Chapter 21
Jess
I was on my way to meet up with Quaid, and I couldn’t hide the smile on my face. I was racing down the stairs with my book bag in hand and my phone on the other texting him that I’d be at the Biology building in less than five when I heard his voice not too far away. He was talking to someone, and although I couldn’t make out the words clearly enough, his tone was clear as day. Tense and agitated.
“You need to leave.”
“Quaid, baby don’t be like that. I came all this way to see you.” At the posh woman’s velvet accent, I stopped immediately where I stood.
“Well, you wasted a trip. You should go, Olivia.”
Olivia? What the hell?
“Quaid, please don’t say that. You know how much you mean to me. Let’s just go somewhere and talk, baby.”
I swear to god if she called him baby one more time I was going to lose it. But first I needed to see my competition, not that whatever she looked like would stop me from bitch slapping her.
Slowly I stepped behind one of the buildings column’s and discretely saw who had made my blood boil. I wasn’t ready for it though. Nope, not ready at all. The woman before me was just that. A woman. In all her impeccable form, she looked to be over thirty at least and had one perfect manicured hand on one of Quaid’s arms that he had crossed over his chest. She had long dark ebony hair with streaks of sunshine in them. Pale flawless skin and deep red lips. She looked like the perfect Snow White in a twisted sexed-up version of a Disney movie. Crap it all to hell the woman was freaking flawless and aside from her being much older than Quaid, I could see why any red-blooded man would fall head over heels for her. I tried to see some blemish, hell any defect on her and came up short. Aside from her being a little on the skinny side, she could have been a runway model for all I knew.
Focus on the positive, Jess. Skinny means that she’ll go down with one punch. Even though I’ve seen enough America’s Next Top Model to know that those girls can take a punch and come back swinging.
“I’m busy, Olivia. You need to go and you need to go now!” he growled. I have pissed off Quaid too many times to know that that growl means he’s done talking.
“Fine. I’ll go for now. But we need to talk and you need to listen to what I have to say. I love you Quaid and even though you think you shouldn’t, I know you love me too. You know how to reach me.” I see her lean in and kiss him gently on his cheek. The expression on her face looks familiar to me but her words are the only thing I register. They repeat in my head over and over again in a loop.
I love you Quaid and even though you think you shouldn’t, I know you love me too.
Quaid doesn’t move. He just stares at her back, watching her go. My heart has stopped beating in my chest as I follow his eyes, as he longingly watches every step she takes away from him.
I’m no longer hidden by anything and am in plain view when he turns around and faces me. I wish I had a better poker face, but I doubt that I can conceal what I’m feeling. Jealousy mixed with heartache. When did I let Quaid Stevens into my heart? When did that happen? Somehow, he slipped his way in and now he was under my skin. How did I get myself into this mess?
I knew Quaid wasn’t perfect. I knew he was hiding something. But along the way, I let my walls lower enough for him to jump over and reach my soft center. Somewhere along the line, I started to believe that he was perfect. That he was good and pure and true. That he was a boy like no other I have ever met. No, not a boy. Aside from my father, he was the best man I knew. But that was all a lie. It was an illusion just like my first instincts had screamed out at me. A good guy did not whisper words of love in your ear, promises of devotion to you when his heart belonged to another. He had fooled me, and like a sucker, I fell head over heels for him. Even if I didn’t want to admit it to him, but I knew from that first kiss, he held my heart. The heart that was now shattered in pieces at his feet.
“Jess...” I see panic in his eyes and that kills me even more. He didn’t expect to get caught in this afternoon rendezvous by me. Before he takes another step, I hold my arm in front of me to stop him from getting any closer.
“Who was that?” I begged.
Please, please give me the truth.
“Who was that, Quaid?”
“No one, Jess. It was no one.”
Wrong answer.
I turn away from him and storm back up the flight of stairs as fast as my feet would let me.
“Jess, wait!” But I don’t. I am a woman on a mission. My mission; get as far away from him as fast as I can.
“Jessica, will you please stop?” Even though I’m racing down the corridor, my small legs are no match for his long ones, and too soon do I feel his breath on my neck. He grabs me by the arm and pins me to the wall. I lower my eyes. Refusing to even look at his face. I feel everything all at once. Anger, rage, betrayal, and sadness. I hate that he’s made me feel this way. Weak. Vulnerable. Foolish for ever believing in him. I hate it, and for that, I almost hate him. Almost.
“Let me go, Quaid.” My voice is ice. I hear it and even I want to cringe at how cold my tone is.
“No, not until you let me explain.” Both his hands are on my shoulders now and if I’m brave enough I’ll see his earnest expression begging for a chance to make this right. But there’s nothing he can do that will. I know that, too.
“What is there to explain? You said that she was no one, so that’s what she is. Now let me go.”
“No, not like this.” His voice is edgy, raw and if I trusted my instincts, I would even say desperate. But I had learned my lesson. When it came to Quaid, I couldn’t trust my instincts for shit. They would lie to me, just like he wanted to now.
I keep my eyes to the ground frozen still, but then all of the sudden he’s pulling me to him. Holding me in tightly with one arm and leading me away from the wall and into one of the empty classrooms. He locks the door behind him without once letting go of me. My back’s to the wall facing the empty room full of desks. The window shutters are all closed, but the rays of sunlight make their way through the whole room, highlighting specks of dust in the air.
“Jessica, look at me,” he pleads placing his finger and thumb on my chin and lifting my head up so I have nowhere to look but at his glorious face. Stubbornly, I shut my eyes.
“I don’t want to,” I whisper back.
