Male bonding done right was a fearsome thing. It brought together all that heady testosterone into a force that echoed in the bones and stirred even the most timid to battle.
Alyssa wasn’t timid by any means, but this man, this creature that was Simon stood like a god before these men. If he told them to die for him, she believed they would. And they had only just met him.
But what did she think of the man who had just killed not once but twice right before her eyes? She was a civilized woman and she hated such brutality. Except she had cheered when he’d killed Nanook. Her mind had stuttered into shocked awe when he had shot the drug dealer. And now, when he’d brought his men to a growling roar? Her heart had surrendered. Though she’d kept silent, her body had thrilled at the sound and her breath had whispered out in a sigh.
She was wet and willing for him, and the very thought shocked her to her core. She’d promised that he could have her, but at the time it had been simply a way to bring his mind back from the animal inside. Now she realized, she’d been lying to herself. If he asked, she was pretty sure she’d do whatever he wanted.
And that terrified her a hundred times more than the violence she’d just witnessed.
He was looking at her now. His body was strong and fiercely male, and he clearly gave no thought to his nakedness. Though, damn, it was hard to keep her eyes on his face. He spoke to her in a low undertone.
“I need to learn the details as fast as possible,” he said. His gaze flickered, and she was startled to sense uncertainty despite his gruff tone. “Will you take notes?”
He still hadn’t remembered how to read and he needed her help. “Of course.” She pulled out her cell phone. She thumb-typed way faster than she wrote.
Then he looked at Vic. “I need a beta,” he said to her brother.
Vic frowned. “I have no idea what that means.”
“An XO. Will you serve me?”
“Yes, sir!” Vic straightened into a military salute that was crisp and so handsome on her brother. Every now and then he gave her a flash of the man he could be, and right here despite all the changes, she was seeing what she’d always hoped was in there.
“The bodies,” Simon said with a gesture. “Talk to the cop. Figure out what’s the best thing to do.”
“On it.” Wow, her brother even did a military turn as if he were on a parade ground. Meanwhile, the cop nodded to Simon and then Vic.
“My name’s Ryan Kennedy. Detective.”
“Vic Nelson. Simon’s beta.”
They shook hands awkwardly, but soon got to business by talking in low tones. Alyssa turned back to Simon, belatedly realizing that she was now the center of his attention. And he just stood there looking at her with an intensity that made her heart beat triple time.
“Simon?” she finally asked when the tension got too much for her.
His voice came out in a bare whisper. “Four steps. First, become dominant. Second, please the alpha female. Third, lead the clan.” He paused as his eyes became brilliant green. “Fourth, lead wisely.”
She didn’t know what to say. Her mind was still spinning on how he could please the alpha female and the guess that he meant her. But that wasn’t what he was asking her, and she struggled to catch up.
“My thoughts are simple: four steps.”
“Dominance, female, leadership, wisdom. Got it.” She didn’t get it, but that’s all she had at the moment.
His gaze traveled the room, pausing significantly on Nanook’s carcass and the dead drug dealer. “You are the alpha female. Your role is wisdom. Only you can stop me before I go too far.” She nodded, her gaze cutting back to Vic, but Simon grabbed her arm. “They’ve sworn loyalty. They can’t disobey.”
And since she was the only one who hadn’t growled or roared, that left her. And what a sticky place that was. She was supposed to be the brakes on an unpredictable, violent man? No way. That was crazy and a sure way to die. She’d seen that enough just growing up in Detroit. And yet, the way he looked at her—dark and intense as if she was his only lifeline—had her aching to reassure him.
“I can tell you,” she said in a whisper. “I can’t make you listen.”
He swallowed, and his gaze turned anguished. “I know.” Then he glanced behind him at the body of the drug dealer. “I just killed a man.”
“You just killed two.”
“I don’t regret Nanook. He demanded the challenge and would have killed me. The other—”
“Was about to shoot you. Same self-defense argument.”
“Or entrapment. I knew where the guns were. I knew someone would grab one.”
Surprise flashed through her body. While she’d been barely following what was happening, he’d been thinking at least two steps ahead. She’d always guessed Simon was smart. Now she realized he was probably the smartest man she’d ever met.
But rather than give away exactly how sexy that made him in her eyes, she looked down at her phone. “What do you need from me?”
“Just take notes.”
She nodded. “Who do we start with first?”
