Chapter Fifteen
Everything I Wanted
The Next Day – Sunday
‘URGH,’ I MOANED, REACHING up to rub my eyes with the heels of my hands. I felt rough. Seriously rough. I’d drunk far too much vodka with Quinn last night in an attempt to drown my sorrows.
‘Sssshhhh,’ Quinn grumbled. ‘I was having a nice dream.’
‘What are you doing in my bed?’ I yawned, stretching my arms above my head and wondering why I felt like my legs were at an unnatural angle. The last thing I remembered was us getting back from the engagement meal and sitting on patio chairs in the middle of my lawn, drinking while we watched the spectacular pink and purple sunset.
‘What the hell?’ Quinn groaned. I opened my eyes and immediately squinted against the brilliant sunshine that speared them.
‘Good night then, I take it?’ Georgie’s voice called in the distance, the sound of her and Weston laughing making me snap my eyes open immediately. Instead of the white and oak beamed ceiling of my bedroom, I was looking up at a spotless turquoise sky. ‘I’ve never been so drunk that I didn’t at least make it to the sofa,’ Georgie added.
‘What the hell?’ Quinn repeated next to me. My head flopped to the left to see her lying on her back, still sort of sitting in her patio chair. Her knees were crooked over the seat with her feet dangling below. She was still clutching her empty glass of vodka to her chest. I giggled as I realised I was in the same position. We’d got so drunk, we’d obviously capsized our chairs and had fallen asleep in the garden on our backs.
‘Weston was tempted to come and get you and carry you both to your beds last night, but I said he should leave you,’ Georgie scolded.
‘Some friend you are,’ I huffed as I struggled to get out of the chair. I had to resort to forcing myself into an ungraceful backwards roll off the chair. I landed clumsily on all fours, then flopped heavily onto my side on the grass.
‘I’m not the one who kept us awake until the early hours with all the screeching and laughing,’ she retorted.
‘We wouldn’t have been laughing if we hadn’t had to listen to your sex noises and attempts at dirty talk drifting out of the open window,’ Quinn teased as she floundered, kicking her legs as she tried to get up.
‘At least some of us are having sex,’ Weston called with a chuckle. ‘Even Mrs. Tibbles and Bertie are getting more action than you two.’
‘Your dog is having sex with Mrs. Tibbles?’ I gasped, struggling up onto my knees. ‘Thank God I had her spayed. Can you imagine their offspring?’
‘Not with each other,’ he laughed. ‘Seriously, how much did you both drink last night?’
‘Too much,’ I groaned, as Quinn said, ‘Not enough.’
‘Well, we’re going into Shrewsbury for a champagne brunch to celebrate our engagement if you want to join us,’ Georgie offered, her face peeking over the top of the hedge that separated our cottages. ‘Abbie and Miller are coming, Daphne and Jack too. You have half an hour to get freshened up if you fancy it.’
‘It was celebrating your engagement last night that got us into this mess,’ Quinn said, giving up her struggle and resigning herself to her uncomfortable-looking position.
‘No one forced you to carry on drinking when we got home. Honestly, you’d think you’d both be past all this teenage behaviour by now,’ Georgie softly scolded.
‘You’d think,’ I agreed. We were definitely a bad influence on each other. Or rather Quinn was on me. I struggled up onto my feet and smoothed my creased clothes down. ‘A big breakfast sounds ideal to soak up all this alcohol. See you in half an hour.’
‘You could just bring me some back,’ Quinn suggested, her brown eyes pleading with me.
‘No way, you’re coming too. Grab my hands, I’ll pull you up, as Weston’s obviously used up all of his chivalry this weekend with his extravagant proposal yesterday.’
‘I’ll come around and help, give me a minute,’ he said.
‘No need, I got this,’ I told him, positioning myself between the legs of the chair and leaning over it to grab Quinn’s hands. I tugged a few times, leaning backwards as I did to lever her up. The chair rose with her at the same time, and we both shrieked as she shot forwards so fast, she knocked me off balance and I ended up on my back in the grass with her on top of me and the chair on top of her.
‘Weston’s coming,’ Georgie laughed.
‘Yeah, we heard him yelling that last night, too,’ Quinn giggled, making me laugh.
‘Oi, you have serious morning breath. Tip your head to the side,’ I warned her.
