My brain wasn’t working.

Or, it was, but in a sluggish, I’m stuck under water and everything seems kind of surreal kind of way. Like I was watching it all happen to someone else.

This wasn’t my life.

It couldn’t be.

Abigail Windsor wasn’t real. She was just a figment of my imagination, sent to taunt me because of my insecurity that I wasn’t measuring up as a father. I wondered if that fear would ever go away. That Emily deserved more.

I was aware that Lyla was talking to me, explaining the situation, and I thought she made some very good points, but I wasn’t able to agree. Not that I didn’t want to.

She was trying so hard to be upbeat and positive for me, and I liked her all the more for it. When she touched me, my brain sputtered and coughed like a failing car engine. It tried to rev back to life, but to no avail.

It was only when she put Emily to sleep and wrapped her arms around me that I began to show signs of coming back to life. My entire body began to regain its senses, and the first thing I was aware of was that Lyla was wearing a very thin shirt.

So thin it was almost see-through, and I could feel her body heat seeping through. I shifted uncomfortably, not wanting to act on my lust, while my emotions careened all over the place.

It also wouldn’t be fair to take advantage of her like that.

She was trying to comfort me, for fuck’s sake!

And my reaction was to get a boner?

Jesus, Clay, get it together man. You aren’t that type of person.

Lyla shifted, so that she was able to wrap her arms around me better, and a patch of bare skin rubbed itself against me. Not only was the shirt thin, but it was also tiny.

It was taking every ounce of self-control I had not to do anything about this, and even that was rapidly slipping away. I was beginning to forget the reasons why I shouldn’t, and all I could remember was why I should.

Suddenly, my hands around her waist began to caress her, and I waited to see what her reaction would be. If she pulled away or tensed up, I would immediately stop.

Her sharp intake of breath let me know that she liked being touched like that, and so I let my fingers glide over the exposed skin of her stomach, reveling in how soft it was. Goosebumps broke out across her skin when my hands traveled upwards a bit more boldly.

They rested just underneath her bra, and I pulled back to get a good look at her. Lyla’s head was tilted slightly backwards, her eyes squeezed shut, and her bottom lip drawn between her teeth.

Naked desire was splashed all across her face, and my member tightened in response.

I’d never wanted anything more in my entire life.

“Lyla,” I whispered, and her eyes fluttered open, the hazy look in them only serving to turn me on more. “I want you.”

A surprised gasp escaped her lips as she lowered her eyes. “I want you too, Clay.”

“Good.”

I cupped her chin and pressed my lips firmly to hers. She held very still at first, as if she was afraid to react, but after a few moments passed, she tentatively began to apply herself to the kiss, and her arms came up around my neck.

I made a low grumbling noise in the back of my throat as she threaded her hands through my hair, and my hands came up to rest atop her hips. They squeezed tightly, and I lifted her legs up, so that she was wrapped around my waist.

The scent of her arousal intoxicated me, driving me crazy, filling my head with all sorts of things we could do. I maneuvered her backwards, so that her back was pressed against the counter, and she perched on the edge while I kicked her legs open and pressed myself firmly against her.

Her soft sensual lips continued to knead mine, and I bit down. Her gasp of surprise allowed me to plunge my tongue inside, and she soon touched the tip of her tongue to mine causing me to groan.

Holy shit.

She was good.

I could feel myself strain against my jeans, and that hadn’t happened to me since I was a teenager. I wrenched my lips away and continued to press feather light kisses all over her face, her neck, her arms, and anywhere skin was available.

Lyla was making soft purring noises, and little gasps of pleasure were escaping her lips. It sounded like music to my ears. She was so natural, and she was very into what we were doing.

I pressed my forehead to hers, dragging in a sharp breath. “Jesus, Lyla. You make me feel like a teenager again.”

“So do you,” she admitted quietly, as she toyed with the hair at the nape of my neck. Her nipples were as hard as pebbles as they pushed against my chest. I snaked my hands under her shirt and cupped them over the fabric of her bra.

A breathy moan escaped her lips as she arched her back and pushed herself even closer, eager for skin on skin contact. I twirled my fingers around, circling her breasts, but never giving her what she wanted, enjoying the sound of her panting.

“You like this?”

“Yes,” she said, breathily as she wrapped her legs around my waist and squeezed.

“Good, because I like doing this.” I crushed my lips to hers once more, taking the time to kiss her thoroughly and deeply until the need for air became too great, and we had to pull apart.

We stood there, the sounds of our ragged breathing filling the air.

