CHAPTER SIX

Cassie

The dark room wrapped her in a secondary blanket, calming away the remnants of the panic attack. Or was that the alcohol? Her whole body was warm, on the verge of tingles, and for once she didn’t feel an ache in her chest.

I can see how people get dependent.

Even Renner being beside her didn’t unnerve her like last night. Although they were both under the comforter, he lay on top of the sheet, easing any doubts she had of his intentions. Which was sweet.

Staring at his bare, muscular pecs at the dining room table had been enough to get her mind wandering to places she never thought she’d think of again. Perhaps another effect of the alcohol, but now those thoughts didn’t bother her. The same mass of muscles was lying beside her, prepaid on her credit card for the whole night.

What could it hurt, Cassie? There’s no one to judge you, and now you’re single. One night. If he’s willing, why not?

She sighed and rolled to her side.

Renner’s chest slowly rose and fell under the covers and his eyes were closed. His head was slightly tilted toward her, with long lashes kissing his skin, though barely visible in the dark.

His hand was only a few inches from hers, relaxed and warm. Sleeping seemed so easy to him, and intimacy even easier.

Who better to help with her reservations than an expert?

Who are you kidding, Cass? You’re not single; you’re widowed. It’s not about judgment. Sex was something between two people who loved each other. Not just a reason to expend energy and stress. Not to her.

This thing with Renner, it wasn’t love. Respect, yes. Attraction, hell yes. She’d be a corpse not to acknowledge it. Maybe he’d become a new friend as well. But there was no hope in her for love.

They hardly knew each other. To him, this was just a business deal. What little information they’d exchanged was more about her. Renner was still a jumble of mysteries.

“It’s hard to enjoy the view in the dark, Cassie.”

Her gaze shot to his face, and the glassy shine in his eyes locked onto hers. His voice was low and soft, gliding along her neck in just the right way. Heat flooded her cheeks and her breath caught. “I didn’t know you were awake.” Her voice was airy and higher than she liked.

“I never fell asleep.”

“I…was thinking.”

“You were burning a hole in my forehead. Smoke is spewing from your ears.”

She smiled, but she doubted he could see it. “How is this so natural to you?”

“What?”

“This…intimacy. With a different woman every time.”

Cassie felt his sigh more than heard it. “You want to know why I’m in this business.”

“It doesn’t make sense to me,” she admitted.

The sheets rustled as he moved his hand and slowly closed his fingers around hers. His palm was so warm. His thumb along her skin was hot and smooth.

Everything about him was that way.

A long time passed before he spoke again.

“The same reason you called and asked for a Knight. Not just for sleep, but…something missing you needed filled. Without complications.”

“What are you missing?”

His thumb stopped and for a moment the whole room went silent. Even the heartbeat between her ears.

“You’ll think I’m nuts.”

“Then we make quite the pair.” She smirked.

The sheets rustled more and his warm breath danced against her cheek. Peppermint toothpaste and sweet aftershave.

“A purpose.”

The two words swirled between their breathing, soaking and absorbing the silence.

Renner rolled to his side and more of his torso faced her.

The shadows weren’t as dark, now that her eyes had adjusted to the room. Now that she’d adjusted to the stranger beside her. Who suddenly wasn’t so distant.

Why aren’t I nervous?

“You became an escort—a Knight—to find purpose?”

“I left being a bodyguard because I lost my purpose.”

“Becoming a Knight would help you find it?”

“Hardly.”

“Then why do you do it?”

“To be needed,” he admitted quietly. “To make someone feel safe, if only for a while.”

“Wouldn’t bodyguarding accomplish that?”

A grimace flashed across his face for an instant, then softened. “Not always.”

“Something happened.” That was easy to see, with how much he dodged questions.

His silence confirmed it.

“So you quit?”

“When you lose a client you’re paid to protect, it’s bad for referrals.”

Renner kept swirling his fingers over her palm, gentle and feathery, as she absorbed his words. He’d lost a client.

“Oh,” was all she could say.

The wrinkles in his forehead deepened as he watched her. Judging her reaction, no doubt, with understandable apprehension.

Cassie placed her hand on his chest, so warm under her fingers. His heartbeat was strong. She wanted to say, ‘I’m sorry’, but it seemed insufficient. “So, the escort thing just came to mind after?”

He shrugged and traced his finger along her arm, up to cover her hand.

It was soothing. Equally strange that it didn’t bother her.

“A friend referred me after I got out of the hospital,” Renner answered. “Said I had that look women would pay extra for, if I didn’t mind the stigma. Even if the agency was high-end.”

“Wait. Hospital? You were hurt?”

He made a noise that sounded like a laugh, only darker. “Well, I can’t protect anyone if I’m not willing to fight. What kind of bodyguard would I be?” His smile didn’t reach his eyes.

Cassie couldn’t imagine going up against someone like him, as muscular as he was. “What happened?”

“Shot in the gut. Tore through a kidney and a few muscles.”

The tight grip on her hand countered the nonchalance in his voice. Every guy had to sound tough when talking about pain, but bodies always told the truth. Muscles remembered pain and tightened to guard themselves. Much like her heart.

“How long ago?”

“About a year.”

“Did the guy get away?”

“No,” Renner grunted. “But not before he finished off my client and another guard.”

“Jesus,” she whispered. “Who would do something like that?”

“You can take a gangster out of the ghetto, but not the ghetto out of the gangster. An old grudge gone bad.”

“With the means to hire personal security?”

“Well.” His heart rate increased under her fingertips. “That’s part of the disclosure agreement. Standard security stuff. Can’t tell you who, or what they were like.”

“Much like the escort business.”

A chuckle rumbled in his chest. “The Knight business…very similar.”

She caressed his pectoral in small circles with the tips of her fingers. It took a moment to realize she was subconsciously searching for chest hairs. Renner’s was smooth. She forced her fingers to stop and just focused on his heartbeat. Strong and steady beneath his bare skin.

His hand closed over her fingers and brought them to his lips. He kissed each one, slowly. Every touch made her heart skip.

“I know you’re curious, Cassie.” His voice, low and sensual, made the hairs on her neck stand up.

If they weren’t covered in darkness, he’d see her blush—the heat was in her cheeks. Because she was curious. Extremely. She didn’t know if she was brave enough.

Brave enough to feel. To want.

To let go.

“You’re in the driver’s seat.” Renner’s words were honey across her cheeks. Warmth drifted across the single foot of space between them. Soothing, musky warmth. “I won’t make any moves until you do.”

A tremor slid down her spine. She took a shaky breath to settle her nerves. Being in the driver’s seat was her life right now. Trying to be strong for her son, be a compass in a world flipped sideways, while reining in the overwhelming desire to crumble into a useless heap in the corner.

A tempting, red-horned devil sat on her shoulder, urging her to let go of her reserves and press her lips to Renner’s. The haloed, sensible voice in her mind told her the last thing she needed was an opportunity for guilt in an already emotion-filled heart, over capacity.

Tightening her grip on his hand, she curled it under her chin. “Good night, Renner.”

She felt him smile—rather than saw it.

“Sleep well, Cassie.”