Simon woke as a man, his grizzly mind tucked away, and his first thoughts were to take stock of his situation. His human body was warm and healthy, the sheets smelled of Alyssa, but his arms were empty. So he climbed out of bed and went in search of her.
He found her in the kitchen as she frowned at her phone, a news reporter’s voice coming through the tiny device. She looked up as soon as he entered, and her expression softened in a way that thrilled both man and bear. Her eyes lightened and her lips curved. Best of all, she set down her mug and phone to cross to his side.
“Did I wake you?” she asked. “I tried to be quiet.”
“I woke because you weren’t with me,” he answered. Then he drew her into his arms pressed his face to her hair. She smelled slightly nutty, but mostly of what they had done last night, and he couldn’t resist nuzzling down to her neck to lick the skin beneath her ear.
She chuckled, then lifted her head. “You’re talking again. That’s a good sign.”
He nodded and stayed in that place of holding her for a minute longer. Just a minute. But eventually, he had to explain. If not for her, then for them both. Because she needed to understand him if they were to continue together. But how to explain when he wasn’t even sure of what had happened?
Eventually, he pulled back. “You must have questions.”
“A zillion. But mostly it comes down to one.” She touched his cheek and he loved how her eyes grew soft. “Who is the real you? Are you the growly bear? The Machiavellian leader? The vicious killer or the thorough lover?” Then her lips curved into a smile. “Or are you the man who held me all last night like he needed me in his arms?”
“I guess I’m all of them. I put walls between them because it’s better that way. But sometimes…” He shook his head. “There’s a dark place I can go, Alyssa. It’s human violence coupled with a bear’s ferocity. It’s fury and deliberate destruction, and the last time I went there…” He shook his head.
“What?” She stroked his cheek. “Tell me.”
“My best friend was teasing me about how I sucked in basketball.” He shook his head. “Basketball. Can you believe it? I nearly killed him because I couldn’t hit a jump shot.” He snorted. “That’s why I enlisted, you know. I figured if I was going to be a violent killing machine, I might as well do it in the army.”
She pulled back from him, not in fear but in confusion. “I don’t understand. You had a death challenge with your best friend? Over basketball?”
He touched her face, startled that he wanted to tell her this. He’d never told anyone. But he told her because he wanted her to understand. He needed her to know how amazing what she’d done was.
“It’s a place where man and animal merge in the worst of both. We were teens and both shifters. It was spring, too, which always makes us hot.” He closed his eyes, remembering every detail of the day. The smell of flowers and the sound of animals mating. They were outside on a basketball court, but in Gladwin, Michigan, the state park was right there and coming alive. He wasn’t new to shifting, but he was still prey to all those teen hormones. And the girls were nearby watching, including an extra pretty one he’d been trying to impress.
“You don’t have to tell me,” Alyssa whispered as her hand stroked his shoulder.
“I do,” he stressed. If she was to be his alpha female, she needed to know it all, including her part in all of this. “You have to know what happens. What I can do. What you did.”
He felt her hand tighten as she said the words he hadn’t been able to. “In case you go there again?”
He nodded, his gut twisting. “A shift in power is always dangerous. A new alpha will get more challenges—”
“Tell me what you need me to know.”
His lips curved. She always cut straight to the point. “We started playing basketball, me and Jason. He laughed at my jump shot, which really did suck, and he said I couldn’t sink one with him in my face. He said it really loud, and there were girls watching.”
“You were a teen boy. That’s what boys do.”
“I know. And he was good, and I couldn’t get past him. I couldn’t sink the shot. I felt the grizzly coming out, but we were in public. I couldn’t go bear and what would be the point? It wasn’t like a bear can play basketball.”
She snorted. “People would pay to see that.” Her tone was light, and it frustrated him. She needed to take this seriously, but the fault was in himself. He couldn’t express what he wanted to. But she was listening, so he tried again.
