Chaser’s admission had all kinds of messed-up thoughts swirling in my mind.

I knew he wasn’t able to save Madison, but if she’d been able to fight, would her fate have changed? I didn’t know enough about her to answer that question. I knew I had the strength to pull the trigger if I had to, but in a situation like that, where I only had my fists? I wasn’t so sure.

People could stew over what-ifs their whole lives and never be prepared for the future. In the grand scheme of things, I didn’t know much at all. I was just a woman who’d become brilliant at hiding. Scratch that. Marini had always known where I was, so who the hell knew what I was good at other than shooting my mouth off with clever words.

“Chaser?”

“Hmm?”

“I want you to teach me how to fight.”

Chaser glanced at me, the lawn chair he was sitting on creaking. I hoped it didn’t break under his weight. All the furniture up here was so sun bleached even the metal had turned brittle.

“I can fire a gun, but all the other stuff…” I trailed off and shrugged. “It’s just… We’re going to be here for a little while yet, and I know I’ve kicked a few bad guys in the balls already, but I can’t help thinking it was all just dumb luck.”

Chaser threw a look over his shoulder, his skin glistening with sweat. “Up here?”

“Where else?”

“If you get cut, you’d have to get a tetanus shot.”

“Don’t wrap me in cotton wool, Chaser.” I rolled my eyes and let my head fall back.

“You’re the last person who needs cotton wool,” he drawled, grasping my thigh.

I wondered about Madison then. I remembered the woman from the photograph Chaser had in his wallet and couldn’t picture the man he was now with a sweet-looking woman like her.

“What was she like?”

He tensed but didn’t pull away. “You really want to know?”

I couldn’t imagine what he’d felt the night he saw Madison die. I knew he was worried about the effect shooting Marini had on me, but it was different. The man was my father, but I never loved him. Not since I was that innocent little girl whose mother tried to shield her from the brutal reality of her life. Besides, I’d come to terms with his betrayal a long time ago. What Chaser went through was different. He genuinely loved his wife.

I didn’t know if I was being stupid or not, but I was still jealous of a woman who’d died seven years ago. At least a little bit. She still haunted his dreams.

“I suppose I don’t.”

“It’s not a competition, Sloane.”

“Wherever there’s a roof, you seem to find it,” I said, ignoring his statement. “Why’s that?”

“I like high places,” he replied with a shrug.

“You can see the stars better up here at night.”

Chaser glanced up to where the moon hung, a white wisp against the blue sky. “It’s a perspective thing.”

“Perspective would be helping me prepare before heading into one of the many layers of Hell,” I quipped. “As much as I love our fighting and fucking and these deep and meaningful conversations you loathe so much, I need to be able to protect myself. What if we’re separated like we were on the train, huh?”

“It’s my job to protect you.”

“Nuh-uh, it was your job. Now it’s our spiritual right to protect one another. Tits and cocks have nothing to do with it.”

Chaser snorted, his lips quirking.

“Besides, it’ll give us something to keep our minds off the avalanche of shit hurtling toward us.”

“When you say it like that…”

He rose from the lawn chair and held out his hand. I grasped it, and he pulled me upright before kicking away the chairs.

“We’ll be okay up here?” I asked, shielding my eyes from the sun.

“No one can see much of anything,” Chaser replied, clearing away some of the ruined furniture. “I haven’t seen a single other person come up here.” He pointed toward the main office. “I overheard the clerk saying the place is only at a quarter of its capacity. We’re good.”

“You’re good at ‘overhearing.’”

“Surveillance,” he corrected. “We don’t want to draw too much unwanted attention.”

“Brilliant,” I drawled. “I don’t want anyone seeing me get my ass kicked, so that’s perfect.”

Chaser went over some basic self-defense moves with me that he’d learned as part of his basic cop training. He’d worked on the beat in LA before doing the whole FBI thing, so he assured me he knew a thing or two about subduing little shits who thought they were big men with their guns and knives.

“Most of the time, you only have a few seconds to react,” he began. “A fight is about gaining control and dominating, even if it’s just about getting away and not…”

“Killing?”

“Yeah, that.” He pursed his lips before continuing, “Aim for the parts of the body where you can do the most damage while anticipating his or her moves.”

“Sounds easy when you put it like that,” I said.

