Chapter 1
I’d convinced myself it was never going to happen, but I learned the hard way that even denial catches up with you in the end.
They’d never had a bad marriage, and so it was a shock to me more than anything when one day they came home and told me it was over. I had stood there in the kitchen looking from one of them to the other, waiting for a punchline that never came…
I was sure it must have been a joke, but no one was laughing… and in the end it really wasn’t funny.
“You’ll be okay,” my dad had said as I watched him packing his bags in the dressing room.
He was sweeping in suits still on the hangers in big armfuls and ditching them into his matching monogram cases. The half-light drifted in from the hallway and cast shadows around the room that were more comforting than being able to see his face. Because I already knew he was gone, and nothing was going to change that.
“I’ll still see you all the time,” he said matter-o-factly, as I were the one who was being unreasonable. As if I were such a burden on him and the life he had waiting.
I bit my lip willing to taste blood and tried to stop the tears from welling up behind my eyes.
How could any of this even be happening?
We were a happy family and we always had been. My dad didn’t have affairs and he didn’t lie.
How had he ever had the nerve to do this to us?
When he’d finished packing, he stood there shifting from one foot to the next and he still couldn’t look me in the eye.
“I’ll be in touch then,” he said with a sigh before he turned on his heel and disappeared into the hallway.
I could hear Mom’s sobs drifting up from the front room and my blood ran cold. There was nothing I could do about this even if I wanted to.
Never mess with free will.
It was rule number one of our ancient law, and everybody knew that.
But it still didn’t make me feel any better.
After he was gone it wasn’t long before there was a disintegration in our house that I can only describe as cancerous. It started with the dark mood which seemed to seep out of us both and run into the walls, turning them damp and moldy. Before long patches of fuzzy black rot spotted up along them right to the ceiling and I couldn’t bear to be there. I made any excuse to be gone but I only had around six months before the start of college and I knew I just had to keep myself focused long enough before I got the hell out of there and could start my own life.
Mom became more withdrawn and it wasn’t long before her sister, Aunt Marianne, was flying in for full weekends and expressing her concerns. She looked around the place and even though I knew she lived in some crumbling old mansion in the middle of nowhere, I could see that our home had overtaken hers in the tatty-stakes.
“I think it would be best if your mother had some time on her own,” she said to me softly one day as we sat on the porch drinking tea and watching the sun set. It was still spring and there was a chill in the air that made the hairs on my arm stand on end, but I still refused to wear a jacket.
“Where will she go?” I asked, knowing full well that she couldn’t stay at home.
“There are plenty of facilities,” my aunt said softly. “Neither of you can stay here now… the mortgage payments are too high, your dad isn’t contributing, and there’s no way your mom can afford any of the repairs.”
I swallowed down the bitter truth that I think we had both been denying.
Dad was definitely gone.
He wasn’t come back.
And worst of all… he didn’t care what happened to us.
I nodded in agreement and hugged my knees into my chest.
“And what about me?” I asked her.
“Well,” she smiled with a deep intake of breath, “I was going to ask if you wanted to come and stay with me?”
The thought had never even occurred to me. I had spent some time there as a kid, but then came that terrible summer when I started to realize that I was different. It was Aunt Marianne’s that first learned that I had something powerful running through my veins.
I scratched the back of my neck and nodded slowly.
“As long as I won’t be in the way?” I said sheepishly.
“Of course not Darling,” Marianne smiled warmly. “It’ll be fun, just us girls.”
“And I’m still going to college in fall…” I trailed off.
I had already taken a year out after high school to work and bum around, so it was more important now than ever to make sure I took up my place.
My aunt smiled and nodded. Although, I wasn’t at all convinced. Unless my dad suddenly had a change of heart, I knew there was no way I’d have the money for tuition.
So, after what seemed like a forever of waiting for the day to arrive for Mom to go off to hospital and get herself back together, it finally rolled around, and I curled up on my bed still quite unable to believe how much had changed in such a short space of time.
We had gone from safe and secure, to uncertainty and fear. As I stood on the porch and watched the car pull away with Mom in the back, her forehead resting on the pane of glass and leaving a smudge mark of make-up as she sat back to give me a weak smile with her wave, I felt the crushing sense of panic.
What if I didn’t like it there with Marianne?
What if Mom never came home either?
Was I alone now?
I rubbed my hands around my shoulders, trying to both reassure myself and keep the heat running under my skin.
There had always been a fire within me, but now as I stood there, I genuinely feared it was about to be extinguished.
“Come on Aradia,” Marianne called to me from the kitchen, “Grab those boxes from your room and we’ll load them into the car.”
After we had gathered everything, and the house was empty we turned off the lights and looked at it for one last time. Flies seemed to be crawling out of the cracks in the plaster and the mold was thicker than ever.
“This is a new start for everyone,” Marianne said as she wrapped a protective arm around my shoulder. “It’s not healthy here.”
“Too much bad blood…” I said quietly.
Marianne didn’t respond but she turned and made her way out onto the porch, down the stairs and to the car.
As I closed the front door and turned the key I knew I never wanted to see that place again. Too much had happened within those walls. It was no wonder the place had begun to rot from the inside out.
I climbed into the passenger seat next to my aunt and she started the engine. As we pulled off down the driveway and onto the main road that led back towards town I watched the For Sale sign swinging lamely in the breeze.
“By the time your mom’s better, you’ll be able to think about finding somewhere much more suited,” Aunt Marianne said. “But until then, you’re both more than welcome with me.”
I turned my head to the side and closed my eyes. It wasn’t late, but I knew we had a long drive ahead of us.
I really didn’t know where I was going or what I was letting myself in for… But at that moment in time, I knew it was the only option I had…