Chapter Fourteen
Like Buses
Four Months Later – A Friday in July
QUINN POURED US EACH a glass of wine while I checked my phone again and frowned.
‘He’s busy,’ she said, as if she was reading my mind.
‘For a whole week? He’s never gone this long without texting me back. I’m worried about him.’
‘There’s no written friendship rule of “Thou shalt text back within one hour of receipt,” you know.’ Quinn slid the chilled glass over to me, the straw-coloured Chardonnay inside never looking more appealing than it did right now.
‘I know that, but Kitt always replies straightaway. I was worried after a few hours. This has been days,’ I reminded her. I picked up the glass and took a good gulp of the cold, crisp wine before chewing on my lower lip. We’d been friends for eighteen months. I knew his habits, just as he knew mine, and something was wrong. I really hoped things were ok with his mum. Maybe she’d taken a turn for the worse and he’d had to make arrangements to put her into permanent care. That could be why he hadn’t called.
‘Well, he’ll be here with the pizza soon, you can grill him then,’ she suggested as she put the bottle of wine back in my fridge. ‘I’ll clear out if you need me to.’
‘I don’t want you to clear out. I just want to know what’s wrong. How crazy is it that I know parts of him so well, but I don’t even know what house he lives in on Falcon’s Way. I can’t even turn up to check on him.’
‘Maybe he wants it that way. Maybe he likes having you separate from his complicated home life.’
‘He’s here,’ I exclaimed as I quickly set down my glass, some of the wine sloshing over the side onto the kitchen island worktop.
‘How do you do that?’ Quinn asked, a look of astonishment on her face.
‘I can hear the car rumbling down the lane,’ I said as I ran to the kitchen door. I skidded into the hall and opened the front door, my heart thudding in my chest. Something was wrong, I just knew it. I felt it deep in my bones. We’d become so attuned to each other over the last year or so. I hopped from foot to foot, impatient as I waited for him to pull into the drive, but my frown deepened as I listened to the car engine. It didn’t sound like his. I craned my neck around the doorframe and sighed heavily to see an old Ford KA, with so much rust on it, it almost looked brown in colour instead of the aubergine it appeared to have once been.
‘Where’s Kitt?’ I demanded as the lanky late-teen ambled up my path.
‘Dunno,’ he shrugged. ‘He’s not been in all week. You Charlie Faulkner?’
‘Yes. What’s wrong, did he phone in sick?’
‘Dunno. I only started there Saturday, never met the guy. Right, I’ve got two pepperoni pizzas, garlic bread, potato wedges, and two slices of cheesecake, and that’ll be–’
‘Here,’ I said, thrusting the notes at him. I knew how much it was, it was my regular order for me and Quinn on the nights Kitt didn’t have time to stop and eat with me. ‘So you’ve no idea why he’s taken the week off?’
‘No. I just turn up and do my job, lady, not my place to ask.’
‘Well, who would know?’
‘You his girl or something?’ he asked, his brown eyes casting a curious look over my face.
‘No, I’m his friend, his best friend.’
‘Seems if you were that good friends, you’d know better than me where he was.’
‘Can you tell me who I can speak to or not?’ I demanded, snatching the piles of food off him and shoving them on the hall console table.
‘Can always ring and ask Pete, the boss, if you’re that bothered.’
‘Well, obviously I am or I wouldn’t be asking, would I?’ I snapped.
‘Ok, ok, no need to take my head off,’ he huffed, stepping back and holding his hands in the air.
‘Sorry,’ I grimaced. ‘I just … it’s not like him not to be in touch, I’m really worried about him. Keep the change,’ I sighed as he started to rummage in his “fanny pack,” as Quinn would call it.
‘Sweet, thanks,’ he grinned. ‘Hope this Kitt stays off, if you tip like this each time.’
‘It was Pete, you said? The guy I should speak to?’ I asked. He nodded. ‘Great, thanks, bye.’ I quickly shut the door, cutting him off as he was still talking, then swept up the food and hurried back into the kitchen, nearly tripping over a meowing Mrs. Tibbles.
‘Well?’ Quinn asked, as I shoved the boxes on the island and grabbed my phone. I shook my head and dialled the takeout number, my stomach feeling like it was on a spin cycle as I nervously waited for someone to answer. When I finally put the phone down, I felt tears stinging my eyes. ‘What? What’s wrong?’