“So I merged the two. I’d never done it before but it was so easy. All the fury of the animal without the fur. All the intelligence of the man but without the restraint of morals or logic. I had a single goal—to sink that shot—and I didn’t care what I did to accomplish it.”
She stilled, but her voice remained gentle. “Teens are stupid. Boys most of all.”
He couldn’t argue, but he also couldn’t hide from what he did. “I beat him up, Alyssa. I punched him and when he didn’t go down, I hit him as fast and as hard as I could. He was down on the ground with broken bones, and the only reason I stopped—the only reason—was so I could stand up and sink my jump shot.”
He looked at her, trying to see if she understood. She didn’t. She just stared at him with a vague kind of confusion. “Okay,” she said slowly. “That’s horrible. And a lesson in why teenage boys can’t be trusted with anything. But—”
“It was a basketball game, and I nearly killed him. What if it had been something different? What if he’d teased me that I couldn’t get the girl? I wouldn’t have stopped, Alyssa. In that place, I don’t stop for anything even if it’s murder or rape.”
“That’s a big leap, don’t you think? From hitting your best friend—”
“I put him in the hospital. Also the three guys who tried to pull me off. They didn’t have a chance against me. Not when I’m like that. And the only reason I stopped, Alyssa? The only reason is because I made the jump shot.”
“I got that. You made your goal, so you stopped.”
“And because the girl I wanted sucker punched me until I hit the ground.”
She snorted. “Hooray for girl power.”
“I’ve touched that place other times in my life. Once in Afghanistan when we were pinned down. The only reason I stopped then was because I was shot and unconscious. Once on leave when I was jumped by muggers in Turkey.” He felt his jaw clench, but he forced the words out. “I killed them.”
“They sound like reasonable choices, Simon.”
He touched her cheek. “It’s a scorched earth place in my head, Alyssa. When I go there, everybody dies.”
“You didn’t kill everyone yesterday.”
“Because you stopped me. Because you pulled me out of it.”
She shook her head. “Don’t put that on me. I didn’t do anything but…” Her voice trailed away as her cheeks flushed. Any other time he would have found the expression adorable. This time he just touched her fingers, stroking his thumb over her knuckles.
“You centered me. When I fought, Alyssa, it was to protect you. When I killed Nanook, it was to keep you alive. And when I risked your life against that drug dealer…” His voice cracked but he forced himself to continue. “It was to impress you.”
She blinked. “That doesn’t make sense.”
“It’s not a logical frame of mind.” While she absorbed that, he told her the rest. “Then you stayed by my side as I cemented my position. And last night…” He took a deep breath, drawing in the scent of sex that still lingered in the room. “You understood what I needed, where I was without me having to explain. I needed to be an animal but not killing. I needed to be a man with a woman, and not playing power games.”
Did she understand how important that was to him? That she could keep him within the bounds of decency? And she’d known what he needed without him explaining. He might be the scariest shifter around, but she held the power over him. And that made him vulnerable to her in ways that terrified him. It also gave him hope that he wasn’t alone and that was the rarest gift of all.
Did she understand that? Did she know?
No, she didn’t. Because all she did was stretch up on her toes and press a kiss to his lips. And when he would have deepened it, she pulled back. “I guess you answered my question. They’re all you. Animal, man, determined, and sexy. It’s all you.”
“It’s not. It’s pieces of me—”
“It’s you. Different moods, different needs, but they’re all you.”
Maybe. And maybe it didn’t matter because whatever part of him dominated, they all centered on her.
He dropped his forehead to hers and breathed her scent again. He’d never tire of that. And he’d never forget it. “Come back to bed, Alyssa. We’ll explore every aspect of—”
She kissed him, deep and so giving. He drank it all in, soaking up the passion that was Alyssa. And when he lifted her up in his arms, she wrapped her legs around him. He was naked and she wore yoga pants and a tank. She helped him strip it off her. And he pinned her against the wall while he suckled her breasts.