He gestured to the huge, ebony-skinned man with the scar, and pretty soon she was tapping out details faster than even her thumbs could manage. Which meant she quickly gave up and switched to record. His name was Hank and he was very familiar with the details of Nanook’s operation. He shared them easily while she gestured for Detective Kennedy to listen in.
Next step was to control the physical space. Apparently Nanook, who had no known relatives, lived right upstairs in what turned out to be a luxury man-cave of truly appalling leather and velvet taste. His only nod to style was that the painted picture of dogs playing poker was done as bears. Simon took one step inside, wrinkled his nose and said, “Get rid of it all.”
Alyssa blinked and said, “Come again?”
Simon gestured to the huge open area that took up the entire second floor. “Sell or burn everything. Take the money as a legal defense fund for my people. Give all paper and electronic files to me.”
She nodded slowly. It was a huge task and certainly one she was willing to do. But it was going to take some time and effort. A lot of—
“I’m hiring you, Alyssa. A thousand a week at first. More as we get settled.”
A spark of greed kindled in her belly, and she arched a brow. “I have a business.”
“That’s why it’s only a thousand at first. Because you’ll be splitting your time.”
Good thing she had things running like clockwork at the laundromat. “Triple it and you’ll get me twenty-four/seven this week. We’ll renegotiate next week.”
“Deal.”
And so began the most incredibly exhausting day of her life. It wasn’t just that he needed her to write down everything he learned, but there were bodies to take care of and police statements to give. Nothing in the upper story could be dealt with until that was done.
All in all, it went pretty smoothly. Detective Kennedy smoothed things over and even recommended a good lawyer. Alyssa was able to check out the guy through her own contacts, and declared he was a good choice. Plus, it helped that Simon turned over all the records they could find regarding the drug and weapons business. Yes, Nanook had been into all sorts of nastiness.
Simon worked methodically. He would not be rushed and nothing distracted him. She had to admire such a steady and organized mind, but as the day wore on, she saw the toll it was taking on him. Though he never raised his voice, his words got more clipped, his orders became commands, and he rarely waited long enough to see if they were obeyed. Or even acknowledged. By the end of the day, there was no softness in him, not even for her. At least twice in the afternoon, he’d managed a whispered, “Thank you,” to her. Now she didn’t even see a gentleness in his eyes much less gratitude.
He was cold and impatient, and he turned up his nose at the pizza she’d had delivered. When she’d offered him a glass of tap water (he refused to touch anything Nanook had in his refrigerator), he’d slapped it out her hand like it was toxic waste.
It was midnight when she lost patience with him. Most of the men were gone, though Detective Kennedy was likely to be working at the precinct through the night along with Vic and the accountant whose name escaped her at the moment. Hank remained a silent witness to everything that went on while a steady parade of people wandered in, greeted Simon by showing him their neck, and then wandered out. They never shifted and they never said much of anything, but Simon would whisper to her after they’d left.
“Wolf.”
“Cat.”
“Human.”
“Bear child.”
She found out later that meant the child of a shifter but one who had never shifted. They still owed loyalty—to a point—but were rarely counted as part of the real clan. As far as she could tell, they were from all walks of life and had varying degrees of annoyance or respect at being called in to greet the new alpha. But it was the last label that finally tipped her into fury.
“Sycophant.”
“That’s Mrs. Garcia, and she’s important in the neighborhood,” she snapped. And when he just looked at her with a flat expression, she continued on her tirade, barely able to keep her voice low. “She owns the cleaning company who is bleaching everything tonight and her nephew is the one taking out the furniture. They’re doing it as a personal favor to me.” And because she’d promised them a big healthy check if it was finished by tomorrow at noon. “Plus her sister’s kid runs a furniture store that can get you what you want wholesale.”
“And she’s important in your neighborhood,” he repeated, as if that explained everything. He gestured to her notes. “Alyssa, I can smell the cannabis on her. She’s the dealer two doors down your street.”
“She’s smart and honest—”
“I’m not making a value judgment,” he said, his voice showing the first signs of strain since this began. “Just a notation that she’ll turn on me if the situation doesn’t benefit her. Am I wrong?”
No, he wasn’t. But it still pissed her off. She’d been working without a break from the moment she’d gotten up this morning. And yeah, it was exactly what she’d promised to do, but damn it, she hadn’t realized how difficult it would be to stand beside Simon and take orders like she was his servant or slave.