“It takes a lot of practice. Whatever you do, don’t step any closer than you have to. Here,” he said, wrapping his fingers around my wrist. “When you go for the upper half of the body, use your hand. Your palm goes up to crack the nose. The outer edge can strike the neck. Or a fist to the throat.” He pressed his fist under the curve of my ribcage, putting light pressure beneath my lungs. “With enough force, you can push the air out of your attacker’s lungs.”

His pointers made a lot of sense. I thought about some of the situations I’d found myself in, and an image came back to me of the night I’d first met Chaser. I’d intended to pack up and leave rather than be dragged back to Fortitude, but unfortunately, the Hollow Men, who I’d thought Chaser was making up, had found me first.

“Do you remember that night at Teasers?” I asked. “When Pube Face Bailey had me…” I gestured, my hands waving in the air. “You know…”

“I know.”

“How would I get out of that?”

“Bent over with a knife at your throat?” He raised his eyebrows. “With a lot of trouble.”

“So, I was screwed…” I glanced away.

“Sometimes, you’ve got to take a hit to get out of a situation.”

“You think I should’ve let him…” I choked and felt like giving him a back eye to match the one he already had.

“I’m talking about the knife.” He strode toward me and curled his hand around the back of my neck, then tugged me forward. “Know where your veins are. This one…” He traced a line down what I supposed was my jugular. “This one you protect. It gets cut, you bleed out in seconds. If you tilt your head the other way slightly, you just get a knick, but you gain ground on your attacker.”

I nodded, swallowing hard. “Maybe we should…try something else.”

Chaser’s eyes darkened, and I felt his free hand trail a line down my back and over my ass.

“Are you hard?” I asked, my mouth falling open. “At a time like this? This… This is serious business.”

“Can’t touch you without getting hard,” he murmured, lowering his lips toward my ear.

“You’re insatiable.”

“Hmm…”

“We can’t do anything without an orgasm, can we?” I asked with a smirk.

He grunted as he moved his hand to the front, slipped a finger under the crotch of my jeans shorts and delved inside me.

“Chaser…” I gasped as his palm pressed against my clit.

“Fighting is one thing,” he whispered. “Cardio is another. They work best together.”

“Is that so?” I raised an eyebrow. I didn’t mind wild sex but on the roof when we were supposed to be keeping a low profile? Maybe another time.

“I’m going to take a shower,” I said, pulling his hand away. “Want to join me?”

“Hell yes.”

The motel room was dark and slightly cooler than the furnace of the outside world. Taking off my sunglasses, I tossed them onto the table where they slid across the surface before coming to rest beside Fortitude’s grand executioner. I tensed, a strange melancholy coming over me.

“You okay?” Chaser asked, closing the door and blocking out the last of the burning sunlight.

“Yeah… Just tired, I guess.” Picking up the revolver, I stroked my thumb over the mother-of-pearl. “Taking a life… It’s so final.”

Chaser nodded, prying the revolver from my grasp. “What we need to do to survive isn’t easy.”

What was that thing Sam told me after Harley had been shot? He’d been a good man once. Well, as good as he was able to be under the circumstances. Fortitude changed him for the worse, tapping into all his violent tendencies and amplifying them. What if the same thing was happening to me? This whole plan to take out my father, then King… What if I was headed down the same path? One kill had become two, and there would be more and more. How many people did I have to murder until I lost myself?

“I don’t want… I don’t want to turn into Harley…” I glanced at Chaser, who narrowed his eyes.

“You don’t want to turn into me?”

“No, I didn’t mean… It was something Sam told me before she left. This life turned him into a monster…”

“She told me the same thing,” Chaser said. “Don’t worry, Sloane. I know what happened to me, and that’s why I push you to confront things. That’s why I’d prefer to take the gun out of your hands and take your place. I don’t want you to go through the shit I have. Especially not because of me.”

“I know. I…” I glanced at the revolver. “It’s not who I killed with it. It’s the fact I killed in the first place.”

Chaser cupped my face and rubbed his thumb across my cheek. “I don’t want to say it’ll get easier because it won’t. Just…”

“Just what?”

“Just don’t do what I did. Don’t shut it out.”

I nodded slightly, leaning into his palm.

“Promise me.”

“I can’t,” I whispered.

Chaser’s intentions were noble, but I knew I was going to have to go to an even darker place before this was over. I just hoped to hell I wouldn’t lose my soul along the way.