Chapter 20
Ella
Slick’s being so gentle with me. The touch of his mouth to mine was so sweet, and brought back no memories of the Rock Demons. But that’s not surprising, they didn’t bother to kiss. No, they used my mouth for more unsavoury things.
He’s pulled away. What I should do now? Go back to Jayden? There’s no reason. If she awakes I’ll be able to hear her from here. Stay? But by staying would I be giving him the wrong impression? Would he kiss me again, and this time not hold back? I’m not ready.
Slick gestures to the chairs out on the balcony. “Come sit with me?” he suggests.
An innocent proposition, the seats far enough apart we wouldn’t even touch. As I bob my head in agreement he slides open the doors. Immediately the heat of the evening comes in, a warm but not uncomfortable breeze carrying the perfume of desert flowers along with the loud chirping of the last of the summer’s cicadas. As I sit, I notice the sun setting over the Tucson Mountains on the opposite side of the Tucson Basin. After the worry of the last few days the peaceful setting allows me a moment to simply sit and breathe. I hadn’t realised how tightly wound I’d become.
Coming to join me, Slick hands me a beer. While not my favourite drink, at least it’s refreshing. I take a long sip, and then hold the cold bottle to my forehead. I cast a glance at the man at my side and nod my head, gesturing at the view. “It’s so beautiful here.”
He looks where I’m pointing. “Not many biker clubs have somethin’ like this.”
I think back to the shabby warehouse I’d visited, and can’t argue his point.
Turning his head, his scrutiny now rests on me. “It’s been botherin’ me, Ella. Why did you ever think you could be a sweet butt? It was clear from the start that isn’t in your nature.”
I tilt my head to one side, not quite sure what he’s asking, and my insecurity rears its ugly head as I reach my interpretation. “You’re telling me your club wouldn’t have wanted me?” My eyelids come down as I lower my gaze, and I mumble, “You’re right, I wouldn’t have had what it takes.”
His head jerks back. “What the fuck you talkin’ about?”
“The other sweet butts, they’ve got great figures and they’re so pretty.”
He huffs an incredulous laugh. “Pretty and shallow. Ella, on looks you beat them hands down.”
My mouth gapes. “Slick, you don’t mean it. Just look at me, there’s no way I can compete.” And then I realise I’ve invited his scrutiny, and my cheeks burn as his eyes trace a path from my head to my feet, lingering just a little too long on my chest.
Grinning as I squirm, he informs me, “El, I had to beat my brothers off with a stick. I’ve told ya, that’s why I claimed ya. If you’d become a sweet butt you’d have been one of the most popular. And that’s no fuckin’ lie.” As I try to digest what he’s telling me, he takes a swig of his beer. “So, tell me, El, what made you even suggest it?”
“I met Jill,” I start to tell him, shifting my butt to get more comfortable on the seat. “We’d been at school together. Hadn’t seen each other for years. She told me about the life.” I pause and raise my shoulders. “It sounded fun.”
“Fun?” He’s eyes narrow. “Did she tell you exactly what being a club whore entails?”
I fidget awkwardly. “I’ve never had much luck with men, Slick. The ones I’ve been with, well, let’s just say they didn’t fulfil their promise. What Jill described sounded exciting.” And had backed up what I’d read in my books. Suddenly I sit forward. “She told me being a sweet butt gave her control. She implied they use the men to get what they want.” I stare up over at the distant mountains, noticing a flash of lightening, suggesting a storm’s approaching. “Sex,” I go on to admit. “Mind-blowing sex. And men who appreciate them.”
Another firm shake of his head and a chuckle. “Sweet butts ain’t got no control, sweetheart. They’re at our beck and call, any time of the day or night. When other chapters are here, they can expect to be passed around the members of the visitin’ clubs.”
I frown. “But the men are grateful for their services…”
“Only because we need a hole to use, darlin’. We might have preferences, but it doesn’t much matter which one. I tell you, a man wants to fuck? He’ll just use who’s available.”
My eyes drop again, he’s being a bit too frank. I summon up a more attractive reason, “She said it was possible to become a man’s favourite, that you could become an old lady.”
He spits his beer out of his mouth and wipes his wet mouth with the back of his hand, drawing my attention to his full and very attractive lips. “Almost never happens, darlin’. Sometimes a brother has a liking for a particular girl, but when they start to get ideas he moves on to the next. Ain’t one of us gonna start making somethin’ permanent with a woman all our brothers have known. And yes, I’m fuckin’ talkin’ about in the biblical sense.”
“Oh.” Put like that, I can understand and see just how much she misled me.
“And you’re right. Sweet butts like sex. Wouldn’t be here if they didn’t. They enjoy havin’ sex, rough sex even, and like the variety. They’re wired that way. What man would want to take the risk of settlin’ down with a woman who’s likely to get bored then stray and go lookin’ for a different cock?”
He’s made a good point.
“Don’t get me wrong, sweet butts are important to the club. They’re like anythin’ else that belongs to us, club property. We take good care of them, and protect them. But that’s as far as it goes. There’s no emotion involved, Ella. And that’s where it doesn’t suit you. You need your heart involved too. Being a sweet butt? You’d get that broken in minutes.”
