CHAPTER 13:
JUNIPER
You will not cry today, I promised myself. Not gonna happen.
In general I wasn't usually a big crier. Don't get me wrong, I cried every single time Simba's dad died in the Lion King. But over regular things, I typically could hold my own. Which was probably why I'd been good at enduring Quinton's shit for so long. But losing my friendship with Ben had been...well, rough.
To say the least.
Staring down at my soggy bowl of Cheerios, I felt the emotions inside me begging to bubble to the surface once more. It had to be pregnancy hormones making me feel so much. It had to be. Otherwise there was something seriously wrong with me.
“Oh good, you're up,” Rhett said as he came into the kitchen. He was freshly showered and dressed for work. “So, the band got another gig. It's for 80's night at the Jack the Rabbit Bar in Kitty Hawk. It's a pretty big deal. But we'll have to dress in 80's clothes and play 80's songs.”
I sat on a barstool at Rhett's kitchen counter. I'd been staying here the past week. Rhett had actually been looking for two roommates to rent the two empty rooms in his house. It had worked out for me. But this was only temporary. I’d need to find a place of my own soon before I wore out my welcome.
“That could be fun,” I said to him. “Everyone likes 80's songs.”
“Yeah, we already have several in our set list. But it's still going to mean learning more new songs. You up for it?”
“Sure.” Practicing and memorizing lyrics was about all I was doing every day, anyway, so this was nothing new for me.
“Sydney's coming for the weekend today, too,” he added.
“Okay.” Sydney, his girlfriend, was super nice. She hadn't had any issues with me staying here. But that was just another reason why I’d need to find my own place soon. How comfortable could a girl really be, whether she showed it or not, with me living with her boyfriend?
Rhett grabbed the OJ from the fridge and poured himself a glass. “Also, we had a server quit at Chancy’s yesterday,” he said next. “And business is starting to pick up again now that the weather is getting warmer. If you want to start a job there, then you’re hired. Maybe get yourself some health insurance. Hell, I think even Noah and Ellie are hiring at their miniature golf business right now. You could probably work there and sit in a chair all day. Whatever is easiest while you’re pregnant.”
Unless someone was willing to ‘pay me under the table’ then neither of those options would work. Rhett didn’t have the same fear about Quinton finding me that I had. He seemed to think that I could start using my credit card, or work, or go to the doctor…all consequence free. And if Quinton found me, so what? I didn’t share his optimism that everything would be alright, though. So far I’d played it safe, and so far no Quinton.
I wanted to keep it that way.
Just then the doorbell chimed, making me jump a little in my seat and the little hairs on my arms stand. I still had this fear that Quinton could be around every corner.
“Yeah, that’s probably for you,” Rhett said, nodding in the direct of the door.
“What?” My fear multiplied.
“I’m going to go finish getting ready.”
He left and the doorbell rang once more. “Who’s at the door?” I yelled after Rhett. But he ignored me and disappeared into his room. In the last week, we hadn’t had a single visitor. And no one could possibly be at the door for me, aside from one person—Ben. I had to assume it might be him.
Getting out of my seat, the hairs on my arms still stood. But now it was for a different reason. I walked for the door. On tip-toes, I peeked through the peephole. And…sure enough, I saw that it was Ben.
As if he could see me, I gasped and ducked away from the peephole.
I figured eventually Ben and I would run into each other. I’d even pictured the moment in my head. It would happen months in the future. He’d have moved on and would be dating some random girl, while I’d have a brand new baby in a stroller. It would all be very awkward, but we’d be polite to one another, then we’d both continue on with our lives, each secretly wishing things could have been different. Wasn’t that the way it always happened?
Instead Ben was here now. And I had no idea what that meant. Was it excitement or anxiety that now clawed at my stomach? Either way, I couldn’t just hide behind the door. So, I yanked it open quickly, like ripping off a Band-Aid.
Damn him—because he looked especially handsome today. His blue eyes were somehow brighter in the morning sun. His t-shirt clung to the lines of his stomach in this delectable, sexy way. And his hair had that perfectly disheveled look to it like it always did. Meanwhile, I felt like I’d doubled in size over the past week, I wore my usual sweatshirt, and I needed to run a serious brush through my hair.
“I’m still angry with you,” were the first words out of his mouth.
“Good morning to you too,” I snapped.
He groaned. “I brought you something.” He handed over a small box, a little bigger than a deck of cards. “This doesn’t mean I’ve forgiven you or anything. I just don’t like the idea of you not having one.”
Curiosity trumped all else, and I opened the box. Inside was a cell phone. Wow. Not as nice as the one I’d thrown in the trash back in Washington D.C., but still, a cell phone was a cell phone.
“I got a new phone too. You’re on my plan. I programed my number into yours. And I put Ellie’s in there also. So, if anything happens and you can’t get ahold of me, call her.”
“How much do I owe you?” I muttered in disbelief. I couldn’t believe he’d done this for me, especially since he still seemed so mad.
He took a step in the opposite direction off Rhett’s porch. “They had a two for one deal, so you don’t owe me anything.”
“That’s nice of you,” I admitted. Every bit of annoyance I’d been feeling toward him dissipated. I knew he was making up the ‘two for one deal’ too. This had to have cost him more than he was admitting.
“Whatever,” he said, taking another step away. “I only did it so I’d sleep better at night.” He turned around to go.
“Wait.” Shit. My heart raced. “I thought of another lie I told you.”
He turned back around, saying nothing. But at least I had his attention.
“I’m not twenty-one. I’m almost twenty-seven.”
He scowled. “Anything else I should know?”
No? “I am not a fan of ghost crabs,” I tried. “You couldn’t pay me to do that again.”