‘They don’t know, Quinn. He said he needed at least a couple of weeks off and they couldn’t tell me any more. I feel sick and frustrated,’ I whispered.
‘You need to eat. I bet you skipped lunch again while you were writing, it’s not good for you.’
‘I know.’ I let out a heavy sigh and wiped my damp eyes. What else could I do? I had no other way to find him. ‘You feed Tibbs and I’ll sort the food.’
‘He’ll be in touch when he’s ready,’ Quinn said, setting her wine down.
‘I know. It’s just I don’t want to imagine what’s so bad that he needs a time out from our friendship and his job,’ I admitted as I opened the kitchen drawer and pulled out the bread knife. I hated tearing at the garlic bread where they didn’t cut the loaf all of the way through. Kitt always laughed that I had to go over it again myself. ‘I mean, he can’t even take sixty seconds to send me an “I’m alive, I’ll be in touch soon” text?’
‘Maybe he went on holiday. If anyone deserves one, it’s him.’
‘Hmmm.’ I couldn’t imagine him doing that, not when … ‘Owww, God damn it,’ I yelled, dropping the knife with a clatter as I clutched my suddenly stinging hand to my chest.
‘What now?’ Quinn sighed without even turning around, as she scooped Tibbs’ food into her bowl.
‘I think I just cut my thumb off.’ I pulled a face as I looked down to see sticky crimson fluid on my hand.
‘No, seriously?’ She quickly dumped Tibbs’ bowl on the floor, then spun to face me and gasped. ‘Oh my God, you’re a complete liability. Let me look.’
‘It hurts,’ I whined, tears prickling my eyes like needles as she grabbed my hand and pulled it towards her.
‘Ewww.’ She shuddered and grimaced as she looked at it. ‘Where’s the first aid kit? I need to bandage that and take you to the hospital, you’ll need stitches.’
‘Can this day suck any more?’ I complained.
‘What have you done now?’ Guy laughed as he snapped on his gloves.
‘I think I’ve cut the end of my thumb off,’ I replied, my mood lifting slightly to see my favourite doctor. I’d had a few nights out with Quinn over the last few months, hoping to run into him, but fate hadn’t been on our side.
‘Was this a ploy to see me again?’ he asked as he gently picked up my hand, which Quinn had temporarily bandaged, the snow-white bandage already stained red.
‘Well, it’s been so long, I figured I had to do whatever it took.’
‘Talk about drastic measures.’ He flashed me one of his show-stopping smiles and told me to hold my hand in the air as he started to undo the bandages. ‘So, how have things been since I last saw you? It seems like this is a record, you’ve not been back in since your burns.’
‘An all-time personal best,’ I agreed, keeping my gaze on his chiselled face and those lime eyes. ‘My burns healed nicely. I’ve been left with a really nasty scar on my left hip, but the rest are starting to fade.’
‘That’s great to hear,’ he nodded, grimacing as I winced when the last of the bandage was peeled away and the top of my thumb lifted with it, more blood oozing out. ‘Hmmm,’ he murmured, then barked some orders at the nurse, who blushed and nodded. Quinn averted her gaze and looked up at the ceiling. She’d never been good with the sight of blood.
‘Don’t tell me I’ve cut it off,’ I begged, hardly daring to look at it. ‘I have to type. How am I supposed to type if I’m missing half a thumb? I need that for the space bar. Do they do prosthetics for digits?’
‘I don’t think it will come to that,’ Guy chuckled, pressing some fresh gauze tightly on my wound to try and stop the blood flow. ‘You managed to slice nearly all the way through the tip of your thumb, but luckily you missed the bone and didn’t damage any nerves or tendons. Once we’ve cleaned it up, we’ll put some steri-strips on it and a light bandage. Even if it doesn’t knit together, this sliver of flesh at the top will dry and fall off and the rest of your thumb will heal underneath. You’ll be no worse off, but you were very lucky. Another few millimetres down and it could have been a serious wound.’
‘Sorry if we’ve wasted your time, there was just so much blood.’
