“Wila bomb, you made it!” Mack lifted me off my feet in a crushing hug and rained kisses on my forehead.

“Urgh, quit your slobbering, you monster.” But I hugged him back.

He set me on my feet. “Come on, you’re just in time for the killer honey ale chug.”

Azren shot me a quizzical glance.

“It’s a potent, fermented concoction. Popular by those who don’t value liver function.”

“I can only take three pints before my knees give out,” Mack said. “But Wila here holds the Hunter and Prey all-time record for five pints.”

Yeah, he was right. “Not tonight.”

Mack pouted. “Oh, come on, Wila. I’ll split my winnings with you.”

It was a common misconception that with my stature and my female hormones there was no way I’d be able to hold my drink, but Mack and Tay had discovered quite quickly how false this assumption was. Alcohol didn’t affect me like it did most neph. In fact, it barely had any effect at all, so chugging several pints of killer honey ale in quick succession was like drinking several pints of weak ale, all it did was get rid of my inhibitions and lead to bad decision making—like the night I’d banged Tay.

So, it should definitely be a no, but Mack was fluttering his lashes at me and doing the totally adorable imploring eyes, and seriously, I’d learned my lesson the last time, right? I’d be careful this time ...

“Pwease ...”

I bit back a laugh. “Fine.” Shrugging off my coat, I handed it to Mack and then cut a path through the revelers. Fergus waved excitedly from behind the bar, his tiny face flushed and bright-eyed. Yeah, he’d had plenty of killer honey ale.

Mack’s hand at the small of my back propelled me the rest of the way to the bar, and before I knew it, several tankards had been lined up and people were shouting out bids. Fergus cackled. Of course, he knew the score. He’d been there the last time I’d kicked arse at this game.

I held a finger to my lips and dropped him a wink.

Azren leaned up against the bar to my left and folded his arms. My attention was immediately drawn to his toned, muscular forearms and then up to his biceps straining under his black T-shirt. I tore my gaze away. No ogling the Shedim, Bastion.

Mack held up his hands. “Quiet. Okay, we have our next contender. Bids are in.”

“She’ll be down by one,” someone shouted.

I bit back a smile. The bar hadn’t been half as busy the last time, and those that knew the score were wisely keeping their mouths shut, ready to cash in. Mack rang the bar bell, and I picked up the first tankard.

A minute and a half later, six tankards down, the world was pleasantly fuzzy. Time to tap out. With a belch worthy of a groundhog, I slammed the final tankard onto the bar.

A whoop went up, followed by some good-natured exclamations of shock.

“Come on, pay up.” Mack began collecting the losers’ money.

Azren polished off the tankard of killer honey ale someone had handed to him and then shook his head, blinking rapidly. He looked in horror from me to the six empty tankards lined up on the counter.

I gave him a lopsided smile. “I have an iron constitution.”

Tay appeared behind the bar, his gaze zeroing in on me, and my stupid, traitorous heart picked up its pace. He smiled, small and intimate, and my pulse thudded hard in my throat.

Fuck, six pints of knock-you-on-the-floor ale and my willpower was ready to pop on its boots and take a hike.

I grabbed Azren’s arm. “Okay, listen. Whatever happens, do not let me go off alone with Tay.”

Azren’s eyes narrowed. “You think he would hurt you?” Was that a slight slur to his tone?

“God, no. Tay would never hurt me. But I may hurt him.”

Azren smiled, flashing his razor teeth. “I doubt even you could do that.”

The lip-loosening effects of the ale were truly in force now. “Look, I like Tay a little too much, if you get what I mean. It’s not good, so I need to stay away.”

Azren glanced over my shoulder at Tay and then back to me. Something dark and undecipherable flitted across his face, but heck, with the way I was buzzing, deciphering anything would be a feat right now. Six tankards? Why the heck?

“I think he may like you a little too much too,” Azren said. “I’ve seen that look before on many a male when faced with the object of their desire.” He raked me up and down with his slightly glowing jade eyes. “What’s stopping you from pursuing this?”

I took a deep breath and filled him in on the troll-needing-a-mate thing. “So, you see, it can’t be.”

“Because you don’t like him enough.” Azren nodded as if he was totally on the same page.

