Tori was quiet for most of the ride home from the bar. Scott had tried to engage her in conversation and her answers were short nods, mhmms and curt yes or no’s. Finally, he gave up on conversation because frankly, he didn’t feel like talking much himself.
Ok. Maybe going to the hospital to see a newborn baby wasn’t the brightest idea, but it was her idea. He knew full well she suggested seeing the baby only to get his mom off their backs. Telling his mom that Tori may not be able to have kids wasn’t on his agenda for this trip. His mom would be kind, understanding, and loving like always, and pretend it didn’t break her heart. His mom meant well but sometimes she couldn’t leave well enough alone. Telling his folks would lead to questions that even he didn’t have all the answers to.
Also, making her get up and sing wasn’t the next brightest idea. Something about that had obviously rubbed her the wrong way, although he wasn’t sure what. She did great. The crowd ate her up. Tori used to relish a crowd. He missed that fire in her. He was just trying to help her get that spark back.
The hospital was a stupid idea. He figured karaoke would lift her spirits from the baby drama, and that backfired.
Scott pulled into the driveway of his parents’ house and cut off the engine staring at her. “Ok, seriously, are we ever going to talk about it? Or is this something we’re going to brush under the rug, pretending like it’s ok—like everything else that’s happened in the past year?”
“I’m ok.” Tori lifted her chin—and up went her walls.
“I thought we were done pretending everything was ok? You said it yourself last week; you’re far from ok. I get it, the bar was a bad call right after the hospital. But you said it would be fun. I should’ve brought you home to, I dunno, decompress, but how in the hell am I supposed to know what’s going on in your brain? You always say one thing when you mean another.”
Tori reached over and touched his leg. “Scott, I’m fine.”
Scott rubbed his face in frustration. Fine was just another word for ok, which it was obvious she wasn’t. If he was being completely honest with himself, neither was he. “Well maybe I’m not. Did you ever stop to think about that?”
This had to be affecting her more than she was letting on because it was certainly eating at him.
Her face hardened. “I told you—I may not be able to have kids. If that’s a deal breaker for you—”
“Tori, I asked you to marry me! What do you think that tells you about the kids thing?” his voice boomed in the car.
Tori turned her head toward the window and fiddled with the rings on her finger. “That it’s another sacrifice you’re making to be with me,” she mumbled.
“That’s not true and you damn well know it.” Scott took the baseball cap off his head and flung it on the dash, running his fingers through hair that he wanted to rip out in frustration. “Stop being a martyr. I’m a grown man. If I didn’t want to be with you, I wouldn’t. I don’t know how many times and how many ways I have to say I love you before you get it through your thick skull.” Scott pulled at her chin, tilting it toward him and he softened as soon as he saw the tears welling up in her eyes.
“Even if we never have babies?”
He wiped a tear that trickled down her cheek and leaned his forehead against hers. “Of course.” He still wanted kids, one way or another. Did she feel the same way? “Tori, we need to be able to talk about things like this. You should’ve called me. We were supposed to grieve this together.”
Tori sighed, and Scott could tell she was weighing her words carefully.
“I never thought I wanted kids. Taking care of Jane and having to be mom to her kinda left me jaded and selfish. I spent most of my twenties making up for lost time—to an unhealthy degree.” Tori twirled a strand of hair around her finger. “When I sat there with Keith and waited for him to tell me the pregnancy test results, I was in such a panic, praying it wasn’t positive.” Tori rubbed her temples.
Maybe she doesn’t want kids.
The weight of that hit him heavy. Scott wasn’t sure what to say to that, so he just listened.
“I was in denial for a bit, hoping maybe it wasn’t true. I mean, God, I was barely piecing my life back together. The thought of a child was overwhelming.”
“I wouldn’t have left you alone through that.” He would have been there. Every damn step of the way.
“I know that, I truly do, but I didn’t want you out of obligation. If we made a go of things I wanted it to be because you wanted me for me, not because there was a baby coming. You, being the honorable man you are, would’ve wanted to make an honest woman out of me.” She gave him a wry chuckle. “I was terrified, but something happened in that doctor’s office. I heard that heart beat that was part you and part me. And I felt… joy.” Tori fiddled with her rings again, turning her head to the side as more tears flowed down her cheeks. “Yes, the timing was shit, but I thought for a moment that maybe I did really want this, but…” she choked on the words.