And when he would have plunged inside again, she gripped his ears. “Condom,” she gasped.
This time he understood. He carried her into the bedroom and opened the bedside drawer. She helped him put it on while he stripped her pants away. And when she would have stroked him to completion, he pushed her backward on the bed. He spread her legs and pushed slowly inside.
He wasn’t in that primal place anymore. He wasn’t a beast mating in the woods. This time he was a man and he used his mind to make it good for her. He pressed his thumb to her clit and held it there. Then with every thrust, he added an extra stroke. A little more spice, he thought, until she was on fire.
And when she was gasping and clutching at him, he let his body take over. He stroked her one last time, loving the sound of her climax. And then he pounded into her. Harder and faster until his mind whited out and his body exploded.
He released into her so many times while her body greedily milked him for more. And when they were done, he pressed his lips to hers and nearly said the words out loud. They came to the tip of his tongue, but he held them back.
It was too soon to tell her. It put too much on her when they’d only known each other for a short time. And he didn’t want to admit to feelings that meant he would center on her for the rest of his life. That was too scary a thing to say out loud.
So he held them back and stopped himself from even thinking the word, “love.”
And this time when he woke up from his doze, she was still in his arms. She lay sleeping tucked up against him and he pressed his nose to her skin right below her ear. And he stayed there until she finally stirred. And even then, he held her, pressing kisses to her neck until she murmured.
“Is that my cell phone?”
It was. Out in the kitchen, her phone was buzzing.
“I’ll get it,” he said, but she was already out of bed and rushing naked into her kitchen. He followed because it was her. And because she was naked. He watched as she snatched up her phone and thumbed it on.
“Yeah? This is her. Yes, he’s here. I’ll tell him. Yes, I’ll be sure to tell him.” There were more words, each becoming more clipped than the last. And when she finally clicked off her phone, her expression was grim. “That was a Detective Phillips. He wants us to give our statements in an hour.”
Simon frowned. “We already gave our statements to Kennedy.”
She snorted. “Yeah, but Ryan’s in the gang unit. Phillips is from vice. He wants to talk to us alone.” Then she sighed. “We need a lawyer.”
He nodded. “The Gladwins have one. I’ll call…” His voice trailed away. Where was his phone? How did he call? “Damn it, I need to remember.”
“It’s in here,” she said walking into her second bedroom. She’d converted it into an office with two desks, a corkboard covered with articles he couldn’t read, and a complete computer setup. His laptop sat on the second desk and his cell was right beside it. Nanook’s computer was still in her car. She grabbed his cell and tried to thumb it on, but it didn’t work. “It’s dead. I should have realized you needed to charge it.”
Obviously, she was accustomed to thinking ahead for other people. “That was my responsibility,” he said as he held out his hand. Except where was his charger?
“I’ve got one,” she said, answering the question he hadn’t asked out loud. She pulled one out of a drawer. “I upgraded last year, so you can have this.”
He took it, taking a long frustrating moment to remember how to plug it in to his phone and then again into the wall socket.
“It’s really dead,” she said, “so it’ll take a few to even start.”
“I know how my phone works!” he snapped. Then at her raised eyebrows, he took a deep breath. Damn it, he wasn’t used to being this ill equipped to handle his life. “I need to call Alan. He’s the lawyer. But his number is in my phone and I can’t read to recognize his name.”
She nodded. “I’ve got that figured out, too.” She tapped on her laptop, which came to life on a Sesame Street program. “It’s just a matter of remembering things. I figure you start with the basics and build up until it comes back. It shouldn’t take you long.”
It shouldn’t, but even a few minutes was too long to remember something he’d been doing since he was five. And they didn’t have the time. They were supposed to go to the police station, but the cops would likely put them in separate rooms. She couldn’t cover for his lacks. And without time to find a lawyer, who knew what kind of legal hot water he could land in? It was just too complicated and he wanted to slam his head against the wall until his stupid brain worked.