“Please, Jess. Look at me.” He softly strokes my chin and I hate how my body melts at his touch. So, it comes as no surprise that my treacherous body complies to his request and my eyes spread wide of their own accord. Gunmetal blue eyes pierce their way through me, pleading with every second that passes in silence. His Adam's apple working hard and trying to stay steady while his jaw stays fixed straight on edge. He’s close to losing his composure just like me and one wrong word will set us both off. Either in hysterics, anger or tears. It could go either way. Always has with us.
“I know what you saw must look like something that it’s not, and I swear to you that it is as far from what you think it is as it possibly could be. But I also know you. Nothing that I can say right now will make what you’re feeling go away. But I need you to trust me. Just trust me when I say, that she is no one and will never be anything to me. Just trust me.”
I swallow hard. How could she be nothing to him? Her words were still ringing in my ears.
I love you Quaid and even though you think you shouldn’t, I know you love me too.
Even if he was done with her now, they had been something. Had something together. How could he just be so dismissive about what that woman had said to him? Would this be how he would talk about me if what we have doesn’t work out? That I was no one to him? Nothing? The thought of that hurts me even more than her words on full blast in my head. Was this just a small insight of what my future held?
“The truth. You can tell me the truth. That’s what you should have said in the first place. That would have prevented me from feeling the way I do now. The truth, Quaid. You say you know me, but you don’t. If you did, you would know that with me, you should always lead with the truth.”
He blows out a long breath, closes his eyes shut and places his forehead on mine. “I did, Jess. I told you the truth. My truth. She is no one. She’ll never be anyone to me. I need you to believe me. Please... meu amor.”
My love.
Please... my love.
Those words whispered in my hair, make me shudder at their tenderness. My heart aches for him and even though I don’t trust him, my heart just doesn’t care. It yearns for him perilously. Too far gone to see the risk that it’s taking in evolving this a step further. He can sense my resolve weaken and goes for the kill. I feel his warm lips on mine so softly pressing on my lower lip that they feel like a feathered touch, begging me to let him in. Delicately caressing me, inviting me to kiss him back. He places his hand gently on the back of my neck and brings me closer to him. Chest to chest, lips to lips and before my brain catches up, my lips are opening up for him, and my tongue is met with its equal. Opening up for all of him and everything that he can give me, here and now. A low moan leaves my lips and is swallowed by a now fevered kiss. My hands are in his hair, and he pulls my legs up to settle at his waist, while my back is still supported by the wall. Quaid’s kiss has always been something that took me off guard. But this? This was the motherload of kisses. It told me everything that my aching soul needed to hear and it responded to him in equal measure.
Forgive me.
I do.
I need you.
Me too.
Don’t leave me.
I won’t.
Please... meu amor
Kissing like this isn’t even close to being enough to satisfy our craving for each other. We are connected, pressed together tightly and still, it doesn’t seem to be close enough. Never enough. Quaid holds me tightly and kisses, bites and nibbles on my neck. The feel of his tongue making its way to my ear is making me pant out short labored breaths, anticipating the moment his mouth is reconnected with mine. I pray it’s sooner rather than later.
Torture. It's sweet, delicious torture and I can’t seem to want it to stop. My legs tighten their hold on him as soon as I feel his hand on my bare back. Soft leisured strokes, a total contradiction to our devouring kiss. I bite his lip and he groans, pushing himself further into me. A metallic taste touches my lips and I know that I’ve bitten hard enough that blood could be the only outcome of it. I sweep my tongue over the sensitive spot on his lip and I feel his whole body go hard against my soft embrace.
We needed to stop. Before someone comes into the room and sees us like this or worse. Before we didn’t care if someone saw us like this or in a much more compromising position.
“Quaid...”
“Uhmmm,” he mumbles while continuing to kiss my throat. Licking his way lower. God that feels good. Yeah, we needed to get out of here before I lose my mind.
“Quaid, we need to stop.”
“Uhmmm.” He nods even though I’m pretty sure he didn’t hear a word I said as he kisses the place where my neck meets my shoulder and lingers there until I feel my whole body feel that one pressure point on fire. So good.
“Quaid, we need to go. Classes are still taking place and someone might catch us here,” I whisper in his ear but still can’t resist sucking on his earlobe.
Another growl. “Well stop doing that then, cause those desks are looking really appealing to me right now.”
Sweet-tempered, sophisticated Quaid going all cave man on me is always a great sight to behold. I never could get enough of this side of him.
“You’re going to have to put me down,” I giggle.
“I don’t want to,” he replies with his forehead to mine again and the hand that had been stroking my back is now caressing my cheek with the same delicate touch.
“Not until you promise that we’re good. That we’re okay. Then I’ll put you down.”
I want to tell him that we were okay, that of course, we were good. Especially after one of the hottest make-out sessions of my life. But I'd be lying. And I may have many faults but being a liar isn’t one of them.
“We’ll get there.” That's as honest as I can be with him. “I promise.”
He nods knowing that this is as much as he can get from me and that would have to be enough. But I've always been a sucker for punishment and never keep my mouth shut, so before I can stop the words from coming out of my mouth, they already have.
“If this, whatever, this is between us goes south, will that be me out there? Just ‘no one,’ just some ‘nothing’?”
Quaid’s eyes open wide in disbelief and for a second I swear I see pain in them. But then they soften to midnight blue and look straight at me, without a trace of uncertainty or a whiff of deceit.
“You could never be no one to me, Jess. Never be nothing.”
Then he leans in and gives me a chaste kiss and whispers, “Because to me, you are everything.”