“I should do something with your hair,” Gilbert said, as I poured myself a cup of coffee in the common room this morning. We were the only ones in the inn, so we could make ourselves comfortable. If comfort was possible, after last night. I was decidedly achy.

“I told him not to say that,” Rin said. “I told him to display his most masculine attributes.”

“Well, my hair is kind of a mess,” I said. “In the troupe we had a hair dresser but at home I don’t know how to make it happen.” I sat down on the hard chairs, trying to get comfortable without success, and feeling generally awkward. They hadn't mentioned it, but they definitely knew. People in the next building probably heard me screaming last night.

“The troupe?” Gilbert asked.

“She was a Strawberry Girl,” Sir Forrest said.

“You don’t say? Magnificent!” He picked up his violin and started playing April Hearts, which I’m not gonna lie, got me feeling really happy and nostalgic. No one in town played it that well.

I snapped my fingers to the opening notes, filling in some of the percussion in my head. Don’t start singing. It’s too early to start singing. “Mmm mm…my heart begins to pound, when my April girl comes walking by…”

Okay, well, don’t dance at least.

The old lady puttered over, nodding. “How nice to hear music! Too bad you all have to go.”

“Alas,” Gilbert said, putting the violin down. “I was a troupe musician, briefly. For a different year of Strawberry Girls, obviously.”

“No way! You were a musician for the Strawberry Girls?”

He shrugged.

“Well, you can totally do my hair. Are you good with braids? Do you know the braid loopy thing?”

“If he doesn’t, I’m sure he can figure it out,” Rin said, ruffling Gilbert’s hair. “He’s good with his hands.”

“Shut up,” Gilbert muttered.

Sir Forrest looked at me. “We need to get moving.”

“I could do something with your hair, too,” Gilbert offered.

“There’s nothing wrong with my hair. The longer we wait, the better the chances that someone in town might remember what happened yesterday. C’mon.”

“I highly doubt it. My confusion spells don’t usually wear off for a week,” Gilbert said. “But…I suppose the sooner we get moving, the sooner we can save the world.” He glanced at Rin, who nodded.

We paid up and headed out, stopping at a shop nearby to purchase a tent for shelter and bedrolls for the two of us. Rin and Gilbert already had them. I was on edge the whole time we were moving around the town, but no one ever stopped us.

We walked out of the gates. Since we had four people now, Forrest loaded the horse with the supplies and we all remained on foot. I didn’t even want to think about how many miles it was until we reached our next destination. The next guardian was near the ocean, and I had a feeling he was in the capital, although I couldn’t be sure from this distance. Capamere was about fifty gazillion miles from Empero. Or, like, two hundred. Same difference on foot…

Gilbert wanted to talk to me alone. I could tell. He kept looking at me. I fell back a few steps with him, although the awkward feeling lingered. I didn’t know how to navigate two relationships at once. My instincts said I would be making Sir Forrest jealous right now, and I should stay away from Gilbert. But the sigil on my chest hummed a little in Gilbert’s presence. I had more piercing attraction to Forrest, but on the other hand, Gilbert was beautiful. He had a gallant air, and sometimes a softer sort of guy was just right.

He scratched his head, nudging his feathered cap. Of course he had a feathered cap. I mean, bards be bardin’. His clothes were low-key for a bard, though. No velvet or bright colors, just a forest green tunic with draped sleeves over a shirt of ochre and rust brown leggings with tall boots.

“I stayed up late reading that book last night,” he said.

“Yeah. The book… Intense, huh?”

“I must say, it brings some odd circumstances of my life into focus.” Wretch flew onto his shoulder and he held out his arms, inviting her to climb into them, which she did. He scratched her right on her sweet spot. Well. That was one way into my heart.

“Like what?” I asked.

“I was always attracted to men,” he said. “And others tend to assume that as well. I mean, bardic college, you know—it is a hotspot of homosexuality.”

“Yeah,” I said. “When I was in the troupe, we always had a lot of gay guys around. Some of the musicians…and a lot of the fans.”

“But I was always deeply drawn to women. My friends tried to offer explanations; oh, Gilbert, you just admire their beauty, maybe you should try cross dressing, or maybe you are looking for a mother figure…but surely you aren’t sexually attracted to them? But—I was. Sort of. I tried to deny it. It felt more as if I was looking for one woman in particular. One perfect woman. Now it all makes sense. My fate was written.”

“Are you…glad?” I asked, hesitantly. “Or does it feel…forced?”

“That’s a difficult question,” he said. “I’m not sure I can answer yet. But I will tell you this—I always felt like I was meant for something more. I was an orphan at eight years old, and I had an affinity for the bardic skills—a fine and persuasive voice. But talent must be honed. I worked relentlessly all my life, sweeping the floors of a music shop, stringing lutes, practicing music until I could get an apprenticeship, and then moving on to bardic college, honing my manners and speech, taking every job I could, until I had worked my way to playing in the royal courts. What drives a man to do such things? It felt like more than mere pride. I had a sense of purpose, but that purpose was not yet clear. Perhaps every person yearns to have that question answered for them. At the same time, we want choices. We can’t have everything.”

