Chapter Twenty-One
Harry
The following morning my head’s killing me. I worked all through the night, but for the first time I couldn’t fully immerse myself in Exitium. It’s never failed me before. Outside problems dissolve, but this time I kept hearing Alice’s voice echoing inside my head.
We could still keep in touch when I’m in Durham.
As though, until last night, that had never been part of her plans.
I don’t know what to fucking make of it.
She didn’t date me just so she could meet Lucas.
I know it, but there’s a part that keeps gnawing away inside, because Alice was charmed by him. No doubt about it. Lucas can charm at a hundred paces.
That doesn’t mean she wants him. Even if she does have his phone number.
“Christ.” I rake my fingers through my hair and cradle my throbbing skull. Even my half-hearted run in the local park hasn’t helped clear my head, and the pain killers and three coffees I’ve swallowed already aren’t working, either.
Only one thing for it. I’ll have to ask Alice what the hell is going on between her and my brother.
...
For the first time ever, I’m late getting to work, and by the time I’ve grabbed a takeaway coffee for me and specialty tea for Alice—as well as one of her favorite muffins—it’s almost seven thirty by the time I get to her office.
She’s not there. Which is unusual, as she always arrives at seven thirty. I leave my peace offering on her desk and spend the next hour being completely unproductive as I wait for her to arrive.
Di strolls in. “Alice just called. She said she’d drop by at lunchtime to pick up her stuff and hopes that won’t be an inconvenience to anyone.”
In all the time Alice has worked here, she’s never taken unscheduled time off.
I concentrate on my coding, but it doesn’t block out the insidious whisper in the back of my brain. Is Alice with Lucas?
…
Alice
After ending my call to Di, I resist the urge to burrow back into my bed with the quilt over my head. I can’t stay in bed all day, no matter how much I want to. If I didn’t need to pick up my things from Blitz, I wouldn’t even bother going into work at all. The thought of facing Harry, after everything he said last night, is too unbearable.
I always knew our break up would be horrible. But that was because we’d never see each other again, not because he sneered at my suggestion that, maybe, we could keep in touch.
Every time I remember that, another little piece of my heart withers. I wish I’d not said anything now. No, I wish I’d never gone to his house at all. Then none of that humiliating conversation in his car would’ve taken place.
And I never would’ve known what Harry really thought of me.
Living in ignorant bliss would be so much better.
My bedroom door bursts open, and Mum’s standing there, her hair all tangled. She never used to oversleep, but that was before she started dating Brian. “Alice, are you okay? Do you know what the time is? You’re terribly late for work, darling.”
And I don’t give a bleeding crap.
Slowly I push the quilt off and brace myself. You’d have to be made of stone not to know I’ve spent half the night in tears, and Mum hitches in a sharp breath before coming to sit on the side of my bed.
“Bad night with Harry?” Her voice is gentle as she takes my hand, and it all comes bubbling up to the surface again.
“You could say that.” I squeeze my eyes shut, but that only brings his face into focus, which is so not what I want. “It was a lot harder than I thought it’d be.”
“I’m so sorry.” She bites her lip. “I know I said some harsh things about him, but I could see how happy he made you. I suppose I thought…well, I kind of thought you’d find a way to stay together after you started university.”
Brian’s really changed your outlook on things.
“No. That was never going to happen.” Only in my dreams.
She hesitates, as though she’s debating with herself on whether to say something or not. Then she takes a deep breath. “I know we haven’t always agreed that it’s best to put boys on the back burner until you’ve finished university.”
No. I don’t want to have this conversation. “Mum.”
“Please, let me finish, darling. The thing is, when I met your dad, well, you know how good looking and gorgeous he was. All the girls were after him, but he chose me.”
I slump against her. I’ve heard versions of this story all my life. How Mum was swept off her feet by the cheating charmer who ended up breaking her heart.
“It’s why I was so against Harry at first. I mean, look at him. But I was wrong. He’s nothing like your dad, is he?”
“No.” Unless you count being a heartbreaker.
“Your dad—he wanted me to give up university. I’m not talking about when I became pregnant with you. He just didn’t want me to go at all.”
What? She hasn’t told me this before. “Why not?”
She shrugs, clearly uncomfortable by the revelation. “He dropped out of high school. I don’t think he liked the idea of his girl,” there’s no mistaking the derision in those words, “going on to higher education. Things weren’t great between us for the first semester, and the stress was awful. I didn’t want that for you.”
“Harry was never like that.” I can’t even imagine it.
“No, well, that’s good. I mean I could tell he was proud of you and everything you’ve accomplished. Clearly no self-esteem issues there.”
I’ve no idea what to say to that. Then again, I just took it for granted there was no issue when it came to me going to Durham. Did my dad really have such low self-esteem he needed Mum to give up her dream of university?
She sighs. “What I’m trying to say is…I hope you didn’t end this relationship just because you’re going to university. You know, because of all the things I’ve said over the years about getting your degree and everything. I never factored in the possibility you’d meet someone like Harry.”
You and me both.
“No. It had nothing to do with that.”
“So, it was a mutual parting of the ways?” She gives me an anxious look, as though the fact it was mutual makes all the difference in the world. And it should make a difference, because it was mutual, but the truth is it bloody doesn’t.
“Oh, yes.” My voice is bitter, and she squeezes my fingers in sympathy. “It was mutual, all right. There’s no going back now.”
...
It’s almost 1:00 p.m. before I drag my sorry arse into Blitz for the last time ever. I put way more makeup on than I usually do, just to try to hide my puffy eyes. Since today is entirely different from every other day I’ve gone to work, I’m wearing a dress and my only pair of heels.
Take that, Harry. I might be dying inside, but he’ll never know it.