She wasn’t. She was his assistant, obviously, but she was also something more. Or maybe she wanted to be more. And maybe this back-and-forth in her mind was the real reason she was upset. Because she hadn’t thought it would be midnight, and he’d still be treating her like she was one step up from a computer note-taking app.
Rather than argue with him, she thumbed her phone shut. It was near dead anyway. “I think that’s it for today.”
His eyes narrowed, but not at her. He was looking at Mrs. Garcia as she started directing a small army of cleaners.
Alyssa spoke up. “She knows what she’s doing. And she’ll keep her mouth shut.” Then before he could ask his next question, she answered it. “She also knows how to look for hidden caches better than anyone else I know. And she’ll turn it over.” When he still didn’t respond, she lifted her chin. “You trust me? Because I trust her.” Plus she might have told Mrs. Garcia that there were hidden cameras everywhere, which wasn’t a complete lie. As far as she knew, Nanook had secret devices in the walls. She hadn’t had a chance to look.
“What exactly does she do? Exactly.”
She winced. “She grows and distributes the weed. Has a huge hydroponics setup in her home run by her nephew who is a botanist of some kind. And a niece who cooks. The cleaning crew is legit—run by her daughter-in-law—but it’s not the main source of family income. And I trust her.” At least in this, she did. Mrs. Garcia would absolutely do what was in the best financial interest of her family. And that included not betraying Alyssa in this cleanup job.
“Very well,” Simon said as he packed up Nanook’s computer. Alyssa had already looked at it. It was mostly a porn repository, but there were some potentially important files. It would have gone to the precinct with all the other electronics, but this had been in a secret cubbyhole under a floorboard. Simon had found it simply by sniffing from about two feet away, curling his nose, and pointing.
Apparently, shifter noses were ultra-specific. Which is why he made one last reminder before leaving the place.
“Get rid of the appliances, too.”
She knew. He wanted nothing that smelled of Nanook left anywhere. Which was why she’d also instructed Mrs. Garcia to double the amount of bleach they used. By noon tomorrow, the place was going to be cleaner than a surgical suite.
They descended the stairs to head home, but stopped when they reached Hank. He stood by the front door with his arms folded as he watched everything. She looked at him curiously, but he refused to budge.
“I’ll watch,” he said, his gaze shifting to Simon.
The two men stared at each other for a long steady moment before Simon nodded. That was it. Then he walked straight to her car and climbed in the passenger side. Apparently male communication didn’t require a lot of words.
She had no choice but to get into the driver’s seat and wearily chauffeur Simon back to her place while all the details of the day spun on a loop through her head. Deaths. Drugs. Police. Guns. It wasn’t unusual for life in Detroit, but it sure was a lot for one day. And damn it, Simon didn’t even look tired.
They didn’t speak on the drive, but Simon couldn’t seem to sit still. He spent the whole time popping open the computer before shutting it irritably again. Then he’d look out the window, shifting his large frame in her small car. Then he’d close his eyes only to grumble deep in his throat before starting it all over again. By the time they reached the apartment building, she was ready to scream at him. She’d done her fair share of babysitting. Cranky toddlers were not her forte. Neither were twitchy men who could go furry in the blink of an eye.
When he leapt out of her car before she’d put it in park, she let him go. She needed a moment of silence in the quiet confines of her car. Except a moment later, he pulled open her car door with a huff. “Are you coming? You have to teach me to read.”
She looked at him blearily, seeing the way the light made his brown hair look like a white halo around his shadowed face. She didn’t like the look. Neither did she care for the impatient demand in his voice when he continued.
“You agreed to twenty-four/seven.”
“Silly me.”
“Next time, negotiate smarter.”
She did not like that tone, but she couldn’t argue with the sentiment. Then he leaned in and popped her seatbelt as if she were a child. Next, he grabbed hold of her arm and pulled her out. She barely had time to pull out her keys before he was manhandling her away.
She let him get away with it for two steps. Far enough for her to catch her balance and not get clipped by the car door as he slammed it shut. But then she dug in her heels and jerked her arm back. It didn’t work. He was solid as a tree and all she managed was to give herself bruises as he held on. But it was enough to get his attention as he stepped around to glare down at her upturned face.
