CHAPTER FOUR
ONCE IN THE middle of the night, June awoke. She didn’t fuss overly, and Noel was able to walk her around the house until she drifted off again.
But he couldn’t hold her away from him without her protesting.
Fearing she’d wake Amber, he finally drew her close to his chest. Snuggling in, the baby idly touched his jaw, sleepily exploring his face. At one point she got her tiny fingers inside the neck of his shirt, tangling them in his chest hair. When she tugged, he quickly readjusted her. Little by little, her big blue eyes went drowsy and finally closed. Trustingly, her body went limp, her head slumped over his arm.
So tiny, he thought, studying her parted lips, the teensy button nose, the long lashes and round, rosy cheeks. She was so soft and she smelled indescribably good. Carefully, Noel touched his nose to her hair.
When he thought of what she’d lost, he wanted to hold her close and promise her everything would be okay. But she had Amber, and knowing Amber as he did, he trusted that she’d somehow make it okay.
His gaze shifted to where she’d passed out on the couch. She was every bit as boneless as June Bug.
Earlier when she’d whispered his name, he’d played possum. He didn’t want to leave her and figured she wouldn’t wake him.
Yet he hadn’t slept. Instead, on every level, he’d been aware of her, the quietness of her barefoot walk, the heat of her cobalt gaze, that iron will to do what she could, the best that she could, regardless of the odds or obstructions.
He didn’t need Amber to give him the nitty-gritty details to know what had happened.
She’d been a rock.
He imagined the grief of Peggy’s parents, and without a single doubt he knew Amber had shouldered as much as she could to spare them.
She would have given comfort, but had she received any?
Amber wasn’t a woman to give in to tears...except that she had cried in the shower. Her puffy eyes proved it.
That had to mean she trusted him, and at the moment, her trust felt like an enormous gift.
At the very least, he could be here for her now to help with the transition. Tomorrow she’d have her whole family pitching in.
How would Rookie feel about a baby? Given the size of Amber’s family, he already knew that the dog loved kids, but he was used to it just being him and Amber at home.
Wondering about it, Noel gently returned June to the playpen.
Amber hadn’t stirred.
Maybe, his thoughts continued, that was where he could help out, spending more time with the dog, taking him to the park and for walks so Rookie could gradually get used to June. That’d take him away from her family’s prying eyes, and also keep him out of contact with the baby.
Curled up on her side at one end of the couch, using the armrest like a pillow, Amber had drawn her long legs close to her chest. It was a protective posture, one that showed a vulnerability she’d never share while awake.
Dark, silky hair spilled everywhere, hiding her face. Her hands utterly lax. He could hear her deep, even breathing.
The urge to stretch out next to her burned hot inside him, but lust was the last thing she wanted or needed from him, and he couldn’t hold her without wanting her. Instead he carefully placed a throw over her legs, then situated himself on the other end of the couch. He’d hear the baby if she awoke so he could get her again, giving Amber a chance to catch up on her sleep.
Wishing there was more he could do, wishing, even, that kids were in his future, he closed his eyes and tried not to think about tomorrow.
Nothing disturbed him until the knock on the door, and that jarred his eyes wide-open.
Noel realized several things at once.
June was standing in her playpen, looking at him.
The sun shone brightly through the windows.
And Amber was now tucked tightly to his side.
He lifted his head and looked toward the door. June said, “Up, up,” with demand, her arms in the air.
Sleep cleared away in a rush.
Touching Amber’s shoulder, he woke her. “Honey, you have company.”
“Mm-mmm,” she mumbled and burrowed closer.
God, that felt good. If only he’d awakened half an hour ago, he could have enjoyed it more. He kissed her forehead. “June Bug’s awake.”
At that, she lifted her head. She had one slim leg over his body, her knee resting on his crotch, and her breasts were firm against his ribs. Her hair trailed over his chest and shoulder and she blinked sleepy eyes. “What time is it?”
Scorched with sudden awareness, he croaked, “No idea.”
Groaning, she sat up and looked at him. At all of him. In minute detail. After her gaze rose to meet his, she did her own croaking. “What are you doing here?”
Nice to know she wasn’t immune, either. At least that hadn’t changed. “I stayed over.” He, too, sat up—and June repeated her demand to be held.
The knock came again.
“Oh my gosh.” Amber was off the couch in a heartbeat, then she looked around as if trying to get her bearings. “Um...”
“I’ll put on coffee,” he said, trying to be helpful.