And just when his frustration was growing into epic proportions, Alyssa touched his arm. “Hey, you haven’t eaten anything. Want some breakfast? Or at least coffee?”
“Coffee. Definitely coffee.” That way he wouldn’t just be stupid. He’d be alert and stupid.
“Coming up.”
She went back into the kitchen and he followed like a damned puppy dog. He watched as she pulled down a coffee mug and poured. And he lingered as he took it from her so he could stroke her fingers and not think about the disaster lurking ahead.
“Drink,” she said. “I’ll make us some eggs.”
“Thanks.” He drew the mug to his lips and inhaled.
Taint.
The scent was subtle, akin to bacon sizzled too long, and it made him wrinkle his nose in disgust. But it had been a long time since he’d had coffee, and God knew he wanted the caffeine, so he took a sip despite the smell.
Nausea roiled in his gut and he spit out the brew straight into the sink. He dumped his mug, too, while Alyssa stared at him in shock. And then he backhanded the faucet to kick it on, but the spray held the same smell. Stronger even, and he slammed it off as quickly as he could.
“What’s wrong?” Alyssa gasped.
“Did you drink that coffee?” he asked.
“Yeah. Some at least.”
He grabbed her mug and sniffed. Sure enough, the same taint was there. He dumped it while she sputtered her protest.
“It’s bad,” he said. Then he pulled her over as he turned on the water again. “Smell that. Can’t you sense it?”
She inhaled, but then shrugged as she straightened up. “It’s Detroit. Who can tell what’s in the water?”
“And you still drink it?”
She opened her mouth to argue, but then bit her lip. “I guess I didn’t think about it.”
He’d been a bear for the last ten months, but even he’d heard of the water disaster in Flint, Michigan. “No more water,” he said. “You don’t drink this at all.”
“Um, okay. We’ve got a few more bottles of your special water. Is it okay to wash the dishes?” She looked to her bathroom. “And what about the shower? You’ve been here a couple days now. Are you just now noticing this?”
He pursed his lips. She had a point. “Hold on,” he said as he crossed to the bathroom and flipped on the shower. It didn’t take more than ten seconds for him to smell the taint in the steam. It was thick enough to make him choke as he turned it off. “That wasn’t there yesterday,” he said. “Whatever it is, it’s new.”
“Oh goody,” she drawled as she plopped her hands on her hips. “Look, it’s impossible to function without using the water. Are you sure—”
He cut her off. “I’m sure.” He kept his voice firm, though inside he was questioning. The UP had beautiful water and besides, he’d been a bear. What did he know about crappy city water? Except he couldn’t bring himself to change his mind. That water was bad. “We’ll mention it to Kennedy—” He cut off his words as an electronic chime sounded from the office. And continued to sound, along with a steady buzz. He looked to the room with a frown.
“That’s your phone,” Alyssa said. “Sounds like you’ve missed a few calls.”
He nodded but he didn’t move. Damn it, he might remember how to answer the phone, but he couldn’t read to figure out how to get his messages.
“I got it.” She went back into her office and again, he followed her. “What’s your phone code?”
Numbers he could remember, so he told her and within a moment, she was scrolling through his messages.
“Do you want the oldest or the newest?” Then before he could answer, she snorted. “They’re both from a guy named Carl. I’m guessing he’s that alpha you mentioned. He’s left about a dozen—”
“Call him back.”
Carl Carman was his alpha, or had been his alpha before he’d killed Nanook and taken over the Griz. Either way, Carl should have been his first phone call after he woke up. And after his fight with Nanook. And maybe first thing this morning. So it was no surprise when the man came on the phone practically vibrating with fury. Alyssa had put him on speaker, so Carl’s voice filled the space with booming threat.
“What the hell, Simon! What the hell are you doing?”
“Hello, Carl,” Simon said, his voice deepening at the sound of aggression. He deserved it, he knew, but that didn’t stop his grizzly from growling deep inside him. “I’ve been busy.”