She spoke first, her exhaustion keeping her from minding her tongue. “What the hell is wrong with you? You should be dropping with exhaustion. Instead, you’re acting like…like…” She threw up her hand, this time managing to dislodge his grip. “Like a bear with a sore paw.”
He’d released her arm, but now he caught her chin. He lifted her face up to his as he leaned in until they were nose to nose. She felt the heated rush of his breath and the trembling restraint in his hand. He wanted to grip her a lot tighter, but was holding back.
“You think this is the animal in me? This is me as an angry bear?” His voice was a low growl, but it was quickly rising in volume.
“I don’t know—” she began, but he cut her off.
“Bears are simple creatures. They eat, fish, and sleep for months. They like honey and chasing a mate. But mostly, they like wandering the woods in clean air and watching the rabbits scurry away.” He shook his head. “I’m not being a bear. This part of me is all human. Bears don’t care about power structures or making money. The males don’t hang together and they certainly don’t swear loyalty. And they don’t strategize on how to kill one another.” He took a deep breath. “I chose to stop splitting myself in half. At the beginning of the fight, I chose to be both bear and human unified into one soul.”
“But that’s good, right?”
He shrugged, but the intensity in his gaze didn’t ease. “We’ll see. I am now an alpha. Bear and human combined. I lead, they follow. I use the power of the bear and the cunning of the man. Combined.”
He held silent there, his eyes burning into her. He wanted her response, but she had nothing to say. Her mouth was dry and her heart was beating a thousand times a second. So she couldn’t speak. She could only listen to the anguish in his words as he continued.
“That’s what I did today, Alyssa. I figured out how to kill Nanook and how to consolidate his power under me. I left guns out so I could learn quickly who was the most impulsive and the biggest threat. I left them knowing someone was going to shoot at me while I was standing next to you.” He arched his brow. “Is that a bear thing to do, Alyssa? Risk the alpha female’s life for a power gain?”
She shuddered, not wanting to relive that moment. At the time, all she’d felt was a sudden tension as Simon had spun around and shot twice. She’d seen the dead man’s gun go flying, knew it had been self-defense, but hadn’t for a moment thought about where she’d been standing when the bullets started flying. All she’d known was that someone had been about to shoot Simon. But he was right. A fraction of an inch shift, and she would have taken the bullet instead of him.
The very idea left her skin clammy while nausea climbed in her throat. Then she heard Simon curse and suddenly she was upended. It was like a repeat of yesterday, only this time, she hadn’t been sobbing on his shirt. This time she’d simply been thinking about the day and suddenly he was carrying her again.
She had the wherewithal to keep hold of her purse, but beyond that, her head dropped against his shoulder and she clenched her eyes shut. Her free hand wrapped around his shoulder and gripped tight.
It was stupid to take comfort in his strength. His heat made his scent even more heady and the steady shift of his body as he maneuvered through the dispensary to her apartment was lulling. But still, some part of her had to protest.
“I wasn’t going to faint,” she said against his neck. More like throw up, but she wasn’t about to admit that.
“Did you get any of that pizza?”
No. The men had gobbled it all down. She’d managed a diet soda though, which was more than what he’d had.
They made it to her door and he set her on her feet. She didn’t wobble, thank God. She also didn’t protest when he pulled the keys from her unresisting fingers and unlocked her front door.
“Well, order another pizza now,” he grumbled. “You have to eat.”
Not after the way he’d curled his lip at the order this evening. “There’s lasagna in the freezer. We can microwave it faster than any delivery.”
He stilled as he looked at her, his eyes lighting with surprise. “Really?”
She shrugged. “I don’t just make brownies. There are chicken potpies, too. That’s the Tupperware in the refrigerator.”
“Which is faster?”
“Potpies.”
He grabbed those while she dropped down onto her couch. Her head fell back, and she closed her eyes. She pretended she could still smell Irish Spring and feel his arms around her. And she didn’t open them again until she heard him cursing.
When she looked, he was staring at the microwave, his finger hovering over the buttons. It took her a moment to figure out the problem, and then she remembered he couldn’t read. “See the rows of white buttons?” she said. “Second one down on the left says ‘Reheat.’ That’s what you need.”
He traced his finger over and pressed. But after the microwave started, he remained there staring. He was right. He needed to remember how to read. Even the simplest tasks in life required literacy.
“First thing tomorrow,” she said gently. “We’ll start with the basic alphabet and—”
“No!” he said, spinning around with a snarl. “Now!”