‘Like yours is so sweet. Better give your teeth an extra hard brushing, then do a tongue scrape too, if you plan on playing tonsil tennis with McFitty later.’
‘Oh my God,’ I gasped, the humour rapidly leaving me. For a few blissful minutes, I’d forgotten all about my happiness at my impending date and the agony of my fallout with Kitt. I wasn’t sure which emotion I should tune into first as Weston jogged across my lawn to rescue us.
I took a deep breath as I climbed the steps to the entrance of The Riverside pub and restaurant. I felt on edge. I should be walking in on cloud nine. I mean, I’d finally got what I’d been dreaming about, a date with McFitty, so why didn’t I feel overjoyed right now? Through the glass door, I spotted him at the bar, dressed in dark blue jeans and sporting an expensive-looking pale blue shirt with white collar and cuffs. There was no doubting he was gorgeous, a total knockout, but as I watched him, I had a horrible sinking feeling.
Everything about his demeanour said just how much he thought of himself, not to mention his blatant ogling of a nearby group of scantily-clad women. His chest visibly puffed with pride as they giggled at one of his jokes, and I saw him take one of their mobiles and key something into it. If we dated, would I always worry about who he was charming when I wasn’t around to see it?
‘For God’s sake, Charlie. He’s everything you’ve ever wanted and he’s waiting in there for you,’ I scolded myself, throwing open the door and making my way over to him.
‘Charlie, hey.’ He grinned when he spotted me.
‘Hey.’ I smiled back in return.
‘You look … not how I expected,’ he observed as he ran his eyes over my black maxi dress embellished with a pretty pink cherry blossom design and black three-quarter sleeved shrug.
‘What exactly were you expecting?’ I asked.
‘Less, I guess. But you look pretty.’ He leaned in to kiss my cheek.
‘Thanks, I guess.’ I wasn’t overly flattered to think he’d expected me to wear skimpy clothing on a first date. I jumped when his arm went around me and he not so subtly squeezed my backside.
‘We can always skip dinner and go straight back to mine,’ he whispered in my ear.
‘What?’ I exclaimed, my eyes bugging out.
‘Ah, you’re one of those. Like to be wooed first.’ He chuckled as he straightened up. ‘Ok well, let’s keep it down to one course then, shall we? No point delaying the inevitable by stretching the night out with food.’
‘Excuse me,’ I began, totally affronted that he thought I was only here for sex, but he cut me off by calling one of the waitresses over and asking to be shown to our table. I bristled as I felt his hand squeeze my backside again as he guided me over. He soothed my annoyance for a moment when he showed some manners and pulled out my chair. He helped me into it before taking his seat, but not before I spotted his eyes lingering on the waitress’s legs as she bent over to pick up a menu that had slipped from her hands.
‘We’ll both have the chicken salad and a jug of tap water, please,’ he stated in that domineering doctor tone I’d found so sexy in the hospital. Why did it seem so unappealing here?
‘Actually, I’m not a fan of salad, as these curves will attest. Can I see the menu please?’ It was one thing to have Kitt order food for me, he knew what I liked. Guy didn’t, hence the date. I scanned the menu and ordered a fillet steak with brandy sauce and skinny fries, then asked if we could have the wine menu. Our waitress nodded and hurried off to get it.
‘You really want to make a night of it here?’ Guy asked, his eyebrows raised in surprise.
‘Well, I thought that was the point, so we could talk and get to know each other,’ I responded, feeling a little confused.
‘Ok.’ He nodded, leaning back in his chair and steepling his fingers in front of his mouth. ‘So, tell me all about your work. Is having a publishing contract really that lucrative?’
‘Well, I don’t have to watch my finances anymore, which is nice. My earnings have increased dramatically since getting the contract and the marketing push behind me. Don’t tell me you’re one of those guys who can’t handle a woman earning more than him.’
‘Not at all. In fact, you can pay for dinner and the wine, that’s how down I am with the whole thing.’ He gave me one of his smiles, all perfect teeth with sparkling eyes that once upon a time made me swoon. What was wrong with me? It was like seeing it out of the hospital setting made me realise how fake it seemed, like there was no sincerity at all behind it.
‘Very funny.’ I laughed, not sure if he was being serious or not. ‘So how long did you have to train for to qualify and specialise in trauma work?’
