~AGENT MICHAEL MOORE~
"Jaxson."
I followed him into his condo and slammed the door behind me. I knew he was pissed about what Scar did. I was just as upset, but it was because of her actions that we got the Crystal of Unity, which left us with only one crystal left to locate.
"I don't want to talk right now," Jaxson grumbled, storming down the hall to his room. I rolled my eyes and followed him. I entered his room as Jaxson was pulling at his tie, loosening it enough to lift it over his head, tossing it on the bed.
"You look like shit," I pointed out.
"Thanks for the compliment,” he snarled.
He began to unbutton his shirt and I sighed, deciding I better get him to talk now, or it would be harder on me than him.
"Jaxson, we need to talk about THIS," I stressed.
Jaxson paused and I noticed him take a deep breath before he turned to face me. "What?"
I frowned at the hard tone of his voice and his guarded facial expression. I wouldn't deny the fact anymore that I had a crush on Jax. I always have, but I ignored it for the sake of our friendship. Maybe it was Scar's acceptance and encouragement that made me realize just how concerned I was for our leader. I knew he was dealing with issues totally out of Scar's and my control, but maybe if I talked to him, or was able to calm him down, he'd stop pushing us away. We had to work as a team, but his attempt at hiding his fear through his angry behavior wasn't fooling me.
I knew it wasn't fooling Scarlet either, but I couldn't let her worry about it anymore. I noticed the disappointment in her eyes when Jaxson dismissed her after the fight, and though he tried to act like he was over it, I knew he really wasn't.
"What's going on? I mean what's REALLY going on?" I demanded. I should have thought this through more clearly, but this was the only chance I'd get with him, unless we were able to get a day just to take a much needed break, either as a team, or just Jax, Scar, and I.
He was hiding something and we needed to figure out what it was. What was he so afraid of?
"Nothing," Jaxson muttered, his eyes lowering to the floor as he continued to unbutton his shirt.
Lie...
"Jaxson," I said again, my voice much lower than before. He closed his eyes before meeting my gaze.
He knew when my voice sounded threatening, it meant I wasn't bullshitting with my request. We needed to fix whatever was going on and I just wanted him to stop thinking he could do this alone. One thing I'd known since the day I'd met Jaxson was he hated relying on others. He'd take on the world alone and put himself at risk, just so his team would be safe.
"It's not your problem,” he whispered.
"It so IS my problem, just like it is the others’. Scarlet thinks you’re upset with her," I revealed. Jaxson frowned as regret flickered across his expression. Then he turned around, taking his dress shirt off and walking over to the black hamper next to his dresser.
"I'll talk with her,” he spoke quietly.
"Of course you will, because if you make Scarlet cry again, I'll fucking beat the shit out of you," I declared.
Jaxson froze, turning around to stare at me. "I made her cry…?" he whispered.
I let out a frustrated huff as I ran my hands through my loose hair. "Of course you did! Fuck, Jaxson, Scarlet's trying her best to be a part of this team and make a difference. She feels so out of place. One minute we're telling her how amazing she's been as an addition to our team, and next you're snapping and getting all tight in the pants when she does something risky. I get it, you love her, just as we all do, but we can't fucking baby her!" I snapped.
"I'm not babying her!' he snapped back.
I walked right up to him till we were face to face. "You're babying her, Jaxson and it has to stop. I know why you're acting up, yet you don't want to admit it yourself."
"I'm not acting up or babying her! I just...fuck, never mind," he grumbled, trying to walk away, but I blocked his path.
"We're discussing this, Jaxson," I insisted.
"There's nothing to discuss."
"Jaxson," I warned. I knew my eyes were beginning to shift to their darker tone, his lies beginning to piss me off.
He froze for a moment and I noticed the flicker in his eyes, but I didn't move, knowing his demon spirit wouldn't dare fight me right now. I wasn't in the mood and I was more frustrated about Jaxson's behavior, than his silly reasoning for acting like an immature brat.
I took another step and he took one back until he was up against the wall and I was right in his face. I tried to ignore the way my heart beat wildly against my chest and the lingering feelings I'd always ignored and only got a chance to express them when I was drunk with no filter. But whatever was going on with Jaxson was more important than my feelings and I needed him to at least open up to me so he'd man up and apologize to Scar.
"Why do you care?" he whispered. My heart hurt for him as I watched his conflicted expression. He's hurting, but why?
"Jax. We've been friends the longest. I know you the best out of all the guys. You don't need to keep acting like everything’s okay and that you're handling this like a pro. Can't you just tell me what's wrong and stop bullshitting?"
"Move," Jax insisted.
I knew I'd have to take the harder route to get info from him. "I'm not moving, Jax." I could see the anger begin to boil in him.