“Busy? Busy taking over Detroit?”
“Yes.” And fighting Vic and making love with Alyssa. And a host of other things that flashed through his mind.
“Don’t you think you should have talked to me first?”
“There wasn’t time. Nanook was trying to murder a cop. It was the only way to…” Keep Alyssa alive. “To calm things down.”
“Violent overthrows don’t usually quiet things down.”
“It has for the moment.” He hoped.
“Fine. You calling about the Detroit Flu? I’ve been watching the news and that video from the hospital looks awful familiar.”
Simon frowned. “I haven’t seen—”
“I have,” Alyssa interrupted. “It was someone changing. Just like Vic.”
“Who’s that?” Carl abruptly demanded. “Identify yourself!”
“She’s my assistant,” Simon said, a growl coming through his tone loud and clear. He did not like anyone talking to Alyssa with anything but respect.
“Assistant? Just how long have you been in Detroit? You’re supposed to check in with me once a month, and it’s been—”
“Ten months. Yes, I know.”
“Ten fucking months! What the hell were you doing?”
Simon thought about lying. The last thing he wanted to admit to anyone was that he’d been a bear all those months. That amount of animal time was unheard of. Anyone who lasted that long stayed furry. The fact that he’d come back was both unusual and grounds for a deeper inspection into his psyche. Humans didn’t live wild without going native…and crazy. In fact, if Alyssa hadn’t shot him, if it hadn’t been a matter of survival, he probably wouldn’t have ever come back to human. Which meant that it would have been Carl’s job to hunt him and kill him.
“Simon? Don’t you dare—”
“I was grizzly. The whole time.”
Carl’s curses echoed long and loud through the phone. “You can’t do that, Simon.”
“I certainly can’t now. I’m alpha of the Griz.”
“Yeah, lucky you,” Carl drawled, clearly not sympathetic. “So if you’re alpha now, you’ve got to deal with the Detroit Flu. I saw that video on the news. We had people changing like that. They were kidnapped and injected with some bad shit. Most died, but a few changed. Like what was on that video.”
Simon’s head snapped up. “They were kidnapped?”
“Yeah. We’ve got a serum. It’s not a cure, but it slows down the process. Enough for someone to adjust. But you’ve got to stop whoever is injecting people with that shit.”
Alyssa was shaking her head and at Simon’s nod, she spoke up. “It can’t be an injection. There’s too many people getting sick. It’s been happening all over Detroit.”
Which is when Simon put it together. “It’s in the water,” he said. “That’s what I smelled.” He looked at Alyssa. “You said there were two outbreaks. That means two times when someone tainted the water.”
“But you smelled it this morning. You just noticed it this morning,” Alyssa said.
Simon nodded, his gut twisting with horror. “Yeah. Which means we’re about to get a third outbreak of the Detroit Flu.”
There was a long pause as everyone considered that possibility. The ramifications were hideous. And then Carl spoke up, his voice weary.
“Look, I don’t understand this science stuff. I’ll email you everything I’ve got. You’ve got to get it to somebody who can handle it. Do you know any shifter-aware doctors?”
“I just got here, Carl. And Nanook wasn’t exactly the note-taking type.”
Alyssa frowned. “Maybe Detective Kennedy would know?”
“You’ll have to figure it out. With the quarantine, I can’t get there to help.”
“What?” Simon’s voice was sharp, and he could hear Carl’s sigh through the line.
“Jesus, turn on the news. The city was put into quarantine a couple hours ago. Nobody in or out. You got national guard blocking everything.” Then he snorted. “You sure picked a great time to go grizzly in Detroit.”
That was the understatement of the year. The city was going to go insane in short order, and shifters would be the most vulnerable to the chaos. Their animal natures were going to react to the tension and without a way to run off the excess emotions, there was going to be some ugly fights. And that’s if they were lucky.
He looked at Alyssa. “Did you know about this?”
