CHAPTER FOURTEEN
I pulled up in front of the hotel and Chloe clambered out, blowing both me and Jarrod kisses.
“She’s off her face,” I said as she tottered over on her high heels to give the concierge the necessary tip. “Is she too wasted to work?”
Jarrod shrugged. “She has her phone, and she has good instincts, despite the chemicals. I think we have to assume she’ll be alright.”
I nodded and pulled out into the light traffic. It was after midnight, so even downtown wasn’t too crazy. “How’s your back?” I asked Jarrod. It was the first time we've been alone all evening, the first chance I got to say anything even personal.
“Pretty good,” Jarrod said. “I slept like a log after the message. Thank you.”
“You’re welcome. Would you like a lift home after work tonight?” I asked. I did not know what sort of boundaries Jarrod had in mind, but he guessed I would not find out unless I tested them.
Jarrod was quiet for too long again, but I was getting used to it. “If you want to,” Jarrod said.
I nodded, and the streetlights flickered past, and Jarrod was silent again.
It was dawn when I parked down the street from Jarrod’s apartment building, and we walked in silence to the security doors. Jarrod was quiet in the elevator too.
I didn’t speak until we were sitting on Jarrod’s couch. “Why are you here?” he asked me.
I smiled, waiting out Jarrod’s silence,“Because I want to be.”
There was a warmth in Jarrod’s answering smile. “Good. There’s an all-night pizza place nearby. Shall we order something to eat? I’m starving.”
We ordered pizza, and Jarrod flicked the TV on. I tuned out MTV, I was happy to let Jarrod have the distraction, but I didn’t need it myself.
“Can you bring yourself to drink beer at six in the morning?” Jarrod asked after he had gone down to collect the pizzas.
I nodded. “Had no problems with beer at dawn.”
Jarrod handed me a bottle of Heineken and sat down with one for himself. He took a piece of pizza and said, “While I like your answer from earlier, and it is the best answer, I’d still like to know why you’re here.”
“I like you, Jarrod. I’m attracted to you,” I said. “Is that a good enough reason?”
Jarrod shrugged and drank from his beer. “Depends. Does it matter to you that it’s never going to happen between us?”
I looked at Jarrod and thought for a moment. “No. I like the idea.” I did. Daniela and I had used sex as a sort of grouting in our relationship. When there was a space or a distance, if we fought or were unhappy, we filled it with sex. Jarrod was challenging me to get past that. And the idea of not being responsible for someone else’s sexual satisfaction appealed to me too. “What about you? Are you attracted to me as well or is this something I’ve made up in my own head?”
“I’ve stopped allowing myself the luxury of being attracted to someone,” Jarrod said, and he smiled at me. “But you have great hands, and that massage made me think about you that way, so I think the answer is yes.”
When the pizza carton was empty, Jarrod crawled across the couch and into my lap, much to my delight. I settled my arm around Jarrod’s shoulder after putting down my beer.
Jarrod said, “I get so lonely sometimes. Clay offered me a relationship a few days ago, but he wanted the whole shebang. Your timing couldn’t have been better to come along and offer friendship.”
I chuckled and let my hand rest on Jarrod’s arm. “Must be the week for it then, because Selene offered me sex on my second night at the brothel.”
“You had sex with her?”
“No, it didn’t seem like a smart thing to do,” I said.
“It wouldn’t have been,” Jarrod said, and he yawned. “She’s ambitious.”
“I can’t see what possible advantage she’d get from having sex with me, but I’ll take your word for it.”
Jarrod was went limp in my arms, his head resting on my shoulder, sleepy. I liked holding him, liked the clean smell of his shampoo mixed in with beer and pizza, like the warmth radiating through Jarrod’s clothes. I was tired too, and I let my eyes close.
***
My eyes opened when Jarrod clambered out of my lap and stretched his back and shoulders.
“Sorry,” Jarrod said. “But I was getting sore.”
I yawned and rubbed my face. “Didn’t mean to fall asleep. I’ll go now.”
Jarrod hesitated. He trusted me, far too much, and he wasn’t sure why. I was just another guy, no reason for Jarrod to have taken a liking to the older guy, but there it was: he liked me.
“I think you’re too tired to drive,” Jarrod said. “You’d better stay here.”
I stayed. I used one of Jarrod’s new toothbrushes and borrowed his baggiest T-shirt, and now I was in Jarrod’s bed, curled up on my side, my breathing slow and deep in my sleep.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sleep seemed a long way off to Jarrod. He wasn’t used to having someone beside him in his own bed; he’d never shared this bed with anyone, not even Clay, who was the person he was closest to. Had been closest to. Even Clay had had to sleep on the couch.
But it was good to have Sebastian there beside him, made him feel safe somehow. Perhaps because Sebastian looked after him, and the other boys, at work so well. He was always careful with their safety, honest with their money, and willing to talk with them. He never made Jarrod feel like a commodity.
That was it. Eamon was excellent as a manager, but Jarrod could always see him figuring his bottom line. Jarrod much preferred Sebastian’s warmth and good humor to Eamon’s old-fashioned solicitous concern.
Sebastian rolled over in his sleep and slid one arm across Jarrod’s ribs, cradling up behind him, and Jarrod closed his eyes. Jarrod’s alarm woke Sebastian in the middle of the afternoon, and Jarrod had vague memories of Sebastian kissing his cheek and leaving. Jarrod rolled over and hugged the other pillow and closed his eyes again. He felt like he could sleep for another eight hours, but he knew he couldn’t. Tomorrow he could, he had two nights off then. Tomorrow he could pretend to be a normal person and be up through the day and sleep at night. He would treat himself to three meals, only one shower, and no analgesics.