He very nearly smiled. I saw it. The corners of his mouth flinched.
“And I don't like your mom's lasagna. But I lied about that out of politeness.”
He stood there staring at me for a moment. Then completely changed the subject. “You need to go to the doctor,” he told me, his tone all demanding. “Georgina goes every other week. There are blood tests, sonograms, glucose tests, etc., that you should have already had by now.”
He sounded like Rhett. I had a feeling now that Rhett's pressure to go see a doctor was actually coming from Ben. “If I go then I'll have to fill out all the forms and then Quinton will find me. I can't let that happen.”
“What's your plan then? To have the baby on Rhett's living room couch?”
“No!”
“Jesus, Juniper, you're twenty-seven, you're too fucking old to be arguing with me about the doctor.”
My mouth dropped open. “I'm twenty-six,” I huffed. “And now that you know my actual age, you're going to use it against me?”
“Yes.”
A groan slipped from my throat. “Maybe you should just mind your own business and stay out of mine. There, problem solved.”
“I can't, okay.” Pain crossed his face, like he wished he didn't care so freaking much. Meanwhile, some selfish part inside me was glad he did. “I'll consider some other options with the doctor,” he said. “I know there's a privacy act with medical stuff. I'll call my lawyer today and find out how it all works.”
He had a lawyer? “You don't have to do that.”
“You're not doing it.”
That comment made me want to throttle him. Instead, I flipped him off. Seriously, I had no idea he had this stubborn side. “And you’re…” I couldn’t think of a good come-back. “You’re…really annoying when you want to be.”
“So are you, Juniper, so are you.”
He said my name again. My real name. I guess he’d learned it, probably from Rhett, in the past week. It sounded entirely too good on his lips. So good that I very nearly asked him to say it again. But I refrained.
“Stop looking at me like that,” he warned.
“Like what?” I wasn’t looking at him like anything. At least, I hadn’t meant to.
Running a hand through his hair, further disheveling it, he sighed. “I need to go,” he said, but he didn’t make a move to leave. He lingered.
He lingered, so I lingered.
Neither of us said a word. I guess after a week of not seeing one another we both wanted to draw this moment out a little longer. Then Ben killed the silence by speaking first. “I’m still angry,” he said, as if I didn’t know, his voice different now, lower now.
“We’ve established that,” I reminded him.
“But we could call a thirty second truce…”
What the hell was a thirty second truce!? I wasn’t sure. But I wanted to find out. My eyes narrowed. “Okay?”
“Because, really, my life feels like I’m in the middle of this crowded room, where everyone is talking entirely too loud, and all I want to do is turn the volume down. Being with you turns the volume down. Kissing you fucking mutes it.”
His brutal honesty turned my breaths shallow. I stood there completely oblivious to everything else around me but him and the sudden desperate look on his face. I guess I understood what he meant. I wanted to mute the metaphorical noise too.
“Truce,” I uttered.
And just like that, as if a gun had been shot signaling the start of a race, there was absolutely nothing holding him back. He closed the steps between us in an instant. His hands tangled all through my hair as he grabbed hold of my neck and yanked me close against his body.
No time to waste. Our lips collided. And I melted completely into him, his mouth warm and hot and inviting. With one probe of his tongue, I opened up to him.
There was a relief in kissing him again. Because I'd missed him so damn much in the last week and I honestly never thought I'd get another chance to do this with him. It made me want to squeeze everything I could out of this moment.
I stood on my toes so that I could press closer to him. My hands moved to hold his face in place against mine, the rough stubble of a skipped shave or two scraped against my skin. Obviously I wanted him. But it surprised me more to find that I could practically taste the way he wanted me. So much emotion behind his kiss. So much longing. More than I could have ever expected.
Compared to this kiss, our first kiss had been tame. This kiss trampled all over tame. This kiss was needy and greedy and raw as hell. My body shivered from the intensity. The fact that he knew me as Juniper somehow changed things. Made everything more honest, I suppose, at least on my end. There was no façade of Lilly to hide behind. Not anymore.
Just me. Just him.
All too soon, Ben pulled his lips away from mine. I guess thirty second meant only thirty seconds. He didn't move away just yet, though. Instead, he brushed the hair away from my face, staring down at me, inhaling deeply.
“Perfectly quiet,” he whispered.
Then he sighed and stepped backward, out of my embrace.
I crossed my arms over my chest, a little unsteady and a little annoyed with him. Maybe his thirty second truce had been a bad idea. My hormones were already through the damn roof. Add one hotter-than-hellfire kiss from him, and now all my body could think about was sex. It tingled for it. Demanded it. Ached for it. It didn't seem to give a rat's ass that I probably wasn't emotionally ready for it, now or maybe ever. Not after the psychological terror Quinton had gotten off to, always putting me through his kind of hell.
Then again, maybe normal sex with someone normal and safe like Ben could mean everything and be exactly what I needed. Could good sex with someone good heal bad sex with someone bad? Was that possible?
“I have to go,” he told me. “I'll come back by tomorrow.” He started trotting down the steps of Rhett's porch. “Oh, and by the way,” he added over his shoulder. “I hate that you're living here with Rhett.”
What was his freaking problem with Rhett?
“Not much you can do about that,” I shouted after him as he crossed Rhett's sand-pit of a yard for his Jeep.
“You're right. For now. Bye, Juniper.”
“Bye, Ben,” I whispered, more to myself, wondering what he meant by for now, as he hopped in his car and started the engine to leave.
I need to be more careful with him. Because if I wasn't, then I was going to go ahead and fall in love with the guy. Hell, I might just be halfway there already.