“Yes. Coffee.” Since June wasn’t fussing, Amber went to the door and swung it open.
Garrett stood there, his hand raised to knock. “Did I wake you?”
“I’m sorry, yeah. I overslept.”
His gaze went past her and locked on Noel as he straightened the throw on the couch.
Thinking it wise to remove himself, Noel tried to make a run to the kitchen, but June wasn’t having it. “Ma ma da.”
Garrett’s face split into a gentle smile. “Aw, she’s adorable, sis.” He hugged Amber and stepped in. “The folks are right behind me. Go do whatever you have to do and I’ll see to the baby.”
“Thanks.”
Thanks? Noel frowned at her. She’d fought him every time he’d offered, but now with her brother—
“Try to look less like you spent the night, okay?” Garrett smirked at him. “Unless you want Dad to grill you all day.”
Frowning, Noel ran both hands through his hair. “I was going to make coffee.”
June reached toward him again.
Garrett scooped her up. “Hello, squirt. Aren’t you a beauty?”
Rearing back, June studied him, looked to Noel, then back again. Her bottom lip started to quiver.
Automatically, Noel stepped forward. “She doesn’t know you.”
“And she knows you?”
“No, but...” He quickly realized Garrett didn’t need any help.
“Shh, shh. It’s okay, sweetheart.” He held June close and rocked her a little. “We’ll follow Noel, okay?” As he prodded Noel toward the kitchen, Garrett asked, “Where are the diapers? A bottle?”
Noel got those things for him, which Garrett utilized like an expert, and by the time he had the coffee going, Amber had returned.
She still looked sleep-sexy, but he tried not to notice. “Mind if I shave real quick?”
Her brows shot up. “Why would I mind?”
“Because I’ll be using your razor.”
She opened her mouth, glanced at her brother, then closed it again.
Garrett laughed.
Stepping closer and lowering her voice, Amber whispered, “Go home, Noel. You look as beat as I am and—”
He gave her a quick, firm smooch. “I told you I had the day off.” As he walked away from her, he added, “I’ll be back in five.”
Noel wasn’t sure what he was doing. He just knew he wasn’t ready yet to leave her. Where was Rookie? He had assumed that Garrett had the dog.
By the time he’d shaved, gargled and finger-combed his hair, more family had arrived. He heard the noise before he reached the kitchen.
Rookie was there now and he raced to Noel to greet him, then looked toward the baby with unbridled excitement. Misty sat on the floor with June, Morgan next to her. Six feet from reaching them, Rookie lowered down to his stomach and army-crawled the rest of the way, his tail going wild. June laughed with delight—until she saw Noel.
Then she pushed away from Misty and came tottering to him in an animated, lopsided walk. When she reached him she lifted her arms. “Up.”
“You must’ve done something right,” Morgan said. “She likes you.”
“No idea,” Noel replied honestly. He glanced toward the kitchen to see Amber at the table talking to Garrett, who was cooking breakfast at the stove.
Now with her face scrunched up, June insisted, “Up!”
Laughing, Morgan scooped her up—and handed her to Noel.
When the baby grabbed him, Noel had no choice but to take her. June put her hands to either side of his face and said, “Dug.”
Wow! “Did you hear that?” He scanned the faces of Morgan and Misty. “She said dog.”
“Dug.” Then June clicked her tongue and Rookie came charging over.
“So clever,” Misty said, joining her husband and Noel in the kitchen doorway.
Was she ever! Noel looked in the kitchen. “Amber, she said dog.”
Amber gave him a curious glance, as if she’d never seen him before. “She’s smart. I think there are about twenty words she knows.”
And so the morning went.
Other family stopped in to visit, some for only a short time on their way to work, others for an hour or more. The men were every bit as enamored of June as the ladies were.
They were all more comfortable with her than Noel was.
Anytime Amber looked at him, she seemed oddly speculative, but with her family she was her usual, enthusiastic self.
Out of everyone there, June clearly preferred him, but she did let the others hold her. She just wasn’t as relaxed with them.
They had breakfast together, and Noel made a point of sitting opposite the baby instead of right next to her. Amber, too, gave up her spot since Morgan and Misty were totally enthralled and wanted to get to know June better.
All the eggs and bacon were about gone when Misty said, “I can babysit while you work.”
“Thanks, Mom, but I thought about it and decided I should set a routine right now. She’s already had so many changes. I think it’ll be better if I just pick up another playpen for the bookstore so I can take her with me.” She looked at June with a smile. “I wouldn’t mind the occasional sitter, though, once she gets used to everything.”
