Accacia

Holding the knife Lissandra gave me I kneel beside Devin. He has been out cold for several hours. Long enough for the sun to brighten upon a new day. This may be my only chance to perform the Binding, to get Devin back. I don’t know if it will work, given his blood is still running with the poison, but I must try.

I take the blade and run it across my palm, feeling strangely detached as I watch the skin that is not my own part and the blood dribble out. Then I take Devin’s hand in mine and slice quickly. He doesn’t even stir. Pressing my bloodied hand against his, I recite the words needed to perform the Binding and wait.

Another couple of hours pass by agonisingly slowly. I can see a slant of bright sunlight spill through the bathroom door. I am only too aware that time is running out.

I’ve made him as comfortable as possible. His head rests on a pillow from the daybed and his body is covered with a velvet throw. There is no blood left on his face or hand since I’ve cleaned them both. The wound on his hand has healed, as has mine. Even in this strange body I still have the gifts I was cursed with. I sit by his side, waiting, hoping he’ll wake up, that when he does he will recognise me. He murmurs in his sleep, rambling words that make no sense to me, except one.

Red.

He calls for me. Repeatedly.

“Devin, please wake up.”

He stirs suddenly, a whimper escaping his lips.

Then his eyes snap open.

“Devin,” I say, breathing a sigh of relief. He sits up quickly, and immediately his teeth drop. A low hiss escapes his lips. I pull back, my hands dropping from his chest. His eyes are still a dark, fathomless black.

“Get away from me.” He scoots back on his arse, his feet peddling across the floor. He backs up against the daybed. “Don’t come near me.” He is shaking violently; his whole body is slick with sweat, the curls of his dark hair sticking against his forehead and neck.

“Let me help you,” I say, echoing the words I had once uttered to Ezra in the Forbidden forest.

Devin?

“No, stay away,” he growls. He draws his knees up to his chest, pressing his forehead against them. He places his arms over his head, shutting me out.

I straighten up and take a step towards him, the floor cold against the soles of my feet. “I can help you, if you’ll let me.”

He lifts his head sharply. “Stay away from me,” he bites out, holding his palm up to stop me. His eyes flick from my face to the spot where Ilana had been earlier, to the dark stain of her blood on the stone floor.

“If you take one more step, you will end up like her.” He clamps his mouth shut, the sharp points of his teeth cutting into his lips. He doesn’t even wince as blood slides down his chin.

Devin, can you hear me?

“Stop it, stop it, stop it,” he says, shaking his head.

“Can you hear me?” I ask softly, taking another step toward him.

Devin, look at me. I am here. It’s me, Red.

He stills. The slow trail of his gaze moves from my feet up to my head.

“Red?”

“Yes, that’s right,” I whisper. “It’s me. Do you remember?” I take another step forward, my heart hopeful. He stands abruptly and rushes forward, taking me by the shoulders. I am lifted off my feet, my arms trapped by my side.

“I told you not to come close. I warned you. Why do you have to push me?”

Devin has my back pressed up against the cold stone. I am in the exact same spot as Ilana was earlier, right before he ripped her throat out. His nails dig into my skin, his mouth is barely an inch away from mine. He doesn’t mean to kiss me. No. There is hunger in his eyes. A desolate, absolute bleakness. I feel my heart break in two. It’s too late, the darkness has hold of him. I see it. I see it burning beneath his skin, consuming the man I love. My eyes brim with tears. I feel them fall down my cheeks, hot and wet.

“You don’t have to do this. Fight back.”

Devin lowers me to the floor slowly, his grip still painful.

“Goddamn it, Devin. Fight back.”

“I am the Queen’s Dark Knight, I am her Punisher.” He says the words as though they should mean something, as though he is trying to figure out who, what, he is.

“You are not,” I say fiercely. “You are Devin. You are mine and I am yours.”

He lets go of my shoulders, his hands dropping limply by his side. I reach up to him. My hands are shaking.

Red?

Devin? My love, can you hear me?

Red?

Devin frowns, confusion crossing his features. He steps back from me, shaking his head. “No, you are not her.”

“Wait!” I grab his hand and place it on the side of my face. “Look at me.”

He does.

“It’s me, Red.”

He pulls his hand away roughly. “I don’t know who that is. I don’t know who you are.” I see something leach into the white of his eyes, a strange green hue. The poison is still in his system. The Binding hasn’t worked, it isn’t strong enough to break the spell he’s under.

“Devin, wait.” But before I can stop him he has sprinted into his bedroom and slammed the door, locking it. A loud crash follows a hoarse cry.

Devin, open the door. I follow him, pounding my fists against the wood.

He doesn’t answer me. Instead, the door shudders as something heavy crashes against it.

I can feel his rage, his anger, the disgust he has for himself, through our connection.

I am a beast.

Crash.

I held their lives in my hand.

Crash.

I ripped out her throat.

Crash.

I beat them, I broke them. They begged me to stop.

Crash.

The salt of their tears.

Crash.

The cries of their pain.

Crash.

I savoured it all. I am the Queen’s Dark Knight, I am her Punisher.

Devin, stop it, I repeat, banging my fist against the door, but it falls on deaf ears. He doesn’t hear me, despite me hearing him. The Binding has only worked one way. I’ve lost him.

There is no respite, no release. He continues like this for hours. Time slips by until day crawls into night once again. My hands begin to shake from lack of sleep and food. Pushing off against the door I drag my tired body to the daybed, grateful for a place to rest. I tell myself that I’ll only close my eyes for a few short minutes.