An hour later, I was beginning to wish I hadn’t asked. All he’d done was talk about himself. How he’d been top of his class, had aced all of his exams, had been captain of the rugby team, drove a Mercedes, had a luxurious penthouse apartment in town. It was like he thought I was an easily influenced youngster who was impressed by his degree and money. Was I really that shallow? Had his job and his looks swayed me?
We weren’t having a conversation here. He hadn’t once stopped boasting about himself to ask me anything, other than wanting to know how much money I was making at the beginning of the date. Something I realised he’d asked about, casually of course, a number of times before. I was sitting across from one of the most handsome men I’d ever seen, perfect on paper, so why was I wishing I was having dinner with Kitt? Our banter was easy and relaxed. He spoke, I spoke, we laughed between as well, frequently. Neither of us was trying to impress the other, we just … were. We gelled. I was really missing him, so much I felt like I’d lost a limb.
As Guy droned on, his eyes occasionally wandering as other women walked past, I realised that I’d spent all of this time fantasising about a perfect date with McFitty, the epitome of one of my swoon-worthy alpha-male characters, and right now I’d happily stuff my napkin into his mouth just to get him to shut the hell up.
‘Excuse me,’ I interrupted when he showed no signs of taking a breath. ‘I’ll be back in a while.’
‘Oh, ok. Shall I ask for the bill?’ he asked, standing as I did.
‘Not yet, I’m in the mood for dessert.’
‘Seriously?’ His face fell immediately.
‘Seriously,’ I nodded, trying to read his expression. Wow, either he had a real hang-up about women with appetites, which I hated, or he actually was only in this for a booty call. Well, whatever it was, he was going to be sorely disappointed. I loved my desserts and sex was never going to be on the table with him tonight, regardless of how excited I’d been when he’d asked me out. I had no recollection of ever giving him that impression either.
I made my way past the bar towards the toilets, more for a break from Guy’s incessant self-love than from the need for a pee. When I spotted a tall, dark-haired guy chatting to his friends in the corner, I did a double-take.
‘Kitt?’ I called, feeling the depressive atmosphere of this date from hell beginning to lift at the thought of seeing him. One of his friends elbowed him and flicked his chin in my direction as I made my way over to him, only for my stomach to sink when the man turned around and I realised it wasn’t him.
‘Alright, love?’ he asked.
‘Yes. Sorry to interrupt your conversation, I thought you were someone else.’
‘No problem,’ he smiled, turning back to his friends.
I stood there for a moment, trying to work out what was wrong with me. I suddenly felt completely despondent, like the sun had set and was never going to rise again. It was a really depressing thought.
I hurried to the ladies’ room, blinking back some tears as I tried to tune into what I was feeling right now. I stood in front of one of the sinks and looked at my reflection in the mirror, my chest hurting with each breath I took. Second by second, the uncertainty started to leave, being forced out by the undeniable truth. A truth so blinding, I had no idea how I’d coped for the last year and a half in denial. I realised who was my waking thought each morning and my last thought at night. Who I turned to when I had news to share, whether it was good or bad. Who never judged me for being myself or had any expectations of me. Who accepted and loved me just as I was. And it certainly wasn’t Guy Fitton.
‘Charlie, you bloody idiot. What have you done?’ I whispered to my reflection. I pulled my phone out and went to dial Quinn’s number, but at the last moment changed my mind.
‘Daphne?’ I asked when she answered.
‘Oh, thank goodness it’s you, Charlie. I was starting to worry that I’d made a mistake in my judgement. Please tell me that you’ve finally come to your senses?’ she questioned, making me shake my head and smile.
‘How, how did you know? You and Quinn, you both knew before me.’
‘We all knew before you, Charlie,’ she chuckled. ‘It was in the way you talked about him, the look on your face as you did. You’d light up whenever you mentioned him. It was obvious to us all.’
‘But you encouraged me with Guy.’
‘Because you were so convinced he was what you wanted, and you can be just as stubborn as me when you set your mind to something. Trying to force you down another path would only have made you more determined to prove us all wrong. I hoped that in time, you’d come to realise that you were actually in love with Kitt. And you have, haven’t you? That’s why you’re calling me when you should be enjoying your date.’