Noel didn’t say it, but he knew Amber preferred a leisurely bath over a quick shower. She also enjoyed long walks in the park with Rookie. Both would be more difficult with a fast-moving toddler to care for.
“How’d she do last night?” Morgan asked.
Amber turned a pointed look on Noel. “Ask him. I assume he got up with her, because once I crashed on the couch I didn’t hear anything.”
All eyes turned to Noel. He swallowed his last bite of toast and choked. While he was trying to get air back into his lungs, Garrett refilled his glass with orange juice.
They all waited until he could speak again.
Preferring a quick reply over detail, he rasped, “She was fine.”
Unfortunately, that short answer didn’t appease anyone.
Morgan sat back in his chair. “She slept through the night?”
“No, but she only woke up once.”
“And?” Misty prompted.
“And...” What did they want to know? That he’d found something special in holding that tiny body close? That June had tugged on his heartstrings without even trying? That being near a baby complicated things he’d thought long settled? Not about to share his innermost turmoil, Noel shook his head. “And I walked with her a little.”
“Where?” Garrett asked.
“Just around the house.”
“I used to do that with my kids,” Morgan said. “One or two trips through the house and they’d be out again. It gave Misty a chance to rest a little longer.”
“Luckily,” Misty said, “there were a few years between them, so by the time Garrett was born, Amber was a regular little helper.”
“She’s always been great with kids,” Morgan said, and he beamed at his only daughter, then said to Noel, “You must be a natural, too.”
He thought of his uncertainty over the bottle and diaper changing, and how easily Garrett and Amber had handled both. They were naturals. But him? “No,” Noel assured them with stark honesty. “I’m not.”
They paid no attention to his denial, continuing to ask questions intermixed with Morgan reminiscing about Amber as a baby.
Amber was the only one not talking, and she spent her time studying him. “June didn’t need her diaper changed or anything. I think she just wanted to be held.”
“That often does the trick,” Misty said. “They’re not little for long, so you need to soak up every minute that you can.”
Wait...what? He hadn’t been “soaking up” anything. His sole purpose had been to give Amber a break. “Actually, I—”
“Starting today,” Amber cut in, taking the spotlight off him, “I’m going to work on getting her back to her routine.” She spoke only to her family, not Noel.
Deliberately excluding him? Fine. The less involvement he had with little June Bug, the easier it’d be for him.
Not that he’d pay any attention to a dismissal. Amber should know him better than that by now. He’d still be around for her. But the baby...
“Was she on a schedule?” Misty asked.
“June’s grandparents knew the timing of her naps and meals and bath. I’m hoping to stick with that.”
Reaching out, Misty took her daughter’s hand. “Don’t pressure yourself or her too much, honey. Not just yet. It might take a bit of time before she settles in.”
“But she will settle in,” Morgan promised. “Kids are resilient.”
Garrett put his hand on her shoulder. “Especially when they get unconditional love.”
Yes, Noel thought, feeling like an interloper. Amber would give June that, and more.
Another knock sounded at the door, and as Rookie barked in excitement, additional family filed in. Watching the dog run off, June’s eyes widened, she kicked her legs and clicked her tongue.
Rookie jerked to a halt and immediately skittered back to her side.
June would soon be a handful. Noel grinned, imagining it.
Then he caught Amber’s appraising stare and quickly wiped the amusement off his face.
Shohn and Adam, the latest to show up, spent a few minutes playing with the baby. She appeared to adore everyone, but she also kept Noel in her sights.
They were all so good with kids. So comfortable.
He probably should go now. At this point he was just in the way, sort of hanging around on the outside. Not like he’d get any alone time with Amber now anyway. She had all the help she could need.
Shohn asked what they could do.
“How much time do you have?”
Adam said, “I’m free all day. Shohn has until two.”
“Well,” Amber said, “since it’s only ten, there is something, if it wouldn’t be too much trouble for you.” Still she didn’t look at Noel. “Peggy’s parents gave me her minivan. It’s ten years old, but runs well, and it really will be easier with the car seat. But obviously I couldn’t drive home two vehicles yesterday. Do you think you could—”
“Give us directions and we’re on it,” Adam promised.
Amber headed to her purse on the counter to get her phone. “June has some other toys, too, and a swing set.”
She continued to move at Mach speed, and Noel stood there, dazed at her renewed energy.
In every way that counted, Amber was now a mother. How was he supposed to get used to that? Then he looked at little June Bug and smiled at the way she flirted with Shohn and Adam.