He opened his mouth, saying something I didn't expect. "Just because you have a crush on me doesn't mean you know me."
My jaw went slack and I blinked, staring at his blank expression. He'd hit a nerve and knew it, pushing me aside as he began to walk to the door.
"He wants to distract you," Ezriel declared.
I clenched my fist as I took a deep breath. I know. I was tired of being nice. I couldn't let him walk away this time, even if it meant using dirty tactics to get the information that I wanted.
"Freeze."
I heard Jaxson curse under his breath, but I didn't care. I walked over to where he stood so I could face him. He glared at me, his eyes flickering from his normal orange-red to pitch black. It took a good minute before Jaxson regained control and I saw him grit his teeth.
"Michael. What have I said about using your gift on me?” he demanded.
"I bet you'd be fine with it if Scar was around and we were having a threesome," I mumbled. I noticed his cheeks begin to turn red and he quickly glanced away, which gave me a bit of amusement.
"How do you know...about that anyway?" I asked.
There was no way he heard my discussion with Scarlet the other day. She’d slept in my room when we'd returned and was relaxing with Christian, Ethan, and Junho as they attempted to cheer her up.
"I've always known...since we were eighteen," Jaxson revealed. I could sense the truth in his confession.
"Why have you been okay with me biting your neck when I'm exhausted, or even...kissing you when Scar asked us to if you know about that?" I questioned. He was silent for a moment, staring into my hard gaze.
"Should I not be okay with it?" Jaxson reworded the question and it just pissed me off.
"Yes. You shouldn't, because aside from Scar and our team, no else has been okay with it! I don't even understand why the fuck you guys are so damn accepting of it?" I snapped. I knew I was going off topic, but it was the truth. Now that he revealed he'd known I’d had a crush on him for years before meeting Scar, I was pissed that he hadn't said anything.
Him knowing left me feeling embarrassed and almost afraid as to what he thought of me. If he knew, why didn't he push me away like everyone else had?
The others accepted me because we were a team and it wasn't like I was interested in anyone else in our team in "that" manner.
Sure, I wouldn't deny the opportunity for a threesome that involved me being intimate with Jaxson if it pleased Scar, especially when we were in bed, but this was different. Even with Scar being perfectly fine with me liking Jaxson, even encouraging me to tell Jax how I felt, it made me feel utterly stupid to have hidden my feelings all these years, when he knew all along.
Jaxson was silent, which only frustrated me more. I retracted my power and pushed him against the nearest wall, my lips just inches from his. "If I kissed you right now, would that make you hate me? Would that make you understand what your acceptance makes me feel like?" I questioned.
I glared at him as he took a calming breath as he continued to stare into my eyes. "No."
"No to what?"
"I wouldn't hate you if you kissed me, ‘cause you've done so multiple times in the past. And why does me accepting your bisexuality make you so upset?"
I wanted to retaliate, but paused, shocked by the first part of his statement and confused by the second half.
He took the opportunity to continue. "All those times you'd get drunk, you'd kiss me. All those days you could barely stand ‘cause you were tired from working your ass off, you'd mutter how thankful you were to have me in your life, yet wished we were something more. You've been my friend for years before this team was even established. You were fine with me, even though I was a complete ass to you. But one thing I'll confidently state is I'll always accept you. I couldn’t care less if you like men and woman, and though I see myself as straight and love Scarlet to the stars and back, I won't deny that I'm okay with you kissing me. I'm okay with you being an idiot and pushing yourself till all you can do is nibble on my neck all damn night."
"If you were okay with everything, then why didn't you say so? Why couldn't you be upfront about it? Why do I have to back you into a corner before you tell me what is going through your damn head, Jax?! Even now, with everything that's happening, it's fucking hard to understand what’s going on with you. Even Scarlet's struggling. I...fuck." My cheeks were red with embarrassment as his words sunk into my head. I kissed him before...multiple times, and he's been okay with it?
"Because I hate sharing how I feel, alright?!" Jaxson snapped, attempting to get out of my way, but I slammed my hands on the wall behind him, my outstretched arms blocking him from escaping the situation.
"You hate sharing what's really bothering you, not how you feel. You're okay with showing your anger, yet you totally suck at sharing when you’re scared shitless, Jaxson. What the fuck are you so afraid about that's made you an anxious mess? You think Scarlet's blind to your change of behavior? She's going to find out. No, she probably already knows what happened back then, Jax, and it's only a matter of time before she goes back through her sketchbook and put all those pieces together," I revealed.
Jaxson froze, looking like a deer in headlights at my words. "Sketchbook..." he whispered.