But she lost it.
His eyes clouded. He never knew she heard a heartbeat. A living, beating heart. God, that had to have been agonizing for her. It was hard enough for him to imagine.
He wished she would have called. He wished he could have been there, not just for this, but for everything over the past year. Tori was so private, stubborn, and proud, she always kept him at arm’s length. He hated that she went through all this alone.
He swallowed his pain and spoke. “And now, after it’s all over, how do you feel?”
“I don’t know.” She shrugged, her head still turned from his gaze.
Scott tilted her chin toward him again. “Stop hiding from me. Tell me what you want—even if I won’t like it.”
“Part of me was relieved, but this other part of me feels that I, I mean we,” she corrected, “lost something big that day.” She laughed nervously, blinking the tears away. “I can’t get it out of my head that part of me wants a child someday. And then there’s the rational side of me that says how ridiculous I am, and how incredibly challenging it’s going to be for me.” She paused for a moment.
“You’re not one to back down from a challenge. Tori, you have faced blindness so bravely—a hell of a lot better than I would’ve.” His leg had made him bitter enough, he couldn’t even fathom if it had been his vision.
“I still have my days, Scott.” Tori made a sour face. “Today is one that I have to fight to swallow the grief.”
Scott took her trembling hands in his. Scott didn’t want to pressure her, but he had always wanted a family of his own someday. “Listen,” Scott began, “I know we have some issues to deal with in the future, should they arise. The biggest question I need an answer to is: do you ever want to have a baby? Do you see that as part of our future?”
“Of course, I do,” she breathed.
“Ok then, what options do we have?”
Tori went into the long explanation of all her medical issues, how they removed a tube, and the damage that was left.
Scott listened, taking everything in. It wasn’t the greatest news to hear, but it didn’t change how he felt about her. “Ok, so where does that leave us? What does the doctor say?”
“That my best chance is to get off birth control and let nature take its course. Now is my best time, the older I get the more difficult it’s going to be.” Tori grimaced. “I know, sexy, right?” Her lips tightened.
Scott realized what she was asking and that this was a decision she couldn’t make on her own. He thought about it for a long moment. They weren’t married yet, and they had a lot of lost time to make up for, but sometimes life throws you a curve ball and you adjust your plan. “Then let’s do that. Get off birth control and let’s have fun fucking, just like always. We’ll leave it up to chance, whatever happens, happens.”
“But we aren’t married.”
“I don’t care; that’s a piece of paper that makes it legal. You already have my commitment. I’m not going anywhere.”
“But what if I get pregnant?” Tori tugged at her lip.
“Then we have a baby.”
“But what if I don’t get pregnant?”
“Then we keep fucking and adopt someday.”
“Scott, I’m blind, and you—”
“It doesn’t matter. We’ll figure it out—whatever comes our way.” Yeah, as two disabled people they would have an uphill battle trying to adopt. He didn’t give a shit. He’d fight with everything he had in him. Together, they could take on the world.
He watched as her face relaxed, knowing that no matter what, kids or no kids, he was by her side. He wanted her.
“We do fuck really well.” She smiled warmly.
“We sure do.” He leaned in and gave her a deep kiss. “Now let’s head inside. Mom’s peering out the window, being nosy. I can see her wild, red hair poking over the frame.”
Tori laughed. “She’s a riot. I adore her.” She paused for a moment. “Red hair, huh?” Tori seemed surprised at that. “I would’ve never imagined that you had some ginger DNA in you, so you’re telling me it’s possible we could have red-headed babies?”
Scott laughed. “It’s a brownish red naturally. She’s been dying it the brighter wild color for years now. It fits her though. You’ve seen her before.” She saw her from a distance at his Naval graduation—plus Scott had a handful of photos of her online. Tori had to have seen his folks. Hadn’t she?
“Baby, that visual is long gone,” she said flatly—as if he should know that. “My brain only holds onto so much.” She shrugged and climbed out of the car as if that gut-punching news was no big deal.
His stomach twisted. How much more would she forget? He gulped, swallowing his own bitterness, and got out of the car.
Judith watched as Scott and Victoria walked back into the house. She rocked casually in the recliner dressed in pajamas and pretending to read a book. What had they talked about in such deep conversation in the car? She pulled off her reading glasses and studied them.
