I snuggled against the warm body next to me, the gentle cologne that hit my nostrils made me smile in my half-asleep daze.
"My Christian," I mumbled, recognizing the oh so familiar scent without a second thought. I heard a low chuckle while something brushed through my hair.
"Scar?"
"Hmm?"
"You going to wake up now?" Christian asked. His voice was deep, making me curious enough to open my eyes. I lifted my head slightly to see his tired but amused looking expression. His amethyst eyes twinkled with happiness and relief, leaving me feeling a little unsure why he looked so grateful I was awake.
"Why?" I asked. "Do we have a case?"
"Hmm. You’re still a bit out of it, huh? Kendrick said you would be, but I guess I didn't think about it," Christian mumbled, more to himself than me.
I noticed his bare chest and my familiar bed sheets before I lifted my head to look around my dark room. I looked down to see I was wearing a very loose black t-shirt, with no bra, but did have on a pair of underwear, leaving me even more bewildered since I couldn’t remember changing at all.
Christian lifted his hand to brush my curly hair out of my face, pulling my attention from my current dilemma.
"What's the last thing you remember, Scarlet?"
"We all were in the living room...no, you guys crowded around the island after I came back from my phone call with Kendrick. I got some milk from the fridge, poured myself a glass, put the carton back and headed to the sink...and...um..." I trailed off as my mind reached a blank.
"Your heart stopped causing you to stop breathing. A Starlight god caught you before you hit the ground," Christian revealed.
"A Starlight god?! Wait, Risuki?!" I exclaimed before my eyes grew wide at my slip up. I lifted my hand and slapped it on my lips after my confession, but it was too late. Aww shit.
Christian shook his head, giving me a small smile. "Don't worry. Risuki introduced himself as the Starlight God of War and explained the reason why you knew him was that he'd been there during the bomb incident," Christian revealed.
I sighed in relief, my hand falling back to my side as I relaxed my head against his chest. That's a relief, I think? I wonder if they know Moonlight is Risuki?
"I don't think so," Serenity hummed, entering my mind with a yawn.
"My gut says no, or Christian would have said something, don’t you think?" Aurora added, also yawning.
I guess both of you have a point. I won't say anything regarding Risuki until I know all the facts. Go back to sleep, I'll try to figure this out and then I’ll let you two know what happened.
I could tell they were even more exhausted than last time. I didn't blame them; I also felt really weak, but the fear of going back to sleep was starting to settle in.
I was slowly beginning to remember my dream with Mother, the images and scene reforming, but in a backward motion as if it was a movie being rewound to the beginning.
"Okay. Thank you," they both said before fading out of my mind.
Christian was watching me carefully as his left hand played with my hair. "How are you feeling?"
"You want an honest answer?" I asked, my mother's words about relying on others pulsing through my mind over and over again.
I needed to express the built-up anxiety I had inside me. Sure, I'd relied on Ethan back then in the washroom, but with how exhausted I was feeling, I feared I'd bring the team down.
I'd already been a hindrance after taming the fire and passing out, and now here I was in bed, when I should have been helping them track down the crystals.
It didn't matter if it was night time when normal people slept. I should have been doing my part in the search, and helping the others alternate so everyone could get an equal amount of rest.
But again, due to my fainting spells and inability to handle the massive energy usage my powers took from me, I was rendered useless, a burden to the team and it was slowly killing me. I had to tell someone and see if there was something I could do to become stronger.
"Of course I do, Scarlet. What's wrong?" Christian asked, moving to his right side to reach out and turn the lamp on. We both sat up and I swallowed the lump in my throat, trying to ignore my growing nerves. I have to do this. I need to get it off my chest, so I can work on being a better me. Return to the confident me who kicked ass.
"I need help getting stronger. Ever since the incident with Xerxes, I realized that I feel like the weakest link in the team. It doesn't matter if I'm the Elemental or Visionary or whatever terms we use for my abilities. I feel all I have been able to do is help with a problem or situation, but end up causing trouble by passing out somewhere or going into vision mode, which also leads to me fainting and becoming a burden. I want to be stronger. I crave to be able to use my powers with confidence, and not fear that I’ll bring you guys down," I vented, allowing the words to flow out.
"You guys rank me as some amazing woman who helped stop the bomb, but everything leading up to that, I feel, consisted of me getting in the way or passing out. It's like I'm earning the name of ‘Fainting Lady’ yet again, despite my strong desire to leave that nickname behind and start fresh in a job that I love."