“Maybe we shouldn’t be doing this,” she said finally, her voice small and quiet, but the uncertainty ringing in it nonetheless.

I pulled back to look at her, tilting her chin up in the process. “Because of the age difference? Or because you’re taking care of my daughter, and are my employee?”

“Either, both.” She held my gaze, steadily. “Clay, most people still think I’m a child because of how I look. That hasn’t changed in recent years. They often think I carry around a fake ID.”

“So?” I raised an eyebrow. “I know you aren’t a child.”

I swooped down and captured her lips in a deep kiss until a small whisper escaped her chest, and she grabbed a fistful of my shirt in her hands.

“It isn’t just that, Clay. You are my boss,” she pointed out. “Don’t you think this could complicate things?”

I sighed as I took her hand in mine and placed a chaste kiss on the inside of her wrists. “Because sex makes things complicated? It doesn’t have to.”

“So, this is just about sex for you?”

Her voice was tinged with unmistakable hurt, and I mentally cursed myself for not being more careful with my choice of words.

It would sound that way now that I think about it.

I shook my head. “It isn’t, and I’m capable of being an adult about this. This doesn’t have to complicate anything. We’re both mature consenting adults, right?”

“Right,” she agreed, reluctantly as she drew her bottom lip between her teeth and began to chew on it in concentration.

“You do want me, right?” I asked, just to be sure. “Because if you don’t, we can stop this right now. I’m not going to throw a fit or whatever. You were just trying to comfort me, and I appreciate that. I won’t try to make it something it isn’t.”

It was obvious that she did by the way she was hanging onto me right now, and her enthusiastic response to my kisses, but I needed to be sure before we went any further.

I did value what she was trying to do, and I could try to see her as just a friend if that was what she sincerely wanted.

The ball was in her court.

Lyla took my hand in hers and pressed it firmly on her breasts atop her heart. It was beating rapidly, like it was about to burst out of her chest. “Do you feel that? That’s how much I want you. So much that it’s making me nervous.”

I smiled ruefully as I took the opportunity to flick her nipple. “Good. Then let’s not think about logistics. Let’s just enjoy the moment.”

“Okay?” she said it as more of a question than a statement, her eyes as wide as saucers.

“Yeah?” I rubbed my nose against hers.

“Yes,” she confirmed as she released a breath she’d been holding. “Okay. Let me just get the baby monitor.”

She moved to head in the direction of her room, but she wasn’t able to twist her body out of my grasp, and she huffed in irritation as she shot me an exasperated look.

“Would you kindly let me go?”

“Why would I do that?” I placed my hands firmly on her hips and began to nuzzle her neck, placing soft feathery kisses all over her collarbone until I felt her tingling beneath me.

“Because I need to get Emily’s baby monitor,” she said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“You don’t have to,” I responded as I drew back my lips and nipped her neck. She gasped as her hands came up around my neck and tangled themselves in my hair. “I already have one in my room. Also, when you’re looking sexy as hell like this, how can I possibly let you go?”

A nervous chuckle escaped her mouth as her body yielded beneath my touch once more.

“When you put it like that….” she trailed off as she gave me a heated look. She lifted her arms up over her head expectantly, and I helped her out of her shirt, drinking in the sight of her breasts straining against her bra.

My arms reached behind her back and deftly undid the hook, allowing her breasts to spill forward. A slight tint graced her cheeks as she brought her hands up over her chest demurely.

“Don’t do that,” I said softly. “You’re so beautiful, and I want to look at you.”

She coughed awkwardly and tried not to fidget as I gently pried her hands away, running my fingers all over her chest in an effort to show her how much I wanted her in that moment.

The blush spread across her cheeks to her neck, and it was the most endearing thing I’d ever seen. She wrapped her legs around my waist, and I lifted her up, placing my hands on the small of her back as we navigated backwards towards my room.

I kicked the door open with my leg and slowly moved forward. When my knees hit the front of the bed, I gently lowered her to the mattress, her body spilling out beneath me. I rapidly pushed down my jeans and kicked them away.

She watched me in fascination as I did all of this, a muted expression of awe etched onto her features as she scooched backwards to make room for me.

I crawled towards her and pressed my lips to hers for a sweet kiss as my chest rubbed up against hers, letting her adjust to the feeling of me. Her fingers remained still at first, but soon curiosity got the better of them, and she began to trace patterns across my skin, causing ripples of desire to flash through me in quick succession.

When her hands traveled to my back, I kissed her a little more eagerly, and her nails dug into my back.