"Whenever Scar sleeps in your arms, she has the same vision. Over, and over again. Each time I wake her up, she draws pieces of that scene. The fire, the old house, the little boy with determined tear-filled eyes. She's going to figure out that little boy is you, Jaxson, and that the woman in your arms is your mom. She'll figure it out, just like how I finally understand why you've been such an ass." I whispered the last sentence.
"Enough."
"You're scared you'll fail Scar," I spoke quietly, staring into his eyes. I didn't know why now, but everything finally made sense.
"I said ENOUGH!" he snapped.
"You're afraid that you won't be enough to stop Xerxes. You're pushing us away so you can fight this battle alone, not because you believe in your strength, but because you'd rather sacrifice yourself and face Xerxes on your own than put Scarlet and the others in the path of danger," I continued.
He was silent, although his body trembled. I could tell he was angry, but I knew deep inside he was a bunch of nerves and built up fear.
"Jax, admit it. You're afraid to lose all of us and that's why you're acting like this. You love Scarlet. You love her wholeheartedly and that phone call tore at your fucking core. Hearing Xerxes laugh as he held Scarlet broke you, and when you heard her scream as she fell to her death, you realized you'd failed her. That's why you'll do anything to take this case upon yourself. Anything to make it so that Scarlet doesn't have to face Xerxes. But the universe has other plans, and you know when we gather all the crystals, it's only a matter of time till Scar’s going to be a main target," I concluded.
Jaxson looked to the floor, his clenched fist slowly opening up and I knew he'd given up trying to fight it. I sighed and decided to just give in, pulling him into a hug as I patted his back.
"We're a team...and you've always been there for us. Why can't you rely on us too? Why do you have to carry the world's burdens just so we have an easier life? Stop thinking this is only your battle, because it's not. When you're in pain...so am I. Fuck Jax, Scar's in pain. We're all fucking worried about you and scared shitless too. We don't know how this case is gonna end, but that's why we need each other. We need to do this together, but we can't do that without you," I whispered.
He was silent, but rested his head on my shoulder. "What if...I can't protect her again? What if he gets hold of her? Or the others...or you? Fuck, Michael, I wouldn't be able to fucking live. When...when I got that phone call, it was as if life fucking stopped. Everything seemed to pause like time was frozen and I was left listening to Scar's struggle. When we found her unconscious at the bottom floor in a pool of blood..." He trailed off.
I closed my eyes and rubbed my hand soothingly down his back. "I get it, Jaxson."
We all had to pause when we saw Scarlet. Christian had been next to her when we arrived, checking her pulse and announced that she was still breathing.
I knew exactly how it felt, like the one thing you cherished in life was taken from you and you wondered how the hell you'd live without it.
"We understand, but pushing us away isn't going to stop Xerxes. Sacrificing yourself isn't going to protect Scar. We're one step closer to gathering these crystals, and I think the purpose of all of this is to bring us together. We've always been a team, and now that includes Scarlet. Let's work together to protect her." I pulled back and he nodded, blinking back his tears.
"Sorry...for being an ass…and..." He trailed off, his cheeks growing red. I was confused as to why he was blushing.
"I'm fine with you liking me. I've never had an issue with it...just kinda getting used to the idea of it. Guess Scarlet's adoration for male-on-male action is rubbing off on me,” he mumbled.
I felt my face grow hot and we both looked away. "How many times have I kissed you?" I asked.
"Too many to count," Jaxson replied. I mentally cursed because I could tell it was the truth. Fuck?!
"Aren't you supposed to be kinda happy?" Ezriel yawned, sounding relaxed in his section of my mind.
Why are you so chill about this? You're an angel. I could imagine him shrugging like he didn't give a hoot about it. "Thou shall not judge," he hummed.
That's not even a commandment. I mentally groaned, pulling out of my thoughts to see Jaxson staring at me. "What?" I asked.
"You don't have to be drunk to kiss me. I want you to promise me one thing,” he requested.
I grimaced but nodded. "What?"
"I want you to stop thinking that you liking women and men is a bad thing. I know it's not something you’ll get over in a few weeks, or even months. Scar said she doesn't mind and neither do I or any of the others,” he declared.
"But..."
"You said I can rely on you guys. Can you rely on us to accept who you are and not give a shit about anyone else's opinion? Scar loves you just the way you are. So do the rest of us. Even if you're a pain while you’re drunk...I...well, you know what I'm getting at," Jaxson grumbled, ruffling his hair.
"Why is it so hard for you two to just admit you like one another and move on?" Ezriel sighed. I froze up, thinking I must have heard wrong. Don't fucking play with me Ezriel. He doesn't like me like that and...ugh this is complicated.
"Whatever you say. I bet Scar would agree with me." He hummed.
