Hopelessly.

The word held so many conflicting definitions I wasn’t sure which one to focus on.

Outside, I heard Gasket’s motorcycle start, and I looked toward the door, knowing the two men would’ve had words. I just wanted… What did I want?

Chaser’s end echoed Marini’s, but where my father didn’t care about my mother’s murder, Chaser cared too much about the murder of Madison. Just us being here, working against King and the Hollow Men, was evidence of that. After all we’d been through, I still harbored jealousy over a dead woman.

He was right about one thing. I’d locked everything away rather than deal with it. Indifference wasn’t a badge of honor. It was the mark of death.

It was ironic in a way. I was becoming the cold, unfeeling one, and Chaser was warming the fuck up. Who would we be at the end of all this? If we survived, would our relationship?

I turned my mom’s engagement ring over in my palm and studied the light refracting through the diamond. At least, I thought it was a diamond. It could be a shitty cubic zirconia or a slice of glass for all I knew. It didn’t matter. It had belonged to my mother, and it was the only thing I had of hers, even though my father had given it to her.

The motel room door opened, letting in a shaft of sunlight and Chaser. Murky orange light enveloped the space once more as he shut out the world.

“What’s that?” he asked, sitting beside me.

“My mom’s engagement ring.” I held up my palm so he could see the gold band.

“Where’d you find that?”

“I stole it from Marini’s room the night of the coup.” I sighed. “I went after him then, but he wasn’t there. I know you didn’t want me to be part of all that, but…”

“I was trying to protect you,” he murmured.

“I know, but I needed to fight my own battles.”

“Is that why you went after him at the cabin?”

An unexpected wave of emotion clouded my mind, and I waited a moment for it to clear. Where it had come from, who the hell knew?

“I know I said I was going to kill him,” I said. “I believed I would, but when it came down to it, I wasn’t so sure I could go through with it. But he tried to smash my head in with a rock, and I knew… At that moment, it was him or me. So, I took the shot.” I shrugged. “It wasn’t a cold-blooded murder. Not really.”

“Self-defense,” Chaser murmured.

“Self-defense,” I echoed. “All that other stuff, the revenge, the hatred…those reasons came after. But…”

“But?”

I glanced at him before turning toward the window. “I liked it. King goaded me into admitting it. Chaser”—I looked at him again, trying to gauge his response, but his face was as stoic as ever—“I don’t want to feel like that again. It brought out the parts of me that echo Marini. I don’t want to be him. It was like a sick addiction was trying to drag me away, and I… I didn’t want to admit it.”

He didn’t say anything, and my mind began filling in the blanks with depressing action items. I’d become the thing he hated. He didn’t want to love me if I was like Marini. He’d realized he’d made a mistake and should never have touched me. He’d signed himself up to a death sentence he no longer believed in. No pussy was worth this amount of shit.

I began to panic, the tragedy of my life flashing before my eyes. “I know you said you’d die for me and that you are mine, but saying the words… If you can’t say it, do you really believe those things?”

Chaser’s expression closed so fast it was like he’d slammed a door in my face.

Oh God, I’ve screwed everything up. I’ve pushed too hard, and now he’s realized he wants out.

“If this ends up being one-sided, if it’s just the danger and adrenaline that’s made you feel this way, then I don’t care,” I declared, rising to my feet. “I’d rather have loved on my own than not at all.” Shit, talk about self-torture. “I can’t let you sacrifice yourself…” I trailed off, a sick realization hitting me square in the heart. He wasn’t doing this for me. “You’re not… You’re doing this for…”

I turned my back on him, humiliation heating my cheeks. Where did I get off thinking I was so goddamned special?

“I don’t know what I expected,” I muttered. “A happy ending? In this life? Yeah, right.”

I thought I was okay with it. Chaser and his quest to avenge Madison. She was dead, and I was alive. Maybe I was just a full-blown head case.

“If I don’t belong here, then where do I belong?” I stared at him, my throat aching. “Gasket said I was worth it, but I can’t see it. All I’ve done since I walked into your life is screw it up. You’ve been shot and stabbed, lost everything, lost your place at Fortitude, and now you… Your revenge is for her, and I’m just… I’m a way to get there.”