‘Please stop talking about blood,’ Quinn moaned. ‘I almost threw up a few times on the way here and it doesn’t help that I’m starving, either.’
‘Go and get some chocolate from the vending machine,’ I suggested. I was pretty lightheaded myself. We’d had to abandon our food to dash here, Quinn hastily covering it to prevent Mrs. Tibbles from wolfing any of it down.
‘Great idea,’ she agreed as she rushed out, along with the nurse who’d found there weren’t any of the supplies she needed left in the drawers. I licked my lower lip as I gazed up at Guy’s face, my injured hand smothered in his two strong ones as he held it up. I could feel my chest heaving as I looked at him.
‘We never did bump into each other, to catch up outside of the hospital,’ I reminded him, waiting for some excuse to come out of his mouth.
‘No, we didn’t, did we. Well … I’m off duty Sunday night, if you’re free?’ he said casually, nearly making me topple off the bed I was sitting on.
‘You’re … you’re asking me … on a date?’ I said slowly, not sure if I’d just imagined that question, or if it was my hopeful hearing and wishful thinking.
‘We never seem to get time to talk about your work whenever you come in. Maybe we could do it over dinner.’
‘You want to hear about my writing?’
‘I checked you out online, seems like you’re doing very well for yourself.’
‘I am,’ I nodded. ‘Since getting this contract, things have gone crazy. I’m going to America next month to do some publicity over there, all paid for by the publishing company. I never dreamed it would happen, but it has.’
‘Then it seems like we have a lot to talk about. How about we meet at The Riverside in town, seven-thirty?’
‘Great,’ I confirmed, my heart doing a series of excited skips. Finally, after months and months of admiring him from afar, it was going to happen. I had a date with Dr. Fitton and by the end of it, I was finally going to kiss those perfect lips of his. There was no way he was ending a date without kissing me. I’d waited long enough.
‘Best not to mention it in front of my colleague. It’s not really the done thing for doctors to ask out their patients.’
‘My lips are sealed,’ I confirmed, miming locking them with my good hand. He smiled at me again and nearly made me melt into a puddle on the floor when he gave me a conspiratorial wink.
The Next Day – Fête Day
‘What did you do now?’ Daphne exclaimed as she spotted my bandaged thumb when I set a load of Abbie’s boxes down on the table.
‘It was the best injury of my life,’ I proudly proclaimed. ‘Attack my thumb, get a date out of McFitty. We’re having dinner tomorrow night.’
‘Charlie, I thought you’d moved on from that obsession with him,’ she sighed with a gentle shake of her head.
‘Moved on? When did I say I’d moved on?’
‘Quinn said that you and Kitt were getting closer.’
‘Oh, Quinn said that, did she?’ I said, flashing a scowl in her direction.
‘Hey, you know my feelings on the doctor. I don’t want to see you get hurt,’ Quinn shrugged.
‘I don’t know why both of you can’t be happy for me,’ I said, flicking my gaze between them. ‘You know how I feel about him, how long I’ve felt like this. I finally have a date with the guy I’ve been nuts about for months, and you’re both making out like it’s a bad thing.’
‘We just want you to be happy, Charlie,’ Daphne sighed as she continued to unpack Abbie’s baked goods onto the plates. ‘But you’ve been blinded by lust for this man.’
‘There’s nothing wrong with finding a man attractive,’ I protested. ‘That’s how most relationships start.’
‘There is when that’s all you see and you refuse to acknowledge the truth,’ Quinn stated as she folded her arms across her chest.
‘Shouldn’t you be at work? I thought Saturdays were the busiest days for wedding planners,’ I huffed, feeling annoyed that she’d been so down on me about the whole thing.
‘And miss my first ever Dilbury fête?’ she scoffed. ‘No way. I booked the day off as soon as I started. This wedding’s been planned meticulously. All Heather has to do today is tell everyone where to be, at what time, and if the worst were to happen, I’m on my cell if they need me, or I can pop over there. Anyway, stop trying to change the subject. We were talking about your love life.’
‘Maybe we should talk about yours. You and Heath have been flirting with each other for seven months now. Talk about being blind to the truth.’
‘This so isn’t about me.’
‘Well, maybe it should be. So neither of you like Guy. Well tough, as I do. At least I put myself out there. I wasn’t so scared that I hid every time I saw him.’