She nodded. “I was listening to the news when you got up. I was going to tell you, but we got distracted.” Her cheeks heated at just how they’d gone off course. Fortunately, her words gave a difference explanation. “You were focused on the taint in the water.”
“It has to be it,” he said, though his doubts kept his voice quiet. “Nanook thought it was the wolves.”
“Nanook thought everything was the wolves,” Carl grumbled. “Look, I’ll try to figure stuff out on this end. Can you get the info to the cop?”
Simon nodded. “We’re headed there now.”
“I’ll check back in a couple hours.”
“Yeah—”
“And Simon? Don’t go grizzly again.”
Simon bristled at the tone. He was in control, damn it, and he didn’t need another bear telling him things he already knew. “You’re not my alpha anymore,” he said, his voice low and threatening. “You can’t give me orders—”
“It wasn’t an order, you moron, it was a damned plea. If you lose it, I’m the one who will have to shoot your ugly ass, quarantine or not. I got problems enough here and Becca’s pregnant. I sure as hell am not going to miss the birth of my son just because you can’t remember to keep your hair on the inside.”
Simon frowned, struggling to process all that information at once. Not the fact that Carl would be his hunter, but that Carl had gotten his girlfriend pregnant. Or maybe they were married by now. And though it was the most inconsequential thing in the very long list of things he needed to know right then, somehow it hit him broadside. Marriages and births were incredibly important in the shifter community. Especially within his own clan. And Simon had missed all of that.
“You’re having a son? Congratulations.”
“Yeah,” Carl’s voice was gruff with clear pride. “Yeah, we found out a month ago. Tonya’s pregnant, too, and Alan’s so deep into father mode that I hardly get to see him anymore.”
Tonya and Alan? God, what else had he missed?
“Congratulate them for me.” He looked at the clock on the printer and used the time as an excuse. “We’ve got to get to the police station.”
“Right.” Carl’s voice was all back to business, but before he signed off, he had one more suggestion to make, though it came out more as an order. “And Simon? Get yourself a girl.”
“What?”
“You’re on the edge. We both know it. The right woman grounds people like us. She’ll keep your head in the right space.”
Simon’s jaw tightened, but he couldn’t stop himself from looking up at Alyssa. Her gaze was fixed on the phone, very carefully avoiding his. So rather than acknowledge any of the sudden tension that was thickening the air, he chose to deflect. “I don’t need dating advice from you,” he growled.
“It’s not dating advice!” Carl snapped. “It’s a warning. Find a girl or I’ll have to break quarantine to run you down. I don’t want to do that, but I will. You can’t go feral in a place like Detroit.”
No, he couldn’t. It would be too dangerous for everyone.
“Carl—” Simon began, but Alyssa cut him off.
“He’s got me,” she snapped. “And I’ll keep him human.”
Simon looked at her, seeing the determined jut to her chin. If anyone could keep him human, it would be her. And he couldn’t deny the wave of raw pleasure that came from her words. She was his, and that thought flushed him with testosterone-filled pride. But it also wasn’t true.
He was so strong a shifter, it was dangerous for him to have a human relationship. He could get too violent, too animal, or too damned focused. Regular humans could get hurt so easily. He didn’t want to risk Alyssa like that. Though God only knew if he could give her up. He already thought of her as his alpha female.
But Carl didn’t need to know that. And he wasn’t ready to explain things to Alyssa yet. He needed her too much right then to push her away. But he had to tell her soon. She had to understand what she was risking.
“Send me that serum information,” Simon said. “And a list of any shifter-friendly lawyers. And judges. And medical anything.” At this point, he’d take a shifter-aware orderly.
“There aren’t any,” Carl growled. “Because all the sane ones don’t live inside the city.”
Sadly, he knew that was true. And with that, he thumbed off the connection. “Okay,” he said as he avoided looking Alyssa in the eyes. “Play me all my messages, starting from the top.”