Chapter 15

Anna

The warm, humid breeze tousled my hair as the small boat we were riding in approached the dock. Austin was second to jump off once we docked, and held out his hand to help me step safety onto the wooden planks. I was grateful for his help. The wind and rain had stopped, but the water was still choppy enough to make climbing out of the boat a precarious situation for someone like me. Especially since I had the wooden box containing the mysterious journals held tightly underneath one arm. I didn’t plan on letting this out of my sight until I could figure out what was written in them.

I gave Austin a warm smile and he placed an arm around me as we walked across the dock toward land. I was surprised when Trevor jumped out of the waiting black SUV, I had thought all of our pack mates were still in Seaside. He was dressed in black combat fatigues and heavily armed, like he was ready to go to battle. Austin frowned at the surprise on my face. “You need to be aware of your surroundings more, Anna,” he chided me gently. “You should have felt some of our pack mates close by.”

I blushed. He was right, I should have felt them close by, but I was so used to not having any magical ability that I rarely used those skills unless I was practicing. The guys seemed to always have all their senses engaged. Maybe being prior military caused them to be on high alert most of the time.

I extended my magical senses outward now to make up for my lapse. I could feel Trevor and one of our other pack mates in the vehicle, with four others close by. Austin held the door open for me so that I could climb in while our luggage was being loaded into the back. 

I scooted into the SUV and found Sam waiting for me in the front passenger seat with a wide grin on her face. “Heard you kicked some witch ass?”

I shrugged with a blush. “Maybe a little. I wasn’t expecting you guys here.”

Sam chuckled. “You didn’t think Austin would let you walk into the den of a lion without some backup close by, did you?”

“Guess not,” I said with a frown. It would have been nice for him to let me in on the plan, though.

Austin slid into the seat next to mine. “I needed you to be your genuine self, Anna. If you had been wary and suspicious Arminius wouldn’t have opened up so much.”

“Huh,” I said in response, wheels churning in my brain. This felt a little too much like manipulation to me. Austin had intentionally withheld information from me to elicit a specific reaction.

Hurt bled through me. Austin was supposed to be my partner, my equal. By not trusting me with the full story and involving me in the plan, he had just shown me that he didn’t trust me on the same level as the rest of the team.

Austin put his arm around me and gave me a kiss on the forehead. “Don’t look at me like that,” he pleaded.

I took a deep breath. “Austin, I need you to respect me as an equal member of the pack. I don’t like that you kept information from me. You should have confided in me and let me know that you had an extraction team nearby.”

Austin sighed and pulled away. “And I need you to trust me to make tactical decisions.”

I huffed. “I understand that you have more experience when it comes to this stuff, but it doesn’t mean that you can’t share your plans with me. We went into that situation together.” I crossed my arms and sat back in the seat to glare at him.

Trevor shook his head as he shut the door to the trunk and walked around to the driver’s seat, but Sam looked back and forth between us. “She has a point,” Sam chimed in. “If she’s going to be your mate-”

“Stay out of it,” Trevor growled at her.

Sam rolled her eyes but turned in her seat to face forward as Trevor started the car. There was an awkward silence until Trevor cleared his throat. “You okay heading to the jet now, boss? The rest of the team can return the helo and meet us there.”

“That’s fine,” Austin grumbled.

“You rented a helicopter? Where do you even go for that?” I asked with a frown.

“Borrowed,” Austin corrected me. “We have connections in this area.”

“Looks like the boys haven’t been sharing their toys with you,” Sam sang.

“When do you go back to active duty?” Trevor groused.

Sam punched him in the arm and Austin chuckled.

I leaned forward to talk to Sam. “What happens when your con leave runs out? Do you have to go back overseas?”

Sam shrugged and looked at Austin to answer. “We’re working on pulling some strings with her detailer to get her reassigned to Camp Allen.”

Trevor gave him a questioning look.

“Previously Camp Elmore,” Austin clarified.