Chaser was like a statue, sitting on the end of the bed and staring at me. Whatever he thought about my self-destruction, he didn’t comment. He didn’t even blink.

“Answer me,” I exclaimed. I’m ranting like a fool and destroying the last shred of hope I had in my life. Everyone wants to be loved, I thought. But what if I’m meant to love alone? Can I live, knowing I’m destined to self-destruct?

“Say something!” I screeched.

“I love you.”

It was my turn to stare. I blinked, my hands trembling.

Chaser rose to his feet and stood before me, his hands cupping my face. His touch burned my skin, his eyes staring deep into mine.

“I hear you,” he murmured. “We’re going to be okay.”

“But…”

“We just have to do one more thing before forever, remember?”

A tear slipped from my eye, dripping down my cheek like a little traitor. I didn’t cry. I never cried.

“I’m not going to die, Sloane. I won’t let him touch you.”

“The deal,” I began, my voice wavering.

“Screw the deal.”

My breath caught.

“We both get out of this, no matter what,” he added, resting his forehead against mine. “It’s nonnegotiable. We’ll find another way.”

“Chaser, I…”

“We lost our way for a while, but we’re back. Okay?”

I froze, the tenderness in his expression haunting. When his lips took mine, I melted into his touch, unable to do anything but wrap myself around his being. I worked up the nerve to say those words again, my soul trembling with excitement, but before I could get them out, Chaser pushed me back onto the bed.

I gasped in surprise as he covered my body with his, the weight of him igniting a spark between my legs. I buried my hands in my hair as his mouth closed around a hard nipple and sucked it through the material of my top.

“Chaser…”

His hand found its way underneath my top, tugging it upward, and I allowed him to strip me to the flesh, exposing my breasts to his expert tongue.

We writhed, caught up in the heat of the moment. His words echoed in my heart, my outburst seeming foolish now we were here. His touch moved ever downward, my core coming alive.

He slipped his hand down the front of my jean shorts, in between the material of my panties and skin. His thumb brushed against my clit, teasing. He circled the little bundle of nerves, his touch arousing a sharp gasp of pleasure. Arching my back off the bed, I felt his cock brush my bare leg.

Chaser pulled his hand away and unbuttoned my jean shorts, then dragged them down. His T-shirt came next, and then his jeans were down, his cock hard and ready. He was over me again, slipping a finger between my folds. I didn’t have to see the look in his eyes to know. I felt it. I was dripping, throbbing, pulsing...

He pushed a finger inside my opening, and I rolled my hips into his hand, forcing him to delve deeper. I stretched as another digit entered me, his palm flattening over my clit and rubbing. Slow at first, then hard, his fingers fucked me at an obliterating pace. A cry tore from my lips as my body rose, and my legs were forced wide open.

He was relentless as he pleasured me, the wet slapping of his hand driving me right to the precipice until I lost my grip and fell. I came hard, but he never slowed, my body quivering wildly around his fingers.

I’d hardly caught my breath let alone finished before Chaser thrust his cock into me. He pounded into my body, fucking me mercilessly. Taking me whole, just like the first night we’d been together. All our pent-up frustrations had come out then. Slick, overpowering, and intense.

My orgasm tore me in two, the force overwhelming everything but Chaser and me. We were all there was. Our enemies were nothing. Our revenge was nothing. Our fear was nothing.

I felt him erupt inside me, stroking his cock through his seed as he spilled, his lips parted. Moaning, I moved to meet him, rising as he thrust.

“This,” he said with a heavy breath. “This is what I want…”

“To come in me?” I asked, tightening around his cock.

“No.” He flexed, his eyes rolling as the last of his orgasm left his body. “To be with you.”

He didn’t have to say any more than that. I understood. There were no more barriers between us. No more doubts, no more secrets, and no more fear. We were together. The same.

I ran my hands along the curve of his back, relishing the strength coiled in his muscles. Lingering on one of his many scars, I moved, coaxing his cock to slide in and out. Another wave of pleasure ebbed in the background, and his lips found mine.

He didn’t soften before he had me again.