I blinked up at Azren, momentarily stumped by the statement, because even though it was logical, it wasn’t true. “I like him too much. I just don’t do the love thing.”

He leaned in, his sweet ale breath kissing my lips. “But what if he was happy to just like you, over and over again, forever.”

The warm yearning Tay’s appearance had inspired intensified into a pulsing throb between my thighs.

Azren’s hand slipped onto my hip, and a gentle tug pulled me up against him. His jade eyes glowed softly as he leaned in. “I’m all about the liking, and I’m happy to like the fuck out of you.”

He’d said it again—the F word, and my insides were suddenly molten. Part of me was like, what the fuck? But the other, ale-intoxicated part of me was ready to hit the gas on this, and then an arm wrapped itself around my elbow and pulled me away from the demon.

“A word please, Wila.” Tay’s tone was frosty.

Azren released me with a wicked smile filled with promise. God, I wanted to lick that smile. But then I was being tugged across the room and through the door leading to Tay and Mack’s private quarters. We’d come this way last time, mouths fused together, hands tearing at each other’s clothes. Whoa, bad move.

I slammed on the brakes as my better judgment asserted itself. “I can’t have sex with you again, Tay.” I shook my head. “Uh-uh. Nope.”

Tay blew out an exasperated breath. “How many have you had?”

I held up a bunch of fingers, hoping it was the correct number. “Six.”

“Fucksake, Wila. That Shedim was all over you and you didn’t even care.”

Azren, he was talking about Azren. Yum. And yes, Azren had been a little up close and personal, which wasn’t really like him ...

“You should sleep it off,” Tay said sternly.

God, he smelled good. That fucking cologne mixed with his heady troll scent chock full of pheromones. So good. My hand was on his chest, stroking his pectoral, and then I dug in with my nails just the way he liked it. A low, guttural moan tore from his lips and his eyes flared with primal hunger. The fuzzy feeling evaporated as common decency reared its head.

“Shit, Tay. I’m sorry.” I pulled away. “I’m a fucking idiot. A total bitch.” I turned to leave, but he snagged my elbow again.

“Wait. Wila, you can’t keep running away from this. From us.”

“There is no us, Tay. You know I can’t give you what you want.”

His face twisted in pain. “But what if I could give you what you want?”

My pulse fluttered in my throat. “What are you talking about?”

He stepped into my personal space, welcome as the rain on the parched earth. “I can leave the knell. I can leave and be free of the mating instinct. We can be together.” He swallowed hard. “No strings attached.” He grazed my cheek with the back of his hand. “We don’t need to be mated to be together.”

The final vestiges of intoxication took a leap, because to a troll blood his knell—his connection to his ancestors—was everything. It was where they drew their strength. It was a community, a home no matter how far they strayed. It was where the Slumber took them. He’d give that up for me? A fist closed itself around my heart and squeezed, and tears pricked my eyes. I reached up to brush my fingers down his stubbled cheek and trace his strong jaw. His eyes fluttered closed—the giant gentled by my feather-light touch. The forbidden part of me yearned to taste him, to scream yes, do it, dump them and be with me, no strings, just two people who like the fuck out of each other, but this was the selfish Wila taking over, because as much as Tay wanted to think he’d be cool with no strings attached, he’d never be happy with it. He just wasn’t wired that way. It would eat away at him, and eventually, it would kill anything we had. I couldn’t bear to lose him as a friend, so I’d have to lose him as a lover.

“I can’t do that to you, Tay.”

His eyes popped open. “I want you, Wila.”

I wanted him too, with a visceral need that I did a fucking ace job of keeping under wraps. “No strings isn’t who you are, and you know it. This connection we have just got confused for a while, and we slipped, but we have to forget that ever happened.”

“Wila, I lo—”

“Don’t say it.”

My heart squeezed painfully at the crushed look on his face, and, not for the first time, I hated myself, this broken part of me that couldn’t do the most basic thing that everyone else seemed to fall into so easily.

“Your friendship means the world to me.” My throat closed up, forcing me to swallow the lump that had formed there. “I can’t lose you. If you turn your back on the knell, then you’ll regret it. You’ll regret it, and eventually, you’ll grow to resent me.” My eyes pricked. “I can’t live with you hating me, Tay. I just can’t.”