‘Yes,’ I whispered, blinking back a combination of tears of frustration at my stupidity and tears of happiness that I’d finally come to my senses. ‘I love him, Daphne. It’s like a light bulb has turned on in my brain and I can suddenly see clearly. I’m completely head over heels in love with him and I can’t believe I didn’t even realise it,’ I said, admitting it to myself for the first time and feeling my stomach knot with excitement and nerves.
‘Well, you’ve never been in love before, Charlie, you had nothing to compare it to. You spend so long writing about perfect men with perfect careers, you were fixated on the one man you thought met those ideals, instead of seeing the one in front of you who actually did.’
‘Oh, Daphne, what am I going to do? I’ve lost him now,’ I cried, clutching at the sudden blossoming pain in my chest at the thought I might never see Kitt again.
‘It’s never over until it’s over, dear.’
‘But I have no way of contacting him. He’s been ignoring my calls and texts for the past week, and short of knocking on the door of every house on his street, I don’t know how to find him.’
‘Ditch that cad and call in on me on your way home. I’ll beat the jungle drums, someone will know something.’
‘He’s not a cad, he’s just … he’s not Kitt,’ I stated, my heart fluttering like a newly hatched butterfly testing its wings for the first time at the thought of my best friend and how happy I’d be to see him again and tell him how I really felt.
‘Trust me, dear, that doctor’s a cad. I know one when I see one. Now, if you can stop at the supermarket on the way home and pick up a box of four chocolate éclairs and a bottle of whiskey, we can celebrate you finally coming to your senses in style.’
‘I hope there’ll be something to celebrate,’ I sighed, worried that my realisation had come too late.
‘Have a little faith. And don’t be too long. At my age, I shouldn’t be eating dairy after a certain time, but I feel like being a little wild tonight.’
‘I love you, Daphne,’ I stated sincerely.
‘Stop buttering me up like a piece of toast and get over here so we can figure out how to tell the man who needs to hear it that you love him,’ she ordered.
‘Yes, ma’am,’ I giggled.
‘Ma’am, I’ll give you ma’am. I’m still young enough to show you a thing or two,’ I heard her muttering before she cut me off.
‘I love Kitt. I love Kitt,’ I repeated, watching my eyes sparkle in the mirror and a rosy glow appear on my face, along with the widest smile I’d ever seen myself sport. ‘I love Kitt!’ I cried.
‘Ok, ok, I get it, you love Kitt. Can I finish my pee in peace now?’ huffed a voice from the cubicle behind me. ‘I have a bashful bladder and holding it in is killing me.’
‘Sorry, I just … I love him. I’ve never said it out loud before. I never even said it to myself. In fact, I’ve denied it for so long, it’s just … oh God, it feels so good to admit it. I love Kitt,’ I yelled to the ceiling, holding my hands up in the air.
‘Seriously, go and find Kitt and tell him and let me pee in peace. I’m going to get a water infection from holding it in,’ the girl moaned.
‘I am. I’m going to find him and I’m going to tell him, then I’m going to kiss him. I can’t wait to kiss him.’
I left the toilets with a spring in my step, my brain frantically trying to work out exactly how I was going to find him to let him know my momentous news. As I approached the table, I saw that Guy was still seated, his back to me as he talked to someone standing at his side. I realised it was his good-looking blond doctor friend, who was holding a pint and had a puzzled look on his face.
‘So what are you doing here with the girl from A&E? What’s her name? Charlie something?’ I heard his friend ask as I approached from the side, unnoticed by either of them as Guy nodded. ‘Are you on a date?’
‘Sort of,’ Guy shrugged, making me hang back, interested to hear what he had to say.
‘You just got engaged to Marnie from Paediatrics. Is it off already?’
‘Not unless she finds out about this. I can trust you not to say anything, right, Tyler? What she doesn’t know won’t hurt her. Perfect wife material, but not that great for fooling around with, if you get my drift,’ Guy said as I frowned to hear that bit of news. He was engaged? Wow, Daphne was right, he was a complete … cad. ‘Besides, this girl has been throwing herself at me for months. She’s so desperate that she’s a sure thing for tonight.’
‘Cheeky sod,’ I muttered under my breath.
‘So you’re not interested in her, it’s just a casual hook up?’ Tyler asked.