She didn’t argue with him. She could already tell he wasn’t in a rational enough place for words. Which meant she had to look deeper at what was really going on in his head. Hadn’t he told her that she was his wisdom? Perhaps it was time she tried it. She sat up straighter, talking out loud as she thought through what was going on.
“So the bear side is the simple one. Eats, sleeps, has sex.”
“Yes.” The word was half growl.
“And the human is the violent one. Analyzes, strategizes, implements.”
“Yes.” This time the word was snapped out, almost like a response to a military officer.
“So who feels pain? Guilt? Fear?”
“What?”
She straightened up off the couch, her entire body aching with the movement, but still needing to be close to him as she spoke. “It’s what you said. Smoky the Bear lives a life of woodsy contentment. Mr. Human is more like Mr. Robot with the thinking and planning. Where do the difficult emotions go? Who has empathy, who feels remorse?”
He stared at her the same way he’d been looking at the microwave a moment ago: as if trying to decipher a secret code. But she was speaking plain English.
“Who feels bad, Simon?” She made it to his side and lay her palm flat on his chest. Through the thin T-shirt, she felt his muscles ripple, but he didn’t move. He just kept staring at her, until she repeated the question. “Who feels bad?”
“I do.” The words were rasped out, and she ached at the painful sound.
“You do,” she echoed as she stepped closer. He didn’t touch her. In fact, a quick glance told her that his hands were clenched into fists by his side. So she stroked him. First with her palm across his chest. Then with her other hand, caressing his jaw. “You’re not just a bear and not just human. You’re both, Simon. And that’s a complicated place to be.”
“No,” he said, his eyes shutting tight. It wasn’t a denial. It was more like defiance thrown into the wind. No, he didn’t want to feel this way. No, he didn’t want to live this way. No, he didn’t want any of this.
Which is when she realized the truth. After all, he hadn’t asked to become the Detroit bear alpha. He’d been Mr. Happy Grizzly in the UP when she’d shown up and shot him. Then he’d wanted to hole up in his cabin while he remembered who and what he was, but she’d dragged him down here. Then he’d had to fight Vic and Nanook, and suddenly he was alpha of a grizzly clan in a city that was perpetually teetering on the edge of destruction.
No wonder he was fighting this. Whatever life plans he’d had, they were certainly changed now.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered, guilt descending hard into her soul. “You didn’t want to come, but I just dragged you in.” She dropped her head onto his chest. It had grown too heavy to support. “This is all my fault.”
“No.” The word was fierce this time. And she felt his arms circle around her, his palms flat across her back. “I could have refused at any point.”
She snorted. “You did. I bowled over you.”
He stilled. And then he pulled back, lifting her face with a tender nudge to her chin. “Do you seriously think you could have forced me? How? Were you going to carry me into your car? Did you put a gun to my head and make me fight Nanook?”
Maybe he was right, but that didn’t ease her guilt. “I’m sorry,” she whispered.
“I’m not,” he returned. “Not about that. And not about this either.”
She frowned. “Wha—”
He kissed her. Long and deep. First with his lips, then his tongue teased through the seam of her lips. He pushed inside and played with her while her breath grew short and her nipples tightened. Her knees weakened and she felt his penis hot and pulsing through his jeans. And she lifted her knee to coil her leg around him, opening herself up to him while drawing him tight.
The microwave dinged while they were entwined. Her kitchen filled with the scent of hot chicken potpie, but she wanted only the smell Irish Spring and him.
Then he pulled back, his eyes dark and but his lips curved in a self-satisfied smile. “You know what else bears have?”
She shook her head, too dazed and breathless to answer.
“Really good tongues.” Then he cupped her face. His palm was so large that he could touch the length of her jaw while pushing his fingers into her hair. “I want to lick you while you come on my tongue. I want to mount you from behind while squeezing your breasts. And I want to feel your legs wrapped around me as I pound my release into you.”
Her eyes widened at his words, but that was nothing compared to the contraction of her womb. Lord, she was practically orgasming just from his words.
“Alyssa?” he asked, and she had no brain to process his question.
“Hmm?” she responded as her eyes fastened on his mouth.
“What do you say to that?”
Her gaze finally lifted to his eyes. And once there, she smiled. “Okay.”
His nostrils flared and his hands tightened for a moment. But beyond that, he remained absolutely still. Then she winked at him.
“How about now?”