SOMETHING WAS TOUCHING me.
Or pecking me?
What was that?
I jolted awake and stared straight into the eyes of Johnny. My new chicken.
“Don’t. Move,” Marlo whispered. “He doesn’t like it when we move.
I turned, and the bird just fluttered off the bed then hopped on ours.
“Fuck, he doesn’t even blink, Ray. What do we do with a chicken that doesn’t blink?”
I cautiously grabbed Marlo’s hand. “He’s just scared.”
“I’m scared!” he hissed. “He won’t stop giving me side-eye!”
“He’s very protective.” I shrugged.
Marlo exhaled.
Johnny didn’t like the movement. He hopped onto Marlo’s head, making Marlo freak the hell out as he jumped off the bed and shoved Johnny to the floor amid a lot of squawking.
I scrambled after my frazzled pet, picked him up, and put him back on my bed. I tucked blankets around him gently. “There, see?”
Marlo’s look was incredulous.
“What?” I yawned and climbed back into bed. “Go to sleep.”
“And have Johnny kill me? No thanks.”
“He’s not a killer. He’s a guard.” I rolled my eyes. “And he’s just a chicken.”
“Chicken that knows things…” Marlo slowly crawled in next to me, Johnny didn’t move as he scooted so close I was almost plastered against the wall.
“What are you doing?” I whispered.
His body pinned me tight. “Protecting you?”
“Try again.”
“Hiding from the chicken?”
“He’s friendly.”
“Sure, he’s plotting my demise, but yeah, totally friendly,” he grumbled.
The blank white wall an inch from my nose, I stared at it with Marlo’s arms around me, tension swirling in my belly. “Why were you pissed today?”
He exhaled a curse.
“The truth.” I squeezed my eyes shut.
“The truth,” he repeated softly, moving his hand from my hips, inching up past my ribs until his thumb grazed my nipple. “I’m not pissed.”
I leaned back into him, thrusting my ass against him while he breathed against my neck. “Felt like it.”
“I broke your trust because you broke mine. Break my heart… I break yours. Hurt me… I hurt you. Love me… I’ll love you back harder.” He cupped that same breast. I gasped as he massaged. “We’ll never be at peace, you and me — always war, always fighting and fucking — maybe because it’s all we know, maybe because we’re both untrusting. It’s a tragedy. We’re our own tragedy. Because I can feel you. I can taste you. I can want you all I want… but you’ll never really be mine.”
He turned away from me then.
And I felt the walls I had long ago erected around my heart crack.
And when his heavy breathing filled the room…
A tear slid down my cheek. For him. For us.
Because neither one of us wanted to give in. Our comfort was brought out of our hate.
And we’d defaulted every single time.
Because it was all we knew.
And that was the saddest realization I’d had.
That Marlo and I might not ever be on the same page because we were so busy fighting to get to the next one first.
I felt his sadness like my own.
His frustration too.
And I hated it just as much.
But I didn’t know how to unstick us without putting myself out there and asking him to jump with me.
And the what-ifs destroyed my sanity.
They told me it wouldn’t work.
They promised me safety if I lashed out.
They reminded me of the times I would jump for my parents, and they wouldn’t show up.
I’d be broken and bloody on the ground. And they’d apologize with a new car when what I really needed was a bandage and a hug.
What if I jumped, and Marlo just responded with a laugh?
Or worse?
What if he jumped with me.
And then walked away.