Rider

Telling me her story chased away most of the clouds shading the ray of sunshine Chloe actually is. Hearing me say I loved her, in what must've been the most un-romantic way any man's ever said that to a woman, cleared the rest. I've never said that to a woman, never even came close to feeling what I feel for her. And as hurtful as her past is for her, the fact that she's desired by many just makes me want her more. Not that anyone else will ever have her. She's mine, and I mean to tell her that, and show her, for as long and as often, as she'll let me.

Right now, I'll do it by fixing her station wagon, so we can take it for a drive down the coast. I love my bike, but her surfboard won't fit on it, and I'm not married to it. As long as I'm moving, I'm happy, the actual means of transportation is of secondary importance. Not that I mean us to go far. She belongs here, and I won't try and take that away from her. I'll find my place here too. And maybe she'd even let me go for a ride, if I needed to. She's a free spirit like that, she understands the need to just go. Though right now I can't imagine going anywhere without her.

Both her station wagon and the minivan are older models, which is good, because there's virtually no fixing new cars without a computer, and I never mastered that. Nor wanted to.

Her car won't start, doesn't even make a noise, though that could just mean the battery's dead. But the breaks feel like they're pumping into nothing too. Might as well start by jumping the battery, see what part of the problem that solves.

But when I pop the hood it becomes very apparent that a dead battery is the least of the problems and starting it up won't solve a thing. Everything under the hood looks like someone went berserk on the poor thing. Wires and cables are ripped out everywhere, rusting in places from the spilt brake fluid that leaked out through the jagged holes in the container. The oil's also leaked out, and it's dried to a black, cracking mess. For a split second, I think Chloe did this to stop herself leaving, to anchor herself in this place forever. But this is the work of a deranged lunatic, and she's no psycho. She's the most honest, down-to-earth, and wholesome person I've ever known. Besides, I've been with some batshit crazy women in my day, and I know the signs of a psycho bitch well.

I check under the hood of the minivan, and the mess is even more extensive there. This might very well be beyond me to fix. Hell, I'm afraid it's beyond most fully equipped garages to fix. I'm pretty sure everything under the hood needs replacing.

Eduardo is heading for the showers, and I call him over. He comes, since I'm yelling so loudly he can't just ignore me, but he's got that disgusted look on his face he always gets lately when he's forced to talk to me. Which he does very rarely. He liked Chloe, and now I've taken her away from him and he hates me. I understand that very well too, but it's just tough shit for him, because she chose me, and I'm never letting her go.

"What the hell happened to the cars?" I ask once he's within earshot, smiling over his shoulder at Chloe who's also coming over, bringing me lunch it looks like.

The disgusted look on Ed's face is replaced by confusion.

"They are broken," he says.

I can't help, but laugh derisively. "You didn't check under the hood when they wouldn't start?"

Ed's good with the kids, but he's a total fucking failure at everything else a guy is supposed to be doing to keep a place like this running.

He hears Chloe coming and turns to look at her, and the expression on his face is so dark as their eyes meet, it takes real effort not to give him shit over it.

"You haven't told him yet, have you?" he asks her, and I like the contempt in his voice even less than that black look.

I'm almost out of reasons not to give him a hard lesson in how Chloe is supposed to be treated.

Chloe's face turns milky pale, and she looks very upset. Ed being an ass to her can't be the whole reason for that.

"Haven't told me what?" I ask her.

Her eyes meet mine, and she looks scared. That's the only way I can read her expression. But she's in no danger, so it makes no damn sense.

"Someone fucking tell me what this is all about?" I ask harshly, since they’re both staying silent.

"The cartel that runs this part of the country wants us off this property. While old man Gustavo was still alive, he could keep them at bay, but since his death, they've been giving us all sorts of problems. The people in the village won't do business with us anymore, or help us with repairs, which is why Chloe had to bring you here. They also messed up the cars, and it's probably only a matter of time before they come back for the jeep. Frankly, I'm surprised they haven't just come slit all our throats in the night, but I guess even hardened criminals like them can't stomach killing children. But for how long? They want this land, and if we don't go willingly they'll make us. That's why all the other volunteers already left. I'm halfway gone myself."

"Is this true, Chloe?" I ask.

She looks at me, her eyes still wide and afraid, but not completely. That pigheaded stubbornness of hers is in there too now.

"Yes, it's true," she says. "But they can't just run us off. This is our land now. Dom Gustavo left everything to the orphanage. It was his dying wish that we stay here. And I'm going to honor that."

"You're fucking kidding me, Chloe," I say, running my hand through my hair and pulling on it to stop myself from saying the wrong thing, like calling her stupid. She's not, but this game she's playing is very dumb.

"What do you mean?" she asks defiantly.

I just shake my head and walk away, since anything that comes out of my mouth right now won't be very nice. We're also about to have our first argument, and I'm not doing that in front of Eduardo.

She lets me walk away, and I hear their angry whispers, but can't understand what they're saying. She's probably pissed at Ed for telling me, but he's my best fucking friend for doing so.

I hear her jogging to catch up to me, and she calls my name, asks me to stop a couple of times, but I just keep going, right past the last row of bungalows and up the ravine towards the big house. I'm still not sure how to tell her that what she's doing is the most stupid thing in the fucking history of the world.

"Stop! Please talk to me, Mickey!" she shrieks suddenly, and I do it. I never want to walk away from her anyway, and this needs saying.