"What is Ezriel saying to you?" Jaxson asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Nothing," I said quickly, moving away. Jaxson was quiet for a moment, and I decided to change the subject. "Call Scar and tell her you’re sorry. She's been depressed all day."
"Pass me your phone."
"Use yours."
"She won't pick up my calls...I tried,” he whispered sadly.
I sighed, pulling out mine and presented to him. "Her-"
My body was pulled forward, and in the blink of an eye, I was being kissed by Jaxson. It was a short kiss, but it was still long enough that my mind was able to register what was happening. He pulled away, releasing my wrist and took the phone from my hand.
"That's for the 302 times you've kissed me when drunk. I'll only say this once. Aside from Scar, who will always be my primary love, I...did like you...and maybe still do...but I love Scar...ugh this is complicated,” he grumbled before walking towards the bed. He began tapping on my phone.
I stood in place, my brain repeating his words over and over again while I lifted my hand to my lips.
"Told you," Ezriel sighed. I didn't reply as I put my hands in my pockets before glancing at Jaxson, who was ruffling his hair as he waited for Scar to pick up.
"Hey," he whispered and there was a moment of silence. "Scar, baby, don't hang up, please." There was another silence before he continued. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have snapped at you. I was stressed and pissed...and scared shitless. It came out the wrong way and instead of praising you for what you did, I made you and the team feel like shit. I'm sorry."
I sighed, feeling bad for Jaxson, knowing he was struggling to keep it together. Out of all of us, Jaxson was hard to crack. But when you did, it was difficult for him to hide the emotions he always worked so hard to hold back from the world.
"Please baby,” he whispered. I knew he'd cry soon if she didn't speak. "Okay...can you come over? Just so we can talk?" he asked. I smiled, knowing Scar wouldn't let him cry before she forgave him.
"I can come pick you up," Jax suggested.
"I'll go," I announced. Jaxson met my gaze and I winked, pulling my keys out of my pocket. "Tell Scar I'll be there in fifteen and to pack up a bathing suit and a change of clothes."
He was silent for a moment and Jax smirked. "She said okay and that she could hear you just fine."
"Cheeky," I mumbled and Jax's grin got wider.
"She heard that too."
"Ah. Well, I'm going," I announced.
Jaxson was quiet for a moment, listening in on what Scar was saying before he closed his eyes. "I love you."
There was a pause and I perked my hearing up to hear Scar's reply. I love you too.
It gave me a sense of relief to know they'd work things out. I guess we'd gotten so used to everyone working together that if there was tension between us, the whole group felt it.
Even when Christian was dealing with what happened after the accident, it was difficult for us to concentrate on all the assignments coming in left and right. Yet there Scarlet was, fixing everything as always.
"See you soon," Jaxson whispered and hung up. He rose up, walking over to me as I opened the door and stepped out into the hall. He tried to follow, but I shook my head. "I got a spare key. Take a nap. You look like shit."
"I don't look that bad,” he huffed, looking in deep thought for five seconds before he rolled his eyes. "Fuck you, Agni."
I smirked. "You said that out loud," I pointed out before patting him on the shoulder. "Take a nap...and thanks, Jax." I whispered the last part.
He nodded and looked at his feet. "Thanks too. I really needed the company,” he confessed.
I closed my eyes and did something I never thought I'd have the courage to do, taking a step forward and kissing him gently on the lips. His body went rigid, but he didn't pull away. In seconds he relaxed and I used my power this once.
Sleep.
I pulled away to see his struggle, those amber eyes fighting to stay open, but within five seconds he was leaning forward, letting out a weak groan.
I quickly caught him and checked to make sure he was knocked out. Then I carried him over to the bed, laying him down and placing the thin blanket on him.
"He's gonna kill you," Ezriel pointed out.
"Probably, but at least he'll be well rested, instead of looking like he hasn't slept for days," I said out loud and sighed. "But he is gonna kick my ass, fuck."
"Worth it," Ezriel declared, sounding pleased with my action.
I looked back at Jaxson's sleeping figure and smiled. I'd taken Scar's advice and was finally honest about my feelings.
She'd always be my love, but it was nice to know she supported my feelings for Jax too, even though I knew we'd most likely only be intimate when Scar was there to enjoy the action. I was fine with that, ‘cause I knew the both of us only cared about Scar's happiness and wellbeing. I grinned, closing my eyes as I took a deep breath, letting all the anxiety and fears I had held within free. I was ready to face whatever was coming, and had a new outlook.
I guess if Scar and my team accepted me, that's all that should matter. Maybe Father wouldn't, and that was something I'd have to come to terms with, but the woman I loved didn't mind, my friends and partners in crime couldn't care less, and my brother had been fine with my differences long ago.
It was just me learning to let go and love the person I'd become.
Ya...it was so worth it.