Chapter Nine

Dylan

“Thank you,” I say again, as I lead Crystal, my midwife, to the door. I almost forgot she was coming this morning, I was so preoccupied with the turmoil of thoughts running through my head.

Only a few short hours after Cade left the other day, I found myself spiraling into another anxiety attack. I had this unbearable fear that he was going to tell the world I was pregnant, and the more hours that passed, the bigger the fears grew.

Why wouldn’t he say something?

He was a male, in a dominantly male field.

Men always got what they wanted, and it was far more recognized in the filming industry. Very few women had their demands met, but the men…

Case in point, Cade had demanded me to be in the film.

When it wasn’t looking like he’d get his way, he came to me.

He tried buttering me up with sweets and food, and when he still didn’t get what he wanted…

I was terrified he was going to show up to the set in Vancouver and blast what he’d learned.

Friend of Charleigh’s or not.

So, I did what I thought I should.

On a semi-private platform.

Because even if I knew and vetted the handful of people who followed me on social media, there were always those few bad eggs. The ones who thought a five-thousand-dollar paycheck looked nice.

I told the world I was pregnant before Cade could.

But, something surprising happened.

My life stayed quiet.

No one was rushing to Lake Tahoe to get the latest story.

My agent wasn’t hounding me to take interviews.

Hell, the only person who called me was Charleigh, and she was frantic that I’d done something terrible. She was, after all, witness to the aftermath of my last breakdown.

When she accused her friend of doing something, anything, to push me to this point, I had two thoughts—either she didn’t know her friend as well as she thought, or I made a poor judgement call thanks to anxiety.

I was banking on the poor judgement call.

Especially after seeing him pop in to my Instagram requests yesterday.

Accepting his follow request was met with much apprehension but the only way he would have found me was through Charleigh.

She must have talked to him.

I was at the wave in my anxiety to realize he was probably a good guy, and Charleigh telling him about me and my being in hiding, hadn’t been so he would find me and blast my secrets.

It was because he was

Just

A good

Guy.

God, I hope that’s the case.

So, needless to say, Cade has been on my mind since his name popped up yesterday.

Over and over throughout the night, Cade standing in the kitchen replayed in my mind.

Him so near.

His eyes.

His nose.

That damn freckle.

Then there was his voice.

The way he smelled.

The way his eyes roamed over me.

And this morning, I woke up aching.

Wanting.

Unexpected feelings for a man I’d just met, so soon after the decision I was done with men, at least for the foreseeable future.

If I were a different version of me, if I were in a different place in my life, I could see myself mustering up the courage to ask Charleigh about her handsome friend.

See if we could be at the same place, at the same time.

But I’m not a different version of me.

I am in my current place.

I’m pregnant with my previous co-star’s baby.

And because I can’t remember the night it happened, I fear that I am the homewrecker the world painted me to be. Maybe alcohol made me a crazy person. Maybe I forced myself on Grant.

Maybe, maybe, maybe.

All the different scenarios, they don’t leave me alone.

But it’s because I can’t remember that I fear I’ve become a statistic.

I’m a woman who was taken advantage of.

My lawyer suggested telling Grant; have him help pay for my pregnancy expenses.

Just what I would need: the world knowing that my supposed affair with him resulted in a baby. I can imagine the headlines, and in my current mental state, I decided that him not finding out yet was the best action.

Likely the wrong one, but it’s the angle I decided on.

I watch my midwife leave after she gives me this week’s set of instructions, and I’m at once grateful to have her. Ellie White helped me find her. She’s professional and discreet.

And kind.

She’s very kind.

Not sure what to do with my day now, I walk into the kitchen and avoid looking at my phone.

I keep thinking that maybe Cade will message me.

Reach out.

Why else would he have found me on social media?

I mean, at this point, it must be obvious I’m not doing the film. The cast and crew are into the week of read-throughs; they were probably going to start filming in the next week or two. Rehearsals would be underway, and the cast is official.

So, why would he reach out?

My mind betrays me again, and I can picture him standing in this very kitchen.

I shake my head, removing the image from view, but then my eyes land on the dry erase board.

Where Cade left his number.

I should erase it.

I won’t use it.

I can’t bring myself to erase it though.

Not yet.

Maybe tomorrow.

Tomorrow, I’ll be strong enough to convince myself that any small feelings of want for Cade Johnston are ill-placed.

You don’t want him.

You don’t think that maybe you could like him.

That maybe he could like you.

No.

Never.

Well, certainly not now, at the least.

And in a few weeks’ time, I’ll have a baby.

A baby, I’d decided, I was keeping.

Even if I fancied the man being interested in me, he certainly wouldn’t be when a screaming infant was in the picture.

It does me no good to want the man.

So, yes. I’ll leave his number on the board for today. I’ll give myself these last few hours, but after?

That will be my task this week.

Forgetting the day Cade Johnston introduced himself.