“Jed, hold up,” I said, reaching for his arm. “You don’t even know where to find him, and you don’t know why I’m lookin’ for him.”

“Neely Kate, I know I said I was lettin’ you handle this, but I’m taking over with Beasley.”

“Jed.”

“No,” he snapped. “That man has a lot to answer for . . . and I’ll be the one makin’ him atone for what he did.”

“He’s already atoned for it, Jed. He went to prison for something I did.”

“What was the charge?”

“Jed.”

“What was the fucking charge? Because unless it’s for murdering his brother, he’s not even begun to pay.”

“Jed! Stop!”

He pulled over into a gas station parking lot and got out of the car, leaving the engine running, and began to pace the length of the car.

I got out and walked over to him, half-scared to confront him, but I had to fix this.

“Jed.”

He continued to pace, his fists clenching and unclenching.

“Jed. I’m sorry.”

He shook his head, looking incredulous. “Why the hell are you sorry?”

“You told me not to tell you, and I did anyway. I’m sorry.”

“No! Don’t you ever be sorry for telling me the truth. How many people have you told that story to?”

“No one. Just you.”

He stopped pacing and lunged for me, pulling me against his chest. “God. Neely Kate.” He sounded so anguished. Because of me. I couldn’t take it.

I jerked away. “Stop. Just stop. I don’t want your pity, and I don’t want your condemnation. I only told you so you’d know what I’ve been running from, and I haven’t even finished.”

He shook his head. “No condemnation, Neely Kate. Not one little bit.”

“I could have run and I didn’t,” I said.

“When?” he asked in disbelief. “When could you have run?”

“When Stella took me to Oklahoma City.”

“Did she ever let you out of her sight?”

“Only once I was prepped and ready for the procedure.”

“And then she came right back, didn’t she?”

I didn’t answer. We both knew that she had.

“You were beaten down, Neely Kate. You were . . . fuck!” he shouted, then spun away and began to pace again. After a couple of lengths, he leaned his hands on the top of the car, then cursed and shook his hands when he realized how hot it was.

He spun and turned to face me, rage twisting his familiar features into something unrecognizable. “You realize he knew, don’t you?”

My blood ran straight to my toes. “Knew what?”

“He knew you were pregnant. He paid for the abortion.”

“What? No . . .”

“Yes. He knew. Trust me. If he was using you like that, he knew your cycle. He had to schedule his . . .” His voice trailed off, and if possible, he looked even angrier than before.

“But why would Stella . . . ?”

“What would you have done if he took you to get an abortion? Probably fought him on it, right? But damn, he knew you’d trust your friend to have your best interest in mind. How else would she be able to get you out of that room?”

I stumbled backward, my butt hitting the back of the car. “I’m so stupid.” It all came rushing back, viewed through a different lens, and now I could see that he was right.

Branson had known all along.

Horror washed through me. “Oh, my God. I killed my baby. And that’s exactly what he wanted. I’m so stupid.”

“No!” he shouted, drawing the attention of the few people brave enough to face the heat to pump their gas. “Don’t you dare accept any guilt in this.” Then his expression morphed into horror. “You blame yourself. You think you deserved it.”

I took several steps to the side, clearing the back of the car.

“Oh, my God. He made you think you deserved it.”

I started to cry.

He was close to me in an instant, pulling me into his embrace. “I’m sorry,” he said into my hair. “I’m making it worse. I’m sorry.”

I shook my head. “I can’t see Beasley right now. I can’t handle it.”

“I know. It’s okay. Let’s go back to our room.”

I nodded and he helped me into the car again. As soon as we were settled, he took off, ignoring the curious stares.

He drove straight to the motel while I sat in silence. I didn’t dare cry or I’d cry away every last part of me until there was nothing left but an empty shell. When he parked in the lot, he came around to help me out, but I was already halfway to the stairs. He wrapped his arm around my back, but I shook it off, feeling dirty and claustrophobic. I was waging an inner battle over what I wanted. Part of me was desperate for him to hold me and tell me everything would be okay, but another more vocal part of me was on edge and ready to fight. That part couldn’t stand anyone’s touch, not even Jed’s.

“I’m sorry,” I said after I recoiled. “I just feel . . . so . . .”

