Chapter Twenty-Two
I floated on top of the water, and my body rode the waves gracefully, as if I were no longer human, but rather a part of the ocean itself. The sun beamed against my skin enough, to feel the burn, but not enough to sting. I was happy—at peace.
Ocean sounds, my favorite sounds, filled my ears. The dull roar of waves breaking on the sand, the light chirp of gulls chattering on the wind. If I listened closely, I could hear ruffling sails from a boat far away.
Nothing hurt. I had no worries. My mind was a perfect, peaceful blank. I moved effortlessly with the pull of the tide—without purpose, without direction—and when I stretched my limbs against the crest of a wave, I reveled in the way the current spun my hair and splashed my face.
A clear, cloudless blue sky stretched infinitely above and around me. I swirled my hands and inhaled a breath that filled not just my lungs, but my body—my soul. It tingled and fizzed. It made my bones pulse and my skin prickle with gooseflesh. It was magnificent.
A strong breeze pushed across the water, and I closed my eyes, not wanting anything to interfere with this moment of bliss. The air was humid and thick, and smelled of sun and salt. Without a doubt, this was where I belonged.
“No, Abby. You promised!”
I heard the voice, and something about it rang familiar, but it didn’t matter. I was home, in the only place I ever wanted to be.
“She’s dying, dammit,” the voice said again.
I continued to float, loving the way the water cradled me, the way it tethered my body to something, yet at the same time, to nothing. With the next crest, the tide carried me to shore. I landed softly, as if giant hands had scooped me from the water and laid me to rest. I curled my fingers into the wet sand and rubbed it between them. It was warm, and even though I knew I was on solid ground, my body was weightless, like gravity didn’t exist.
Knowing that didn’t scare me. It was comforting. But when the wind blew across my face, I heard a sob. It was broken. Breathless. Still on my back, I glanced at the horizon, and when the voices shouted again, a cloud began to form. It wasn’t the fluffy white I expected, but gray—almost black. I concentrated on the voices, and every minute that passed, the clearer they became.
Around me, the birds fell quiet. They stood on the beach with their heads cocked to the side, and the ocean stilled. And then I heard it. No, I felt it. A push against my sternum and the slosh of blood in my ears. I clapped my hands against my chest and waited.
“I’m sorry,” a voice said. “This is all my fault.” I looked to the sky, searching for the source, but all I saw were thick clouds rolling toward me. The wind kicked, blowing sand across my face as I stood to brace myself for the oncoming storm. Moments later, the sunlight dimmed and turned the ocean a steely gray.
“Abby?” I didn’t understand that word, but something about it—or the way it was said—rang familiar. “I know you can hear me.”
“I can hear you,” I said to the voice. I turned again, knowing that if I searched, I would find the person to whom it belonged. I walked up the beach, and when I came to a sand dune taller than my own head, I climbed. My feet slipped, and when my hands were unable to find purchase, I tumbled back to the base. A drop of rain fell from the sky and puddled on my shoulder.
“You have to come back,” he said again. “It’s not your time to go.” His voice came from somewhere beyond the dune, and it echoed, not in just the wind, but inside my soul. A pair of dark eyes appeared in my mind.
“Move,” another voice said, and I panicked. I didn’t want him to go. I needed to hear him. To see him.
“James,” I called out to no one. His face appeared, all harsh planes and rugged angles. I had to find him. “James,” I called again, but my voice was lost to the shrieking wind. Dry sand swirled around me, and I coughed with every breath.
“You can’t die. You have to come back.”
The sky opened, and rain fell in a deluge.
“I’m not dead,” I screamed to the nothing. “I’m here.” Lightning lit the sky and thunder, so loud I had to cover my ears, rumbled around me.
The temperature was dropping, and while my breath formed little clouds with every exhale, my hand was warm, like someone was holding it. I could feel the pressure and the rough, calloused skin.
“Come back,” James pleaded again.
“I’m coming,” I said. The rain had wet the surface of the dune, and when I stuck my hands into the sand, I was able to find my grip. I clawed my way to the top where the rain came down like freezing sickles of ice and the wind was violent.
I stood at the summit and peered over the edge. I expected to find him on the other side, but there was nothing. It was a black hole. An empty cavern, bottomless and infinite.
“Abby, please.” His words drifted up from that blackened space, and I knew what I had to do to see him again.
Lightning struck, and pain ripped down my middle. Clutching my hands to my stomach, I watched as blood soaked my dress and dripped from my fingers. Above me, the storm raged, but when I glanced behind me, I saw that the sky above the ocean had cleared, and the water had calmed. I realized I had a choice. I could climb down and go back to the water. I could have peace there. But at what cost? With a deep breath I turned toward the cavern and jumped, hoping that wherever I was going was where I would find James.
