CARLYLE

I didn’t quite know how to respond to Killian, so I just didn’t. Instead, I staggered to my room and then into the bathroom I shared with Kana.

I didn’t have enough energy for a full-on shower, so I just scrubbed a washcloth across the worst of it.

Really, I wanted some sugar. Then probably a nice, long nap. I’d be fine.

Grasping the stair railing tightly, I made my way slowly down the stairs and into the kitchen.

As I crunched my way through half a package of chocolate chunk cookies, I started to register several angry voices arguing in the living room. It took my drained mind a few seconds to process that the guys were in there, all arguing about me.

“What the fuck was she thinking?” That was Sol.

“She needs to understand she cannot run off alone.” Jai. I didn’t wait to hear anything from Killian.

I slammed the cookies on the counter and stomped through the door. Facing off with them, I glared at all three. Killian kept his eyes on the floor, but Sol and Jai were more furious than I realized. They both scanned my body like they were searching for lasting effects, but their eyes were hard with anger.

It didn’t make me feel any worse about what I’d done, though.

“You damn near killed yourself, Carlyle,” Sol growled, advancing a step.

I held my ground, not willing to budge an inch. If he wanted a fight, I’d give it to him. I’d lose, but oh fucking well.

“Back the fuck off, lion,” Killian interrupted, shoving at his friend. Sol turned and shoved back, sending Killian stumbling backward. I thought they were about to throw down when Jai’s cell phone let out a shrill ring.

“It’s Dair,” he said, his voice low with disgust. He took the call without a word, his face growing harder and blanker with each second.

Finally, he mumbled a few words back, then held the phone to me.

I eyed it, not ready to face Dair quite yet, even if it was just on a phone. He was the one I’d lied to. He was the only one who had a legitimate right to be angry. What would he think of me? Would he just be relieved I was fine, or would he feel betrayed? My stomach churned as I accepted the phone.

“Hey,” I said softly, turning my back on the others. “I’m fine now.”

I heard a tight sigh, then he said, “Cariño, you scared us all half to death.”

“I’m sorry I lied to you,” I whispered. “I thought I could do it - I did do it.”

“It was a misuse of my power and my trust.”

His words sank in, and my heart began to ache. Shit. Maybe I really had messed up. I didn’t want the guys to worry about trusting me. Then my rebellious streak broke through again. The guys had nothing to worry about - it wasn’t as if I’d betrayed them.

I’d just been doing something I wanted, without their consent.

Anger flared to life in my chest, and I swiveled to look at the guys in the room. Changing the call to speakerphone, I raised my voice so all four of them could hear. “Look. I’m sorry I worried you all, and I’m sorry I lied to Dair. I’m not sorry I got the car, though. I did it because I needed something to test my skills - all my skills. Besides, Kills wanted it, and I wanted to give it to him. End of story.”

For a long moment, silence wrapped the room, and then all of them began to talk at once, arguing with me and each other simultaneously. I didn’t see Kana anywhere, but I imagined her sitting somewhere nearby with a bowl of fucking popcorn, listening to the shitstorm that was my afternoon.

“Carlyle.” Dair’s voice on the cell broke through the chaos around me. “Don’t think for a second this is fine. You may be powerful, but you won’t be getting any more magic from me until you learn to control your urges.”

Oh, that fucking did it. I nearly slammed Jai’s phone into the ground, but I forced myself to take a calming breath so I could get the last word in.

“You think you’re the only fucking mage around, then? If you’re going to try and control me, I don’t have to get my magic from any of you!” As soon as I said the words, I knew they were probably too far. I wasn't backing down now, though.

These guys were quickly becoming my life, but there was no way they were going to run it.

I punched my thumb hard on the screen to end the call and chucked the phone at Jai. He caught it without looking, his black eyes flashing like lightning at midnight.

Sol was practically vibrating the air with his growling.

Killian, though... Killian was fighting a goddamn smile. He won and hid it, but not before I’d seen it. I glared around the room, making sure to hit each of them.

“You guys do not fucking own me. You can’t tell me what to do, or what not to do. I want to stay with you all more than nearly anything. Nearly. I have to be free to do what I want.” My voice rose as I lectured the crap out of them, not allowing them to say a single fucking word. “I’m loyal to this team - I’ll help you with your mission and do what’s best for the team, but none of you are my fucking father!”

My chest was heaving by this point, and Sol had actually backed down. He may be a fierce lion shifter, but I’d seen him grow submissive. He’d submit to me if I asked him to, and I was fucking asking.

Jai was a different story. He looked madder than ever, but he hadn’t made a sound to contradict me. Instead, he flashed out of the room with his silent speed, leaving me still staring Sol down.

“You don't mean that, do you? About leaving?” he asked, his voice soft and way more vulnerable than I’d expected. I felt my skin flush, and he took a deep breath. I knew I didn’t mean it. If I couldn’t get magic from them, I just wouldn’t get magic. “Don't say things you don't mean,” he warned. “Some of us may not be able to bear another betrayal. Dair especially would see it as that.”

This caution hit me the wrong way, though, and I glared again. “I'm not betraying you guys. I'm just saying that if you want me to be on this team, I need to be treated like an equal.”

“We do treat you like an equal,” he countered, his shoulders straightening. “You’re the one who did something behind our backs and put yourself in danger. Maybe even the team.”

With that, he walked out the door, leaving me fuming. I really hated that he was fucking right. I should have told them my plan. They would have said no, though, and I’d be right where I was now.

Huffing, I turned back to Killian to see what he felt about the whole thing. I still wanted to pick a fight, and he was sure to oblige.

“I guess you’re upset, too? You think it was a stupid thing to do, too?”

“Of course I'm fuckin’ upset,” Killian answered in a drawl that said otherwise. “It was the stupidest fuckin’ thing I’ve seen in a long damn time.”

A sigh escaped my lips, taking most of my anger with it. All the guys were mad at me now. My heart sank a little bit as I wondered if I’d done real damage to our relationships. I turned away, ready to head back to my room and go for that nap.

I was almost out of the room when I heard Killian add something else.

“Even so, nobody's ever done something that stupid jus’ for me. Donna think I’m not impressed.”

I glanced back at him and caught the quickest edge of admiration. I let my lips turn up in a smile, and for once, he answered it. My heart stuttered for a completely different reason.

“Jus’ donna ever let me see you do somethin’ that stupid again,” he added, the smile gone. “That car’s not fuckin’ worth your life, Savage.”

He pushed past me out of the room, but I noticed he was still palming his car keys. As he sauntered down the hallway, he turned back with a fierce look.

“I'm keepin’ these with me,” he warned, “so you’re not tempted to drive my car again.”

I couldn’t help the grin that spread over my face. I’d fix what I’d done with the others. If I could bring the foul-tempered fae over to my side, I could do damn near anything.