“That’s not going to be an easy sell,” Trevor murmured. “Isn’t that the Anti-Terrorism Security Team?”

Austin nodded. “If he can’t get her into the open billet there, the only other option for her is to try and get attached locally as limited duty, but that will keep her on the sidelines and probably lead to a Med Board.”

Trevor grunted, and I looked at Sam nervously. I really liked having her here. It was great having another female shifter that I could confide in and ask for advice. Sam was down to earth and the type of hard-working badass female that I wished I could be. Hanging out with her just felt natural, like we were meant to be friends, I would be sad if she couldn’t stay with the pack. But marines went where they were needed, not necessarily where they wanted to go.

I hugged my wooden box to my chest as Trevor drove us back to the plane. Austin was busy texting to catch up on everything that he missed while we were out for the weekend. Sam filled in the rest of her team on the plans as Trevor drove.

I think one of the most surprising things about the first time I flew on a private jet was the fact that you could drive your car right up to the plane and step right on. No long lines with TSA checkpoints, no waiting for hours at the crowded gates, and no jostling to get on the plane with a hundred other people.

I was quick to grab Sam’s hand when we got out of the vehicle plane-side. Austin raised an eyebrow at me but I just shrugged. “Sam and I need some girl time.”

The guys let us get on the plane first and we were greeted by a very smiley flight attendant. Sam and I picked some very comfortable looking seats toward the back of the plane. I turned down the flight attendant’s offer of a drink, eager to get some alone time with Sam. The flight attendant went to fuss over Austin and left us in peace.

Sam raised an eyebrow at me. “What’s with the box?”

I fought the urge to hug it closer to me and instead showed it to her. “Arminius had helped my mom set up security deposit boxes before she died. When I connected with him, he had the contents pulled for me.”

“Wow.” Sam’s eyes got bigger as she examined it. “Is this a heritor box?”

“If that’s a box that needs my blood to open it, then yes.”

“My grandmother had one of these.” I saw sadness creep into her expression. “She used to tell me that it would be mine one day. Of course, that was before my parents left the community.”

Sam didn’t like speaking about her past, but I knew she had been homeless before she was recruited to the marines. “Have you spoke to your grandmother at all since you left?”

“I was just a kid,” she said softly. “But my parents didn’t leave on good terms.” Her expression hardened. “I tried calling once my parents were killed, but she refused to even come to the phone to speak with me.”

I gave her hand a squeeze. “That sucks, I’m sorry you had to go through that.”

“It is what it is. If she had taken me in, I wouldn’t have joined the marines, and I wouldn’t have met you guys.” Sam sighed. “I would probably be mated to another panther that my grandmother chose for me.”

Despite her stating otherwise, I sensed that she had some longing for the place she used to call home. I knew firsthand how difficult it could be living as a shifter pretending to be human, being completely alone in my secret life as a wolf. But did she have a desire to reconnect with her family and other panthers? “Have you thought about going back and getting closure?” I asked gently.

Sam got a fierce look in her eyes. “I’ve thought about going back just to show them what they threw away, but… I’m afraid of getting drawn back in.” Her face softened. “I don’t want to give them control over me or let them dictate how I can live my life, but it would be nice to see the cousins I played with as a kid. Maybe find out why my parents really left…”

“How old were you when you came to the US?” I asked.

“My dad was American, so we visited a lot. But they left the community when I was fifteen, and we moved to Texas. We had a couple good years until…” Sam swallowed and I could see that the death of her parents still haunted her. “I was on my own for less than a year until I found the marines.” She shrugged, putting on a deliberately casual face. “That’s when I found that I had a true calling for mayhem.”

“What do you want to do – in general?” I asked curiously. “Do you want to get out of the marines or stay in?”

Sam paused. “The thought of leaving the marines…” She swallowed and avoided my eyes. “I was nothing until they gave me a purpose, a mission, an identity. I don’t know what I would be if I wasn’t a marine.”

I nodded. I completely understood her hesitation - my own sense of identity was tied tightly to my job. “I’m thinking about leaving the hospital,” I said softly.