‘I don’t hide,’ Quinn shot back, fixing me with a scowl.
‘Yes, you do,’ Daphne and I said at the same time.
‘Maybe you can lecture me on my love life when you’re brave enough to sort out your own,’ I challenged her.
‘He’s over there in the beer tent, dear, making googly eyes at you from afar,’ Daphne said, flicking her chin towards him. ‘Go and talk to him. You two have pussy-footed around each other for so long, I’m on the verge of knocking your heads together. I’d like to see you all get settled down before my time is up, and at my age, you never know how fast that will happen.’
‘I don’t date anymore,’ Quinn huffed, her eyes sliding over in Heath’s direction. ‘I have casual hook-ups. Do you really want me corrupting your nephew, Daphne?’
‘He’s a grown man, he can look after himself. Besides, while you may see him as beneath you because he doesn’t have a fancy city job or wear suits like the men you were used to dating in New York, it doesn’t mean he’s not all man and perfectly capable of corrupting you, Quinn.’
‘I never said he was beneath me.’
‘And he never will be, if one of you doesn’t make a move,’ Daphne retorted quick as a flash, making me giggle.
‘Don’t look at me,’ I said as Quinn gave me an exasperated look. ‘You know she speaks sense. No one’s suggesting you get married and have his babies, but if you don’t explore this simmering tension between you, you’ll never know if it could have been something.’
‘If you’re both going to nag me about Heath all morning, then I need a drink.’ Quinn spun on her heels and stalked off into the crowd.
‘I could shake her sometimes,’ I sighed. She still hadn’t opened up about what had happened to her in New York to make her so closed off to the possibility of seeing someone again.
‘As I could you, Charlie Faulkner. I told you great love isn’t built on lust alone. You need a stronger foundation.’
‘Don’t you start on me as well,’ I warned her. ‘I don’t need all this negativity bringing me down when I’m finally happy.’
‘But are you, dear? Are you really happy? I mean the kind of happy that saturates your bones and will make you feel warm and comforted for the rest of your life. Or are you fooling yourself into thinking you’re happy because you finally got the bright, shiny object that’s been on the top shelf and out of your reach for so long? That kind of high fades fast.’
‘I don’t know what you’re trying to say, Daphne.’
‘Sometimes we want the new and the shiny because it dazzles us. But it also blinds us to what’s been within our reach all of this time. Don’t rush to settle for what you think you want, as one day you’ll wake up and realise what you’ve actually lost.’
‘You’re talking in riddles,’ I complained, putting my fingertips to my head and massaging away the headache they’d both given me with their less than enthusiastic response to my news.
‘Charlie, can you go and get us all some drinks before the mayhem starts?’ Abbie called from the back of the tent.
‘Gladly,’ I replied, hurrying off before Daphne confused me any more. I was torn between misery because I still hadn’t heard back from Kitt and elation because I was just a sleep away from my date with Guy.
‘Charlie.’
I stopped in my tracks as the husky voice I knew so well interrupted my thoughts. My eyes quickly scanned the crowd, and I felt my face light up as I spotted him walking towards me.
‘You’re alive!’ I cried as I ran towards him and threw myself at him. Kitt caught me, lifting me up onto his hips as he hugged me back and I wrapped myself around him like a vine. ‘God, I’ve been so worried.’
‘I’m sorry. Things have just been a little crazy, but I needed to see you,’ he breathed, kissing my temple as I buried my face in the crook of his neck. He smelled different. That light, fresh ocean smell of his aftershave was there, but the scent of oregano I was so used to on him as well was missing.
‘What happened? Is it your mum?’ I asked, pulling my head back to look in his unusually dull green eyes. ‘You look exhausted.’
‘I … Things have been a bit crazy. Can we go somewhere quiet for a minute? I need to talk to you.’
‘I need to talk to you too, you won’t believe what’s happened,’ I said as I slid down his body until my trainers were on the ground.
‘What happened to your thumb?’ he asked, lifting my hand to inspect the bandage.
‘I nearly sliced the end off, but it was worth it. We’ve taken a step forwards, me and McFitty,’ I beamed. I felt so happy all of a sudden. Kitt was back and I knew he’d appreciate how momentous this news was, unlike Charlie and Daphne.