“Yeah…”

“I suppose it has not been easy for you either.”

“It’s barely begun,” I said. “But yes. I try to just think about one day at a time or else I’ll get very scared. And I’m not sure how to have relationships with four men at once. I’m already worried about making Sir Forrest jealous. Or Rin, for that matter. We definitely want him on our side too.”

Wretch started squirming in his arms, and he let her go. She flew to my shoulder.

“Where did you get her?” Gilbert asked.

“Wretch? She just showed up one rainy night.”

“Winged cats are rare,” he said.

I assumed he was chiding me for bringing something so conspicuous on the road. “I know. Everyone reminds me. But I couldn’t leave her behind.”

“Of course not,” he said. “I’ve heard that winged cats will save their owners’ lives. If you were unable to hunt for food, she would do it for you.”

“Yes! That’s what I told Sir Forrest,” I said. “She brings us rabbits sometimes and we do eat them. Although I don’t like it. She goes outside the gate. My bad girl, bitty baby bad girl.” I kissed her nose. She sneezed in my mouth. “Ack,” I said, spitting.

Gilbert raised his eyebrows. “It sounds as if Sir Forrest is committed to doing what’s best for you. And Rin and I talked about this last night. Destiny can’t make me stop loving Rin. It won’t take that away. But you and I have a quest together that must come before everything else. Anyway, don’t worry about me. I will surely be the most enthusiastic of your guardians, because if the other two are as handsome as Forrest…”

I laughed. “Hey, eyes on me, bard.”

Rin had been talking to Forrest, but now he looked back at us, hearing my laughter. “Sounds like it’s going well,” he said, walking backwards to face us.

“Yes, Phoebe is assured of my devotion…I hope.”

“Although I am not one of your guardians,” Rin said, “you have my devotion as well. I saw the sigils with my own eyes, and I know you are the priestess. I’ve have long heard tell of the Priestess of the Gate. Your authority supersedes princes, kings, and emperors alike.”

I blushed, not in the least because of Rin’s intense brown eyes and his slender, dextrous form. He could walk backward just as fast as we walked forward, his twin swords at his hips. “Well—we don’t need to go overboard. I don’t really know how to be authoritative.”

“I wish you could talk to my sister,” he said. “Himika knows something about this feeling. She was a shy little thing, but as princess, she had to learn how to address crowds and have countless eyes upon her, and endless attention. I always told her to make a game of it, that it was only one of our childhood pretends. Priestesses and princesses are not so different.”

Except that princesses only have to marry one husband… “I look forward to meeting her when we rescue her,” I said, trying to speak more optimistically about our prospects for getting that far than I felt. I didn’t even want to think about rescuing anyone. “You must have been close…” I always wanted a sibling, but since my father died so young, that obviously wasn’t happening.

“We’re twins,” he said. “I’m sure we would have been close in any case, but it was compounded by our situation. The court was very protective of us, considering the tense situation in the realm. The empire has been threatening Gaermon since Himika and I were born. It’s finally come to pass, but it still seems like a dream from which I will surely wake. In my mind, Gaermon is still free and untrammeled.”

Gilbert smiled faintly. “We’re still working on the whole ‘posing as ordinary sell-swords’ thing. I told him to start sentences with ‘I ain’t’.”

“Court speech again,” Rin said wryly. “I ain’t sorry.”

“I’ll be sorry, if the emperor captures you,” Gilbert said. “We’re heading straight into the heart…”

We had so many steps to go before we got there. As soon as he mentioned it, my mind went sailing off toward the impossibility of our mission. Two hundred miles to walk, many nights of sleeping in the open air vulnerable to monsters, two more guardians to locate…and that was only the beginning.

“Did you ever play this one?” Gilbert asked, taking out his violin and playing a few notes to establish the key. “‘Merry maids…how free they dance, I’ll catch me one and have a chance, at wooing her; tonight we’ll prance, ‘neath fire light…merry maids!’”

It was an old-fashioned sort of tune…I mean, ‘maids’ just didn’t ‘prance’ anymore. But the beat was good. I hadn’t heard professional music in way too long. We had a good time exchanging memories and asking if the other knew that song or this song. Rin enjoyed the music too, and I started to believe that maybe Gilbert and Rin weren’t seething with secret resentment that I might interrupt their relationship.

Forrest, on the other hand…

We did run into monsters on the road, as usual, but the three guys took care of them in no time at all. Gilbert played music that seemed to stun them, and Forrest and Rin cut through them like butter. Five monsters were gone in a few minutes.

“That was the most we’ve seen at a time,” Forrest commented. “It makes me nervous as to what the night might bring.”

“I’m sure we can handle it,” Rin said. “Gilbert and I haven’t met more than eight. We can take on eight, just the two of us, and I’ll bet you can handle eight more.”

“Famous last words,” Forrest muttered.

He didn’t say much all day, though. At one point I walked alongside him. “Hey,” I said. “You forgot to buy me that knife.”

“Next town, then,” he said, marching on without looking at me.

I’m not gonna lie, it stung. I guess he needed time to adjust, or maybe just to emotionally recover after last night, but I wanted him to look at me like he did then.