“Let me call first to make sure it’s okay.” Amber stepped toward the window to use her cell.
Just then June made it clear that she wanted out of the high chair. Shohn got her down, and as soon as her tiny feet touched the floor, she came to Noel. “Up, up.”
This time he picked her up without thinking about it too much. He even propped her against his side, the way he’d seen the others do. It was more comfortable for both of them.
June didn’t weigh much, and she helped by holding on. Tightly.
When Amber finished her call, she wrote down the address for Shohn, who planned to put it into his phone’s GPS.
“Everything will be ready by the time you get there.” She followed them to the door as they left, but Morgan, Misty and Garrett remained.
Noel watched her return to her seat, going past him with no acknowledgment at all.
“Amber?”
After an obvious hesitation, she lifted her gaze, taking in the way June rested against his shoulder. Some vague emotion crossed her face, possibly...yearning?
“Hmm?”
Noel had planned to make his excuses and head home, but what he said instead was “Mind if I go around and baby-proof the house?”
Amber cocked a brow.
Undeterred, he clarified, “Or at least see what you’ll need for baby-proofing?” Kids were so easily hurt. Sometimes you couldn’t take enough precautions. As a firefighter, he knew it only too well.
Shoving that thought away real quick, he waited on her answer.
She took her own sweet time thinking about it, her expression somehow speculative before finally giving him a big, beautiful smile. “She’s getting around so well, it’s a good idea.”
His tension eased. “That’s what I thought.” Glad to have something to do, he started to turn.
“She’s lucky to have you looking out for her.”
Startled by that conclusion, he swung back around, making June laugh.
Smug over his reaction, Amber grinned. “I’m sure June appreciates it.”
“I’m not—” Not what? Trying to ensure she didn’t get hurt? Okay, he was. But mostly he’d just wanted some way to help out. For Amber.
June bounced in his arms, wanting him to swing her again...and he did, smiling as she squealed.
Until he realized her whole blasted family watched him. He shifted under their collective regard. “I’ll go ahead and get started. Until it’s done, keeping her in the playpen or holding her would be a good idea.”
Garrett saved him from his own ramblings. “I taught that community class on safety in the home, so I’ll help. You can start in here and I’ll check out the bedrooms.”
“Sounds good.” Noel tried to hand June over, but she clung like a monkey, so rather than make an issue of it, he carried her with him while he inspected everything.
Rookie, who was still fascinated with the baby, followed along, stopping when they stopped, moving when they moved, always keeping his eyes on June. In between checking things and cuddling June, Noel gave the dog pats and praised him for being so diligent.
The cords for her lamps were a problem, but that could be solved by moving the couch against a wall. It wouldn’t be ideal seating, but it’d be safer. Other plugs needed covers. The coffee table had some wicked corners. She’d need drawer guards, so little fingers couldn’t get into everything.
Stepping around the dog, he made mental notes, and every so often June poked his face, pinched his ear, gently touched his eyelashes. Without thinking about it, Noel paused by the blind pulls and said, “Eye.”
She touched her own and said “Eeeye” in an adorably exaggerated way.
Amazed, he shifted her around in front of him. “Nose?”
She touched his first, then her own and said with satisfaction, her voice going comically deep, “Nose.”
His grin twitched. “What about an ear?”
She tickled his, laughing, and when he returned the favor, she squealed. That had Rookie barking in excitement again.
Noel sat down on the floor with her. Patting the space beside him, he invited Rookie to join in, then looked at June. “What else do you know, squirt?”
She grabbed his nose and said, “Honk.”
He touched hers with one fingertip and said, “Beep.”
They were both laughing, Rookie wiggling around them, when Amber came in to watch, her gaze transfixed.
Put on the spot, Noel said defensively, “She knows...things.”
“Yes, she does. Most babies are fascinating little creatures.”
He should have been more embarrassed, but damn it, he wanted to share, so he said, “Watch.” He turned to June. “Where’s your belly?”
She pulled up her T-shirt to show him, giggling when he tickled her. Amber smiled and came closer.
“June, where’s your mouth?”
She opened wide. “Muf.”
Amber knelt down and stroked Rookie. “Dog?”
“Dug.” After saying it, she grinned so big she scrunched her whole face.
Utterly charmed, Noel hugged her small body to his chest before he thought better of it. June liked that enough to bounce hard—and the top of her head cracked the bridge of his nose.
“Ow, damn,” he muttered, moving the baby back while squeezing the throbbing bridge of his nose.