Sam looked at me in surprise. “You love your job, I didn’t think they would be able to talk you into quitting.”

I bristled. “No one talked me into it, I have to do what I think is best for myself and for the pack.”

Sam let out a loud sigh and leaned back. “If you had asked me a couple of months ago, I would have refused to even consider leaving the marines. But now that I’ve met all of you here and gotten a taste of what my life could be like, I see what I’ve been missing. The marines make me feel like I’m part of something bigger than myself, but they would never accept me if they knew what I really was. Being here with the pack, being able to be my true self, has changed my life in unexpected ways. Plus, I see you and Austin leading the pack to do great things for the community, I want to be a part of that.”

“Would you consider joining the pack permanently?” I asked hopefully.

Sam nodded. “I would. The guys can be assholes sometimes, but their hearts are in the right place.” She shot me a grin.

I laughed. “That’s one thing that I really like about Austin’s pack. He only lets the good guys in. Has everyone been okay with you being a panther?”

Sam chuckled. “Only you could ask such a loaded question with such sweet intentions.”

I blushed.

“Yeah, I didn’t meet as much resistance as I thought I would. Once I kicked a few asses, everyone has been polite and professional with me. Well, except Trevor.” Sam grinned. “I always thought packs of wolves were made up of alpha assholes that hated women, but Seaside wolves have proved me wrong.”

I nodded, I had been terrified of other wolves before I met Austin and the pack. “That’s what I always thought, too. But I think Austin’s pack is different because he built it from the ground up, no one was born into this.”

“I wish I had grown up somewhere like this,” Sam said wistfully.

“Me too,” I sighed. There was a moment of quiet.

“I think I need to go back,” Sam stated abruptly.

I raised an eyebrow.

“Back to where I started. I was young and immature when my parents died. I was angry and wanted to take it out on everyone around me. When my grandmother and the others never reached out, never stepped in to take care of me, I had this attitude of ‘fuck you, I don’t need any of you.’ But now…”

“Now you want to know the real story,” I murmured.

Sam leaned back with a sigh. “Yeah, now I’d be open to listening to what they had to say. A part of me hopes it was all a misunderstanding, but my parents left all of them for a reason.”

I gave Sam’s hand a squeeze. “I’ll go with you.”

Sam shot me a dubious look. “Your guys are going to be okay with you randomly going to Colombia?”

“Well…” Sam was right, that was going to be a tough sell. Colombia didn’t have the best reputation for safety. “Aus knows that I’m on a search for anyone that can help me learn how to heal. You already told him that the community there has shamans.”

Sam grinned at me. “Aus, huh? So your trip went well?”

I blushed. “Yeah, I feel like we made a real breakthrough in our relationship.”

“Is that what the kids are calling it these days?” Sam ribbed me.

I rolled my eyes. “Only the dorky ones like me.”

I heard clanging on the stairs outside the plane, and the flight attendant opened the metal door with a pop.

“Sammy!” Mike shouted as he made his way onto the plane. “You missed some fun shit.”

Sam pouted. “You always wait until I’m not around for the good shit.”

“Hey, Anna,” he said in a quieter voice as he took a seat across from us. Rich gave me a polite nod as he filed past us to sit where Austin and Trevor were quietly talking. Davis plopped down in the seat next to Mike, and Quinn parked his ass right on my lap.

I grunted at his heavy weight and winced at the feeling of his holstered knife digging into my thigh. “Quinn…off.” I huffed, trying to push him off. He leaned one arm against my headrest and used the other to mess up my hair.

“Awww… come on, banana. I thought we were friends.”

The heavy feel of his weight pressing down on me, being trapped underneath him was starting to make me panic. I started breathing harder and my vision tunneled. All I could feel was a heavy weight of oppression that was overwhelming me. I flashed back to a moment from my past when I was helpless and trapped. I clawed my way through the darkness and depression that threatened to overwhelm me and tried to focus. This was Quinn, he was my friend. He was joking around with me and I was freaking out like he was an axe murderer… or my uncle. I deliberately tried to slow my breathing and paste a fake smile on my face. I wanted everyone to think I was a normal person, not a damaged freak.