I lifted my head to look into Christian's eyes, hoping he could hear my pleading cry for help. "I need to get better, Christian. I want to feel a part of the team, not because I'm dating you all or because I am the Visionary Elemental. I want to feel like a real part of Team Seven and right now, I don't. I know if I don't get my shit together and learn how to defend myself so that I can protect myself long enough for help to arrive if the worst happens, I'm going to fail. I need to feel confident enough in my own abilities to be able to fight Xerxes if the opportunity arises, without this crippling fear residing in me."
I ran my hands through my hair, blinking back tears. I returned to staring at Christian, who remained silent, listening to my every word.
"I want to feel confident again, Christian. I don't want to be afraid of what's to come. I want to embrace the unknown again, and be excited and hyped up to fight my enemies. Not break down in washrooms and freeze up when what I need to do is react. So...I need you and the others’ help to do it. I'm not used to asking for help...and it's really hard to do, but I know if I do this, it will benefit the team and help us get closer to tracking down Xerxes."
I took a deep breath, finally done with my word vomit explanation. I felt the tension leave my shoulders and I finally felt somewhat relieved to have gotten all that off my chest. When the room remained silent, I shyly looked up to Christian, who had a soft expression on his face, making my heart skip a beat.
"Why...do you looked so pleased?" I asked quietly, adoring how serene and handsome Christian looked.
"We've wanted you to rely on us for help for a long time, Scarlet, but we know how independent you are. We didn't want you thinking we were babying you just because you were once our apprentice. You proved to us that you deserve to be on Team Seven, but we never wanted you to feel like you were a burden," Christian began.
He reached out to stroke my cheek before he continued. "I understand where you're coming from, but you need to understand that you ARE NOT a burden to us. Maybe to you, that's how you see this, but to the rest of us, we’ve always seen you as an asset to this team,” he confessed.
"But-" I began, but he shook his head.
"No Scarlet. You are not a burden. If we have to remind you of that every day, we will. You're new to this world and how everything works, but do you really think all of us became the people we are now, just like that with no help?"
"Well..." I began, but trailed off, understanding what he meant.
"Scar, you're really not acknowledging how strong you are and the effects of your magic. The elements aren't like your average magic spell, where you're pulling a small stream of energy from the atmosphere and conducting a spell using your own energy. The elements are their own entity. They don't need to listen to you, or anyone but Mother Destiny herself. For anyone to use the elements as flawlessly as you do in times of need, takes some people decades to achieve and master,” he explained.
"Really?" I asked, feeling a little shocked by the news.
"Scarlet, you've been able to use four of what are considered the strongest and hardest elements to control. When you short-circuit stuff, that's you accidentally using the element of electricity, which takes the average shifter a year to be able to even conduct that spell. Only a few are able to in less than a year, and that's usually thanks to their genetics. You were able to raise water high enough to give you and Michael time to get out of a situation that should have left you both dead. You were able to withstand the heat of a bomb explosion, and tame the flames, keeping them from killing hundreds of people, your team included, while summoning the wind to redirect the smoke upward instead of across the campus, which also would have injured many students and facility staff. You did all of that without any knowledge of HOW to do those things," Christian stressed.
He took a deep breath before continuing. "I agree with you that we need to help you get stronger. Not because you are weak or a burden to any of us, but because we want you to be confident in yourself and your abilities. It's normal to be afraid, especially after surviving your encounter with Xerxes, but you need to stop doubting yourself and realize what an amazing woman you are,” he praised.
I was speechless, unsure how to counter his words because everything he said was right and it made me realize how hard I was being on myself. I'd just learned I was a shifter with Seraphim twin spirits, a Visionary who could see the past and future, and the Elemental who was destined to do great things and help rid the realms of whatever this darkness was.
Maybe I needed to give myself more credit, and understand that it would take months, if not years to perfect my abilities. I didn't need to try and figure it all out in just a few short weeks.
Christian leaned forward, and before I knew it, his soft lips were pressed against mine.
My eyes slowly closed as I enjoyed the sweet kiss, the slow exchange helping my nerves dissipate and my fears slowly fade.
When he pulled back, he smiled. "Let's work together to do this. We'll all get stronger and take Xerxes out once and for all, so no more lives are lost," he reassured me. I nodded in agreement as my eyes slowly lowered to his lips, my body wanting me to lean forward and give Christian another kiss as a way of thanks.
I leaned in and gently pressed my lips to his, closing my eyes. He moaned quietly and kissed me back with a level of expertise and passion that left me a bit excited, which was bad, seeing as I didn’t know where the others were, or if Kendrick had come by. I really didn’t want them hearing us having hot passionate sex.