“Oh hey! How was it?” She asked as if she hadn’t just been watching them from the window. Scott gave a little smirk as he shut the door, almost as if her boy knew the truth. “Please tell me they finally gave that poor child a name?” She placed her book in her lap.
“It was good, Mom.” Scott sat down on the sofa with Victoria. “They decided on Ray—thanks to Tori.” He patted Victoria’s leg.
“Well that’s not bad at all. Lord, I was worried with some of the names they were tossing out earlier today.”
“Like Zane?” Scott laughed and rolled his eyes.
“Oh, Lord, bless.” Judith shook her head in bewilderment.
Scott anxiously ran his hands over his shorts and patted his thighs. “Where’s Dad?”
“He’s out back having one of those stinky cigars Robert passed out earlier today. You should go join him, catch up, let us girls talk.”
Scott looked at Victoria to read her expression.
Such a sweet boy, making sure she’s ok.
Judith could tell he didn’t want to abandon her.
“Go.” Victoria made a motion with her hand, shooing him away. “Catch up.”
“All right.” He kissed her on the cheek.
Judith smiled, watching the two of them. This one was it. She could tell from her son’s adoring gaze. He never took his eyes off that sweet, little thing.
Victoria yawned and stretched.
“Sweetie, take those shoes off and make yourself comfortable. This is home,” Judith said, and meant it. She wanted nothing more than for her to feel like family.
Victoria leaned her head down, and unbuckled the sandals she was wearing, pulling them off. She kept her head down longer than necessary, though, as if she was shielding her face from Judith intentionally. She watched as Victoria swallowed a lump in her throat.
“What’s the trouble, honey?” Judith was growing even more concerned about the long conversation in the car. “You seem blue.”
Victoria lifted her head and turned in Judith’s direction. Her icy blue eyes were glossed over, as if she was holding back a mess of tears. It was obvious she’d been crying from the streaks left in her makeup.
“You all are just really great. You’ve been so warm and welcoming. It’s refreshing.” Tori rested her elbows on her knees. “I grew up… different.” Her shoulders slumped. “I’m glad Scott has you.”
Her heart broke for her. This girl had been through so much. She’d mentioned her father passed away when she was little. Judith sensed that she had a strained relationship with her mother from the way Victoria evaded every question about her family. Lastly, she’d lost her vision. Scott hadn’t told her how yet, and it would be rude to ask.
She stood. “Well, you’ve got us now too.” Judith patted her on the back. “I’m going out back for a drink. Would you like something?”
“Sure, bring me whatever you’re having.” Victoria smiled and curled her feet under her body on the sofa.
Judith walked outside to the beer fridge on the back porch and spotted the men sitting on the swing, each smoking a cigar and having a beer. “You’re corrupting our son with those cancer sticks.” She shot daggers at her husband.
“Oh, Judith, it’s just a cigar.” Wayne brushed her off.
“If I ever catch either one of you smoking a cigarette again…” She waved a finger in their direction before opening the fridge.
“We know… we know.” Wayne puffed on the cigar and blew a ring of smoke into the air, chuckling.
That damn man had smoked for years when the kids were growing up—until Scott was a teenager—and Scott had picked it up for a short while on his first deployment. Judith had been beside herself that her son smoked after watching what his father went through to quit.
“Tori would kill me if I started smoking again.” Scott took a long puff on the cigar. “She’s the reason I quit.”
“I knew I liked that girl.” Judith grabbed two beers and walked toward the back door with them resting in her arms. “You didn’t upset that sweet girl, did you?” She narrowed her green eyes at Scott. “Because she seems to have been through quite enough…”
Scott sighed and scratched his forehead. “Mom—” he tried to cut her off, but she wasn’t finished scolding him yet.
“Because you can’t bring her here and have us fall in love with her just to make her one of your flings.”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about, Mom.” Scott lifted his arms in protest, adding a cocky grin. That damn smirk of his was identical to his father’s and always got him out of trouble.
“Yeah, don’t think we don’t know about all your flings.” His mother puckered her lips. “I get on Facebook and Instagram and see all these ladies coming after you. It’s downright shameful. We raised you to be a good, Christian boy.”
“Stop being so damn nosy, woman,” Wayne chimed in. “Leave the man alone or I’ll shut off the internet.” He chuckled along with Scott. “It’s not like you and I waited till we got married.”