“Quinn,” Austin growled from across the plane. “Get off her.” I could feel a wave of menace roll towards us, and Quinn quickly jumped up and backed away. I pressed my hands to my flushed face as Austin’s anger burned through me. I was ashamed that he had felt my panic and disappointed in myself for not being able to keep it together with something so innocuous as a friend touching me. I had come a long way with my guys, but I trusted them absolutely. If my emotions could make me weak like this in a gathering of friends, what would have happened if I were among my enemies? Maybe Austin was right in not trusting me as part of the team. I could feel depression start to creep into the confident ‘new Anna’ persona that I had been trying to build.

“Sorry, boss,” Quinn mumbled, eyes on the ground. Everyone on the plane tensed as Austin stalked after Quinn. There was absolutely no doubt as to why Austin was our pack master right now; I could feel power emanating from him like I never have before.

I caught Austin’s hand when he got close enough. “He was just joking around,” I said softly. He attempted to search my eyes, but I lowered mine in shame. There was no need for him to go after one of our pack members for something that was completely in my head.

“He hurt you,” Austin growled, brushing his hand over the injured portion of my thigh.

I blinked in surprise. The weight of Quinn pressing the knife holster into my thigh might have been enough to cause me to bruise, but I would heal that in no time. The bigger question was how Austin was able to pinpoint exactly where that bruise was? How could he have sensed that?

Austin raised my hand up to give it a gentle kiss. “Our mate bond has started to form,” he tenderly answered my unasked question.

I just stared at him, confused but unwilling to admit my ignorance in front of everyone.

Austin’s attitude abruptly changed as he looked up at Quinn. “You won’t touch her again,” Austin ordered Quinn harshly.

Quinn shook his head quickly. “Of course not. I-”

“No excuses,” Trevor barked. “You don’t fuck with another man’s mate.”

Quinn simply nodded this time and kept his mouth shut. I felt guilty; I probably should have just used my magic to push him off me so that Austin didn’t feel like he had to intervene. I was full of mixed emotions. I didn’t like that Austin felt that I was too weak to protect myself. I didn’t like that things had gotten so awkward, but a tiny part of me liked that Austin would stand up for me. Maybe that was the little devil on my left shoulder, liking the fact that the big bad alpha had shown his teeth on my behalf. But once again, I hadn’t reached for my magic instinctively, I’d reacted like a human. I gritted my teeth in resolve, I needed my magic to become an automatic part of myself.

Austin kept Quinn pinned with a heated glare and his power pulsed against the rest of us for what seemed like an eternity. I wasn’t the only one that let out a breath of relief when Austin reeled his power back in and relaxed his stance. “Anna, Sam, you can relax here. I want the rest of you up front at the map for a debrief.”

Sam opened her mouth as if she was going to object, but quickly closed it when Austin’s gaze shifted to her. I waited until the guys had filed up front and started murmuring among themselves before turning to her.

“It’s not because you’re a girl or anything,” I offered. “I had told Austin that I wanted some time with you.”

Sam’s face softened. “I thought it was because I wasn’t officially in your pack.”

I shrugged. “We can easily hear everything they’re saying. If Austin and the other guys didn’t trust you, then you wouldn’t be here right now.”

Sam let out a breath. “You’re right. I should probably be grateful that I get to sit back here and chill with you while they work.”

I fiddled with the controls to my seat. “I plan on getting comfy for the ride, I suspect we’ll walk into shenanigans when we get back.”

“I have no idea how you manage James and the twins on top of your alpha,” Sam said honestly. “They all seem like level tens in the complicated department. Cody and Caleb seem pretty chill though.” Sam looked at me slyly from the corner of her eye, she was definitely fishing for juicy stories.

I smiled at her. “I have a feeling that your guys are just as complicated.”