“Don’t apologize.” But he stayed close until we reached the room, as though he worried he’d need to be there to pick up the pieces if I fell apart.

It was a legitimate concern.

As soon as we entered the air-conditioned room, I climbed onto the bed and curled into a ball. I couldn’t handle the world anymore. I couldn’t handle my shame and embarrassment. I couldn’t handle the pain I’d been through and the pain that had lingered with me for so long. All I wanted was to sleep for a million years and wake up feeling nothing.

* * *

I woke with a start, bolting off the bed, fresh from a nightmare I was already forgetting, except I could see the man’s looming face, turning first red and then pale.

It was still daytime, which made me feel a little better. Jed was slouched in the chair next to the bed. He sat up when he saw me stir.

“Jed?”

“I’m here,” he said, leaning forward. “What do you need?”

“Will you hold me?”

He was beside me in an instant, helping me lie on my side. Then he curled up behind me without hesitation, wrapping his arm over my stomach. “Is this okay?” he asked. “Is this too tight?”

“No.” A moment later, I whispered, “I need you. And I hate that I do.”

“Did you ever think that I need you too?”

I turned to glance back at him.

“It’s true,” he said, leaning over and kissing my bare shoulder. “Skeeter . . . I’ve been loyal to him for so long I’ve forgotten there are other choices. Other lives. I’m confused and pissed, but you help me put it all in perspective. No one else has ever made me feel like this . . .” He closed his eyes and groaned. “I suck at this, Neely Kate.”

I rolled over so that my stomach pressed against his. “No. Jed. You don’t.” I lifted my hand to his temple, stroking it with my fingertip. “But I’m messed up. I’m broken. You deserve someone who isn’t so complicated.”

He gave me a sardonic smile. “And my career choice isn’t complicated?”

“It’s more than that, and you know it. I haven’t even finished my story.” I searched his eyes. “I killed someone, Jed.”

His hand brushed a strand of hair from my face. “I know.” I started to sit up, but he pulled me back down. “Shh . . . Lie still. It’s okay.”

“It’s okay that I killed someone?”

“We’ve talked about this. I’ve killed someone too. Multiple someones. You should kick me out of this room right now and take my car to go back home.”

“I’m not goin’ to do that, Jed.”

“Why?”

“Because I know your heart. You must have had a reason.”

“Some of those deaths were self-defense, but in some cases I played judge and jury. I offered to kill someone for Rose, and she begged me not to. I gave Rose what she wanted, but the bitch turned around and tried to kill Rose right after I left. Looking back on the whole thing, I wish I’d gone ahead and killed her. What do you think of me now?”

I only saw a man who was protecting my friend. “I’m not kickin’ you out, Jed.”

He placed a gentle kiss on my forehead, then leaned back to look at me. “So why in the hell would I leave you? You killed in self-defense,” he said. “I haven’t figured out who you killed yet—although I have my suspicions—but I’m not running, Neely Kate. I’m still here. I’ll help you with whatever you need to do.”

I closed my eyes and buried my head underneath his chin. “Thank you.”

“What do you say we take the night off and start back on this tomorrow?”

“No. I want to finish it and go home. What time is it?”

“Six.”

“So we have a few hours before we can go see Carla,” I said, then sat up. “We need to find Beasley.”

Jed’s jaw clenched.

“Jed, I need to find out if he talked to Kate. He’s the only one who knows about the azaleas, and my life could be on the line. Especially if a guy came looking for me a few months ago.”

He sat up and picked up my hand, linking our fingers. “Then we talk to Beasley. And I promise not to beat the ever-lovin’ shit out of him until after you get everything you need to know out of him.”

“Jed.”

“No, Neely Kate. Don’t you dare make me promise to play nice to a man who sat back and watched that asshole abuse you.” His face reddened. “Don’t you fucking dare.”

I closed my eyes and leaned my forehead into his shoulder. “It’s complicated.”

“The hell it is.”

I sat back and studied his face. “He went to jail for me, Jed. That isn’t something that can be taken lightly. He forfeited years of his life to protect me. You’re not beatin’ him up.”

His face softened. Slightly. “Fine. I won’t beat the shit out of him unless he does something that warrants it. That’s the best I can do.”

I narrowed my eyes, but he stared at me unapologetically. “Okay.”

“Then let’s go find Beasley.”