‘You’ve done what?’
‘Come on,’ I said, tugging at his hand. ‘We won’t get any peace here. Let’s go to mine and I’ll make you a coffee and tell you all about it, and you can tell me why you’ve been missing in action for a week. I’ve been worried sick.’
‘I don’t want a damn coffee, Charlie,’ he grated out as he yanked his hand out of mine and ran it over his face. ‘You’re seriously still hung up on that arsehole?’
‘Ok, I’ve had it with everyone being so negative about him,’ I huffed, turning to face him as I put my hands on my hips. ‘I thought I could at least count on you to be happy for me that things were finally progressing.’
‘Yeah, because that’s me, right? Good old dependable Kitt. Always there in the background when you need him to say the right thing.’ He scowled at me, making me take a step back and wrap my arms around myself.
‘What’s wrong with you? This isn’t you, Kitt. Disappearing for days, ignoring my messages and calls, and being so … so …’
‘So what, Charlie? Angry? I’m not allowed to be angry? I’m not allowed to step out of the box you’ve fit me into? Best friend Kitt, always compassionate and caring, taken out to be there in times of need. Well, maybe being the Kitt you want isn’t what I need right now. Maybe I need more.’
‘I don’t understand what’s happening,’ I said quietly, scanning his face as I tried to read him. I’d never seen him so riled up before.
‘Open your eyes, Charlie. It’s been in front of your face all this time and you still haven’t worked it out? I’m in love with you. I’m out of my mind crazy about you, and just when I finally get the balls to come and admit it, you tell me you still want him?’ he bit, glowering in his rage.
‘You what?’ I whispered, my heart moving into my throat.
‘You heard me,’ he grunted as he swiped both hands over his face, the sound of his unusual growth of stubble grating against them. ‘I love you, Charlie. I’m so in love with you, I feel like I’m living in darkness when you’re not around. The only time I can see clearly is when you’re at my side.’
‘But … but … we’re friends, best friends,’ I stuttered, not entirely convinced I wasn’t imagining this.
‘So friends can’t fall in love? Is that what you’re telling me? I fought it for so damn long, but I was always fighting a losing battle. I never had any choice in the matter. My heart wanted you from the moment I met you. I really thought lately that you felt the same. You’re saying I’ve read the signs wrong?’ He dropped his hands to lock his eyes on mine, making me swallow a lump of rapidly rising anxiety in my throat. I was so confused. I just hadn’t seen this coming.
‘I … I … Kitt. You never said anything.’
‘Because I didn’t know how you felt, Charlie,’ he replied, his voice full of anguish as he held my gaze. ‘You were always so insistent that we were friends, nothing more. I didn’t dare to hope that you felt the same.’
‘But what changed? Why now?’ I asked, completely stunned at his reaction. Had Quinn really been right all along and I just hadn’t wanted to see it?
‘I thought you were seeing me differently since you came back from Lanzarote. I felt like things between us had shifted. I thought maybe … and I’ve never been in a position to take it further before … is it my job? He’s a fancy doctor and I’m just the pizza delivery guy, is that what this is?’
‘That’s unfair. I’ve never held what you do against you,’ I snapped.
‘You want to talk about unfair? I’m the one who spends time with you, I’m the one you turn to when you have anything to share, happy or sad. And now you’re telling me you want him instead?’ His voice cracked as he shoved his hands in the front pockets of his jeans, the frown on his face furrowing his forehead.
‘I’ve always wanted him, Kitt. This can’t come as a surprise to you,’ I uttered, feeling my heart fragment into sharp glass splinters as a look of hurt flashed across his face.
‘You’d think not, wouldn’t you?’ He shook his head as he let out an oddly inappropriate laugh. ‘Call me stupid, I just thought what we had ran deeper. That I meant more to you.’
‘Kitt, you mean everything to me, but I...’ I shook my head this time, not sure what to say.
‘You love him,’ he huffed. ‘Don’t worry, I got the message loud and clear.’
‘Love? I never said I loved him, I still barely know him. Come home with me so we can talk,’ I pleaded, reaching for one of his hands. He snatched it out of his pocket and ran it through his hair.