I step inside Blitz and come to a dead halt. A massive, shimmering banner is strung from one side of the building to the other.
We’re going to miss you, Alice!
There are sparkling stars and exploding planets printed on either side of the message, and I blink a few times since my stupid eyes have the urge to water. Bunches of helium balloons are anchored onto every desk, and everyone stops working, stands up, and starts clapping.
My face burns as my plan of slipping in quietly, collecting my personal items, and then giving everyone a private farewell, shatters. I’d completely forgotten about the good-bye party.
Di and Meg and some of the others come up and hug me, which isn’t helping on the whole keeping-my-shit-together thing. I smile and nod at everyone as I go upstairs, unnerved by the fact that the entire workforce of Blitz is following me.
On the plus side, it means there’s no chance of being alone with Harry.
Di and Meg loop their arms through mine and steer me away from my office to the time-out area, which has been completely done over with throws and scatter cushions across the couches and chairs, and lace tablecloths cover coffee tables that display a dozen multitier cake stands overflowing with delicacies. There are even vases of flowers everywhere. It’s like stepping into an alternate reality.
“It’s a High Tea,” Di hisses from the side of her mouth as she and Meg lead me to one of the tables and forcibly sit me down.
“Wow. This is so…” My words trail away and I swallow around the lump in my throat. Blitz parties are never like this. “This is so nice.”
“Harry’s idea,” Meg says. “We all have to drink tea and eat cake. I guarantee you that coffee will also be served.”
Harry came up with this idea? Twenty-four hours ago, I would’ve melted onto the floor at the romantic gesture, but all I want to do now is grab my things and make a run for it. Especially when he appears at the doorway and looms there, like a doomsday prophecy.
Caleb gives a speech designed to embarrass me and then presents me with an enormous gift-wrapped present. “From all of us,” he says with a grin. “And you better keep in touch or there’ll be trouble.”
Acutely aware that Harry’s still watching me with an ever-increasing scowl on his face, I continue to completely blank him as I unwrap the gift.
Shock ricochets through me as the paper falls away to reveal the box. It’s a top-of-the-range laptop. “Oh, I—this is—” I gulp, lost for words, which appears to be the signal for a big group hug. “Thank you.” I sniff back my tears. “It’s just what I wanted.”
The next hour is a flurry of drinking tea, nibbling cake, and smiling for umpteen selfies with the guys. Good job I plastered on the makeup so I won’t look too awful in the photos. From the corner of my eye, I notice Harry chain-drink coffee like it’s his superpower, but he doesn’t move further into the room, and everyone is acting as though he’s invisible.
Obviously, news of our breakup is common knowledge, which isn’t exactly comforting, but at least no one makes any awkward comments.
After an hour, my nerves can’t stand Harry’s silent brooding treatment any longer, and I make my excuses. Di and Meg take my car keys so they can load my new laptop while I clear my office. I steel my nerves to walk past Harry without either looking at him or breathing in his cologne.
He follows me into my office. Did I really think he wouldn’t?
“About last night.” Typical Harry. Straight to the point. Except what is his bloody point? I don’t want to rehash last night, thanks very much.
I retrieve the cardboard box I left under my desk yesterday, pull open my drawer, and begin to transfer my stuff. “There’s nothing more to discuss.”
It might not be possible, but the air crackles between us. “Where were you this morning?”
Talk about changing the subject. I relax my death grip on my stationery case and drop it into the box before I deign to look at him.
Big mistake. Shouldn’t have looked at him. It’s too easy to forget how badly he hurt me, when his blue eyes remind me of everything we shared over the last month.
Lying eyes. Except he never lied to me. And I never expected forever. I just didn’t expect him to crush me like none of it meant anything.
It’s my own fault. Men always leave you.
“If it makes you feel better, deduct the hours from my final pay check.”
His jaw clenches. Struck a nerve there. He knows damn well I’ve put in countless hours of unpaid overtime, not that I ever minded, considering how generous my salary was.
“I don’t care about the fucking hours.”
“Good. That makes two of us.” I fling the rest of my stuff into the box and heft it into my arms. “Good-bye, Harry.”
“What? You’re just going to walk out of here?” He sounds incredulous, but that’s just my imagination. Last night he couldn’t wait to get rid of me.
“Since teleportation isn’t an option, then yes. I’m walking out of here.”
“You’re unbelievable.”
He sounds so disgusted that I forget about being cool and distant and not rising to the bait. I round on him, and I’m so freaking mad that it’s a good job the box is between us like a cardboard shield, because I totally want to rip off his face.
“You should try looking in a mirror sometime.”
“Don’t try to twist this onto me. You’re the one walking out.”
Can he even hear himself? “That’s right, Harry. I’m moving to Durham tomorrow, and you’ll never have to see me again.”
“A month too bloody late.” Bitterness throbs in every word, and the force of his meaning punches me in the chest, knocking the air from my lungs.
So now he regrets that we ever got together. It’s crazy and doesn’t make sense, and I’ve no idea how we got to this point, but I’m not hanging around to let him grind me even further into the ground.
“Why don’t you say what you really mean?” I’m backed up against the door frame, and even though it’s obvious our conversation has been overheard by half the workforce of Blitz, right now I don’t even care. “I was never good enough for you, was I? Just a distraction. That’s all.”
“Don’t worry. I’m over being distracted. I should never have left Exitium. At least there I know the rules.”
“That’s right. Nothing’s more important than your work, but I always knew that. That’s fine.”
Stop wittering on.
I have the scary certainty that if my mouth stops, my tears will start. Hastily I turn my back on him and avoid eye contact with everyone who’s standing outside, who’re making no attempt to pretend they weren’t eavesdropping.
I chuck the box onto the passenger seat in my car, and for the last time ever I leave Blitz.
And Harry.