"Why are you acting like this?" she asks breathlessly once she reaches me at the top of the ravine.

"Because I don't know how to tell you that your plan is the dumbest and most dangerous thing I've ever heard. And I've heard some dumb plans in my time, believe me."

"This is our land, they can't just force us out," she says. "Dom Gustavo gave it to us."

"He's got nothing to worry about, he's dead," I spit out. "And that's exactly what you'll be soon, if you keep this shit up."

"Oh, come on," she says sarcastically. "You don't buy Ed's bullshit that they'll just kill us if we don't leave."

"It's not bullshit, Chloe, it's fact." I say even though she clearly had more to say. "This isn't some crooked land developer or banker you're dealing with, it's the cartel. A South American cartel. Jesus, Chloe, you can't seriously think they won't do whatever it takes to get you off this land. They will kill children. I'm surprised they haven’t already killed you all before I even got here."

"They haven't because they're not gonna," she says defiantly, but her eyes are growing scared again. I really fucking don't want her to be scared of anything ever again, but she should be of this.

"They're probably just dealing with something more important," I tell her in a softer voice then take her hand and pull her into my arms. She goes willingly like we weren't practically shouting at each other a second ago.

"What we need to do is pack up and go somewhere else," I say, holding her so I can look into her eyes in an effort to better convey just how serious I am without needing to raise my voice.

"We have no cars and no money to buy them. And there's nowhere for us to go," she says.

"There's a whole country of places to go," I tell her and smile. "And I'll build enough houses for everyone somewhere safe. But this place ain't it."

Her eyes soften, the fear gone as she wraps her arms around my waist tighter. "I know you mean well, but you're wrong. We are safe here. Gustavo was here before the cartel, and he had an understanding with them. They won't attack us. I mean to give them the house and most of the land if they let us keep the bungalows. I just need to find someone to make this proposal to. And I will have more time to devote to that problem now the ditches are done, and we're safe from flooding."

The rain that's been threatening all day comes down all at once, like the flood gates of heaven just opened up over our heads. We're soaked in moments, but we're not moving, not speaking. And I'm sure she thinks it's because I'm considering her proposal, probably hoping I'll tell her it's a great idea. But that's not it.

What I'm actually seeing is my mother waving to me one last time before she boarded the bus and abandoned me on the side of the road. I'm watching Father O'Reilly drink himself to an early grave, taking with him another home of mine. I'm seeing Blade's dead body, getting the hurried midday call to get the fuck out of Arbor because the cops are coming for all Viper's Bite MC members, and I've done more shit for the brotherhood than most, so I'm high on the list of future convicts. I'm watching a replay of every damn thing that ever went wrong in my life, live and in vivid color. And I won't let Chloe be one of those things too.

I release her and grab her hand, start pulling her after me back down the ravine.

"What's happening, Rider?" she asks. "Where are we going?"

"We're getting the fuck away from here," I shout over the hissing of the rain.

She stops and yanks her hand from my grasp. It slips out easily, because we're both so wet.

"I'm not going anywhere!" she yells. "I'm staying right here! And if you won't stay with me—"

"What are you doing?" I ask, interrupting her because I know the end of that sentence, and I don't want her to tell me to get lost. Ever. Can't hear those words from her. Because I love her more than I remember loving my mother, or Father O'Reilly. "Is this just some long, drawn out suicide attempt, Chloe? Because you failed the first time? You don't owe anyone your life. It's yours. You didn't do anything wrong."

"I owe it to these kids to take care of them. I promised them I would, and I'm going to," she says, anger flashing from her eyes. "And who are you to question me, or make jokes about the darkest moment of my life? You don't know me, not really, not yet, anyway. But clearly you had no intention of sticking around unless things were just peachy and we could spend our days fucking and not worrying about a damn thing. I should've known. I can't believe I believed you, or trusted you."

Those are some heavy words, but I provoked them by mentioning her suicide attempt and that part's on me. But I have no intention of standing here arguing with her, because with women and the way they do it, that could take days.

"Calm the fuck down and listen to some sense, Chloe," I say regretting it the second her eyes flash an even deeper angry gold, but there's no taking it back. "No small fish ever fucks with the cartel, or enters into deals with them. They get killed if they try. I can't protect you here, all I can do is die with you. But I don't want to do that, and I don't want to lose you. Please just believe me, Chloe. I've dealt with cartel assholes before, I know what I'm talking about."

"I'm staying, Rider," she says and walks past me, slipping and almost falling into the mud. "And if you don't want to stay here with me, then you can just leave. I don't need you. I'll be fine without you."

She went and fucking said it. Told me to get lost because I'm not needed, not wanted. And I'll be god damned if I'll ever stick around for anyone who's just fine without me. Or risk my life for someone like that. I loved my mother too, and that shit faded to nothing. Hell, I even mostly forgot about Father O'Reilly until being here brought all those memories back. I'll forget Chloe and my love for her too. Fast, most likely, since she's right, we don't know each other very well at all.

I wait in the rain until she disappears into her bungalow, then go down to get my stuff from mine. Most of my shit is in her bungalow, but it's all replaceable and I won't dignify this departure with a goodbye. She'll be just fine without me. And in a couple of days, it'll be like we never met. Just me and the open road. The only thing I could ever trust not to let me down.