"Scar," Christian whispered.
I didn't let him say anything else, leaning in to claim his lips once more. My common sense that told me this wasn't the best time to have sex, or anything remotely close to it, went out the window as his lips began to move against mine, fighting for dominance.
It felt like it had been so long since I'd gotten alone time with the others. My focus had been on helping Jaxson with whatever he was currently dealing with, and Michael was normally with us since he and Jax meshed well together.
That led to sacrificing time with Christian, Ethan, and Junho. Sure, they didn't complain, but it didn't mean I should wait for them to say they missed my presence before I realized I had to do a better job at sharing myself with them.
I bit Christian’s lower lip before giving him another firm kiss. He groaned, pushing down against the sheets as he hovered over me.
My hand roamed over his bare chest, enjoying the lines of his chiseled body and loving the way he moaned into my mouth when I touched a sensitive section of his abs.
I loved how my touch affected him and I shivered at the feel of his hand on my thigh, sliding beneath the very loose black shirt that reached my lower thighs and began to move the thin material upward.
"Meow."
Christian broke the kiss to groan while I blinked, needing a moment to get out of my heated state. My gaze turned to see Moonlight sitting on the floor near the door, his Nightmare doll in his mouth.
I noticed the pink ribbon that held the bell was untied and the way his tail moved back and forth told me he was upset that his doll wasn't perfect, like how he envisioned Nightmare to be.
"Moonlight. Did you sneak in here?" I asked.
"Meow." He looked at me innocently, walking over to the side of the bed before leaping up. Christian sighed, moving off me. I sat up, giving him a sympathetic look as Moonlight glared at him.
"Meow,” he stated. "Good. Let him mope while I get Scar's attention. Hmph," Risuki declared.
Risuki handed me his doll and I began to fix the ribbon, ensuring the bell still worked just fine.
"How did this get loose?" I asked, looking at Christian, who gave me a little pout as he glanced away. I sighed. "What did Moonlight do?"
"He was just being annoying and wouldn't stop meowing," Christian admitted.
I looked to Moonlight, who walked onto my leg, laying down on my left leg as he began to purr.
"Meow meow,” he replied. "I...wanted to make sure you were okay," Risuki whispered, making me give him a sad expression.
"You were worried about me. Aww. See I'm okay. Just a bit tired," I admitted, petting Moonlight's head. I'm sorry for worrying you. I didn't expect that to happen.
"Meow," he stated. "It was something out of everyone's control. Mother Destiny does what she wants. Do you feel better after venting about your worries?"
Yes. You listened to all that? I’m sure it sounded silly. I blushed slightly as I looked at the clock, noticing it was three in the morning.
"Meow, meow," he said quietly. "Your feelings and concerns are nowhere near silly. They are what will help you grow stronger as a person and a team with your fellow lovers. Minus that doll stealing thief, of course."
I sighed, but a giggle escaped me as I continued to pet Moonlight. Thanks Risuki for interfering again.
"Always, Scarlet. It may get me in trouble one day, but I'll always assist you when I can," Risuki whispered. I nodded to myself, closing my eyes for a moment.
I must have fallen asleep at some point, because when I opened my eyes, I noticed my head was resting on Christian's shoulder, as he appeared to be reading some files on Ethan's iPad.
Moonlight was curled up in a ball, his body resting on my legs that were straight out. Christian noticed I was awake, and leaned in to kiss my forehead. "Go back to sleep. It's still very early,” he whispered.
"But-" I began, but Christian shook his head, silencing me.
"Rest is the first way to getting strong and to your highest peak of energy and equilibrium. You still need to rest up. We'll work on skill training and anything you’re interested in learning later today and in between cases, okay?"
"Alright," I whispered, not having much strength to fight back anyway.
I snuggled closer to him, resting my head on his chest while I peeked an eye open to ensure Moonlight was okay and still asleep.
I finally relaxed, closing my eyes as I thought over the entire discussion with Christian. As I began to drift, my confidence began to slowly return to its spot within myself. I knew it was a small part compared to my previous amount of confidence that I had displayed before my encounter with Xerxes, but I felt with time and hard work, I'd be able to return back to my normal, confident self.
In fact, I'd be even more kick-ass than ever before, and there was still plenty of time to grow. This wasn’t a race, but a challenge I now knew I’d be able to face and conquer.
That simple realization was what helped me fall into a deep slumber.