It was loud, and the free fall was sickening. I screamed, I twisted, I turned—I clawed at the air and kicked out with my legs, and just when the fall felt endless, everything stopped.
“Abby,” James said, and I turned toward his voice.
He was there, sitting two feet from where I stood. His leg was soaked in blood, and he was hunched over, holding someone’s hand. I walked around his side and saw it wasn’t just any hand. It was my hand. I stared at my body, limp and pale white, lying on the ground. Bright red streaks of blood had trailed from my nose and down my face, leaving garish marks.
“It’s not working,” Mack said to James. “She’s not responding.” He was kneeling on my other side with his hands poised over my chest.
“Make it work,” James said through gritted teeth. His skin was sickly, like he was fighting for consciousness himself.
Mack placed his hands against my heart and pushed down, pumping blood when my body no longer would. I watched as he tried to save my life, but I felt nothing. I was already gone, a ghost without a home.
I turned my back, not wanting to watch, only to see the room shift. I was still there, standing in the living room, but the furnishings were different, more old-fashioned. Against the wall, there was shattered glass, and a photo lying in the midst. I glanced to my right and saw myself again. Only this time, James wasn’t there. My olive-green dress was soaked in blood, and Colin was kneeling at my side, his face tortured.
He wrapped his arms under my shoulders and lifted my limp body. My head fell back, lifeless, and my arms dropped to my sides as if they were boneless. Colin laid his cheek against my chest and hugged me to him while tears streamed from his eyes and he begged forgiveness.
The horror of my death was all around me. I stood between two moments in time, separated by a century, yet with endings shockingly similar.
“I know you can hear me,” James said. “You have to bring yourself back. You have to choose to live.”
I knelt at his side. There were tears in his eyes that he had yet to shed, he was shaking, and sweat had broken out over his forehead.
“I’m here,” I whispered. “But I don’t know how to come back.” James didn’t flinch. He couldn’t hear me. He couldn’t see me.
I looked down at my body. My skin was now a waxy gray, and my eyes were staring at nothing. Mack pumped furiously on my heart, but I was the kind of broken that couldn’t be put back together. Tears spilled as I threw my head back and screamed. “What did I do to deserve this?” I fell forward, my head in James’s lap, but I couldn’t feel him. It was like I was numb to everything but the cold that was consuming my body by the second.
“She’s gone, McCormack.” My head shot up to see Roselli standing behind Mack. “How does it feel? I hope it hurts.” His words were slow and measured.
Mack didn’t respond. He continued to pump my chest like there was absolutely nothing else going on.
“I hope your heart is breaking. I hope it feels like your soul is being ripped from your body,” he said. “Because that’s what you did to me when you killed my Elaina.”
“Good,” Mack said, looking up at Roselli. “I hope you continue to suffer for the remainder of your life.”
Mack pulled his hands from my chest, and James breathed for me. When he finished, Mack didn’t move. He stared down at my face, and ran a hand across my cheek. “I failed you again,” he said in a broken voice. “I thought I’d get it right this time. I tried so hard to get it right. I’m sorry,” he said before he ran his fingertips over my eyes and shut my lids.
James roared above me. He grabbed my face between his hands and spoke. “You said you’d come back. Come back. Come back!” He kissed my forehead, and I watched with a breaking heart as tears fell from his eyes and mixed with the blood that stained my cheeks.
He took several gulping breaths and pushed himself to his feet. Rage radiated from his body, and murder flashed in his eyes. With his injured leg dragging behind him, he lunged for Mack’s discarded gun.
“No!” I screamed as I watched Roselli raise his weapon. I was helpless, and unable to prevent the one thing I felt sure was the reason I’d drifted at all. James was going to die. Again.
And again, I could do nothing to stop it.
James wrapped his hand around the gun.
“Don’t do this,” Roselli said, but James was past hearing.
Running forward, I put myself between the gun and James. I stared at the hollow cores of Roselli’s eyes and begged him to stop. But he couldn’t hear or see me. His lips tightened and the gun fired. Time stopped for the briefest of moments, and when it started again, it moved in slow motion. I saw with incredible clarity the way the bullet fired from the gun. I watched it move toward me, and then through me. I heard a groan, low and pained.
How had this happened again?
I screamed so loud my vocal cords burned, twisting toward him as I fell to my knees.
James was lying on the ground, but he wasn’t screaming. He was gasping under the weight of Mack’s body. The impact of the fall had caused James to drop the gun, and it lay just out of his reach.
“Oh my God,” I breathed as I surveyed Mack’s body. A bullet had pierced his chest and blood was pooling from the wound.
“We should go,” the man with the bandage on his nose said, and Roselli nodded.
“Get the car ready. I’ll be out in a few moments.” The man exited the house through the back door, and seconds later I heard a car engine start.