Yes, my heart. That organ that pumps blood around my body, but also rules my head. I raise the bottle to my mouth and then think on what he said. Sure, Slick’s stuck around, still calls me his old lady, but apparently that’s only to protect me from the other club members. He’s a good man, but he won’t want me now, knowing what the Rock Demons did. He doesn’t want a woman all their members have had. I lower my beer and start biting my lip as it dawns on me he’s no threat. I’ve been used and abused, as he knows all too well. My eyes start to water as I wish I’d never admitted what happened. Despite what he’s said, and our one attempt at dating, there’s no way he’d want to make this permanent.
“What’s going around that pretty little head of yours, El?” Slick leans forward to reach into his pocket. He pulls out a packet of cigarettes and lights one.
After watching the glowing tip for a moment, my lips purse, and glancing into his penetrating eyes, I know I have to explain. “You won’t want me now. After the…”
“After you were fuckin’ raped? What the hell has that got to do with anythin’, woman?” He stands up, and the half-smoked cigarette is thrown over the balcony, then he then turns back, his eyes blazing. “It wasn’t like you chose it. Told you before, it fuckin’ killed me to even think of you havin’ to let even one of those fuckers lay a hand on you. I should have stopped you goin’ into that club that fuckin’ night.” He moves again, this time dropping to his knees in front of me, and rests his palms on my knees. “Ella, I want you as much as I want my next fuckin’ breath. That hasn’t changed since the moment I met you.”
As I flinch away from his caress he straightens and removes his hands. “It fuckin’ kills me that I can’t touch you in the way that I want to.”
And in my mixed-up head instead of reassuring me, the fact that he hasn’t lost any desire for me scares me. “It’s the smell!” The words burst out of my mouth. His eyes widen as I continue, “Leather, gas, oil, beer, sex, smoke… You’re a biker, Slick. Everything about you reminds me of them. What if you want to do the things that they did?”
“I probably do,” he admits, making me cringe back in the chair. “The difference is I’d be so fuckin’ gentle. And I’d do nothin’ you wouldn’t enjoy.”
“This isn’t going to work, Slick. I can’t take that risk.” I’m already trembling just at the idea.
I don’t understand why his lips are curling up. “Yes, it is. You’ve just got to learn to trust me. Take the time to see I’m nothin’ like them.”
And it’s that I’ve got the most problem with. How can I ever have faith in a biker again? There’s something inside them that I don’t want to see ever coming out.
What he says next astounds me. “Stay with me tonight, Ella. Sleep in my bed.”
I suck in air loudly. It’s too soon. “No, Slick. And I need to be with Jayden.” I can’t.
“We’ll keep the doors open, we’ll hear if she stirs. El, I held you last night. Just let me hold you again. Hell, I’ll sleep fully clothed on top of the covers, I just want you in my arms.” He winks. “And I’ll shower first so I don’t smell.”
A nervous giggle escapes me.
He sucks in air. “That’s a fuckin’ lovely sound. You know what? Don’t think I’ve ever heard you laugh before. I’d like to hear it more.”
My eyes widen. I hadn’t thought of it. I’d been dealing with one thing after another since I’d met him, and definitely since he’d come back into my life. I look up at him, realising that my continuous tension and my to and fro swings of emotion must be wearing for him too. I practice a small smile. As he responds I feel relaxed enough to lean back in the chair and kick my shoes off. He sits down again. For a few moments, we just stare at the darkening skies.
“Why did you become a biker, Slick? What made you join the Satan’s Devils?” I give another small chuckle. “It’s hard to think of you starting off as a prospect, being shouted at and made to do the unsavoury jobs.”
“I was in the Army for a while. When I was discharged I was attracted to the brotherhood, and never felt as good as when I was ridin’ my bike. And the shit they gave me wasn’t much worse than what I got durin’ boot camp.”
It must be more than an hour and a couple of beers while we just sit and talk. I’m interested in Slick’s history, but just as happy to simply hear his voice. At some point we move inside when the mosquitos put in an appearance, but with hardly any break in the conversation. There’s no pressure, no suggestions. Just taking the opportunity to get to know each other, a continuation of what we’d done on our date.
“What did you want to do with your life, Ella?” he asks as he gets up to snag a fresh beer from the mini-fridge. “Or what would you like to do?”
Pointing at my half-full bottle to reject the fresh one he’s offering, I answer honestly. “I wanted to go to college, but then I had to move out.”
“It’s never too late.”
Picking up my drink, which I’m starting to get a taste for, I dismiss it. “College costs money.”
He lets that ride and continues to ask, “What would you study?”
Resting the top of the bottle against my mouth, I think back over the dreams I’d had as a young girl. I open the box and take them back out, mentally blowing away the cobwebs and dust. “I always wanted to be a nurse.”
“Hmm.” His head tilted to one side, he seems to be interested, but changes the subject to something else once again.
Eventually it seems natural to agree to sleep in his bed. He’s made no gesture toward me or suggestion to make me think he’ll be other than a man of his word. I check quickly on Jayden, change into sweats and a tee, and then return to his room and slip under his sheets while he takes his promised shower.
Held protectively in his arms, I fall asleep.