June stared at him. “Dim.”
He froze. “Um, no, honey. That’s not a nice word. I shouldn’t have—”
“Dim!”
Amber snickered.
“It’s not funny.”
“Your eyes are watering,” Amber pointed out needlessly.
Because she’d caught him good. “At least she didn’t hurt her head.”
“Dim.”
Noel groaned.
From the doorway, Morgan said, “I slipped up all the time. You’ll get used to it.”
That took the humor right out of Amber. She stood, saying to June, “Let’s let Noel finish up, sugar, okay?”
Grabbing Noel, the baby chanted, “Dim, dim, dim!”
“Oh Lord,” Noel grumbled, even as he lifted her into his arms. “It’s okay. I don’t mind.”
Amber threw up her hands and stalked off.
She didn’t want him to get used to it; she’d made that clear enough.
But then, he didn’t want to, either...right? He held June back and looked at her.
She grinned.
No kids, ever. He’d spelled it out for Amber and hadn’t yet said anything to the contrary. At the time, he hadn’t known...couldn’t have guessed...
What? That he’d be overwhelmed with feelings for a baby he didn’t even know?
June leaned in to put a wet kiss on his cheek, and damned if his heart didn’t melt a little.
After giving him a pitying look, Rookie went after Amber.
Morgan, his gaze knowing, said, “Make me a list and I’ll go to the store.”
“Sure.” Though he’d planned to do that himself, he wouldn’t mind handing it off to her dad since he wasn’t quite ready to go.
“You’re so good with June Bug, it’d be better if you hung around for the day.”
From the kitchen, Amber complained, “Dad!”
Morgan only grinned, waiting, his back to his daughter.
Showing his never-before-known fickle nature, Noel rubbed the baby’s back and agreed. “Sure. I’ll stick around.”
He heard a thump.
Grin widening, Morgan whispered, “That was probably Amber’s head. Sometimes she doesn’t know what’s good for her.” Without waiting for Noel to react to that, he turned and said, “Misty, you want to come along? You can help me pick out what we need.”
Amber groused, “I can get the stuff myself, Dad. Having a baby doesn’t make me helpless.”
“I know, honey. But I’m a grandpa now, so don’t deprive me of my fun.”
While holding June, dodging her hands as she tried to grab the pen, Noel made his list, then gave it to Garrett so he could add his suggestions. For the time being everyone decided it was best to keep all doors closed so June couldn’t get into the bedroom or bathroom.
Morgan and Misty left.
Garrett offered to take June and Rookie into the backyard to play so Amber could tell Noel how to rearrange her furniture.
Reluctantly, Noel shifted the little girl into Garrett’s arms. She looked uncertain about it, but then Garrett pretended to chew on her belly and she ended up laughing and pulling his hair. Since Rookie wanted out, June went willingly, too.
Noel stood there, waiting, until Amber came out of the kitchen to join him.
Her long hair hung loose today, dark as midnight, so silky smooth it appeared liquid. She didn’t wear any makeup, but with her dark arched brows and thick inky lashes, she didn’t need it.
She’d dressed in another loose T-shirt and slim jeans—no shoes, and he was pretty sure no bra.
The longer he looked at her, the harder his heart thumped.
For her part, she studied the furniture with single-minded purpose.
Noel moved closer to her. “If I can make some suggestions?”
She stated, “The couch should go there.”
He touched her cheek. “No. It’d be better on the opposite wall.”
Frowning, she nodded. “Fine. Then we could put the bookcase there.”
Slowly, Noel curved his hand around her nape. “The bookcase should be moved into your bedroom. There are too many breakable things on it, and it could tip over if she pulls up on one of the shelves.”
“Right.” With a deep sigh, she tossed up her hands. “Babysitting for a few hours is one thing. I handled that, piece of cake. Setting up house with a toddler in mind is altogether different. I don’t know what I’m doing.”
“Wrong.” Cautiously, Noel drew her against him. “You’re loving her. That’s the most important thing.” He might not know a lot about kids, but he knew that with a certainty.
“She’s lost so much.”
“True. But you’re doing everything you can. I’d say that’s enough.”
Amber gave in, wrapping her arms around him. “Okay, so we know what I’m doing. What are you doing?” She tipped her head back to lock gazes with him. “You don’t have to be here, you know.”
He brushed his fingertips along her temple, bent to lightly touch his mouth to hers and gave her the only truth he had. “You’re here,” he said. “Where else would I be?”