All the while, Nino stood over our three bodies and watched Mack pull watery breaths. “I have to say, this wasn’t the way I wanted to kill you. I wanted to do it piece by piece, but watching you die the slow death you deserve. Well, I guess I don’t mind the means as long as the end is the same.”
I wanted to run at him, to scratch and claw at him. I wanted to inflict as much pain as possible. But from where I stood, in this place neither here nor there, I could do nothing.
“You’ll pay for this. Somehow, someway,” James said. “I’ll make sure of it.” His face was pale and nearly as lifeless as my own.
“No,” Roselli answered. “I don’t think so.” He holstered his gun. “But you’re welcome to try. That is, if you can get up before I get out.”
From somewhere in my center I felt a tug, like someone had reached inside me and pulled me inside out. I let it happen, anything to get me out of this hell. It was a quick shift, and my lungs suddenly burned like they’d been starved of oxygen. I opened my mouth and sucked in a breath so fast it was a gasp. I turned onto my elbow and coughed until my stomach seized.
Blinking rapidly, I brought the room into focus. I was no longer standing over my body. I was inside it. Mack lay partially on top of James, pinning him to the ground, and Roselli stood over us, shocked and appalled.
Before I could think through what I was about to do, I reached forward and closed my hands over the gun that had fallen from James’s hand. Turning to Roselli, I shot twice. The sound was deafening.
He fell, and I scrambled to my knees. Roselli wasn’t moving, but I kept the gun trained on him for several seconds until I realized he was dead. Outside, tires squealed as his accomplice fled.
I dropped the weapon and looked around in sudden and complete silence. I hadn’t aimed with any intent other than to stop him, but I managed to hit him once in the head and once in the heart.
I knelt next to Mack and lifted his shoulders enough that James could pull his injured leg out from underneath. Carefully, I rolled Mack back down and wasted no time pressing my hands against his wound. When the blood began to seep between my fingers, I swallowed back the rise of vomit. I’d done this before. I’d watched death stain my hands, and it was happening again.
“Colin?” I whispered.His eyes fluttered open, but his lids remained heavy. “Hang on, okay? Hang on.” I kept one hand on his chest and reached for the telephone sitting on the end table. I dialed 911 and spoke with the operator. I don’t know how I made any kind of sense—my voice was shaking, and my words stumbled over one another.
“Ma’am,” the operator said. “The ambulance is on its way. Stay on the line, okay?”
Mack’s eyes fluttered, and I dropped the phone. “Colin?” I asked.
“You’re alive,” he breathed, and his eyes drifted closed.
I shook his shoulder. “Please, you can’t die. Not now. Colin, please.”
His eyes opened a quarter of an inch. “I love hearing you say my name.” He attempted a smile, but it faded with a grimace. “I’m so sorry, for everything.”
“Don’t be sorry. It wasn’t you. You didn’t kill James that night, it was Roselli.”
“I know,” he breathed.
“Then why did you let me believe it had been you?”
“Because it doesn’t change the fact that I would’ve. I would’ve done it without thinking twice. You’ve deserved better from me, but you have to know that everything I did after that moment—it’s always been for you.” Colin stared at me, his brow furrowed, his lips tight with pain. “I love you. I always have.” His eyes closed. “I always will.”
My breath seemed too loud in the ensuing silence.
“Colin?” I asked giving him a little shake. I didn’t want to admit that his blood had stopped pulsing between my fingers. “Colin,” I said more loudly. When he didn’t answer I grabbed his hand and pressed my face into his chest and screamed.
“Abby,” James’s words were whispered, pained.
I pulled away from Mack and turned to James. “He’s gone.”
James nodded once, and the fire that had always lit his eyes was dim, like it was seconds from blowing out.
“I’m sorry.” James words trailed into nothing, and he closed his eyes.
My entire body shook in a way that rattled my bones. I was cold, I was hot. I was devastated and relieved. There were too many emotions fighting to be heard. I fell against James’s side where he pulled me weakly in to his chest and held me while I cried.
“Don’t cry,” he said. “This isn’t the end. You know it isn’t.” He gave me one last squeeze and his hand fell from my back. The muscles at his neck and shoulder loosened, and his head lolled away from me.
My knees curled protectively into my chest, and I wrapped my arms around his waist, breathing him in. The pain that sliced my heart probed deeper with every passing second until my insides were eviscerated, and I was hollow.
Sirens blared, and lights flashed blue and red through the windows. When they cut off, there was no sound aside from my gasping tears.
Someone was talking from beyond the front door, and the 911 operator told me to open it, but I couldn’t answer. Instead, I rolled to my back, and with my head still nestled on James’s shoulder, I reached to my right and took Colin’s limp hand in my own.