Chapter 22
Edwina
I’m grateful Hank doesn’t ask about our destination. Instead, he sits back and observes the scenery as I navigate the streets out of the Garden District. Once I cross the Mississippi, I open it up and speed through the night.
It surprises me that I’m in a hurry to get this over and done with, but it has to be done. Hank wants us to face our demons and bury them. Facing this one, however, isn’t like seeing Cash again. That was like a bad bee sting. What’s coming will feel more like an amputation by comparison.
Hank’s voice cuts through the quiet and stills my thoughts. “Angel, do you plan on talking to me?”
The question scares me a little. “I do. It’s just… This is hard for me.”
“Then let’s start with something not so hard.” He rests his hand on top of mine over the gearshift and rubs his thumb over my flesh. “Tell me how things went with Cash.”
“Not as bad as I thought it would be.” I inhale deeply, hold onto the breath, and then slowly release it as I think of the proper words. My voice lowers. “It still hurt to see them together. He’s happy, Hank. So fucking happy.”
The air stalls, and I listen to Hank’s heart stutter as his breathing catches. He sends me a long, pained look and asks, “Why should Cash’s happiness matter to you?”
I’ve hurt him. I didn’t mean to, but I did. Cash and I were together for five years. Labels don’t matter. Ours was a relationship, albeit twisted and only physical.
“Hank?”
“Yeah?” His response is tinged with anger and pain.
My stomach ties into a knot. “It doesn’t matter to me, not anymore. But remember, Cash and I had five years together. That’s a long time to be with someone. Letting him go was the best thing for the both of us.” I swallow the lump forming in my throat. “Truth is, Cash never made me happy, but ya do.”
Hank side-glances at me. “I do?”
“More than ya know.” I stare at the road. “It’s why I’m sharing this piece of me with ya tonight.”
“Where are we going, Edwina?” Hank’s question is a mix of curiosity and defiance.
The damage has been done. I already miss hearing him call me Angel. I’ll fix it. “We’ll be there in half an hour. Just sit back and relax.”
This trip requires strength. Hank needs to recover it after his ordeal with Elijah. I need to summon it to meet my past head-on.
We’re a good two hours outside the metro area. The landscape gives way to endless oak trees occasionally broken up by farms and fields. I veer off the interstate and onto the Great River Road skirting the Mississippi. The last time I traveled this route I was a teenager on a dirt path to freedom.
Up and down this road, plantations still exist, catering to tourists’ fascination with the past. If they knew the atrocities that happened to my people, would they still be mesmerized? How many of them would be captivated by the maiming and murdering of people based on a system of degradation? Or has humanity learned its lesson—enslaving others for prosperity is wrong? Not hardly. Nowadays, money and bodies exchange in a different form of slavery.
I continue driving through the small, historical town until I reach a back road with cornfields on either side of it. The bypass dead-ends, and I kill the motor. Ghosts from my past descend upon me, and my breath comes in short bursts. Is it possible for a vampire to have a fucking meltdown?
Concern destroys Hank’s distress with me. “Angel, what’s wrong? What is this place?”
My shaking hands grip the steering wheel tightly. Centuries later, the horrors of that night bombard me. My mind travels backward and gets trapped in another time. Thick smoke coats the air while piercing screams ring through the night. Metallic warmth covers my teeth like a vile blanket. Bone cracking and shattering in my hands… The memory is so real. I glance down as if the fragments might be in my palms. Shaking the disjointed images from my mind, I say, “This is what’s left of Granddaddy’s plantation.”
The old barn surrounded by oak trees and unkempt fields is all that remains of the Devereaux property. My monster burned the antebellum big house, outbuildings, and slave quarters to the ground.
Hank opens the door and exits the car. He starts to say something, but no words escape. Disbelief shines in his green eyes as he encounters visual proof of what my monster can do. Hiding in the car won’t absolve me. I always believed my becoming undead was punishment for the crime. After a few minutes, I join him.
“Over the years I’ve sold parcels of land,” I tell Hank, “but I never would sell the whole thing.”
Finding his voice, Hank asks, “Why not?”
“I don’t know. Stupidity perhaps. Nostalgia most likely. I owe a debt to the BlackGuard, which means I need to stay near N’awlins. It’s probably a good thing I kept the property. We can build on it. Make it our own personal fortress where no one will bother us. Ya can let ya beast run free when ya need to.” I smile up at Hank. “That is if ya want me to see it.”
“You want me with you?” Caution drapes over his words.
I’m not surprised by his hesitation. After all, I just hurt him. This is my chance to fix things, though. “Of course, I do.”
“And what about Cash?”
Unfortunately, it’s another valid question, but it isn’t the real one Hank wants answered. It pains me to admit my feelings for anyone, especially Cash Martin.
But if you had admitted how you felt sooner, Cash might still be with you.
“Part of me will always love him,” I say with shame—no self-respecting vampire would fall in love with Lilin. The two species are like night and day. Our only similarity is in our chosen prey. Bigotry and snobbery keep us separate. “Just like ya will always love Sheila. But I’m not with Cash. I don’t want to be.”
Hank faces me and brushes the hair from my forehead. “Good to know.”
I lift my gaze and lick my lip with guarded hope. “Are we okay?”
He snakes a hand through my curls and rests it on my neck. A gentle kiss is delivered to my forehead. “The whole time we were apart I missed you, Angel.”
“Same here.” I put my arms around his waist and let my head rest on his chest, listening to his steady heartbeat. “I don’t want to be here without ya, Hank. I’d rather die again than be without ya.”
Hank tightens his embrace. “I’m not going anywhere, Angel.”
Is this us moving forward together? I thought offering Hank a place we could share would let him know how I felt.
He needs to hear it.
Cash was the last male I wanted to say those words to and that ended dreadfully. What if I tell Hank how I feel and he leaves me? It would devastate me to lose him. It’s not something I’m willing to chance.
“Edwina?” A finger slips under my chin, forcing me to look up. “Angel, what’s troubling you?”
“There’s something I need to say, but the words scare me,” I admit.
“Then maybe I should say them first?” A smile plays about his lips. “Angel… I love you.”