Chapter 32

Brady

We made it! We’re going to the fucking Super Bowl!

While showering, I come to the conclusion that the deciding play-off game wasn’t nearly as bad as I thought it would be.

I feel good. Nothing too sore.

Most of the guys have left the locker room and filed out to visit their family and friends. Hoots and hollers continue to echo, muffled through the walls.

The past few weeks have been uneventful as I focused all my energy into being in the best condition of my life.

And I did it. No one can ever take this away from me.

Football has given me so much through the years. The camaraderie and competition have molded me into my best self.

I’m proud of what I’ve become.

As I leave the locker room and head toward the exit, I walk into the team-gathering area, where friends and family have been waiting. Congratulations are happening all around me with hugs and kisses to my teammates.

I see wives and girlfriends rushing to their significant others to give them congratulatory kisses while their kids hang off their legs, waiting for their turn.

I don’t have anyone waiting for me, so I make a beeline for the exit, feeling somewhat awkward.

Only getting about twenty feet, the chanting begins, “Brady...Brady...Brady...”

Others pick up the words and join in.

Laughing, I shake my head.

Our coach walks up with the same serious, dour look he always has on his face.

Clapping me on the back, he smiles for once as he swivels to face the other team members and their families.

“Well, we did it.” Everyone quiets down as he starts to speak. “I think the one thing that we really got good at this year was unity. Yeah, we got Brady. And there’s no doubt he has a lot to do with this year’s success. But I feel like we’ve all gotten to know each other—our strengths and weaknesses—and moved forward to make the best of what we have working together.”

There are more hoots and hollers.

The last couple of players are joining their families in the room.

Catcalls ring out periodically, and the talking drops off again.

“The work isn’t over! Let’s make the most of this opportunity that we’ve been given and crush it!”

The room roars as everyone starts clapping, whistling, and howling.

Joining in, I can’t help feeling inspired.

As the coach wanders off after shaking my hand, other players flit by for a high five or a fist bump.

Even though I’m happy—ecstatic, actually—I don’t feel like staying and celebrating.

A lot of the single guys are talking about meeting up later at a night club downtown to party it up.

I feel so far removed from that part of my life. And the great thing is...I don’t even miss it. At all.

If you had told me a year ago that I would be fine just going home after a game, I would have never believed you. But truth be told, the only thing I miss right now is Izzie and Liam.

Watching all the groups of families around me is sobering.

I’ve changed because of them.

The morality clause forced me to slow down and be accountable for my actions, instead of acting like a spoiled child looking for attention.

I grew up without my parents, constantly competing with my siblings for attention from people who didn’t give a shit about any of us.

That same cycle just continued into adulthood—and now I’ve finally broken free.

I don’t miss the meaningless hookups and constant partying.

Between more sleep, less booze, and Izzie’s diet, I feel better than I have since high school. No more aches and pains.

And I only wish I could tell her. I’m still kicking myself for flying off the handle at her. But I mean, how else was I supposed to react?

Shit.

I never thought I’d think this either, but because of the time I spent with Liam and Izzie, I can now see the appeal of having a family.

Having that one person, that one constant...like how Izzie was to me. Someone that you could come home to and laugh with. Or tell them about the road rage you had and how you almost killed someone.

The last few weeks at my place have seemed extremely quiet.

Quiet and—as weird as it is to say—lonely. The only good thing, if I can even call it that anymore, is that I’ve had plenty of time to focus on the game.

Constantly surrounded by fans, teammates, reporters, and paparazzi, I’m on my toes, sure. But when I go home, I don’t have anyone to share things with.

As my teammates, surrounded by their families and friends, start drifting off and heading for the door, I move to the exit.

It’s time for me to grow up and face some hard facts about my past behavior.

I’ve spent a large chunk of my life choosing to act and do things not in my best interest. Never missing out on any immediate pleasure, I just flitted along, partying and centering my life loosely around women and alcohol.

But it’s sacrificed my long-term self-respect. I’m embarrassed by the article in Sports Illustrated.

I’m not that person anymore.

Taking command of my mind and making decisions for my body and career’s best interest has been the most satisfying and fulfilling thing I’ve ever experienced.

Sure, it took a little prodding and a morality clause in my contract, but I did it.

So, the long-term effects of our choices either leave us with discipline or regret.

I don’t want to regret anything else in my life.

What’s that military saying? Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.

So, I want someone special in my life. A significant other, lover, and confidant. But do I want to get married?

The only person I would ever consider this with is Izzie. She’s perfect. I crave her back in my life like a drug.

But with everything I’ve done in the past, how will she ever believe that I’m in it for the long haul?

In the past, I didn’t make any serious decisions, not really. I just let whatever inspired me happen.

Well, no more. I’m stepping up and taking what I want.

I need Izzie and Liam in my life.

The fear of deciding to commit to Izzie should terrify me, but it doesn’t, and if that’s not proof that this is right, I don’t know what is.

I’ve already missed enough of my son’s life; he’s a great kid and doesn’t deserve to be ignored by his father, especially when I’m right fucking here.

Liam and Izzie deserve all the best that life has to offer, and I can give that to them. I should give it to them.

I wasn’t totally honest with myself when Izzie and Liam left. But I was hurt. I wanted to push my hurt onto someone else—only I didn’t realize what I was really doing.

Izzie didn’t want anything from me. She never asked me for anything. How could I accuse her of using me?

Climbing into my car, I head home.

I’m excited and scared at the same time. There are so many great fucking ideas running through my head.

I can’t wait to get started on organizing it all. Whatever I do, I know it has to be epic and over-the-top.

I need something worthy of Izzie. She’s so fucking perfect, and she needs to know it with one grand gesture.

Smiling, I imagine Liam, too. His excitement and what this will mean to him.

I’m thrilled about the Superbowl; it’s been a dream of mine since I was a kid. But I’m even more excited about what life holds in store for my family and me—once we’re all together again.