‘Seriously, you think I’d choose to date someone like Charlie if I had another choice? She’s a walking bloody disaster. I prefer my women with a bit more sanity. The only reason I gave in and asked her out is she’s loaded now, and she’s so desperate for my attention that I can have a bit of fun on the side and hopefully get a few quid out of her to clear some of my debts. The car and penthouse didn’t come cheap.’
I inhaled a soft gasp. I didn’t feel hurt, not now that I’d realised who I really cared about. I was just disappointed that I’d obviously been so blinded by his pretty face and fancy job that I’d nearly let myself be used by this despicable excuse for a man, who appeared to be a cheat and a liar too.
‘You know what?’ Tyler growled, slamming his nearly virgin pint down on the table. ‘I’ve heard so many rumours about you that I’ve ignored, not wanting to believe that I could be friends with a guy like that, but I’m glad to finally have the wool pulled from over my eyes, as you’ve confirmed it for me. You’re vain, self-centred, selfish, and egotistical. Thanks for finally setting me straight. You’re an arsehole, Guy. Women should be treated with respect, not as cheap commodities. Either you find a way to gently let Charlie down tonight without hurting her or I’ll tell Marnie exactly what her fiancé has been up to behind her back. In fact, I still might, both of them deserve better.’ Tyler stormed off to the bar as Guy watched him leave, stunned.
I slipped out of his view behind the stone pillar and beckoned over our waitress. After asking a favour of her, and slipping her a twenty-pound note to make sure she did it immediately, I watched her hurry off behind the bar to do as she was asked, looking pleased as punch.
I strode back over to where Guy was sitting with a broad grin on my face, ecstatic that I’d finally come to my senses before even hearing that little exchange take place. How could I have ever been so brainwashed to think he was the right man for me?
‘Hi,’ I said as I went to stand next to his chair. ‘Sorry I’ve been so long, I just had a moment of clarity while I was in the ladies’ room. I’ve definitely been suffering from white coat syndrome, you know, where your blood pressure goes up when you see the doctor? All this time I thought that dizzy feeling was because I fancied you, when actually it was just the uniform, stethoscope, and fancy medical degree that spun my head. I was lusting over a fantasy, but it turns out that reality is actually a huge disappointment.’
‘Charlie?’ he questioned as he looked up at me, puzzled.
‘It took the most boring date of my life to make me realise that I’m actually in love with a man who’s worth a hundred times what you are.’ I picked up Tyler’s discarded pint of Guinness and slowly poured the thick brown ale over McDefinitelyNotSoFitty’s head, enjoying watching him splutter as it coated him. ‘I’ve just downgraded you from McFitty to McShitty, and for the record, I’d never offer myself to a man who pretended to be interested in me despite my flaws. I’d wait forever for the man who loves me because of them. If that’s insanity, then I’ll wear the badge loud and proud. Maybe it’s time you looked in the mirror, Guy Fitton, as I see the real you now, and I’m sure your fiancée and the rest of the unsuspecting women of Shropshire will soon, too. There’s only so long a guy like you can keep his real persona under wraps in a small town where gossip spreads fast. Thanks for dinner and the champagne. I wish I could say it has been a pleasure, but unlike you, I was brought up to never lie.’
‘What champagne?’ he uttered as he swept his wet hair away from his face. I spotted our waitress and a friend scurrying over towards us with two uncorked bottles of their most expensive champagne in buckets of ice for him, adding five hundred pounds worth of premium alcohol to the bill I’d just left him with.
I made a hasty retreat towards the exit, winking at an impressed-looking Tyler on the way out.
‘Add that to your debts, McDick,’ I yelled at Guy over my shoulder as I disappeared.
‘Sit down, sit down,’ Daphne said, gesturing at the sofa as she settled herself into her armchair. She’d already put out some side plates for the cakes and a couple of glasses for the whiskey. ‘You look so pretty tonight. So, how did the break-up go?’
‘Great,’ I nodded as I cracked open the bottle and poured us both a glass. She smiled and shook her head as I filled her in on what Guy was really like.
‘I knew it. My mamma always told me to trust my instinct and it’s never once steered me wrong in all my years,’ she nodded, as I slid one of the éclairs onto her plate and one onto mine.
‘I wish my instincts were as good, it would have saved a lot of time and heartbreak.’