He opened his mouth to protest even though doubt glittered in his eyes.

I placed a finger to his lips to hush him, but a danger flashed in his eyes, and before I could pull away he’d gripped my wrist and taken my finger into his mouth. Heat flooded me, knees buckling as he swirled his tongue around it and then sucked, drawing a desperate throb from the apex of my thighs. I tugged, desperate to get free, and he released my hand.

“Tay ...”

His eyes were bright, gleaming with desire, as he moved closer, forcing me to back up. I hit the wall. I was trapped by the powerful cage of his body. Overwhelmed by his scent, by his large, calloused hands that were skimming over my body, across my ribcage, and up under my jacket to cup my breasts. The air rushed out of my lungs as his thumbs brushed across my nipples, forcing them to painful attention, reminding me of the sensation of his rough, wet tongue on the sensitive peaks.

His chest rumbled, low and sensuous—a sound that vibrated through me, settling in my most intimate place.

“No, not fai—”

His mouth crashed down on mine, slanting across it, claiming me with tongue and teeth. He tasted of peaches and alcohol. I swept my tongue against his smooth, even teeth, taking his tongue deep into my mouth and sucking on it, echoing what I’d like to do with other parts of his anatomy. He growled into my mouth, his grip on my waist tightening, lifting me up so that we were pinned together groin to groin, so that he was pressed against me, rubbing, rolling, the friction a delicious heat spiking through me. Oh, God. Oh, fucking God, I wanted him. Mine. He was mine.

The door to the apartment slammed. And it was as if someone had thrown an icy bucket of water over me. My muscles tensed. No. What the fuck was I doing? Weak, I was so fucking weak.

Tay had gone very still, his head pressed to my collarbone. “I love you, Wila.”

Tears blurred my vision and leaked from my eyes. “Fucking hell, Tay. I ...” I love you too. The words seeped into my mind from the forbidden place. The hungry, selfish place, and my lips trembled with the impulse to say them. I bit the insides of my cheeks.

He raised his head and looked deep into my eyes. “Wila?” He could see it. He could see it because it was shining from my eyes. “Why?”

I brushed the tip of my nose against his. “Because nothing is ever enough, and I can’t hurt you. I won’t.”

I pushed at his shoulders, and he slowly lowered me to the ground. We stood there, chins tucked in for a long second.

“I wish I was different.” My voice was a whisper. “I wish I could be that woman, I ...”

“Don’t.” He gently grasped my chin and tilted my head up. “You are who you are.” His lips quirked. “Whatever that might be.”

He was talking about my unknown heritage. The genes that made me defective, that made me broken. “You can’t wait for me, Tay. Promise me you’ll take care of you.”

His throat bobbed. “I can’t do that.”

“You need to mate. You need it like you need to breathe, and once you do, then this intensity will be gone. We can go back to being friends.”

Once he mated, he’d love someone else. He’d forget how this felt, but not me. I’d never forget, and the look in his eyes said that he understood this.

“I can’t hurt you either, Wila.”

“It hurts more like this.” I reached up to cup his cheek, and then, thinking better of it, dropped my hand to my side. “Promise me you’ll try.”

He exhaled through his nose.

“Promise me.”

He closed his eyes. “I promise.”

My heart cracked a fraction. “I’m gonna go get some air, and when I get back, we’re gonna put on some jaunty music and kick loose.”

Heart thudding painfully in my chest, and totally stone-cold sober, I headed back through the bar and toward the back exit.

Out in the alley behind the Hunter and Prey, I leaned back against the wall and took a deep, shuddering breath. God, why had that been so hard? Two years, we’d been friends. Two years of ups and downs, hanging out and sharing secrets, had forged a bond between the three of us, but whereas things with Mack had never even ventured into intimate waters, with Tay, the spark had bloomed into a flame. What was wrong with me? Why couldn’t I be normal and settle for one guy? Why did the thought of doing so feel hollow, as if I was giving up something vital? My freedom? No, that wasn’t it. Dammit, if only this feeling made sense.

The click and clank of metal scraping against slate killed all procrastination. My head whipped up just in time to see the spider thing launch itself off the roof toward me.