After I found the toilet, which was a wooden seat with a hole in it and with a bucket of water to wash it down, I then cleaned up after staring at myself in the mirror. I have long black hair, that is straight and shiny. I have big green eyes and pale skin, I also have black marks tattooed all the way from my wrists to my chest but I don’t know what they mean or I can’t read them. There’s a large bruised lump on the right side of my head, but its hidden well under my hair. It’s strange to look at myself, but not know who I am. I look down at the black marks, that have been drawn into my skin. There are four of them, all different and dozens of swirls around the symbols. One is a sword, one is shield, another is a claw and the last one looks like an island. I look once more at myself, trying to connect or even just remember something about who I am before giving up and leaving the room.

"This is yours," Shan says when I walk out the cleaning room and he holds up a fur coat. Its white fur, and it must have taken someone a long time to shape the arms and the stitches in it.

"Thank you. It’s so lovely," I say and put it on, loving how warm I feel straight away and Shan smiles at me.

"Yes, I made it for you a long time ago. When you saw it, you kissed me and we spent the night making love on top of that coat," he says and I feel my cheeks burn but I don’t take the coat off. Shan seems happy that I don’t, as he smiles warmly and waves a hand towards the corner of the room where there is a fur rug and on top of it is two couches in a blue material that look handmade. I go and sit down, and he brings over two large mugs of a hot drink and hands me one.

"It’s your favourite drink, an herbal tea of sorts," Shan comments.

"Lemon flower," I murmurer when I smell it and surprised that the name of the herb rolls off my tongue so easily.

"Yes," Shan says, with clear excitement in his eyes. I want to tell him more but that’s all there is, just the name of an herb tea I liked to drink but not who these men are to me. I should know that. Shan sees my defeated look and looks away for a second before finally facing me.

"So…we met when we were ten. Twelve years ago now," He tells me.

“We met so young," I comment.

“Not especially, you met your other husbands not long after as we all started school on the island. Well everyone but Thief, but that’s his story. I just met you a few hours earlier than them,” he winks and it makes me laugh a little.

“I love when you laugh, it’s like the cold world warms a little for you,” he says, leaving me speechless.

“Shan…”

“I know, you don’t know me. This is just difficult, I’ve loved you since we were ten,” he admits to me and shakes his head. “Maybe we could start with something less personal, like where we live,” he says but its more to himself.

"You live on a large island called Sixa, that is covered in ice and creatures that live on it with us. Our village is right in the middle, and your father and mother were on the council. You are a council member now, the last one." He says but I only seem to hear the middle part of what he said as I try to think of my parents. I remember a dark haired man and woman singing to me as I wore a white dress and danced around with someone. I was young and they both looked so happy.

“I danced in front of them, in a white dress with a boy…” I mutter the end part as I remember the boy, the blond hair and playful blue eyes haunting me, making me never want to forget.

“Thief. You’ve danced with Thief at the winter fair for your parents when you were twelve. You dance every year since then, you are an amazing dancer,” Shan says gently.

"Are my parent’s dead?" I ask quietly, not knowing because I don’t remember that.

"Yes. Your father died when you were twelve, when a large ice creature attacked the town and several other council members were killed that day as they saved us. It was a few days after the dance, and you told me once dancing reminds you of him," he tells me and some part of me knows that. Dancing reminds me of my father, how he smiled at me, how he loved to see me dance.

"What happened to the others? The other council members I mean," I ask him, needing to change the subject.

"Another two council members where killed by their son, for doing terrible things." He says, a sad look on his face.

"Where is the son? Why couldn’t he be a council member?" I ask, wondering if he was killed for killing his parents.

"I don’t know where he is now, but I hope we will meet one day once again. He was a good man who got put in a terrible place. You knew Zack too, you used to be friends with him and helped him escape with all of us," he tells me but I don’t remember anyone called Zack.

"And the other council members?" I ask.

"There were two left and your mother, one got killed when a disease hit the town." He says, and I can see its difficult for him to tell me all this. I have the feeling he is avoiding telling me about my mother and I need to know if I can’t remember myself.

"And my mother? And the last one?" I ask him bluntly, I don’t want to mess around when this is information I need.

"Your mother died in your arms two weeks ago, the same day she told you something and you fell off the cliff into the water. A secret of the kings, a secret that apparently could save everyone but you didn’t tell us what. You said you would explain after you got it," he tells me, “Lucky we decided to follow you anyway, just to see you being pushed off that cliff and into a deep, cold pool of water,” he says, fury spreading across his eyes and making them look like they are burning.

"I remember the king, we have a king..." I say but all I can feel is a burning hate when I think of the king, but I don’t know why. Why would I hate a king?

"An evil king?" I ask and he nods.

"The last council member. What happened to him or her?" I ask.

"He is dead, I killed him for pushing you off that cliff and trying to kill you." He says, not one part of his sentence speaks any sorrow or regret for killing someone. I guess I feel the same way as he does, except part of me is happy.

"Then I’m glad he is dead," I say, feeling little emotion other than happiness and respect for Shan. I watch him drink the tea and he puts it down. Shan is really handsome, and I feel so attracted to him as I stare. A memory flashes back into my mind suddenly I look at his dark hair,

“So many years, we waited for this,” Shan says as he looks down at me. I moan as he thrust himself deep between my legs and my back arches from the pleasure.

“We would have waited many more,” I reply, knowing I married Shan today because I love him. I waited for three years to get to the age my parents would let me marry.

“I love you,” Shan says and he leans down and kisses me at the same time he moves his hips in and out of me.

"No part of you knows me?" he asks and I shake my head as the memory slips away. The pleasure I felt, the memory of his naked chest and his long dark hair falling around us as he made love to me is all I can think of, but it doesn’t mean anything to me now. I feel like I watched a stranger’s memories, not my own, no matter how good they felt.

"I’m sorry, I wish I could say I knew you but I don’t, not really." I tell him, almost wanting to take it back and tell him about the memory when his face drops.

"You know in here," he pats his chest where his heart is, “and that will never leave you. When you remember, and you will, I will be here." he says and with a sad look, he gets up and walks out of the room and the cold air from the outside burns against my cheeks.