As night fell, we went off the path to set up camp. The men pitched the tent. They wouldn’t let me help with much of anything, so I gathered up some wild foods for dinner again. I don’t think they would have cared if I just took a nap. Forrest was getting a little bit competitive about his tent-pitching skills. Gilbert criticized his cooking methods. I wished I had more books besides the book, but I didn’t, so I thumbed through it again. Each guardian has a prime position that matches his sigil. To form the Grand Quintet, each guardian must take their position, but outside of the Quintet, they can draw power from any channel. Gilbert’s position was the only one that didn’t involve penetration—he was supposed to touch my breasts. Technically he never had to actually have sex with me to activate his sigil.

But they were all supposed to. At least one guardian should join with the priestess every day at first. This will keep all of their powers strong and her power will grow as well. A priestess in the height of her powers should be able to lend power to each of her guardians every day, although she should rest in between except when Quartets and Quintets are necessary.

Gods. This was not an easy job.

Having read this book several times now, it became very apparent what it didn’t answer. Sure, it had plenty to say about the technicalities of how the priestess gave her guardians power, but it never said where the priestess came from; when and where this whole thing began. Who had created the priestess and her four guardians and figured out that they could seal the gate to the monster’s realm? It must have been the elders, but I thought it was strange that there was no history. Monsters must have roamed the world in the past, before the priestess existed. Or were the monsters and the priestess created at once?

What did it all mean? Why was some random girl granted this power?

Maybe no one ever asked. Maybe I wasn’t supposed to ask.

Gilbert had gotten a steady fire burning. Rin caught a rabbit for our dinner, to pair with some berries I’d found. Wretch came proudly flying in with a mouse, but we let her keep that. I was still hungry when we finished, but I didn’t say anything. I was afraid if I mentioned I was hungry, Forrest would give up his meal on my behalf.

Gilbert took out his violin.

“Better not,” Forrest said.

Gilbert paused. “You don’t care for music, Sir Forrest?”

“Music is fine.”

“You didn’t make much secret of your lack of enthusiasm today.”

“I have more important things to worry about it.”

“A song is just about the only pleasure in the world that costs absolutely nothing,” Gilbert said.

“Yeah, well, about that. We just don’t have time for it. I would rather not say this, but…Phoebe healed my arm last night. If I had joined with her sooner, my arm might have healed during the battle.”

“I know the book says…” I fidgeted. Back when it was just me and Forrest, I was pretty eager to get on with it. Now it was harder, with three of them gathered around. Was I supposed to choose Forrest or Gilbert? With Rin right there?

“Rin and I should take the first watch,” Forrest said, a sideways admission that Gilbert could spend time with me tonight.

“Forrest…are you upset?”

He glared at me. “Of course I’m not upset. It’s your duty.”

“Mmm…” I narrowed my eyes at him. He was definitely upset. “Well, it’s not your duty to push me into it, is it? I’m the priestess. Why don’t you let me take things at my pace with the other guardians?”

“It’s fine,” Gilbert said. “The book also says the priestess needs a lot of rest when she is first coming into her powers. Take some time for yourself, Phoebe. We’ll split the first watch.” He started playing a beautiful melody, as Forrest stared at the fire.

“Sure,” I said. I was almost afraid to leave, in case Forrest started battling Gilbert the moment I left. But I ducked into the tent alone, where they had already spread out the bedrolls, and settled in with Wretch against my legs. Gilbert kept playing music, and no one said much.

My sigils were warm. I think my body wanted someone to be with me, but I was happy to have an evening to myself. Too much male energy. Sheesh.

I could feel my third guardian, a little closer now. When I thought about him, the sigil on my forehead pulsed. These guardians we had yet to find were not like Forrest and Gilbert. I knew that, instinctively. They were…more intense. I wasn’t sure how yet.

Next thing I knew, I was waking from a nightmare. A monster had somehow entered my bedchamber and nipped at my ear with its fangs. Sasanu sor, Comtressa… it whispered. When I tried to scream, I realized I was a monster too, and—

“Phoebe.” Forrest’s hands were on my shoulders. It was darker now than it had been; the fire outside the tent burned low. I could barely seem the whites of his eyes. “You all right?”

“Y—yeah. Just a dream.” I bit my lip. “Monsters were talking to me.”

“I get those.”

“It was so vivid. It said ‘sasanu sor’ like they sometimes do, but then it was like it called me something…and it bit me. It was threatening me.”

He squeezed my shoulder. “It’s not real. Go back to sleep.”

I caught his hand. “Sleep with me? Please? Just sleep, I mean. I’m—I’m scared.”

“Fine.” He poked his head out of the tent and told the other guys, and then I vaguely saw him spread out on one of the bedrolls, still clothed, ready to fight. I don’t know how he could sleep like that.

“Forrest?”

“Yes?”

I realized I’d said his name without really knowing what I wanted from him. I think I just wanted someone to hold me and tell me we’d be all right. But that wasn’t Forrest’s way.

“Nothing.”

In the darkness, a hand found mine and held it. That was how I fell asleep.