Suddenly, she stopped and placed both hands firmly on my chest, pushing me back slightly. “Wait.”

“What’s wrong? Was I going too fast?” I asked, concerned.

“No, it’s not that. It’s just that—” She stopped as she pushed her hair behind her ears, her brows knitted together in frustration.

“You can tell me anything, you know that, right?” I placed a soft kiss on her forehead and sat back on my hind legs.

I wondered what this was about.

Probably her first time with an older man.

She had nothing to be nervous about though, she was doing great, and it wasn’t like I had any expectations.

“I’m a virgin,” she blurted out, her hands curling around the sheet nervously as she drew her knees to her chest and watched me.

“What do you mean you’re a virgin?”

“I mean I’ve never had sex with a guy,” she clarified.

“Ever?”

She nodded. “Never ever.”

“Um, wow.”

The silence stretched between us, and the longer it went on, the more nervous she was. I just had to wrap my head around it. I didn’t mind that she was a virgin, but I knew it was a big deal for women.

“I don’t care that you’re a virgin, Lyla,” I said finally, as I gave her a reassuring smile.

The fear on her face began to melt away. “Really? Because I know a lot of guys do.”

“I don’t. My only concern is I want you to be sure that you want your first time to be with me because I know it’s a big deal for women.”

She nodded eagerly. “I want it to be with you, but are you sure it doesn’t bother you?”

“No, in fact it’s kind of hot,” I revealed as I leaned forward and pressed my lips against hers. Once she relaxed into the kiss, my hand traveled down between us and rested atop her sensitive mound.

I let one finger circle there, and when she relaxed enough, I plunged one finger in. She tensed as I expected, so I paused. She shifted her hips forward and murmured, “Don’t stop.”

I groaned as I carefully moved the finger up then down, sideways and every other way I could think of as her hips began to thrust forward of their own accord. I held myself very still as she kept pushing and pushing till she wrenched her lips away and cried out in pleasure. Her entire body pulsed and convulsed around me as she threw her head back, a satisfied smile playing on the edge of her lips.

“Good?”

“Great,” she said, drawing a haggard breath as she placed a soft kiss on the edge of my lips.

“Do you want to try something different?” I asked. “I’m going to try more fingers this time, okay? If it’s too painful, just tell me.”

She gulped and smiled nervously as I began to kiss her again. I repeated the same movements, but this time I inserted two fingers. Her hands tightened around my back, but she continued to meet my thrusts until she came apart beneath me.

“I never knew orgasms could feel so good,” she panted as she wiped the sweat off her brow with the back of her hand. She peered up at me, a wondrous look on her face.

I bent my head and kissed her forehead before I lay down next to her and wrapped my arms around her. She placed her head in the crook of my neck and played with the hair on my chest.

“Aren’t we going to, you know?” She gestured between the two of us.

I chuckled as I placed a kiss on the side of her head. “We don’t have to do today if you don’t want to. You have to be relaxed, and your body has to be ready, or you won’t enjoy it.”

I could feel her eyes burning holes into the side of my head, so I turned to look at her and gave her a small smile. “I don’t mind waiting.”

“Well, I do,” she announced as she rolled over so she was straddling me. She began to kiss my neck, running her tongue across the bare skin, and I moaned as my hands came up around her hips.

“Lyla, you can’t be on top,” I said, firmly.

“Why not?”

“Because I need to be in control in case I need to stop, and it’s your first time,” I said as I bit her nose playfully. In one swift movement, I had her pinned beneath me. “Besides, you should enjoy this.”

She opened wider, so I could fit myself between her legs, my bulge straining beneath my boxers. She met my gaze unflinchingly and kissed the tip of my nose.

Without moving from atop her, I grabbed a condom from the side drawer. I had my boxers off in an instant, and I chucked them into a corner of the room. Lyla watched me, her eyes widening when she caught sight of my member, hard and ready.

She shook her head and helped me roll the condom on, then leaned back again, her eyes expectant.

“It’s going to hurt a bit, so you need to remind yourself to relax and try to enjoy it,” I cautioned as I meshed my lips to hers and slowly eased myself in. Her entire body stilled around me, and I heard her whimper, so I froze as I waited for her body to adjust.

Once it did, I began to move slowly, careful not to go in all the way. Lyla lay still at first, unsure of what to do and trying to adjust to the sensations, till eventually she began to thrust slightly.

I lowered my mouth to her breasts and took a nipple between my teeth as I moved inside of her. She came apart a few minutes later, and I followed soon after.

I tucked her into my side, and she threw her arms around me as we both drifted off to sleep.