‘I don’t want to talk, Charlie. I’m sick of talking. I said what I came to say, now it’s time for me to leave.’
‘I don’t want you to go, there’s too much we need to say to each other,’ I pleaded.
‘I don’t have anything else to say, Charlie. And I can’t hear any more. The more you say, the more I feel like I’m being suffocated.’
‘But when will I see you again?’ I asked, a spear of pain lancing my heart when I stepped towards him and he stepped back, keeping the distance between us. Distance I hated.
‘I don’t know. I need time, time alone to clear my head and decide what I’m going to do. I think it’s best you give me some space for a while.’
‘But … but we’re still friends, right?’ I asked, desperately scanning his face as I waited for an answer. ‘Right? Friends no matter what?’
‘I don’t know how we can be now. Everything’s changed, Charlie,’ he said quietly.
‘No, don’t you say that. Don’t you dare say that.’ I flew at him, fury seeping from every pore, and took him by surprise when I started to hammer my fists on his chest. ‘Why did you have to ruin everything? We were good as we were. We were perfect. Why did you have to ruin it all?’
‘Charlie,’ he growled, his long fingers wrapping around my wrists and holding them away from him. ‘Having me at arm’s length might have been perfect for you, but it wasn’t working for me. Do you have any idea how it feels to have the person you’re in love with so close every day, but always just out of your reach? How it felt to see your face light up every time you mentioned his name or went into detail about one of your encounters with him? I thought it would finally be over, that once I told you how I felt, you’d admit you felt the same way and we could move past this. I can’t do it anymore, not now.’
‘I never meant to hurt you, Kitt. I love you,’ I cried as I looked up at him, but his face was misted over from tears that were filling my eyes. It was like a heavy fog was settling in. It was clouding my thoughts, my feelings, and my vision. I couldn’t make any sense out of the confusion blanketing me right now.
‘I know that,’ he said gently. ‘But I thought you were in love with me, Charlie. Until I can process that you’re not and try and come to terms with that, I can’t be around you anymore. I need some time away from you.’
‘I don’t want to lose you, Kitt, you’re my best friend.’ I choked on a sob, feeling completely despondent as I felt the sting of tears slowly working their way down my cheeks.
‘You have others to fill the void, Charlie,’ he said sadly. ‘I need to figure out how to fill the voids in my life now, and I can’t do that when you’re always around, reminding me of what I want and can never have. Just seeing you cry right now feels like someone has sucked my heart out of my chest, it hurts me that much. I can’t carry that burden anymore, of feeling pain whenever you do, not when the load’s not shared.’
‘It is shared. I’ve been so miserable worrying about you this week. Please don’t do this, Kitt,’ I choked.
‘Take care of yourself, Charlie. I hope you get what you want from him, that I’ve got him wrong, but regardless, if I ever find out that he hurt you, I’ll hunt him down and kick his arse.’
‘Don’t leave me,’ I whimpered, gasping for breath as he placed a slow, tender kiss on my forehead.
‘You left me first, Charlie. I guess it’s inevitable. Someday everyone leaves.’
He eased me away from him, then spun around and strode away, his long legs eating up the emerald grass as he disappeared into the happy and oblivious crowds. I tried to call out to him to stop, but I was crying too hard, and when I went to run after him, my legs crumpled, taking me down to the ground with a thud. How could he do that? Just walk away? He didn’t see that I felt just as much pain when he was hurting too? I covered my face with my hands as I took a few stuttering deep breaths and tried to calm myself down. I felt someone sit on the grass beside me and place a comforting arm around me.
‘What happened?’ Quinn asked, her usual brusque tone quiet and gentle.
‘I don’t want to talk about it,’ I whispered.
‘What do you need? Some ice cream?’
‘Ice cream and vodka,’ I sniffed as I dropped my hands into my lap. ‘And quite possibly a mountain of tissues.’
‘I may be bad at advice, but I can meet those demands. Come on, let’s get you home and cleaned up, you have black mascara all over your face. Then we can come back when Abbie’s stall is getting busy. Plus, we don’t want to miss Weston’s big proposal this afternoon, do we?’
‘No,’ I agreed with a heavy sigh. It was a special day for Georgie, although she had no idea. I’d already let Kitt down today, there was no way I was failing anyone else.