6.
Lucy
By the time the end credits rolled, Eddie was fast asleep, snoring softly into my ear. I didn’t mind. It felt so good to have him wrapped around me, the warmth of his chest radiating through me. I’d never felt that closeness before. Not with Kyle, not with anyone. And I’d certainly never kissed anyone like that before.
I’d always thought Eddie looked like a good kisser, but I was totally wrong. He is a phenomenal kisser. Long after he pulled back and suggested a movie my lips were buzzing. Actually my whole body was buzzing.
I was so disappointed when he stopped, but I tried not to let it show. I knew why he’d pulled away. He didn’t actually want to go any further. Not with me anyway. I’m his friend, he didn’t see me like that, and that’s fine. I wasn’t the sort of woman he was looking for. He was kissing me to prove a point, nothing more. And his point was well proved.
Despite years of fretting and worrying about losing my virginity, I had no idea what I actually wanted. I could argue that I wasn’t experienced enough to know what I wanted, but the truth was I hadn’t really thought about that part. My head was full of the things that parents tell their children. “Make sure it’s with someone you care about. Your first time is special.” Not that I’d ever heard that from my parents. And in theory that sentiment is all well and good, but beyond that I was clueless. In about thirty seconds of making that point, Eddie had well and truly proved it.
The problem was that now I was beginning to think about what I wanted. And what I wanted, at that exact moment, was curled up on the sofa with his arms wrapped around me, snoring. It hurt knowing that it was never going to happen.
I turned off the TV, found a blanket to cover Eddie and used the bathroom. When I came back to the sitting room with the blanket he looked so beautiful, like a work of art or something. He’d rolled onto his back and was no longer snoring. His t-shirt, which was a snug fit, had ridden up his stomach revealing the rippling muscles beneath. A long patch of small brown hairs ran from his belly button down, disappearing beneath the waistband of his jeans. I think I stood there for a full minute, maybe longer, just staring at that strip of flesh and the enticing dark hairs.
That was when it hit me, that even though I was itching to run my tongue across that bare skin and follow the path from his bellybutton with my fingertips, I would never get the chance. Even if Eddie were the settling down type, I was not the type to tame him. That evening had been amazing. It was a moment in time that I would never forget. There was not a doubt in my mind that it would never happen again. In which case I intended to make the most of it.
I turned off the main light and walked across to the sofa, lying down next to the sleeping Eddie and pulling the blanket over the top of both of us. As soon as I was next to him, his arms wrapped around me once more, pulling my chest against his hard, solid frame. “Mmmm, you smell so good, Luce,” he murmured, softly kissing my forehead.
I lay in his arms for what felt like hours, listening to the steady rhythm of his breathing, enjoying the heat of his body and the scent of him. I tried so hard not to fall asleep, desperate to experience every moment, enjoy every second of being this close to him.
Eventually sleep took me, but it was a restless one and I woke before he did. I lay there, my eyes closed, just enjoying his embrace. I thought about trying to move, about running off to my room to avoid any potential awkwardness, but, honestly? I didn’t want the night to end. I couldn’t walk away. That should have been a warning sign, but I ignored it.
I felt him wake up, but didn’t open my eyes. I kept my breathing slow and heavy, enjoying him stretching against me. At his sigh I felt instantly guilty. I had been lying on his arm all night. True, he wrapped it around me and not the other way around, but still. I’m not one of the dainty little things he is used to sleeping with, even if all we did was sleep. It was possible I’d cut of circulation to his arm entirely.
Without warning, his hand stroked across my cheek, pushing away a strand of hair. This is why wearing my hair up is such a good idea. No strands of hair in your face if it’s wrapped up in a ribbon. But at that moment I was so happy. His firm, flat fingers were so gentle and he kept stroking even after the hair was long gone. I wanted to melt into his touch, pull him down on top of me and kiss him until we were both dizzy and gasping.
I was about to open my eyes when he froze. Everything about him went suddenly stiff and he drew back his hand as if he’d been electrocuted. It felt as though hours passed, but it can’t have been more than a couple of seconds. He went completely silent and the only sound in the room was the breaths I had to keep reminding myself to take. What was going through his mind?
The movement of his arm beneath me told me exactly what was happening. He was leaving. Sure enough, he pulled his arm out from underneath me and I heard him hot foot it out of the room. As the front door shut quietly behind him I let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding.
For the briefest moment I wondered at the speed at which he left before a harsh laugh rocked through me. I’d known Eddie for years. Of course he left. I should have been amazed he stayed as long as he did. The rejection cut me, but the pain was dulled by anger at my own idiocy. What had I expected? Eddie wasn’t going to hang around if there wasn’t a chance for sex.
And one thing was certain; Eddie would not be taking my virginity. I’d seen the absolute terror in his eyes when it finally dawned on him that I wasn’t joking. Why ask an amateur to do something when you can have someone with a bit of experience? Or a lot of experience judging by the sort of women he tended to end up with. I wasn’t even playing the same game, let alone in the same league as him.
With only three weeks until my birthday, if Eddie wasn’t going to have sex with me, I had to find someone a little closer to my own speed who would be willing to. I needed to put Plan C into full effect.
Although it had hurt when he left, Eddie had taught me two important lessons that night. Firstly, that I had no idea what I was looking for and needed to figure that out quickly, and secondly that next time I wanted to be the one who left. Not the one who was left behind.