‘He’ll come around when you see him,’ she said, quickly picking up the cream-filled dessert. She took a bite, her eyes rolling back in her head as she slowly chewed and savoured it. ‘So good,’ she sighed, licking her lips. ‘Not quite as good as the ones Fleur bakes at French Fancie, but I’d be hard pressed to answer if someone told me I had to choose between cream cakes and sex.’
‘It’s been so long, I’d have no such problem. Sex all the way,’ I said, taking a bite of mine. ‘So, how are we going to find Kitt? Now that I know how I feel, I need to share. I’m going to burst if I can’t tell him soon.’
‘Well, I don’t know his address, but I know where he’ll be at one o’clock tomorrow afternoon.’
‘Where?’ I asked, not even surprised she’d managed to find something out. She had her fingers in so many pies, I wouldn’t be surprised if she told me she’d been a covert intelligence officer in her youth.
‘Put my cake plate down first, I don’t want it broken. It’s one of my favourite sets.’
‘Why would I break your plate?’ I asked, though I did as I was told to avoid one of her fierce scowls. She set her own down, leaned over, and grabbed my hand.
‘There’s no easy way to say it, dear. He’ll be at the crematorium.’
‘He’s dead?!’ I shrieked, my heart thudding rapidly in my chest as I shot out of my seat. ‘I’ve just realised I’m in love with him and he’s dead?’
‘No, no, calm yourself down. He’s not dead, well not that I know of. But …’ She broke off and gave me a subdued smile.
‘Oh no. His mum?’ I whispered, the temporary wave of relief I’d just felt rapidly subsiding as it finally dawned on me what had happened.
‘I’m sorry, dear. Knowing you two were getting close last year, I naturally did some snooping to make sure he was good enough for you. Turns out his mum’s best friend played bridge with Mrs. Arthur from apartment four. She soon fed back that he was a good man, caring for his mum in her time of need. I rang Quinn after speaking to you tonight and when she said he’d been out of touch and had taken a few weeks off work, it didn’t take much for me to put two and two together. A quick scan of the obituaries in this week’s papers, then a call to Mrs. Arthur confirmed it.’
‘It didn’t take you much. How did I not reach that conclusion?’ I asked as I slumped back down on the sofa. ‘I knew something was wrong. I can’t believe he didn’t tell me. Oh, poor Kitt,’ I groaned as I covered my face. ‘Everything makes sense now. He said he’d never be free to date while she was alive. I should have known when he confessed his feelings on Saturday that he’d lost her.’ I could have kicked myself as I replayed some of his statements over in my head. “Everyone leaves,” he’d said so sadly, and I still hadn’t worked it out. ‘I don’t deserve him.’
‘Don’t talk such nonsense, or I’ll be forced to cuff you. From what I’ve heard, he’s always been very private when it comes to his home life.’
‘He should have told me, I could have been there for him,’ I said, dropping my hands into my lap as I shook my head in disbelief. ‘I should have been there for him.’
‘Grief affects people in different ways. If he’d wanted your support when it happened, he’d have asked for it. He obviously needed some time alone. He came to you when he was ready to talk.’
‘And I had to go and ruin it by mentioning Dr. Fitton before he even had a chance to tell me what was wrong.’
‘Well, all you can do is be there for him tomorrow and each day after that.’
‘If he still wants me,’ I huffed as I reached for my drink and took a large gulp. ‘And I can’t just turn up at her funeral uninvited. He said he wanted space. How’s me gate crashing a funeral giving him space?’
‘Trust me, even if he doesn’t realise it now, he’ll appreciate you being there and telling him how you really feel.’
‘I’m not so sure, Daphne,’ I said, grimacing when I incurred one of the scowls anyway.
‘Have I ever given you bad advice?’ she demanded.
‘No,’ I admitted.
‘Good, then do as you’re told. Now stop being selfish and hogging the cake box. Pass it over and get home for an early night so you’re ready for an emotional day tomorrow.’
‘Is eating another two éclairs at this time of night going to be good for you?’ I asked as I did as I was told.
‘Since when did anyone only do what was good for them? Sometimes you have to live a little dangerously,’ she said, helping herself to a second. ‘And no getting drunk and waking up on the lawn again,’ she warned. ‘He’ll need your support tomorrow, you need to be level headed.’
‘If I was, we’d have been dating for over a year by now,’ I sighed.