Data…

I felt a little guilty, spying on her like I was. I mean, she didn’t know the extent of my security systems in the house and I’d tell her, but right now I was so worried about her I couldn’t help myself. I’d brought up the bedroom before I even got into my 4Runner to see her clutching my pillow to her chest, sobbing brokenly into it.

Shit.

She was falling into a quagmire of guilt and she didn’t have fuck all to be guilty about. Confused about? Sure. She even had plenty to be scared and uncertain about. Starting over wasn’t easy, no matter how many times you’ve done it before. I started the 4Runner and drove into the city after stopping at one of Everett’s new coffee stands, Sacred Grounds. I’d need her special brand of fucking jet fuel to get through the next several hours.

Predictably, those hours dragged, and my thoughts weren’t far from Mali during every fucking second of them. I managed to stay focused enough to take notes on what this particular start-up was looking for out of me, and I think I flew under the radar. They didn’t seem to know I was as distracted as I was, so at least there was that.

The whole drive back, I worried. My mind going a thousand miles an hour. I hoped she’d found her stuff and had resisted the urge, by a narrow margin, to violate her privacy any more than I already had that morning.

I stopped by the club. I’d let her eat breakfast and had swapped my SUV for my bike before we’d taken off, back for Indigo City. Unfortunately, the plan had been to spend one more night at the club but I’d deviated, so while she was at home with no car, her shit was here. I went through the club’s front door and was stopped by Dragon in the common room looking up over his paper and saying, “What the fuck you all dressed up for, boy?”

I smirked. “Meeting with a client in the city this morning,” I told him and he raised an eyebrow. “What? Got to look respectable and shit sometimes when charming the citizens.”

“Mm, what about your girly girl?”

“Back at my place.”

“Thought you were supposed to come back here.”

“Yeah, me too,” I went over. He was being awfully chatty, and since he opened the door… Well, I could use the unsolicited advice that was burning in his gaze. Okay, maybe it wasn’t advice that was there, at least not yet, but the curiosity was and Dragon was always good for some pretty sound advice when it was called for.

I dropped into the chair across from him and waited for the inevitable leading question. He and I were always good for a game of mental chess over any given situation and, I think, it was one of the reasons we appreciated each other. I know I was one of very few men that could, on occasion, out-fox our president. It made me both useful to him and gave us a unique friendship outside of some of the other guys, including, every once in a while, his own son. Although, the rift in their relationship had been steadily healing over the last couple of years.

“Stopping by to pick up her stuff?” he asked and I nodded, not breaking eye contact. His teeth showed white in his salt and pepper beard, despite how heavily he smoked. “Right,” he nodded, “I’ll cut the bullshit this time.”

“Appreciated,” I said.

“How’s she doing? What’s got you worried?”

I sighed, “I don’t even know if I should be worried. I’ve seen Mali go through some shit before and she’s always bounced back pretty hard and pretty fast, coming back better than ever but…”

“But?”

“But she’s never given up, not once, not ever…”

I told him about her admission in the tattoo shop to Lexi’s ex-lover, because, let’s face it. She may have been boning that guy, but he didn’t have the first fucking clue as to who or what kind of woman Mali really was. I was dead certain I was the only one privy to that information and selfish me, I didn’t mind keeping it that way for the time being. Not that I wanted to keep her to myself completely. Not that I wanted her some kind of dependent on me… it was just nice to have that specialness back. At least, for right now.

I hoped, that eventually, she could feel and be herself around at least the club. She needed badly to expand her world, but I also didn’t want to push her past her comfort zone too fast or too fierce. Mali burned hot; she was a pressure cooker of emotion and wildness, and right now, to me, she felt like she was on a tightwire, striking a fine balance in this major life transition of hers. If she took her eyes off the prize, she was going to slip and I was going to lose her to the void… forever.

I sighed and looked at Dragon plaintively, “I feel like we’re in this wild, dangerous place where the call of the void isn’t just some whisper out of the dark. It’s a fucking siren’s call and that scares the shit out of me, D.” He looked somber and nodded.

“She’s been through a lot of shit, that’s for sure, brother; but now she can’t run from it. It’s the end of the line and it’s got her backed into a corner and she’s got to deal with it.”

It was a grim proclamation, and one I had expected. Still, I was none too happy to hear it. We’d been apart for so long, we’d lived separate lives, and now I wasn’t sure if I knew what to do. I said as much.

“Take it a step at a time,” Dragon suggested. “Definitely do not deal with it all at once.”

“Jesus, there’s so much, I don’t even know where to start.”

“Best you don’t start at the beginning. Maybe start with the here and now and work your way back. You feel me?”

I nodded slowly. “Get her set up and stable, that way she feels secure.”

“Right. Gotta give her the high ground, make the teeming horde bottleneck and work their way up to her, so’s she can cut ‘em down one thing at a time.”

“She lets herself get overwhelmed,” I said.

“So, use the dick god gave you and distract her with it.”

I laughed. Couldn’t argue, it had worked last night, even if it had been a short reprieve and sex was a great stress reducer.

“Thanks,” I said getting up.

“No problem.”

I got up, and shook the man’s hand out of respect, and went to collect Mali’s things. When I got back to the house, I found her right where I’d left her, racked out and exhausted in my bed. I stood there for I don’t know how long, just staring at her. She was like a dream made flesh. Everything I had ever wanted, everything I had ever wished upon stars for, or prayed to whatever god, whatever powers that be – fate, karma, the universe – fuck. I didn’t know what was out there, but whatever it was, I had begged and pleaded with it for her and here she was.

Who said dreams didn’t come true?

Of course, I’d been a realist about it. I knew she wasn’t going to come back to me completely undamaged, completely unbroken. She’d always been the stronger of the two of us on the day to day, but I guess now it was my turn to really hold her up and hold her together. I’d relied on her plenty of times growing up to take care of shit I was ill equipped to deal with… Feelings weren’t always her forte, so I guess it was time for a bit of a crash course.

One thing at a time… I reminded myself. Baby steps.

I set her things off to the side and quietly stripped bare, going around to what I guessed would be my side of the bed from now on, and slipping between the sheets. I cuddled up to Mali’s back and drew her into the curve of my body. She stirred and mumbled something unintelligible.

“Shhh, go back to sleep,” I whispered.

“Mm. Mm-hm,” she murmured and her breathing evened and deepened. She was exhausted and I couldn’t say I blamed her. I was pretty much right there with her. So I closed my eyes, breathed her in, and slept right along with her.