“We do know how to pick them, huh?” Sam fiddled with her seat but got it to go back like mine and laid sideways so that we were facing each other.

I glanced up front, but the guys all seemed completely engrossed with what they were doing. “What do you know about the mate bond Austin was talking about?” I asked quietly.

Sam looked at me thoughtfully. “My parents had a bond. My mom used to say it was a blessing and a curse because sometimes their emotions would get tangled up and she couldn’t tell whose was whose.”

“It seems like Austin might be getting more from me than I am from him, though,” I said in confusion. “Shouldn’t it go both ways?”

“Austin is used to managing the bonds of all of your pack mates. He seems pretty in tune to the emotions of the pack, whereas you’re new to all this. Plus, I bet he’s used to blocking off all his emotions so that the pack can’t pick up on them. An alpha like him can’t show anything but confidence and dominance; otherwise, it would lead to challenges. Maybe don’t keep yourself so closed off all the time? Use it just like the rest of your senses.”

I curled up on my side to get more comfortable. “So, I just need time and practice to get the hang of this, just like every other type of magic that I’m trying to learn.”

“Pretty much,” Sam said with a grin. “Maybe you need to practice ‘making breakthroughs in your relationship’ a little bit more. I’m sure that would help.” Her air quotes made me chuckle.

“Haha, let’s talk about the ‘breakthroughs’ you’ve been making recently,” I mimicked her.

Sam picked her head up and pretended to hear an imaginary voice. “What’s that, Trevor? You need me up there?”

I rolled my eyes. “Wimp.”

Sam bounced up out of her seat and gave me a wink before joining the circle around the map.

I stayed curled up in my comfy chair. All I needed now was a blanket and I’d be out for the count. I doubted the flight attendant would be cool with it if I shifted into my wolf form for the duration of the flight. Austin and I had been up for a good part of the night, plus the showdown with the witches had sapped a lot of my energy. I yawned and opened myself up to the bond that I had felt with Austin earlier. I needed some practice with being just as in tune with him as he was with me. Austin turned to smile at me when he felt my gentle tugging on the bond. I felt it when he opened his side of the bond to me. His love and affection felt like I was basking in the warm rays of the sun; I felt safe and protected in my cocoon.

“Would you like a blanket, miss?” The flight attendant interrupted my thoughts. I gratefully accepted the blanket she offered and let her stow my heritor box in the side cabinet where it was still in sight. I curled up into the fluffy fleece blanket that she handed over and closed my eyes with a contented sigh. This was the life.

While I was lounging, I decided to try some of what Sam and I had talked about. If Austin was aware of his bonds to the pack all the time but managed to block them from feeling him, then I should be able to do the same. I should also be practicing how to keep my magical senses up and running all the time. I didn’t go around blind or deaf until I needed to see or hear something specific, why should I go around without the advantage of what my magic would show me?

I closed my eyes so I could focus internally on teasing out the different bonds I had. I wanted to explore the new mate bond and how it differed from the pack bond that I already had with Austin. My pack bond with Austin and the others felt fainter, like a faded watercolor versus a vibrant print. I could feel the presence of my pack mates, but with Austin the bond felt stronger, and I could sense more of him. If this was the bond just starting to form, I wondered what it would become later. And what about forming a mate bond with the other guys?

I yawned and snuggled deeper into the blanket. I let my consciousness drift, which made it easier to explore the web of connections in my mind. Maybe Sam and Talen were right; I was holding myself back. I needed to be more relaxed and open to my magic.

I floated in my magical awareness, half asleep as I explored the different connections. I think what everyone had been trying to teach me is to let all of this run in the background as I went about my day. I decided that I was going to get in the habit. Today. Just like I had said goodbye to shy, scared Anna, I was ready to say goodbye to the Anna who thought she was human. It was time that I came to terms with the fact that I wasn’t a human who occasionally turned into a wolf. I was fae and I was a wolf. No more hiding or avoiding the facts.