Judith’s jaw dropped. He did not just say that. “Wayne!”
Her husband let out a devilish laugh. “It was the sixties after all. Your mom and her cute little go-go boots and short skirt with that long, red hair.…” Wayne wiggled his eyebrows. “What’s a man supposed to do?” He shrugged.
That man and his damn mouth.
Judith opened the door with a huff.
Scott giggled like a little boy.
“Mom?” Scott stopped her. She turned and gave him a sassy glare.
“Tori’s the one, ok?”
Judith smiled, pleased, and walked back in the house.
Scott took another puff on the cigar and stared up at the night sky as he exhaled.
“She’s the one, huh?” His dad asked.
“Yup.” Scott took a swig of his beer. “Always has been.”
“I told you so.” His dad chuckled.
“Eh?”
“Not long after your injury, when you came back here for Christmas and you were fooling around with Brandi. I knew Brandi wasn’t the one for you.”
Scott raised his brow. He hadn’t given Brandi Turner a second thought in a long time, at least until Becca mentioned her yesterday, and now his father. Brandi was his first. His high school sweetheart with her long, blonde hair, warm, brown eyes, and a sweet southern twang that could melt butter.
Scott thought back. He had left DC so disgusted with everything; his career, and mostly how he left things with Tori. He had come to Austin for the holidays hoping that would give him a sense of home, but it hadn’t. He’d stayed because DC wouldn’t be the same without Tori there. So he’d stuck around Austin, slept in his old room, and did piddly chores around the farm for his dad like he was back in high school or something. He’d felt like he was going to crawl out of his skin trying to figure out what to do with his life, then Brandi had showed up, and for the first time he’d felt a twinge of hope.
“I haven’t thought about Brandi in a very long time,” Scott said honestly.
His dad chuckled. “You know, I don’t like to say told ya so.”
Scott rolled his eyes. His dad had warned him not to fool around with Brandi. “Yeah, I should’ve listened to you on that one. Would’ve saved a lot of heartache.” Scott let out a breath.
“So, when are you going to ask Tori to marry you?”
“Soon.” Scott didn't want to waste any more time. They’d already wasted enough. He didn’t tell his dad that he’d already asked her, unofficially.
They sat there in silence for a few moments. That was the good thing about his dad, there was no need to fill the silence between the two of them. Wayne Harris wasn’t a man of many words, but when he did speak it was worth lending an ear.
“Marriage is hard under the best of circumstances. Mom and I have had some rough years. We had to hold tight to each other and fight to make it as long as we have.”
“I know.” Scott read into the meaning of his dad’s words. “Tori is challenging, she always has been, even before she lost her vision, and even more so now.”
Wayne huffed. “I never said I was talking about her.”
Scott glanced at his dad.
Wayne wrinkled his forehead and stared Scott straight in the eye. “You say that as if you’re perfect and she’s the one with crippling problems,” his dad said wisely. His dad knew everything that Scott had been through overseas and what he had dealt with after his own injury. “She still has a lot to learn about you, son, and living with her closely means that mess of shit you keep locked up in your closet will eventually come tumbling out. Pride can only hold that door shut for so long.”
Scott raised his brow in acknowledgement and drank deeply from his beer but didn’t say anything.
His dad chuckled. “She does seem like a spitfire.” He took a long pull from his beer.
Scott let out a belly laugh. “You have no idea, Dad. She picked a fight with a TSA agent last weekend at the airport.”
“She didn’t.” His dad shook his head and laughed.
“Which of course flagged us for the full VIP treatment.”
“Of course.”
Scott explained the rest of the story, including nearly breaking her nose trying to get off the flight.
“I noticed her eyes looked a little green underneath her makeup,” his dad said. “I thought she may have smacked into something. I didn’t mention it to avoid embarrassing the girl.”
“Oh, she smacked into something all right—my damn elbow.” Scott could laugh about it now. Scott shook his head. “She makes me crazy, Dad. She’s stubborn and independent and keeps my head spinning.” He glanced at his dad, the light from the pool bouncing off his father’s weathered skin. “She’s unpredictable, some days she’s a hurricane and other days she’s a light breeze. It’s a fight to love her, but it’s a love worth fighting for.”
His dad nodded in satisfaction then held out his beer. “To fierce women and us men who are crazy enough to love them.”
“Cheers.” They clanked beers.