way down. It helped to force out the words. “He thought that I had sex with you for the money.”
Hoodoo gave a low, appreciative whistle. “That would make you the most expensive hooker in history, I’d think.”
Tracy laughed, although even to her it sounded strained. “I supposed it would be.” She squeezed his hand harder. “But Dad believed it. Thing is, Hoodoo,” Tracy looked up at him, “we did have sex. I know, it wasn’t part of the deal, I know that you wanted me for me and I wanted you for you, but it did look…”
“Suspicious.” Hoodoo nodded, and in a way she was glad she couldn’t see his eyes. She couldn’t stand to see his pity, or worse his regrets.
“I was going to say ‘incriminating’, but yeah, it did. And when he flat out asked me if I’d slept with you, what could I say? I had. So for a while there, it was a rough time. We had some awkward moments. Then… when he first got back from the hospital, he was weak and just getting to the bathroom was a challenge. He’s stronger now, he can walk around the block. He’s a lot better, but the thing is, he hasn’t seen the bike since. He says it’s in my name, he’s done with it. I tried to use it to connect with him, and instead it drove him further away.”
“But he figured out that we weren’t in a business relationship, right?”
“I think so. The fact that you weren’t rich really changed his mind, although in a perverse way I think he might have been a little disappointed by that.”
“So am I,” Hoodoo said, and she could tell he was grinning, his teeth seeming very white in the darkness.
“Anyway. Suddenly, he didn’t care about the bike. The day I bought it, or rather the day you bought it for me, was the day he stopped caring about it.”
In the silence that followed, Hoodoo gripped her hand as though she were something delicate, as though the bones under the skin were as fragile as fine china. Maybe to someone of his size and strength they were. “That was a good day, though. It was the day I saw you smile for the first time. “
Tracy leaned her head to look at him. Could Hoodoo see the brightness in them – reflections of unshed tears in the dim glow coming from the town. She let go of his hand and slid from the chair, crouching beside him, in the way she had so many times before. Resting her head upon his knee because it had always felt most natural there. His hand tangled in her hair, and she breathed deeply, savoring the scent of him, the feel of coming home.
“Why don’t you come inside?”
For a moment she wasn’t sure he’d heard. Then he stood, drawing her to her feet, and wrapping her in his arms in a hug that engulfed her so completely that she couldn’t breathe for a moment. She had a moment’s terror that he was telling her goodbye, that he was refusing and was about to disappear. But then she heard him, the single word whispered against her hair.
“Yes.”